Accidentally There
by wattle
Summary: What if on the way home from the interview, Ana had an accident but it wasn't her fault and the repercussions travel like ripples in a pond?
1. Chapter 1 - 9 May 2011

Disclaimer:

_I don't own any of the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy, the characters belong to E L James, any names, dates, places and products, actual or similar to reality are being borrowing just for fun and not for profit.  
This statement applies for the whole story so I won't repeat. _

* * *

Christian's POV

I'm sitting here in my office, poring over the executive summary again of one delectable Anastasia Rose Steele. It's all I've done for the last 5 hours, every time I think I have put her out of my mind, I glimpse the paintings on the wall and hear her dreamy statement "Raising the ordinary to extraordinary" and I look back at the summary for a clue – why can I not shake her from my mind? "Raising the ordinary to extraordinary" indeed.

I reach for my jacket and call Taylor telling him we're going home. Just as I reach the door my phone rings and without thinking, I pick up, thinking maybe Ana is calling and then I shake my head. S_eriously, why would SHE be calling? Get a grip Grey!_

"Grey" I answer.

"Oh Mr Grey" I hear a voice thick with sickness, "I'm sorry to call you at this hour, it is Katherine Kavanagh" _Well, this day is becoming just that little bit weirder then._

" I apologise for bothering you but I was wondering whether Ana made it to the interview today?" and then before I have a chance to reply, she continues with a rush "It's just that she hasn't made it home or to work and no-one can reach her on her phone".

At her words a shiver of dread runs down my spine, oh no, what has happened to Ana? I told her she shouldn't be driving in this weather. Nothing can happen to Ana, I can't lose her, I have to find her, I have to save her if something has gone wrong. _Really, what is going on, lose her? Save her?_

"Ah Mr Grey…. Are you there?" I hear on the phone. Forcing myself to calm down and present a calm voice, "Yes, Miss Kavanagh, Anastasia did conduct the interview and left 5 hours ago, what sort of car was she driving? I will get my security to see if they can do something. What is her cell number?" _No need to let her know I already have that information. _

Kate gives me Ana's cell number and then tells me that Ana is driving her car, a Mercedes CLK. Well, at least it is a reasonably safe car but it's a fast car and if she isn't used to driving that sort of car in the rain, I could see how an accident could happen. Strangely, Kate then says "Oh you don't need to bother, I assume she must have gone to her dad's place, he lives in Monsanto, thank you for your help. Oh and thank you for the interview, I hope to hear it all when Ana comes back" and she hangs up._ Why doesn't she sound more upset? _

"Taylor" I call, "we need to track this cell number urgently".

* * *

Ana's POV

As I lean against the steel pillars of this amazing monument to the confusing man upstairs, desperately attempting to bring my shaking limbs under control and calm my breathing, I see a woman who looks somewhat like me, staring at me from her little red car parked out the front – how weird, she looked away when I caught her staring but she seemed to have a malicious look on her face. _What's her problem? Actually, what's my problem, why I am concerned about a total stranger – gah, that man has done something to my brain. Maybe if I call him "that man" he won't affect me so much._

Finally my heart is back under control and I can breathe and I realise that it looks like the rain is really going to settle in so I walk to the car and head home.

Flying down the I-5, I'm so thankful I am in the CLK instead of my darling Wanda, not only is it so much faster but the sound system is something to behold. I have the music pumping, dancing in my seat and choose the next song to keep the energy flowing, I have a long drive ahead of me. I need to stay alert as possible because I am still more than an hour away from Portland and while I am enjoying the feeling of the speed of the CLK the rain is really pouring down and there are a surprising number of other cars on the road.

Hmm, I really should be concentrating on the road and the other cars, I can't control what they do in the rain and I really should be paying attention. It pops into my head that Ray wouldn't be very happy with me if I wasn't concentrating in the rain, I love my dad and how he taught me so many things to keep myself safe, "Always be aware of your surroundings Annie, you never know when something is going to happen" and then I see something in the rear view mirror and shake my head, I must be seeing things.

As I try to figure out whether I could have imagined it, I stop focussing on the road ahead of me and I guess I just don't see the huge expanse of water, like a sheen over the road until I hit it.

Just as I start aquaplaning, I see the flash, feel the bump and I know what I saw and it wasn't my imagination.


	2. Chapter 2

Christian's POV

"Where? Is it moving? Let's go Taylor. That's just over an hour from here." _Let her be ok, let her be ok, she left 5 hours ago, that is only an hour away from here and it is quite thick forest, why on earth would she be there other than an accident? Please let her be ok. Why am I so wrapped up in her?_

The car just can't go fast enough although Taylor is driving like a demon, I think he realises that this is important but he won't risk either of our lives while this rain is pelting down in steady sheets.

Our visibility is reduced to next to nothing, less than a car length and there are so many idiots on the road when it rains. I trust Taylor's driving implicitly, it is just every other person on the road that I can't trust and mom has told me often of the road crash trauma victims that she sees – all those people that just weren't careful on the road. _Please don't let Ana be one of those victims – again, what is this alien feeling grabbing my heart?_

I should have made Ana wait until it had stopped raining. I should have insisted that she take the tour around the building, maybe then she would have wanted to intern with GEH and she wouldn't have been driving in this rain. A CLK is not as safe as an Audi, if she was mine I'd make sure she has an Audi. _Hey, why would she be mine? No, she couldn't be a submissive, she is too innocent. Hopefully she is ok, then this is just a waste of time and I can return to Escala and ring Elena, I really need to organise another sub, it's too long since I have had one and I appear to be going crazy._

* * *

Taylor's POV

Who on earth is he chasing this time? Why are they in that forest area at this time of night? Do I want to know?

I have more than enough to think about at the moment, there have been some unusual attempts to breach security at both GEH and Escala lately and I haven't been able to pin down who it is and therefore why. The Boss manages to annoy a few people despite the fact that he looks after so many others that no-one really knows about but there are some crazies and I think it's someone that fits into that category that is testing our security - I am not used to security not being completely controlled and it is really bugging me.

And why this chase into the night, I had a night planned with Gail and I have had to tell her that is off again, she is an angel though and accepts everything that goes with this job. I couldn't be luckier if I tried, well in that aspect of my life anyway. To be fair, the Boss can be a jerk but he is an amazing fellow and from the one word answers I am getting, we are driving to find the girl that looked so out of place in the office this afternoon. Yes she fits his type with her brown hair, slight frame and blue eyes but she seemed so young and innocent, I wonder what is going on, then again, there hasn't been a woman around for the last couple of months so perhaps he feels this is the next one but it's not the way he normally operates. I don't think she fits the normal mindset though, she looked simply overwhelmed with the GEH building and staff, I can't imagine what she'd think of his lifestyle.

Maybe her car has broken down but I have a horrible feeling that this won't be the case, not with all the rain and the fact that we are moving into the heaviest forested area of the whole trip to Seattle. We are getting closer and closer as per the GPS so I start slowing down, looking for an indication of a car. Unfortunately, there's no broken down car on the side of the road which would be the easy option – there's never an easy option with the Boss!

Then I see it, the rain has been clearing as we have been driving and now I can see faint tyre marks heading off the road, in one of the densest forest areas between Seattle and Vancouver, the marks are only just showing and wouldn't be seen by someone who isn't looking.

I draw off the road, making sure to not touch the markings in case they are needed for an accident investigation, there's something strange about the tracks, it looks more like a collision, rather than just running off the road as I can see what looks like two sets of tyre marks.

Before I can say anything, Christian is out of the car, grabbing the strongest torch and following the tracks, crashing through the small gap in the bushes that has been left as obviously something has pushed through. As quickly as I can I follow him down and am shocked to my core. I am stunned, rooted to the spot I am standing in, frozen at what I see in front of me.

It's only when that sound, that god awful sound emanates from Christian, that am I able to move and only because my body moves with residual memory – someone has to take control of the situation and I know it has to be me.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you to all the reviewers and followers, it is very much appreciated. **

**What I would like to say is that as this is my first FanFic, it is all a little nerve-wracking so special thanks to B&M and those of you that have encouraged and inspired me, I hope you understand how much it means to me.**

* * *

Taylor's POV

Oh my god, the car is a total write-off, I can see that it is wrapped around a small but solid tree, the driver door is completely pushed in, at least one airbag has deployed but I can see blood stains at the bottom of the door – if the girl is alive, it will be a miracle. If she is able to survive this with minimal damage, then the Boss had better latch onto her as she will be charmed. Somehow by the look on his face he thinks she's dead and goodness knows why, it looks like he is blaming himself.

I don't know what has gone on in the Boss's life, he has never told me what happened in the past. I know he was adopted at an early age and I assume whatever it was that happened, must have been before then because Dr Grace and Carrick Grey appear to be the most amazingly loving people, especially Grace. However, I know the Boss has lived something horrific – no-one has that depth of sadness in their eyes, those types of night terrors or such a need for control without there being a trigger somewhere in the past.

My body moves to his side, he somehow managed to move the car from the tree when he roared – a huge burst of adrenaline which he will pay for when the situation calms, although I don't see that happening any time soon. He actually managed to move it enough that we can both now tug on the door to open it and get to the girl. She doesn't look good.

* * *

Christian's POV

_ Again, it's happening again._

_Every time I open my heart, the person is taken away from me. I am bad for everyone, when something is going right, something else will happen to ruin it all. Evil, like a cloud seems to follow me around. This time I didn't even get to let her into my life and it's already happened. _

I can't bear it, the roar comes from deep inside as I use all my strength to push the mangled CLK from against the tree it is wrapped around. There is no way that anyone could have survived a crash like this and I know that inside that vehicle is a part of my heart already. The part that had flared to life just 5 hours ago is probably now dead and worse, I think the rest of my heart will go with it – I don't know what it is about this girl but I feel tied to her.

Taylor reaches me and together we are able to tear open the door. As we do, Taylor gives me a curt nod as I turn to relieve my stomach of its contents – in the light of the torch, all I can see is Ana's blood caked pale, oh so pale face and I dare not reach in to touch her and confirm that she is gone.

For a second we both stand there in the rain and then Taylor pulls out his phone to call the ambulance while I shake myself, pull myself together and reach in to touch her face. I can't believe it, with a gasp I whisper, "She's still with us, only just, but she's still with us".

We manage to tear away the driver's airbag that thankfully deployed and seems to have saved her face but the side impact one didn't seem to deploy and her left arm is definitely damaged.

"I can't believe she's alive" and as I say that, there is a faint moan and we both lean forward but Taylor says "let me". Taylor has a better view of Ana and moves into triage mode as he checks her over for any obvious signs of injury other than her trapped legs so that when the first responders arrive, they have the best chance of ensuring she survives. The biggest impediment to us being able to do anything for her is that her legs are trapped by the crushed in front console – she must have come off the road at a fast rate. Silly girl, why was she driving so fast in this weather?

Suddenly beyond the moaning I hear a whispered "Christian", I shake my head and look at Taylor, did I just hear that? Am I imagining things? The momentary look of shock on Taylor's face before he masks it allows me to believe that she really did say my name but she isn't conscious – oh please let her survive this. I realise that I have been holding her hand for the last few minutes and with the other hand, I try and brush the blood off her beautiful face and out of her hair.

Just as we hear the approaching sirens and Taylor starts to walk back to the road to lead the rescuers in, Ana moans "why did she hit me?" and Taylor stops and says "What did she say?"

"Taylor, she said "Why did she hit me?", why would she say that, does the car look like it's been hit?". I let go of her and start to walk the other way around the car and then we both see it, there is a big red gash on the back of the car. Taylor scrambles out to lead the first responders in and I go back to Ana, stroking her hand and trying to provide some sort of unconscious relief to her.  
I am not someone who normally prays but I am praying like I have never prayed before that she can hold on, that she doesn't have any massive internal injuries and that she will be fine, the blood on the car though isn't a good sign and it's just lucky that she hasn't bled out already.

I don't want to let go of her little soft cold hand but as they bring in the jaws-of-life to start cutting her out, the only thing I can do is let her go and walk around to the back of the car where Taylor is standing and scratching his chin as he examines the back of the car. "She was hit, she's been hit by a red car by the looks of it, I thought there was something strange about the tracks back there, it looked like there were 2 car tracks. You stay here, I want to go up and have a look."

I don't want to leave Ana although I do want to go with Taylor but as they start releasing Ana's legs, her moans increase and it takes all my strength to not scream at them to hurry up, I move back to her side and keep holding her hand and that keeps me near the car. It seems like every time I remove my hand, Ana moans so I bend myself out of the way as much as I can and keep holding on. I ask where they are taking her and they say Seattle Grace which is fantastic because I can ring my mum and ask her to keep an eye on her – she might even let me in when normally with this level of injury it is only immediate family.

Oh god, I am going to have let her family know and Katherine Kavanagh as well.

I ask if they will let me ride in the ambulance but the answer is no as I am not family. They assure me that they will sedate her with painkillers so that her obvious distress every time I let go of her hand will be minimised and I realise I will be able to use the time on the drive back to make those calls.

I can't bear to see the damage to Ana's legs and torso, now visible as they feverishly work on stabilising her and so I avert my eyes, looking anywhere but at the sight in front of me, she obviously isn't saying anything as she is unconscious but the pain is radiating off her body.

In the darkness, I see a glint and to my horror, partially covered by the thick, dark underbrush, I see something that hits me deep in the pit of my stomach and has me screaming for Taylor to come back.

It looks like my past has collided directly with my future and in the worst possible way.


	4. Chapter 4

Taylor's POV

There are definitely two sets of car tracks up here, something happened, the girl didn't just run off the road but where is the other car? The night is dark and the ground is so covered with undergrowth that it is difficult to see what might have happened to the other car. It will be clearer in daylight and I will have to organise for an investigation team to be in here at first light to figure out what has happened. If not for the girl, I need to do it for the Boss, he is a mess.

As I am walking back towards the car I take a call from Welch, "Buddy, we know who has been attempting to breach security" but before he has a chance to tell me, the Boss starts screaming my name – what on earth has happened now?

Could this night get any worse? Apparently yes.

I look where he is pointing after a quick look at his face, he is unable to speak and is as white as a sheet, so white that it isn't the torchlight that is making his face visible in the dark.

There through a gap in the thick undergrowth, I see it – a red Audi A3 and I'd recognise that particular car anywhere.

I understand why the Boss is so white when Welch says in my ear "don't know what's going on there but the person that has been attempting to breach security is Cecilia Morton, that bat-shit crazy girl that came after Leila Williams" sealing the biggest clench to my stomach I've ever felt.

Please don't tell me that I am responsible for this poor girl's accident because I couldn't figure things out quicker – could I have stopped all of this happening?

"Sir, it appears we have a bigger situation than … " but he doesn't let me finish.

* * *

Christian's POV

"Christ Taylor, that's Cecilia's car, what the fuck is that doing here? Did she run Ana off the road? Where is she? Is she in the car" and then despite the gravity of the situation, I have to say "looks like the safety stats on these cars is correct and they're better cars than Mercedes" because as we reach the car, we can see that there is no-one in the car, no signs of injury and the car looks pretty much ok but there is no sign of Cecilia.

And then Taylor gives me an extra bit of information that has me looking around and wishing we were anywhere but here "what do you mean, Cecilia's the person that has been attempting to get into Escala?" Christ, if security had managed to catch her before now, Ana wouldn't be lying in the ambulance being worked on feverishly by the medics. The exact same medics who sound like they want to call in the helicopter rescue because her condition is so dire. From Taylor's suddenly drooped shoulders I know he is thinking the same thing but I don't blame him, he has been doing everything in his power to figure it out and she apparently is a lot more wily and resourceful and just plain nuts than anyone else he's had to stop before.

I cannot deal with Cecilia now and I really hope she isn't here somewhere looking at what is happening, I need to get back to Ana where I hear the medics discussing whether they risk the ambulance ride or call in the helicopter and I can't believe it when I hear them saying "she doesn't look like she'll be able to pay for it, I guess we'll just attempt the road trip and hopefully she survives".

"No, don't you dare, I will pay – get the helicopter down here now or your jobs will be gone", I am beyond furious and thankfully they jump to it and organise the helicopter. One of them takes my details and looks back at me as if he can't believe that I am _the_ Christian Grey – well, yes, I guess I am not acting like the heartless bastard I usually am.

I turn back to look at what Taylor is doing and see him going further into the underbrush and then he calls me on the phone and says " it looks like Cecilia left the scene immediately, I can see footsteps in the mud heading back towards the road" and I feel even worse, not only does it appear that she followed Ana, ran her off the road and now it looks like she simply left her here to die.

That feeling I had earlier of my past impacting my future is heavier now than before and it hits me like a pile of bricks when Taylor comes towards me with the angriest scowl on his face I have ever seen.

Taylor normally does impassive no matter what incident has occurred so I can only assume it is something extreme and something I have done for this look on his face and I gasp and understand why when he says "I just took a call from Welch. Sir, there has been another attempted breach of security at Escala, it appears that Cecilia has attempted to accost Gail as she entered the garage but Sawyer saw it and was able to intervene, overpower her and is awaiting instruction".

"God, is Gail ok?" I ask, shocked to my core that my fuckedupedness is impacting on everyone I care about, including my loyal staff.

Taylor's facial expression moves back towards impassive and says "Yes, she is fine but if you don't mind, can we head back as soon as the helicopter takes off? What do you want us to do with Cecilia now, Sawyer is awaiting instruction?"

Obviously Cecilia has snapped and the only person I can think of that will be able to provide any assistance is John Flynn, so I place a call and he tells me that he can be at Escala within 10 minutes and that a team from a psychiatric hospital nearby will come and collect her with him as her supervising psychiatrist. This is passed onto Sawyer and we make our way back towards Ana.

Just then the helicopter makes its approach and I want to be there when they load Ana in and see if I can go in with her although I know it is a long shot. I also need to have one last look at her before she disappears, especially as it will take another hour to get back to the hospital if they won't let me in.

As expected, the medics won't let me in to the helicopter and I understand that although I suddenly wish I'd thought to say I was her husband so that they'd have to let me ride with her. With the small part of my brain that is still thinking rationally I realise that thought is a Lulu of an idea because they know I am Christian Grey and everyone knows I am not married.

The medics are still working feverishly on stabilising Ana and I can imagine that they will continue to do so in the helicopter. So, after making sure that everyone understands that I will cover all the cost and they finalise the transfer of Ana to the helicopter, I place a single kiss on her soft lips and walk back to our car for the drive back to Seattle.

Even seeing the shock on Taylor's face that I kissed Ana doesn't lighten my mood, yes, I am a contradiction but it appears that whatever it is that I am feeling with Ana isn't normal and perhaps, given how my normal is panning out at the moment, it might be better that I move on to a different normal – one not full of crazy ex's.

The drive back consists of Taylor driving again like a Nascar driver so it is even quicker than when we headed out, the rain has stopped and there are less cars on the road but I have time to ring my mother first and ask if she is going on duty. For once it looks like the stars are aligned as she says she is and she has just been informed that there is a helicopter trauma case coming in and needs to get to the ER to help. Grace is a paediatric doctor but is called in to assist in trauma cases because her demeanour under pressure allows the other doctors to concentrate and she looks after the patient's welfare as well as assisting medically if required.

My voice breaks as I tell her that her trauma patient is a friend of mine and that I am paying for everything so please make sure everyone knows that and make sure that Ana gets the best treatment and resources possible. I am also able to give her an indication of the injuries so that she and the team will be even better prepared – I tell her that if she needs another doctor, don't worry about the cost, get the best one that is available so that Ana has the best chance of survival. She was in that crashed vehicle for a very long time so I shudder to think what the effect has been on her body.

The next call is to Kate Kavanagh who IS now sounding distraught because no-one has heard from Ana and she had figured something had happened but had no way of knowing what to do. I tell her that we found Ana and that she is on the way to Seattle Grace via helicopter and that it is unlikely that anyone other than family will be allowed in tonight. I tell her to get some rest and aim to see Ana tomorrow and given that her car is wrapped around a tree, she will have to find some way to get to Seattle – I ask if she would like me to send someone to get her but she says no, she'll find someone to give her a lift. I tell her that I will organise the recovery of the car but that it will be taken for investigation and it might be a while before she is able to see it. God, that reminds me that the police are going to be involved because of the extent of Ana's injuries and I wonder what they will determine about Cecilia – whatever they do, I have to make sure that my name is not attached in any way.

The next 2 calls are by far the worst calls to make, who wants to call the father and mother of someone to say that their child has been severely injured but I feel that it is better for me to call than to have a policeman turn up on the doorstep. Her father, Ray, takes it much worse than her mother who is happy to accept a flight in my company jet to get to Ana (it's the least I can do given that it appears that it is ultimately my fault that this has happened via Cecilia) and weirdly sounds excited about flying in a private jet…. Thankfully she is in Nevada with her husband on business instead of in Georgia, so it won't take as long for her to get here. Her father, says he will leave immediately and since he really doesn't live far past the accident site, I tell him where the accident was in case he wants to stop and have a look but at least he will only be an hour and half away and I am glad that some family will be there for Ana tonight.

By the time I am done with the calls, Taylor is pulling into the Seattle area and I tell him to go home and check on Gail. At his look of surprise, I explain that way we can change over, Sawyer can come with me and Taylor can stay with Gail as I am sure she would appreciate that and he actually smiles and says "Thank you" and then adds "and that will give me a chance to figure out what is going on with Cecilia".

Taylor calls Sawyer and as he hangs up I say, "Don't worry about Cecilia, Gail is the priority, we'll deal with her in the morning with John's input", it's the least I can do and at that point, we pull into the Escala garage and Sawyer and Taylor change places and we head back out to the hospital.

As I reach the hospital grounds, my phone rings and I see that it's my mum. My heart is pumping so loudly that I almost can't hear her question.


	5. Chapter 5

Christian's POV

I don't have any energy left for anything other than "Mother?" as I answer the phone and my heart drops when my mom starts talking, she sounds exhausted.

"Oh Christian, where are you?"

"How's Ana? Where is she? I'm right outside about to walk in, where do I find you?"

"Come to my office, I need to speak to you"

"Mom, how is Ana?" I almost shout at her but she hangs up on me after a quick in draw of breath and a "I'll speak to you in a second" .

God, she can't do this to me, what has happened? It sounds like Ana didn't make it and it takes all my strength not to collapse in the lift and I don't feel any better when I see my mother with her head in her hands as I run into her office.

* * *

Grace's POV

Oh what a night! It was a rainy night and so there were 4 separate motor vehicle traumas – why can't people drive more carefully when it is raining?!

However the worst by far was the young Miss Anastasia Steele, I don't know how she is related to Christian but I hope she pulls through for his sake as he sounded terrible when I spoke to him earlier.

I was supposed to go home but when the call came through that she was coming in it was determined that the level of trauma was so high that a number of surgeons were required. It was worse by the time she actually came in, she had lost so much blood, there doesn't appear to be a part of her body that hasn't been impacted and we still don't know the full extent of her injuries. We will be looking for blood donors for her for a while if she pulls through because she has relatively unusual blood type and she is going to need a lot of it. We almost lost her 3 times on the table but she must be a strong character because each time it was her strength that pulled her back and I swear one time I heard her say "Christian" before she went back to a state of unconsciousness.

I need to prepare Christian that there is still a chance that we will lose her, she has high impact fractures and massive lacerations to both legs, she has a pelvis fracture, it looks like her left leg is broken in three places and her left arm is hanging strangely indicating that some sort of dislocation of the shoulder has happened – by some miracle despite there being arterial damage, she didn't bleed out. She has abdominal damage and it looks like crushed ribs, a punctured lung and possible other organs being damaged – it is the intestinal damage, if any, that could cause all sorts of blood poisoning which is probably our biggest challenge.

We don't know if there is any traumatic brain injury but thankfully it looks like the airbag did the trick in that area and hopefully we won't be dealing with a coma and then brain damage – the fact that she spoke albeit without consciousness was such a relief to the treating team.

I was rather glad to see that the blood on her face was actually just from a rather superficial gash under her hair so one small mercy is that this beautiful girl does not have to worry about facial scarring. Who knows whether she would even be concerned with her appearance, her clothes and her minimal makeup indicate that looks aren't her major concerns but she is a young girl and things like that can seriously damage self-esteem.

We don't think there is any spinal injury so hopefully she will recover but it will be a long and painful recovery with a lot of rehabilitation required – something that usually needs mental support and from the information provided to me by Christian, her family isn't close.

I wonder what she is to Christian, I have never heard him so distraught and his tone just then as I hung up on him, well, he sounded plain scared, please let him talk to me.

My door crashes open, oh no, that look on his face – it brings me back to when I saw him for the first time all those years ago.

"Oh Darling" , I can't believe the pain I see in his eyes.

"Mom, is she alive?" he whispers and he looks like he is holding his breath.

"Yes Darling she is alive" and with that his shoulders relax and he remembers to breathe and steadies himself against my desk.

"Can I see her? I need to see her " and as I shake my head, I'm sure I hear him say, "it's all my fault"  
but as he sinks onto the closest chair he won't look at me as he runs his hands through his hair. Despite his obvious distress, he doesn't come to me and let me soothe him, the best I can do is rub his shoulder and hope that he will talk to me.

It looks like it takes a huge effort and in an agonised voice he says "Mom, you've said she's alive, but is she going to LIVE?"

"She should darling, she should, she's under sedation at the moment and they will call me if anything changes" I say. I want to go through all the injuries with him but first I need to know why she is so important to him and I don't know how to ask him when in a strangled voice he asks " Can you tell me what her injuries are? I am paying for everything, surely that allows me some sort of right to know. I only met her today but she wouldn't have had the accident if it wasn't for me, I wasn't there but I'm responsible for the accident".

I can't bear that it sounds like the self-loathing is back and with a vengeance and I feel I will need to ring John Flynn and soon because I can see Christian closing down in front of my eyes.

"Darling, why do you keep saying it is your fault?"

"Mom forget about that, what are her injuries and how can I help?" and I decide that it isn't worth forcing Christian down that track so I set out all her injuries. He grows visibly paler but asks whether he can be tested for the blood type to see if he can help and I know that is one thing I can do that will make him feel better.

After Christian is tested and we wait for the results, I get the call from the front desk that I have been dreading, Ana's father is here and wants to see her. I ask Christian if he will be coming in to see Ana's father with me and he straightens his shoulders, dons his controlled CEO facial mask and says he'll come and speak to him.

It is then that I find out some more details, I still can't see why Christian believes he is responsible but I can see that Ana's father, Ray, as he asks us to call him, is impressed that Christian has been so proactive – I think _he_ understands that Ana is only alive because of Christian's actions – I don't know if Christian realises that yet.

This is when I find out that on participating in an interview with Ana at 2pm today he had continued working and then received a phone call at 8pm from her roommate asking if Ana had been there as she hadn't returned home. It appears that he was willing to use his security resources to track and find Ana, when he could well have said "yes, she has been here" and left it at that.

With all the facts that Christian can give him of the accident and the recovery, Ray and I both pale as we hear for the first time that the car was actually wrapped around the tree and even Christian looks surprised when he says, he pushed the car away from the tree but doesn't know how he did it. He goes on to say he and Taylor were able to pull away the door and get to Ana and start assisting her. Christian also assures Ray that he will assist in the investigation of the accident and the recovery of the car she was driving.

Ray looks like a lovely man and I can tell he is impressed at the amount of effort Christian has expended, not only to find her but to make sure she gets the best medical support possible and to get her mother here as well. I can't help but see, just as Christian does, that Ray does not look like he could afford all these medical expenses and my darling son makes sure to reassure Ray that the costs will be covered and he will not accept a thing for it or any cheaper option.

He doesn't mention to Ray that he feels responsible and I wonder whether I will ever find out why he thinks so, but I am not about to bring that up now. Somehow I can tell that Ray wants to ask why he is doing all this but the set of Christian's shoulders indicates that he has spoken as much as he is able to. Ray looks again into Christian's eyes and obviously sees something there and decides to let it go for now and just shakes his hand again with a gruff "thank you son".

Then the on-duty doctor calls and asks if we will be going down to the room to see Ana and with a nod, Ray says lets go. It is a confronting sight to see such a beautiful girl attached to tubes, covered in bandages and with monitors beeping and I can see how shattered Ray is when he looks at Ana.

As Ray takes her hand, the beeps seem to calm a little and I am reassured that the poor girl is loved and with support, will pull through.

Whether the same can be said for Christian, I don't know, he looks absolutely shattered and I can't even imagine what is going through his head as he stands and stares, he looks frozen and then I notice something I have never seen before, tears swim in his eyes but as I gasp, he breaks the trance, blinks and rearranges his face back to the mask – my poor boy!


	6. Chapter 6

John Flynn's POV

Goodness, this night gets better and better, I feel a bit like I am heading down Alice in Wonderland's rabbit hole.

Not only am I dealing with Cecilia, one of Christian's ex-subs who has breached security at Escala but now Taylor is telling me that she caused an serious accident involving a young brown haired girl who interviewed Christian today. Not a sub, he was quick to inform me, simply an interview for a university newspaper. This indicates that Cecilia is in a really bad place if she has been stalking Christian and apparently followed and attempted to murder a complete stranger that looked like a potential sub that just happened to walk out of GEH. Who does that?

Now, Grace has called me and said she doesn't know why Christian is blaming himself for an accident that has happened today but that he is retreating rapidly into a state of self-loathing that is going to need immediate attention.

Oh the webs that are weaved around this young troubled man!

* * *

Carla's POV

Oh My! I get to fly in a private jet, isn't it beautiful, this Christian Grey must be a very rich man. I wonder why he is doing all this? I wonder if my little girl has been having a relationship with him without telling me. Hmm, I really should talk to Ana a little bit more to know what she is doing in her life, but I have so many other things going on.

Wow, look, there's even a bedroom in the back, I wonder if they have used that yet.

Oh, I hope Ana is feeling better soon so that we can have some fun together.

Goodness, there is a man-in-black waiting for me, how exciting.

* * *

Taylor's POV

I don't appreciate having to leave Gail to go pick up Miss Steele's mother but Gail says she's fine and it would be better that I go so that I can perhaps convince Christian to come home. I can't say it enough, Gail she is an amazing lady and despite the Boss being a right royal pain in the …. Gail adores him and is worried from what I said has happened today. She has also packed some clean clothes for him as she knows that he may well not want to come home.

Have I said how amazing I think Gail is, she says she's not worried about Cecilia and what happened because it is all under control, the only thing she is worried about is Cecilia's mental state. Of course she is! Gail told me that Cecilia was nothing like when she was Christian's sub, even though she was rather crazy when she was here, the Boss didn't seem to notice until the end of the contract and he couldn't finish it quick enough. Anyhow, Gail said that Cecilia's eyes somehow seemed vacant and lifeless and with an eerie light in them that was disturbing.

However, now that Cecilia is under Dr Flynn's care, Gail feels safe and says that I should go and get Miss Steele's mother so that I can explain what I know and that it will give her mother something to comfort her, knowing that the best is being done for her daughter.

Now though, having met Miss Steele's mother, I wonder whether she truly cares about her at all, she certainly seems concerned but weirdly, she appears to be happy to have travelled in a private jet and seems to think that her daughter will be up for some sort of socialising with her, I gently try and let her know that the accident was one of the worst I have seen and that she is in for a long recovery, I don't want to say "if she survives". I can't say any more as I don't know Miss Steele's situation but from what I saw in Christian's face, I feel glad that he is in control of her health care because I don't think her mother would be able to provide the emotional or monetary support that is going to be needed.

* * *

Ana's POV

Where am I? What is going on? Oh, I hurt everywhere! Why can I hear Ray? Who is that other voice, it can't be, it sounds like Christian Grey, is that my mom?

Slowly I open my eyes and I am looking straight into sorrowful grey eyes, I want to shake my head but I can't move anything and then I see the spark and hear that velvet voice say "She's awake, oh my god, Ana, you're awake" and his face splits into the most amazing smile. I don't know what I have done to deserve that but it lights a fire deep within and I try to respond with everything I have but I can't, I can't do anything with all the tubes attached to me.

Then I see him pushed aside by my mother and I realise that Ray is holding my left hand gently and my mother has actually been shocked into silence and is crushing my right hand.

I hear the call go out for Dr Grace Trevelyan-Grey and then looking like an angel in white the most beautiful older lady dressed in doctor's whites comes rushing into the room with a look of concern on her face that changes to a brilliant smile as she realises that I am awake.

"Welcome back Miss Steele, how are you feeling?" she asks as she quickly checks the monitors "I know you can't talk with those tubes, but can you wiggle your right hand if you are ok, and your left hand if you need some pain relief?" She smiles when I wiggle my right hand and says "I should be able to remove the breathing tubes once we can check your charts and lung function and then you should be able to speak. Mind you, please don't be brave and not accept pain relief, you can have as much or as little as you require and your body has a lot of healing to do so make sure you have some."

She gives my hand a squeeze and says she'll be back in a minute, once she has discussed my situation with the other doctors. I can feel the energy rise again in the room but I am exhausted and close my eyes, desperately trying to not fall asleep again.

I almost break when I hear a quiet "Oh Annie, what happened?" and I open my eyes and am shocked to see Ray in tears, I have never ever seen him cry and I realise I must look awful. Poor Ray, he has always looked out for me and he looks like he is absolutely helpless because there is nothing he can do. I wonder what has happened to my body but to be honest, I don't really want to know, from the pain everywhere I don't think there is any part of my body that isn't damaged and suddenly a thought hits me.

I am supposed to be sitting for my finals in a week, I should be home studying, how am I going to do that now? If I hadn't gone to do that stupid interview, I wouldn't be lying here today and I wouldn't be missing out on my chance to graduate, it's all Christian Grey's fault so I glare at him and he literally takes a step back, his shoulders slump and his eyes drop. Wow, that's weird! Does he know what I am thinking?

* * *

Christian's POV

Oh my god, she hates me, I can see it in her eyes, she knows, she knows that I caused this, what am I going to do? I can't stand those big blue eyes looking at me with such anger so I turn to leave, I have to go, I can't be here, I am only causing her more pain.

As I reach the door and start to open it, I hear one of the monitor alarms go off and Grace comes running, pushing me back into the room as she opens the door.

"What happened?" she asks and Ray says quietly, "when Christian here went to leave the room, her blood pressure spiked" and he looks at me with a questioning look and I realise that not a lot gets past Ray. I respect him that little bit more, his quiet love for Ana was something but he is nothing, if not observant and I know that if anything is ever to happen between Ana and I, he will be watching me like a hawk.

_As if anything is going to happen between us, I don't deserve her. I don't deserve anything good in my life, I am a monster and here lies a beautiful girl tarnished perhaps forever by my past, nothing good will ever happen in my life, I know it but I am not leaving this room if it means that doing so damages Ana, I can't cause her any more distress._


	7. Chapter 7

Grace's POV

Ok, something is going on here and I really don't care but the girl needs to sleep, I think I'll keep Christian here until John Flynn arrives and send everyone else home.

"I really think everyone should go home now, Ana needs to rest and I am not even sure she will be able to talk tomorrow so if .." and Taylor pipes up with "I have booked 2 rooms at the Fairmont, one for you Mr Steele and one for you Mrs Adams and Sawyer here will drop you off".

I notice the look of gratitude that sweeps across Christian's face and I am grateful Taylor is by his side. Ray attempts to say it isn't necessary but Christian says "no, I insist, that way you'll be close tomorrow to come and sit with Ana".

My poor boy, always doing the right thing but never happy, I don't know if the key to his happiness is in this room but I have a strange feeling in my bones.

* * *

Ana's POV

He can't leave, I know it's not his fault, it's Kate's if anything but it isn't even her, it's that woman in the red car. Who was that woman in the red car? Why was she so angry with me outside GEH. I wonder if Christian knows. He looks so guilty, I wonder if he knows.

When will they take these tubes out, I just want to ask him one question.

Dr Grace turns to me and says quietly so that only I can hear, "Ana, I need to make sure your lung will cope without assistance and I need to ensure that your blood pressure and breathing stabilise and I know you reacted when Christian was about to leave the room. Will you please squeeze my left hand if you want Christian to stay back or your right if you want him to go" and I put as much pressure as I can into my left hand, even though it is my damaged hand and it hurts to move it, so that she is left in no doubt that I want him to stay. She gives me a smile and shoos everyone out of the room telling them that she will see them tomorrow and it probably won't be until the afternoon before anyone will be allowed back in but leans towards Christian and says "honey, can you stay with me for a minute".

Once they are all gone Dr Grace calls for the other doctor and they remove the tubes from my mouth which will hopefully allow me to speak but she says "please don't speak to me unless it is in relation to pain relief, you have at best a couple of sentences and if you overdo it, I will have to reinsert the tubing. Let's keep communicating as we have been for a minute and then I will let you speak, left hand squeeze for yes, right hand squeeze for no, ok?". I am so tired and I really want to just ask one question so I squeeze my left hand. Dr Grace asks me a number of questions about my pain levels and where it is hurting and I squeeze my hands appropriately, desperately wanting to speak but I really only want to ask one question and I can't while Dr Grace is in the room.

When the tube is removed and I attempt to speak, I can barely move my mouth and as Dr Grace offers me a sip of water, I gratefully accept it and say weakly, "a private moment with Christian please?" I really don't know if I should be calling him Mr Grey or Christian but since everyone else is referring to him as Christian and I can't speak much, it's just easier.

Dr Grace looks at him and says "Christian, I am going to trust you to make sure that Ana does not become agitated and only speaks minimally, I will give you 10 minutes while I write up some notes for the next shift doctor and if you need me, press the button and I'll be right back" and she looks at both of us.

* * *

Christian's POV

Today has been such a long day and I can't imagine how bad Ana is feeling yet she has a question for me and for once in my life, I am scared what that question will be.

I am completely shocked to the core when she whispers "The car that hit me was outside your building and the girl was glaring at me. Do you know who she was? Why did she do that to me? She ran me off the road Mr Grey, she ran me off the road and left me for dead… she came to the window and laughed at me when she saw I was trapped… Who is she?" and I am horrified to my core – this is so much worse than I thought it was.

I look at Ana, then drop my eyes in shame and say quietly, "Anastasia, I am so sorry but I can't answer all those questions right now, all I can say is to tell you that we know who the woman is, she is no longer a threat to you as she has been apprehended and is now in a psychiatric facility. You really need to rest now and heal. I cannot say how sorry I am for this having happened to you and I will explain the situation to you when you are better. In the meantime, I need to speak to Taylor, my security about the extra information you have just given to me but please rest."

Those beautiful big blue eyes look at me, they seem to look right through me and as I am drowning in them, thankfully I see the fear receding and she gives me a small smile, how she is doing that when she must be in a huge amount of pain, I don't understand and it moves me closer to her.

Suddenly I see the tears start to pool in those beautiful eyes and they tear at me deep inside, I never want to see this girl cry and she says quietly "I was going to graduate in a couple of weeks, now I am going to miss my finals, what am I going to do? – this is all because of the interview" and in a moment of clarity, I wonder if that this is why she looked so angrily at me before.

I have to know, if only to assuage the guilt a little "Anastastia, is that why you glared at me earlier?". She gives me a tight smile and nods so I tell her that I will speak to the University and organise something on her behalf so that she doesn't miss out. The talking seems to have taken that last bit of energy out of her and I hold her hand as she thankfully drifts off to sleep. I press the button to call my mom, I want to make sure that it is ok for her to go to sleep without the tubes helping her breathe.

I quickly grab my phone and call Taylor to come back into the room, I don't want to leave as I don't want to cause a blood pressure spike again and really I don't want to be anywhere else but looking at the sleeping beauty in front of me, even with all the tubes and wires trailing from her body.

I am not surprised when Taylor curses when I tell him what Ana said and I can see that he is blaming himself that security did not pick up Cecilia at GEH headquarters although I don't blame him, she wasn't on the list of prescribed persons and no-one would have been looking out for her. I know he will be going back and looking at all security footage to see what he can of Cecilia's movements and we both have to wonder at her mental state to have done what she did at the accident scene – this needs to be communicated to John Flynn so that she is not allowed out of the facility as she is a menace and obviously extremely unstable. On top of that will be the police investigation – I am thinking we will need to pull some favours although I am wondering whether she would be better off in prison, that way she couldn't get to me and anyone close to me.

* * *

Grace's POV

I hurry back to the room and am relieved to see Christian sitting next to a sleeping Ana and interestingly, holding her hand.

He quickly drops her hand when I enter and despite me raising my eyebrow, he chooses to ignore my unasked question and asks instead if it will be ok for him to stay in the room, he says it's because he doesn't want to be the cause of a blood pressure spike again.

I tell him no, we are going to increase the pain relief as she sleeps to ensure she stays asleep until the morning so that given it is already well past 1am, he should be heading home now and come back in the morning.

I also tell him that his blood test has come back as compatible which is a bit of a miracle in itself and so tomorrow we'll need him to donate and he asks if he can donate now so that he can give some more tomorrow. Normally we wouldn't allow that but as I know that Taylor will be driving him, I give him the ok and tell him where to go when he leaves the room.

I then suggest he call John Flynn as John hasn't been able to make it to the hospital (something about a late admission of a psychiatric case) I say I feel Christian might need the assistance and he rubs his hand tiredly across his brow and shrugs and says he is ok.

I want to ask, I really do, as to why Ana is so important to him but I respect his boundaries as I always have but I have to make one last statement as he reluctantly heads towards the door – "Love is what will heal her Christian, she is going to need a lot of love and support in her rehabilitation" and I am shocked to hear him say, under his breath as though he is barely admitting it to himself and it's too hard to say out loud "I know". I look at Taylor with raised eyebrows and he, as per normal, remains completely impassive and follows Christian out the door.


	8. Chapter 8 - 10 May 2011

Christian's POV  
  
I can't sleep, it wasn't until past 5am when I made it to bed having looked over the security reports and it is now obvious that Cecilia has been hanging around GEH for nearly 2 weeks and no-one saw her. Barney has pulled video that shows her car parked in and around GEH almost every day and worse, it appears she has been getting into the Escala carpark a couple of times a week, no doubt checking all the staff movements as well.

I also have the issue of the now totally wrecked CLK, there will be an investigation unless I can manage to nip it in the bud so I have sent off a number of emails and hope that this will be solved tomorrow. I think the best option is to replace the car for Kate and save it going through the insurance companies, I am sure that her distress over Ana should allow me to deliver a new car to the hospital and avoid too much fall out.

Working out how to ensure that Cecilia isn't to be charged for illegally leaving the scene of an accident, let alone causing the accident is the hard part. I know there is something mentally going on, while her being locked up in prison would take her out of my life, I don't want that for her. I have no doubt that the fact that I cut off our arrangement must have some part in her psychotic rage at the moment but there must be some other reason that she has suddenly appeared back in my life. Something else is hovering on the edge of my mind about her but my tired brain just can't pin it down and I hope it comes to me sooner rather than later as I feel it has a link to what has just happened.

Now lying in bed, all I can see in my mind are Ana's big blue eyes and then I see that shy smile and I can't help but smile. Flying through the memories, I end with the angry look she gave me in the hospital and I hope she will forgive me. I have set in train the process that should allow me to help her be at her graduation but it will take a lot of effort to make it all happen – I have to make it happen and I want to be the one handing her the graduation certificate as would have happened before this whole disaster happened.

Finally, I feel myself drift off but unfortunately it is straight into a nightmare and it isn't much later that I am awake and sitting at the piano, trying to drown out the images that added an extra dimension to my nightmare. This time, not only was the crack whore calling out to me but Ana was there, arms outstretched, calling for me while Cecilia was stabbing her violently.

I am never going to want to go to bed again. Maybe I'd better see John Flynn at some point today but right now I need to go and release some energy because even playing the piano isn't helping me.

* * *

Bastille's POV

Well, Grey really has something going on this morning, I know he always has something going on and that there is something that runs really deep within him but today is something different altogether. I know I need to be 100% on my game when I work with him, for his sake and mine. He needs to control the demon otherwise whatever it is that is inside is going to overwhelm him. Today however, he is only has the dragon by the tail and it is whipping him around like a marshmallow.

"Ok Grey, focus! I've had you on your ass three times already, do you want to make it a fourth or are you going to let it go and get your head where it needs to be", nope nothing, he still isn't with me. I'll try one more time before sending him for a treadmill run, he is no use to himself at this point. "I swear, it needs to be a girl that has you such a mess…" and I don't get any further because I find myself on the floor and realise I need to get back through to him or he will kill me, but I'm not having much success…..

"Sir, Sir" I hear and then thankfully see Taylor restraining him and pulling him off me. "Gee man, that was not cool – get yourself over to the punching bag and work yourself out" I gasp and am shocked to see him turn like a small boy, with a look of distress on his face and just walk out.

No matter how much money that man has, whatever shit is going on in his head is not worth it, it's just not worth it.

* * *

Flynn's POV

Well, a normal life would be good but I have a feeling that while I know Christian, I will never know normal and even I had a difficult night's sleep last night. I am sure Cecilia is secure in the facility we have admitted her but I need to go and speak to her to garner some sort of idea as to why this whole episode has happened, what has triggered it and how I can help her so that she is no longer a menace to anyone. More particularly, anyone remotely related to Christian.

On that point, Christian has become remarkably attached to the girl in the car accident, Grace sounded completely amazed that he seemed to be showing "love" for this girl and yet, I haven't heard of her and I wonder if Christian has been keeping things from me. Hmm, this could be an interesting session today, if I can get him in.

The only problem is, all this couldn't be happening at a worse time, I am only here for another couple of days and then I will be out of the country for a couple of weeks. Perhaps I'd better organise that Christian can contact me via Skype if need be, I guess I'll find out soon enough as I have moved a number of appointments for today so that I can be available for as long as is necessary today.

And just like that, I am informed that "Mr Grey is here to see you Sir" and he is ushered in.

His hair is all over the place so he's obviously been running his hands through it, he actually appears to have roughed up knuckles and he is practically hunched on the couch looking like he hasn't slept in days.

"How are you feeling Christian" I say and am greeted with a "Ha, how the fuck do you think I'm feeling?" He barely draws breath and continues with "My fucked up life is tainting anyone coming within a cooee of me. A crazy ex-sub has apparently been stalking me for weeks, security hasn't noticed anything until she has tried to break into Escala and GEH but they still couldn't catch her, a tiny slip of a thing but they still couldn't catch her. Then from what I can gather, she decides that anyone pretty with brown hair coming out of GEH must be a sub of mine and decides to run a purely innocent girl off the road. The fact that she didn't kill her is amazing, the fact that Anastasia is still alive is a testament to her own strength, trapped in a car wreck for 4 hours with massive injuries. What's worse though is that Cecilia got out of her car that wasn't wrecked and went to Anastasia's car and laughed at her then walked away. I guess I should be thankful she didn't set it alight or something but what would possess her to do that? We finally figured out that she was unstable a couple of years ago but not this unstable, surely? But then again, I'm so fucked up that I am sure I just attract similar fuck ups. That's why I will never have a chance with Anastasia, I can tell she is pure. I can tell she is innocent and wholesome, she doesn't deserve to be tainted by me. That's all I'll ever be able to bring to her, a black cloud of taint!"

Wow, that is quite possibly the most I have ever heard him say in an outburst in the whole time I have known him.

I refuse to go back over this material although I will speak about Cecilia in a bit, I decide on a different tack.

"So, you are attracted to this Anastasia then?" I say, hoping to draw some more true emotion out of him, to make him realise that he can love and have feelings beyond the contractual relationships he feels he can only sustain. And I ask it in a hope of moving him past the self-loathing that is dripping from the outburst. As I look up I am met by an extremely angry set of eyes, he has leapt off the couch and his fists are clenched and a "No shit Sherlock" statement is almost screamed at me….

Hmm interesting, I would really like to meet this girl but I think I need to calm him down and so "I am assuming that since you weren't at the accident scene at the time of the accident that Anastasia is the one that told you that Cecilia laughed at her predicament, do you feel that she will need some assistance to move past what has happened? Do you want me to help?"

And the face of the man sitting opposite me, the man that says he cares for nothing and doesn't have a heart, says what his mouth would never say and perhaps his brain doesn't even comprehend and he simply nods. Whatever it is that this girl has, he needs it like a drug because his face became peaceful just for a second before it became full of self-loathing again. The switch from unrecognised love to an assumed realisation that he didn't deserve her played out like a scene that I could understand and I resolve that I will see her today.

I go through the situation with Cecilia and am able to reassure Christian that she is no risk to anyone where she is but he is determined that extra security is provided and for the sake of his sanity, I agree and say I will liaise with the hospital to make sure they accept it.

* * *

Grace's POV

Horrid hospital rosters, they never seem to tie in with how tired you are or how long you were on shift the night before because I find myself back at work at around 7am and before I start my official shift in the paediatric ward, I decide I'll pop my head in and see how Miss Steele is doing this morning. Hopefully she is still sleeping.

As I walk in, I hear what I haven't heard in a while and gasp and run the rest of the way in – this poor child is in the grip of a nightmare and it looks to rival one of Christian's with the way she is writhing and screaming. How the pain of her movements isn't waking her I don't know but I have to wake her so she doesn't cause any more damage. Thankfully one of Christian's security men followed me in when he heard me call out and between the two of us, we hold her down gently and as I stroke her face, she gradually opens her eyes and the tears simply spill from those beautiful blue orbs. "She was trying to kill me" is all she is able to say before the hoarseness caused by the tubes and her sheer sobs stop her being able to say anything else.

"It's ok dear, no one is going to hurt you here" I say in as gentle a tone as I can while the big bear of a fellow gently strokes her hand, it seems that between the two of us and the light in the room, we may well have chased that particular nightmare away but I think I'll ask John Flynn to speak to her as well. I am sure he won't mind and I am also sure that Christian wouldn't want her suffering as she obviously is, John has done wonders in reducing Christian's night terrors, well, that's what he tells me but I don't know, I still think they must be a part of his life.

I can only shake my head that if my boy has finally found someone that now she is also suffering from night terrors and I can only hope that by addressing it early, they won't continue like Christian's.

Thankfully once she has calmed and I unobtrusively pressed the pain injection button, it looks like Ana has fallen back asleep and I leave Sawyer (I now know the big bear's name) outside her room and continue on to my ward with the promise that if she wakes up distressed to get them to page me.

Somehow, I feel she needs to have a friendly faces around her when she is distressed to minimise the damage although I don't think they will need to call me because I am sure it won't be too long before Christian is here, the boy never seems to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Sawyer's POV

Crap, the girl seems to be as messed up as the Boss, maybe they'll make a great pair. Taylor seems to think the Boss is well and truly in over his head with the girl, this will be something to watch.

To say the briefing a couple of hours ago was interesting would be an understatement. Taylor told me what happened last night and what the Boss did, sure, he's a strong ripped guy but moving a car that's wrapped around a tree needs almost superhuman strength, obviously something was driving him.

It's been a long night for Taylor, I don't think I have seen him this tired, everything that has happened and the security issues that have been going on lately are obviously playing on his mind but mostly I think it is the worry about what could have happened to Gail. He dropped his voice so there was no chance of anyone overhearing when he told me about the girl I caught last night in the garage. Thank god she didn't manage to do anything to Gail. If she was prepared to do this to a girl she doesn't even know, god, what could she have done to Gail? – I really don't want to think about it. An upset Boss is one thing, an upset Taylor, I never want to see!

* * *

Ana's POV

I really want to know what happened, I overheard snippets and it seems that Christian managed to single-handedly move the car away from the tree and that allowed him and his security to pry open the door to get to me. I would really like to thank him but I don't think I have enough words.

I also really want to know about the girl, something tells me it isn't good and she somehow relates to him – is he just helping me out of guilt? I hope not, I hope he is affected a little by me although I don't think he could be as affected as I am by him.

Thinking of him is helping me while I am lying here hoping to be moved out of the very sterile and uncomfortable ER, if I let my imagination run wild, maybe I can make it slightly tolerable. It's not really working though, my go-to historical novels don't cover this sort of situation so there's nothing for my imagination to grab onto and take me out of the room.

Perhaps I'll try to sleep again but I hear the door opening and turn my head as I hear those dulcet tones which are not only like music to my ears but they also make me want to squirm.

* * *

Christian's POV  
  
"Hi Anastasia, how are you?" I ask quietly as I walk into her room and thankfully I am greeted by a set of gentle blue eyes.

"I've been better Mr Grey, I've been better, but I'll survive" she whispers and attempts a smile despite obviously being in pain.

"Well, I have some news for you if you are up for it" I stop though as I look at her and try to fathom how she is even conscious with all the pain she must be in "… but perhaps you should take some more pain relief, there is no need to stay in pain and pain relief will help you heal."

I see a slight flare of something in her eyes and continue "This is not my news but I am told you can be moved to a private suite later today if the monitoring shows your body calming down and no signs of infection. So I want you to relax … Do you have enough pillows? Are you comfortable?" I am looking for more pillows in the room and as I turn around, I am met by a defiant little scowl on Ana's beautiful face. "What…?"

In a cute raspy voice laced with pain she says "You said you have some news for me and then tell me to relax… not happening until you tell me the "news"".

Well, I am enjoying her smart mouth, who knew, so I smile and concede "ok, I know you were angry with me about the fact that you thought you were going to miss your finals". I can see her face drop and her eyes cloud over so I continue quickly "but the news is that I have organised for you to be able to do your finals here, if you are up to it and I will make sure that you have everything you need to make sure you can do that." As a look of consternation flows across her face and before she can say anything I add "I know you are in a lot of pain and possibly not be able to move and then will be doing rehab as well, so WSU have agreed to allow you to do the finals after the graduation if necessary – they are well aware that you are a studious student, you would be graduating anyway, just based on your work so far and your lecturers have provided character/study references to support you receiving your degree as expected and you can sit the finals at a later stage. I know that this would not normally be allowed but for once, there's a perk to being the biggest donor to WSU."

As tears start rolling down her cheeks, I rush to sit at her side, horrified and grab her hand "Sweetheart, what's the matter, I thought that would be a good thing".

"It is, I'm sorry, they are happy tears, but why would you do this for me? You don't even know me or anything about me other than I am clumsy, not only did I manage to fall into your office but somehow I ended up wrapped around a tree".

She makes me smile although I am worried that all the talking is going to be doing some damage and then I see another question forming in her mind and I wonder what else she is going to ask.

I am not about to tell her that she has me completely under her spell and that I feel incredibly responsible for all her misfortune in case she asks why. This poor girl does not need all my rubbish in her head and if I am truly going to explain, she needs some of the background. For now I am going to have to go with a partial lie and hope it doesn't bite me too hard in the future, if there is a future for us.

As I sit there trying to work out what to say, I hear a little giggle and it is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard and I turn my head in wonder "You, ah, you just called me sweetheart" she manages to squeak out and I can't believe that I blush. What is this girl doing to me? I hadn't meant that to come out of my mouth and was hoping that she'd missed it but when I think about it, I liked hearing it. I can't do anything but grin goofily at her and say "hey, don't turn this around, I tell you some good news and you burst into tears, you had me worried".

Then she seems to remember that she had another question and says "Can you tell me what happened? I remember hitting a particularly wet patch of road where my wheels didn't seem to grab as well as they should, then being nudged and the car spinning off the road. I managed to miss the big trees by the side of the road and heading through the undergrowth but I just couldn't avoid the trees after that and aimed for the smallest one. The airbag deployed and I blacked out just for a minute, I actually saw the clock as I went flying off the road and it was a minute later that I was looking at it again. Then that girl looked in my window, I was so scared trying to get out and I couldn't move and she saw that I was trapped and just laughed and ran away. Then I blanked out again as the pain in my legs and body was a bit too much to bear. How did they get me out of the car, it was wrapped so tightly around that tree, pushing into me, I couldn't even move?"

I don't want to dwell on the accident and I don't think she should either so I quickly say that we pushed the car away from the tree, since I don't actually know how I managed that, I decide to not elaborate and simply say that Taylor provided immediate first aid as much as he could and we waited with her until the ambulance arrived and that she was flown here by helicopter.

I wonder if I should tell her of how we tracked and found her and while I am thinking about that, she opens her mouth and asks the one thing I didn't want her to ask "Will you tell me who she is?" and I just want to crawl into the dark hole that is my life and away from this sweet girl, to save her from me but her eyes, those teeth biting into that sweet lip and the general goodness that she exudes, keep me stuck to my chair.

I hope she doesn't notice but I am still holding her soft hand in mine and it just feels like it should be there – for someone who doesn't like the touch of someone else, this girl is turning everything upside down and I can't get enough of her.

How do I answer her question?

* * *

Ana's POV

Did he just say that I can still graduate? Not only does he look like a god but right at this second, he sounds like one as well – a master of the universe and possibly mine too, if he is able to manage that, my interview didn't do him justice at all. These damn drugs in my system though have turned me into a pile of mush because in my gratitude I burst into tears and then I hear the sweetest words as he rushes to me "sweetheart, what's the matter, I thought that would be a good thing" and he's holding my hand, if I don't move it, hopefully he'll keep holding it.

I have to ask him about the accident and who that girl is but as I do, I can see his face closing down in front of me, hmm, interesting, I guess I will have to wait and quite frankly with the way my head is hurting, perhaps it's better that I do. He did say last night that she is in a facility and I am safe…I think I'll let it go for now, I have more important things to worry about, like somehow studying and getting myself well enough to attend my own graduation.

Let me think, I have 14 days to be out of hospital or at least mobile in some way and that is all the incentive I need to stop wallowing in what has happened and look towards what I have to do.

Then I realise that I have been staring at him and he looks like he'd rather be anywhere else, he must be thinking that I am still waiting for an answer about the girl so I say "ok, will you promise to tell me about her after I graduate? And, are you going to help me graduate" and his head snaps up with a smile and I can see how much of an action man he is because he morphs in front of me from a beaten man to the CEO I met in his office – a man with a task and a plan to complete it.

"Ok, are you sure? Do you want to hear my plan?" he says and quite frankly, I'd do anything he says so I say "Yes Sir" and a strange shadow quickly passes over his eye. Then he says "well, first things first, we need to speak to the doctors to see if we can move you out of here today. I will ring Miss Kavanagh and ask her to bring your books. I have organised the best physical therapists to come and check you over to see what therapy is required." And as he continues, I realise he is putting a lot of effort into getting me better but I am so tired and I try really hard to keep my eyes open but find myself drifting off but this time, it is into a peaceful sleep full of grey eyes and copper hair and strong hands holding mine.

* * *

Christian's POV

I look back at Ana and realise that she has fallen asleep while I was talking, who knew my plans were enough to exhaust her? I sit for a while, I don't know how long as it is so peaceful, just watching her sleep and then I gently retrieve my hand, yes, I was still holding hers, intriguing…

It's not very comfortable in here, I need to get her shifted to a nicer room, with the amount of money I give this hospital, it has to happen today and soon. So I stand and go to leave the room but am frozen to the spot when I hear a scream and "Christian, she's trying to stab me, help me Christian" and I rush back.

I am horrified that she is having nightmares and they sound remarkably like those that woke me in the early morning. I grab hold of her hand again and gently soothe her until her breathing slows and she is calm again. Sawyer takes that moment to walk in to inform me that this morning when Grace came to check on her, the same thing was happening and that they had to partially sedate her to calm her so I decide that I will definitely call John Flynn and get him to come as soon as he can. Nothing else is going to be possible if she is being haunted by nightmares and doesn't rest properly, her whole recovery hinges on it. I feel a little flutter in my chest when I think about the fact that she was calling for me even though it was in the midst of a nightmare but I am glad that at least in her sleep she is thinking of me and trusting me to help.

I don't know how long I sit there holding her soft hand in mine as she now quietly sleeps and then I hear her, in her sleep whisper "Christian, don't leave me" and if I hadn't before, I know I am in danger of falling in love. If as Elena says, "Love is for fools" then call me a fool for this beautiful girl.


	10. Chapter 10

Grace's POV

I thought I'd quickly pop down to see how Ana is feeling and as I open the door, I am stunned to my core, I can't believe my eyes, my heart misses a beat and then almost jumps out of my chest, racing with happiness.

Christian is asleep with his head on the edge of Ana's bed, she has somehow managed to turn and is asleep with one hand in his and the other is resting in his hair and they both have a smile on their faces.

Oh, this is one scene that will remain seared onto my brain as I never thought I'd see something like that and I quietly back out of the room, it is so obvious that they are both giving each other comfort.

I tell Sawyer on the door that no-one is to disturb them until Christian comes out or I tell them that they can go in, I don't care if family comes to visit, they will _need_ to wait. I am glad I told her parents last night not to come before midday as that will give Christian enough time to sleep as well as Ana although if John Flynn comes, I may have to wake them.

* * *

John Flynn's POV

Well, that was a surprising call from Grace, Christian made quick time leaving my office to get to Ana and now he's sleeping peacefully with her touching him – I wonder if I really do need to get down there or whether the two of them will actually be the best therapy for each other. How intriguing, actually, yes, I will go down, I need to meet this girl.

It doesn't take me long to get there and Grace lets me in to the room and the sight is quite striking both in a professional and personal sense – I haven't ever seen Christian this relaxed ever and Taylor who has arrived at the same time shakes his head with amazement also and smiles, I don't think I have ever seen Taylor smile. Today is definitely a banner day in this Christian Grey world!

As I watch, I hear a moan come from Ana and within a second Christian is sitting upright, brushing the hair away from her face and stroking her face to provide comfort. As Ana opens her eyes and they focus on us past his shoulder, he turns around with pitched eyebrows and then turns back to speak quietly to Ana. I hear him ask how she is feeling, how her pain levels are and she grimaces as she tries to move back onto her back, he soothes her as the tears start to pool in her eyes and as I go to help him move her back, he says "I've got it John" and gently positions her in her most comfortable position.

"Ana, this is John Flynn, he is my psychiatrist and I asked him to come and speak to you, help you with the stress of all this" and at the look of confusion on her face, he continues "I promised to help with your recovery, I want that to be both body and mind and I know you are worrying about the girl because you have had nightmares in the little bit of sleep that you have had, haven't you?"

Ana nods and says "I think I'll be ok" and then as if to herself she says "as long as you are here" then she blushes a deep red and lifts her hand and covers her mouth making it obvious that she hadn't intended that comment to be said out loud.

To his credit, Christian chuckles, pats her hand and says "I think you should speak to John as you are clearly deluded" and is rewarded by the most delightful giggle and I can't help but feel that he is acting his age for once – it's the most normal I have seen him act away from his family.

I am a little loathe to break into their little bubble but Christian turns to me and says "Please Ana, have a chat to John while I go find out what is happening about this room" and smiles at her and walks out of the room.

* * *

Christian's POV

_Her left hand was in my hair, her right hand was in mine, we were both sleeping and neither of us were having nightmares, she is a witch but oh such a beautiful witch. , I can't believe it and no, I am not going to wipe this smile off my face!_

Well that's what I was thinking but hospital administration can ruin any good mood and it takes some persuasive shouting to ensure that Ana will be moved to a suite by lunch time. It is important that she is because there isn't any space for her family in the room she is in at the moment especially as Miss Kavanagh will be here as well. That reminds me, I need to call Miss Kavanagh and ask her to bring Ana's study materials and explain that I will organise her new car for her.

However I discover that it is a bit late to call Miss Kavanagh as I am informed that she has arrived, is demanding to speak to Ana and making a scene at the front desk. For someone that had the flu yesterday, she seems to be in fine voice today.

After introducing myself, I tell her that Ana will be moved to a bigger room later and that she is seeing doctors at the moment and as soon as the doctors give their all-clear, then everyone can speak to her but she is very weak, she is very damaged and may not be able to "socialise" for any length of time. I promise that I will let her know as soon as anyone knows. She is looking at me with a touch of annoyance or something and then I realise that she is an aspiring journalist and is formulating questions to ask me so I pre-empt that by saying "we found Ana's handbag in the car so you should have your interview as soon as she can give it to you".

I have been rushing around and it suddenly hits me, we still don't know if there is any internal damage and what sort of operations Ana is going to need – my grand plan for graduation may not be possible and I realise that I can't ask Miss Kavanagh to bring the books next time that she comes down as it would be better that Ana ask her to do it when she is ready.

Then I notice a fellow that has been standing next to Miss Kavanagh and when I look at him, he finally puts his hand out and as we shake he says "Mr Grey, pleased to meet you, my names Jose, I'm a friend of Ana's" and I drop his hand with distaste… what sort of friend is he? I hope he isn't a boyfriend, there was no mention of this fellow in the background report, perhaps it wasn't correct. _Gee get a grip Grey, he's probably a friend, you know, one of those things you don't have because you have no social life and keep yourself in your ivory tower._

I shake my head to try and clear it and tell them that I'll go see how everything is going and suggest that they go get a coffee from somewhere as the doctors said she wouldn't be ready for visitors until lunchtime. Miss Kavanagh looks like she is about to protest and I just don't have any patience left so to ensure I don't say anything I might regret, I simply turn on my heel and return to Ana's room.

"How is she John" I ask Flynn as I make my way back into the room and see that she is asleep again.

"Exhausted, confused and really worried about Cecilia. Ana is obviously intrigued as to what your link is with her, I didn't disclose any information other than to reassure her that she is no longer a threat. As to the nightmares, I am pretty sure you have broken the back of them, I don't think I will have had anything to do with that, I think that is all you. To be honest, I have a feeling she thinks I am an expensive charlatan but I am ok with that", he says with a grin.

_Interesting, John Flynn likes Ana. Of course he does, I think everyone likes Ana, that's why she really can't be tainted by me, I will have to help her get back onto her feet and let her go. _

_If I let her go, she might go to that fucker I met downstairs… _

_That is not going to happen, I need to get my shit together and make sure I am worthy of her._


	11. Chapter 11

Kate's POV

"Why the hell can't I see her Jose? How bad do you think she is? Did you see Mr Grey's face when he was talking about Ana's injuries? It looked like he didn't want to say something, like Ana is in a really bad way. Jose, we can't lose Ana!" I guess shouting questions at Jose isn't going to help anything but Mr Grey's face looked tortured when he was talking to me.

I wonder why Grey is doing all this, he is a pretty intense guy from what I have read about him but he always seemed like a heartless business man, not someone that could care for someone he doesn't know. There must be more to this and I will figure it out as soon as I can.

I can't wait to hear the interview, I am sure something happened in there and it will be an excellent interview that I can pull together from it, I am sure Ana affected him in some way. She manages to do that to people but has never ever realised it, she is such a sweetie and I hope she is going to be ok.

Why aren't they saying we can go see her?

* * *

Grace's POV

I think about what happened this morning and just can't believe it, it's hard to process even after an hour and I try to reflect on whether we did something wrong, waited too long...

Ana was asleep, we gave her some extra sedation to ensure that she stayed asleep and I and the other doctors were working down the list of injuries and working out what needed to be done for full recovery. I knew that Christian was going to want to help with her recovery so I made sure I noted everything down including the recovery steps:

Left shoulder dislocated – now back in place – the arm is now in a sling and full recovery will require supporting now and then exercise – gentle at first and then strengthening exercises – nothing extra required at the moment.

Pelvis fracture – an injury that the scan showed as a hairline fracture. She thankfully doesn't need surgery but she will need to be immobilised – it will restrict the rest of the recovery of her limb injuries and it will be mighty uncomfortable.

Left Leg Femur fracture – surgical repair will be needed with a metal rod inserted in the inner cavity of the bone to stabilize and reinforce the site. Surgery is scheduled for an hour's time.

Left Leg Tibia fracture – this was a bad break with the bone protruding through the skin and it is the possible bacterial contamination and infection that is causing a great deal of concern. Not only that but the broken end of the bone cut into blood vessels and that was what caused the most bleeding at the site. She was very lucky that it didn't sever the artery but a lot of damage was done nonetheless, the dashboard that trapped her leg actually appears to have acted as a pressure point and stopped her from bleeding out but she lost a lot of blood, how she survived all those hours, I don't know. This will be fixed at the same time as the femur surgery.

Left Leg Fibula fracture – thankfully the segments of the bone aren't separately significantly so hopefully there won't be nerve injury but there will be pain, swelling, bruising, she won't be able to bear weight on it, she won't be able to move her hip or knee.

Right Leg – massive lacerations, the deep ones that have been stitched and hopefully won't scar too badly, the surgeon was very neat last night but if there is any infection, then the scarring will be more extensive.

As a leg fracture can take up to six months to heal and she has 3 breaks on one leg as well as the pelvis fracture and a sore right leg, the poor girl will be struggling for months. First she will be recovering from surgery then using crutches (once her shoulder is fine) and a whole program of physical therapy to restore normal strength. Urgh, it is going to be a long road of rehabilitation but at least it is all fixable.

Thankfully we have ruled out intestinal damage and spinal damage and are feeling somewhat optimistic that only one lot of surgery will be required now.

However, the injury causing us the most concern was the lung damage and the potential for a blood clot from the leg injuries and it was while we were discussing this and organising the Doppler test to check for blood clot activity that her blood pressure monitor went off again and it appeared she was struggling to breathe. There was a collective gasp as it looked like the worse case scenario of a pulmonary embolism might well be occurring so she was rushed straight to surgery.

I don't even have time to call Christian as we connected tubes and oxygen mask and rushed her back into theatre.

Sawyer followed us and stood outside the door – it struck me how loyal Christian's security are and I remember hoping that he would call Christian and tell him where we all were.

* * *

Christian's POV

Now, I have to go and give blood again and I am thrilled that at least in this way I am contributing to Ana's recovery and it pleases me no end that my blood will be part of her even if nothing ever happens between us.

Oh but how sweet was her comment "I think I'll be ok … as long as you are here", I don't care if she doesn't remember it when she is more lucid but I will remember it, it will keep me going long into the night, every night. That and the cute blush that flooded her face as she realised that she'd said it out loud.

I give the blood again and ask if they could take double, I don't need it, I am fit enough to regenerate quickly but they won't allow it.

Finally it's time to go back in to Ana and see how the doctors think she is going and hopefully move her to a suite but as I get to the room it's empty. There's no-one there at all, not even Sawyer – why the hell hasn't he called me.

Spookily, my phone rings as I go to hit the button to call him, "Sir, they have just rushed Miss Steele into emergency surgery, I caught a mention of pulmonary embolism". I hear this as though I am walking through a fog and I drop the phone and slide down against the wall, keening quietly.

The walls are closing in on me and I am losing all semblance of control and suddenly I realise why I had the visceral reaction when I saw Ana's injuries and why I am sliding into a massive panic attack now.

The only time I have known anyone suffering a pulmonary embolism was back at Harvard while I was in the rowing squad, I was driving back from the airport with one of the coaches.

Ruby was a beautiful girl, who always gave me the space I needed, pushed me without pushing me too far and I had started to find myself thinking of her, especially when Elena visited and pushed my limits. I was beginning to see Ruby in my mind when I needed to get to a safe space in my mind and considering whether I could let her in where I had never let anyone else in.

Ruby drove a cheap little "zippy" car and she loved it but on the way back from the airport one day as we came home from a regatta, a drunk driver ran the red light and t-boned the car. The car had no safety features so Ruby sustained a number of injuries and died in front of me of a pulmonary embolism as they tried desperately to save her.

_Again, it's happening again. Every time I open my heart, the person is taken away from me._

* * *

Sawyer's POV

What the hell just happened to the Boss? Surely Miss Steele is safe in theatre so I ring T and quickly outline what has just happened, thankfully he says he's in the hospital and about to turn down the corridor to Ana's room now and will deal with the Boss. I decide to stay right here, I didn't like what I could hear through the Boss's dropped phone, I don't want to be there, the Boss wouldn't want me there, T will call me if he needs me.

* * *

Taylors's POV

Fuck, this man can take down a room of 50 hostile men in a business situation. He can physically take out 6 men in an ambush, I saw it happen when I wasn't his body guard (in fact it's the reason he ended up hiring me the very next day) and yet, a tiny girl has brought him to his knees.

I literally pick him up as you would a baby and carry him into the room that Miss Steele had been in and place him in a chair and call Dr Flynn, if there is anyone that can help him, it will be him – this is a broken man and I hope against hope that he will be able to help.

* * *

Grace's POV

Oh my, I think we've saved her again. How we are going to subject her to another operation to fix her leg I don't know but thankfully she has a fighting spirit – now to find my son and let him know.

"Sawyer, do you know where Christian is?" I ask and he clears his throat and in an embarrassed tone suggests that I get to Miss Steele's old room as he believes that Mr Grey may need me.

What a strange statement to make but it makes me hurry to the room and my hand flies to my throat as I see him there curled up in the chair in the fetal position – I swear, I am taken back to the very first time I saw him although this time he has a hulking body guard in Taylor blocking the door and Dr Flynn crouching in front of him attempting to calm him.

"Christian" I whisper into his ear "she's going to be ok" and boundaries be damned, I wrap my arm around his shoulder, my boy needs comfort and I am going to give it to him.

* * *

John Flynn's POV

I don't know if I am going to need to bring Christian in for psychiatric assistance as well, he is almost catatonic in front of me but I know we need to get him out of here before anyone else sees him, grief, lack of sleep and now some obvious memory (he's been moaning "Ruby, Ruby, Ruby") has triggered this state and I am going to need some help to get him out of it.

With a voice of pure mother's love I hear Grace tell him that Ana is going to be ok and I hope she isn't just saying that because from my read of the situation, while he looks broken now, I think that if Ana doesn't make it, he will be decimated completely and the fallout will be extremely unpleasant.

I watch professionally fascinated as Grace, despite being his mother is respecting most of his boundaries still and is just pouring whatever love she can into the "across the shoulder" hug she is giving him. Personally I'm shattered that he still can't let someone in closer than that, he looks like he'd like to bury himself in a normal hug to receive comfort but his demons are holding him back, even from his mother.

Slowly, he starts to unwind and eventually looks at Grace and says quietly "she's going to be ok? I am not losing her?" and with her voice heavy with emotion, Grace says "No darling, she's going to be ok. You can't see her because they are now fixing her broken leg so that she shouldn't need any further operations except for cosmetic ones perhaps later although they are being as neat as possible. She will be out in less than an hour and then in recovery and if you want to see her in there, darling, I can make an exception" and she gives him a squeeze and rises off the floor. Looking like she herself is going to break, she worriedly checks her watch and she says "I'll be back with more news as soon as I receive it", kisses his cheek and walks out of the room.

Christian's eyes follow her with a touch of reverence as though he still can't believe what has happened and then amazingly I see the mask come back as he unfolds himself and looks at me with a "what are you looking at?" look and says "ok we've got work to do" .

And then amazingly he says he wants to discuss Cecilia – I don't know about him but I need a coffee, even for me, this has been a tough morning. "Let's go get coffee".

* * *

John Flynn's POV continued

Sitting across from Christian as he flexes his long fingers, unwraps a blueberry muffin and pulls it apart, you'd swear he was perfectly ok but the tic in his cheek from where he is clenching his jaw is a bit of a giveaway.

"Well, if my memory serves me well" I say "Cecilia was the girl after Leila Williams wasn't she?" At the affirmative nod I continue "and from your file notes, because I had to go back and re-acquaint myself, she was supplied by Elena as a tension release when there were a number of strange business activities occurring that were threatening your business. Someone had been attempting to hack your systems, then the attempted break in, the espionage and finally the extortion claim."

Christian is getting impatient "Yes, that's when I contracted her but she was wrong from the minute she walked in, she was clingy, wanted more of everything, for every dress I bought her, she wanted one in at least 2 other colours, she asked for and I gave her an expense account at Niemans but within a week had maxed it.. She kept attempting to breach her conditions like coming to the office and I was simply too distracted by what was going on that I didn't cancel the contract straight away, dammit, I needed the stress release". He looks really annoyed and I know it is at himself.

"Once I'd figured out who was behind all the business drama and terminated my contract with Cecilia, she didn't take it too kindly, she had managed to steal one of my credit cards, promptly maxed that out and then disappeared. As you would remember, it was actually her father Stephen who was the person attempting to damage my business and this had started before I contracted her – so I then realised she must have been trying to get into the business on behalf of her father and that deceit along with her father's put a huge dent in the work you had done to increase my trust in people – probably set me back 10 years if the truth be told."

Suddenly Christian stops and says "It's been a tough day and night, can you just clarify for me her surname please" and I respond with "Morton".

"Oh god, I need her back ground check again. In fact I need a new one done" and he's on the phone "Welch, background check, thorough on Cecilia Morton focusing on her father, Stephen Morton and every possible detail you can find on him, who he's been married to, what he has been doing for the last 10 years – go back as far as you can, see who he has lived with, who lived with him and quite frankly follow each of those links as far as you can".

"Why?" I ask because it is obvious that Christian is on high alert and radiating extreme tension.

"Because" he grinds out between clenched teeth, according to Ana's background check, her mum's third husband was called Stephen Morton".


	12. Chapter 12

Christian's POV

I have to wait for Welch but if I am right then I wonder what Cecilia's relationship with Ana was, if any. While I know that there is no way that she would have known that Ana would be coming to see me because Ana didn't even know she was doing that until yesterday morning, Cecilia must have recognised her. Is that what triggered her running Ana off the road or is it something else? Either way, she had been breaching security for two whole weeks that we know about so it still comes back to me that this has happened to Ana.

Placing a quick call to Welch just to clarify if Stephen Morton is the common link, I am met by quite a growl. Welch is usually very contained so I am surprised by that response "that fucker appears to have a lot to answer for but yes, he was married to the now Carla Adams from August 2006 until the end of January 2007. They appear to have been together from September 2005 while she was still married to Ray Steele, she didn't divorce Ray until July 2006 and then was quickly married to Morton in August 2006 and then just as quickly divorced in January 2007. What I find interesting though is that Ana Steele lived with them for just 3 months of that time and then appears to have moved back to Ray Steele in December 2005. In the short time she lived with them, there are several hospital visits and police reports that I am trying to get my hands on."

Agitated, I run my hands through my hair "I'll leave it with you and expect a detailed report tonight" I say. I have a feeling I am not going to like the information he is going to find and right at this point I need to get back to Ana's room. She should be coming out of surgery soon and I want to be there in the recovery room. Not only that, I want to make sure that Ray is able to see her and soon, he seems to have been the only there for her when others haven't and I trust him to help her heal, as mom said, with love.

As I go to get up, Miss Kavanagh comes barrelling towards me "why are you here, where is Ana?" and I have to tell her that there was a complication that sent her back to surgery and that they decided to fix her leg at the same time but I am hoping to go back in now and find out where she is. However, as she will be post-op, it is highly unlikely that anyone other than close family eg Carla and Ray will be allowed in the room.

I suggest that since Ana needs quite a bit of blood that perhaps she could go be tested to see if she is compatible and if so, she might be able to help Ana that way. I promise I will let her know as soon as they can go in to see her and turn abruptly and leave, I don't want to see her face mirroring the despair I feel for the situation and I just can't deal with any antagonism at this point.

* * *

Grace's POV

Oh thank goodness, the operations look like they have been a success however the drugs to thin the blood to dissolve the embolism and ensure another one doesn't occur are going to cause issues in relation to the lacerations. However keeping her alive is our first priority and the rest will flow from that. She is a fit healthy girl, well child really, so I have high hopes of her being fine but it hurts my heart to see her so disabled on the bed, the gown is swamping her and I just want to be able to give her a good wash.

I'd better ring my poor son and let him know that I will allow him into the recovery room, it is completely against all policy but I don't care, I never want to see him like this morning ever again – it was such a contrast. From the picture in my mind of them sleeping when both were comforting each other to the absolute terror of seeing him curled up in the foetal position in the chair, I just need Carrick to hold me to take away the pain, today has been a bit too much.

As I leave the theatre, I see Christian walking towards me, he looks like a man walking towards the gallows so I give him the biggest smile I can muster and the light that shines in his eyes and the tentative smile he gives me is all the reward I need. "She's in recovery now darling, let's gown you up so you can go in" and I think he almost goes to give me a hug but settles on kissing me on the cheek. Oh Christian!

I smile my thanks to John Flynn and ask if he will be staying around and he says he has other commitments to see to as he will be going away soon and I can't help but think the timing couldn't be worse and wish him the best for his trip, in case I don't see him before he goes away. He grasps Christian's hand and as he gives a firm shake says "You know to call me at any time if you or Ana need me? I don't care what time it is", claps him on the shoulder and heads off.

To Taylor I say, if he is coming in, he needs to suit up but Christian suggests that perhaps he could be of assistance in relation to Carla and Ray and I couldn't appreciate it more so ask if he can pass on the fact that there had been a complication but that we expect Ana out of recovery by early afternoon so perhaps if they could have lunch first and then head back in. I can only imagine that they are all beside themselves with worry and Taylor nods and heads off as well leaving Christian to suit up.

* * *

Christian's POV

Seriously, I chair meetings with the top executives of companies all over the world, I can break down the most narcissistic self-important politician and yet here I am with my knees trembling as I walk into the Recovery Room.

I can hear all the sounds of the portable equipment helping people breathe and survive. I can hear other patients regaining consciousness and the soft music that is piping through the room supposedly to help the transition back into consciousness. I can hear the nurses monitoring patients, checking breathing, pulses, temperatures, changing bandages and gently cajoling patients to wake up.

Each bed is surrounded by a curtain though so I am relying on mom's hand on my elbow directing me to the last bed and finally I see her lying there. Thankfully she looks peaceful despite all the tubing, the nurse working on her looks up at me and blushes, oh lady, it's just a pretty face, let it go. She catches sight of Grace and quickly smiles and says "Dr, she's doing really well and it looks like she is about to start transitioning, I've been asking her to come back to us and she is starting to respond, I'll leave you with her" and walks off to the next patient.

Mom gives me a small nod and I reach for Ana's hand and am surprised it is quite cold and she seems to shiver and then I completely forget that Mom is there and reach up and place a kiss on her forehead and say quietly into her ear "Come on baby, you can do it, come back to us" as I stroke her hand.

Slowly she starts to moan and her eyes flicker open and then close but her hand tightens onto mine and I lift and press her knuckles against my lips. Her eyelids flicker again and then she blinks like she is trying to clear some blurry vision. Her eyes close again as if her eyelids are too heavy and finally they open again and I am a puddle looking into those blue eyes. "Welcome back baby" I whisper and I am rewarded by a slight pink blush rising on her cheeks but she shivers like she is freezing. "Mom why is she shivering? Does she need extra blankets?" and mom says, "No honey, it's a normal reaction to coming out of the anaesthetic. As the body clears it, the shivering will reduce and she'll be fine" and then to Ana "Welcome back Ana" but those blue eyes are trained on mine and she is clinging tightly to my hand and I don't ever want to let go.

I don't know how long we sit there as Ana fades in and out of consciousness until finally those blue eyes open and stay open and she starts to move the hand I am holding and I attempt to let go but she clasps it back and just drags both hands towards her mouth like she's trying to show that she wants to say something.

"Ana, I understand you are probably feeling thirsty, are you?" at her nod, Mom says "I'll leave you for a moment and get your supervising doctor so that he can remove the tubes, get you a drink and we can move you back to the room as soon as possible" and she walks off with a smile on her face.

Ana looks so tiny and so fragile lying there in the bed but her eyes are bright and questioning and she looks like she'd like to say something. She moves our joined hands up to her forehead and grimaces and I ask "is your head hurting?" and she nods so I do what used to work for me, I get up, saying as I do "This will draw all the pain away" and plant a long kiss on her forehead, and then sit back down with a smirk.

It was worth it to see the light dancing in her eyes, the blush rising on her cheeks and the shaking of her body from repressed laughter, closely followed by the obvious frustration that she couldn't say anything and then a gasp as the broken rib obviously made itself known.

"Oh Ana, I'm sorry, I'd forgotten about the rib" I say, mortified that I have caused her more pain.

She looks at me and reproaches me with her eyes and points back to her head.  
"Again? Well don't laugh" and I give her an even longer kiss "There, that should have removed the whole headache this time" and her eyes shine with delight.

I sit down again and like an arrow to my heart, the memory comes back to me as to who it was that used to kiss me on the forehead to take away the pain. When I was so hungry and thirsty that even my head hurt, the crack-whore would take me in her arms and kiss me, drawing away the pain and I loved being held by her at that time, it was one of the few times I felt truly loved. The room starts going black and I can hear the pimp screaming at me and just as it is becoming too much, I feel a soft clench of my hand and look up to Ana's worried eyes and they pull me back. Oh god, I nearly had a panic attack here, what must she think of me? Surprisingly, she just looks concerned so I rearrange my face, counting to ten to calm my breathing and say "sorry, very bad memory" as I kiss her hand and hope she'll not mention it when she can talk. She blushes on cue and gives my hand another squeeze.


	13. Chapter 13

Kate's POV

God that gorgeous looking man annoys me, there's just something about him that screams total control and I'm sorry but I'm used to being in control, not that I feel like it at the moment.

I brought my study notes and some of Ana's that I found on her desk (and her favourite copy of Tess of the D'Urbervilles) because I thought there might be some waiting around but I had no idea it was going to be like this. I really hope Ana is going to be ok but why won't anyone tell us anything?

"Come on Jose, let's go see if our blood is compatible with Ana's, Grey said that she is going to need more and she has a distinct or different blood type." And I can't help but think it is angel blood type because she has always been the sweetest person I have ever known, she is more a sister to me than just a roommate and I would do anything for her.

I can't stand knowing that it is my fault that she went to do that interview and I shudder to think that I might have been lying in that bed instead of her. I will do whatever it takes to make sure that Ana is ok but she is going to be so upset about missing her finals, there's no way that she is going to be able to take them and I don't know what she is going to do.

If she doesn't graduate, she won't be able to move to Seattle with me – I know, I'll just get dad to keep paying for our unit so that she can stay there, oh this is just terrible, I can't live without Ana in my life, she is more than a sister to me because I love her like a sister and I don't have any rivalry with her, she is just the best friend anyone could ask for, in every way. I can't imagine her alone having to redo the subjects at WSU by herself although Jose will still be there for her.

I wonder how she is going to cope with all the injuries, I know she can look after herself, she has always had to be so self-sufficient that I forget how much she must need help but never asks. I don't know how long they are going to keep her here and what she is going to have to do – oh I wish I knew what was going on. I hope my blood type is compatible because it would be great if I could help her this way, it'd be all sorts of cool to be blood sisters.

We walk together into the blood unit, "Oh god, Jose, look how big that needle is" I squeal but he just looks at me with those lost eyes – he really hasn't said much since I told him that Ana was in hospital because of the accident and was in a critical condition and I know he is blaming me as well.

Just as I think he is going to say something along those lines he shocks me with "What if Ana isn't beautiful anymore?" At my startled glance he continues "Ana's always been so beautiful but what happens if she is all disfigured, she has always been so beautiful, I couldn't be around her without being repulsed every time I look at her."

"Owww, whadya do that for?" I hear Jose say as though through a red fog and I realise that my hand is stinging and Jose is rubbing his face.

"You can just go – I don't want you here or near Ana if that's what you think" I scream at him.

Here I was thinking he was in love with Ana (not reciprocated) and would do anything for her and then he goes and says that.

"Go! I don't want to see you anymore, I will find my own way back to Vancouver, I don't need your ride and Ana sure as hell does not need you around if that is your attitude." I barely take a breath and scream "No, I will not listen, just get the fuck out of here" and Jose turns around and simply walks out.

I can't believe it and bury my head in my hands sobbing at the betrayal I feel when someone puts a hand on my shoulder, rubs gently and says "Are you ok? Can I do anything for you? Here are some tissues, would you like a drink? Anything?" and as the sobs shudder to a stop, I look up into the concerned face of a gorgeous blonde haired stranger.

"Elliot's my name" he says as he extends his hand "I'm sorry, I heard the end of that conversation, were you talking about Ana Steele?" and it must have been the shocked look on my face that makes him add "my brother has been calling everyone he knows to come in and be tested to see if they are a blood match. He sounded like she means the world to him even though I've never heard of her and .." before he has a chance to say anything else I say "Are you Christian Grey's brother?".

"Yep, lucky bastard, isn't he?" he says with a chuckle and I can't help but laugh and be charmed by him. "Kate Kavanagh" I say, holding out my hand.

"But how do you know Miss Steele? And who was that fellow?" He asks and I say that we are roommates and best friends and that Jose _was_ a friend. He says "ok, so what's the story with Christian and Ana then? He wouldn't tell me anything".

I can't believe how comfortable I feel with him and I just shrug and say, "I don't know. I was supposed to come to Seattle yesterday and interview him for the student paper but I was too sick to do it so I asked Ana to fill in for me. She didn't even know he existed and I didn't get a chance to fill her in on any information about him and then she had the accident on the way home. So I don't know what happened between the two of them at all."

Elliot whistles and says "Well, my bro has it bad, I've never seen him interested in a girl and yet today when he called, I could tell, I could just tell" he says with his voice trailing off and shaking his head as if in disbelief. I really need to hear that interview tape to see if I can work out what is going on.

He then continues with "Well, let's get tested and hopefully we'll both be able to help. Apparently Christian was a match but since we're all adopted, it doesn't mean that I will match as well, it'd be nice though because our mom likes her as well." And at my questioning glance he says "she's a doctor and was here when Ana came in and because of Christian, she is still involved in Ana's care".

* * *

Elliot's POV

As I walk into the testing room I go across to fill in the forms and am barely paying attention to the fellow and blonde haired girl sitting there with their backs to me. As I finish writing and turn, I hear the fellow say something quite disturbing and I see the blonde girl react with a scowl and a stinging slap across his face and then screaming at him to leave. Obviously what he said had a huge impact on her and I can't stand that someone as feisty as her is now sitting there sobbing like her heart is going to break.

After calming her down I can see that she is gorgeous, she looks like she needs looking after and since I wouldn't mind spending some time with her I realise that by being there for Christian, I may actually benefit as well.

We have our tests and the nurse says that we'll know within the hour whether we are compatible so I suggest getting a bite to eat while we wait. When Kate says that Christian said that Ana was still in surgery and she couldn't see her until this afternoon, I decide that I will take the rest of the afternoon off, have lunch with Kate and then see if I can come in and see Ana as well. Quite frankly I want to meet the girl… anyone that has captured Christian's heart (whether he knows it or not) is worth meeting.

I can't believe how much I like Kate and we spend the next 2 hours eating and chatting about the fact that she is moving to Seattle after graduation (that saddens her again because she explains that because of the accident she thinks that Ana won't graduate – I won't mention that I am thinking Christian could probably do something about that because I don't know if he can but I decide I'll make sure to tell him). I love the fact that she is moving to the Pike Market District, it isn't far from Christian's place and it will give me an excuse to catch up with him more, I realise that I have let that slide lately as we have both become busier.

Then the call comes through about the blood test and we move outside together to hear above the noise and unfortunately neither of us are compatible. At that news Kate crumples a little "She's like a sister to me, I'd do anything for her". I take her in my arms and turn her to face me and she just leans in and sobs into my chest. Wow, that I didn't expect, but I'll take it, it feels nice comforting her and I say, as I brush the tears off her cheeks, "Let me ring Christian and see if we can go in yet, I'm sure it will be better once you can see her".

Before I have the chance to take my phone out of my pocket, Kate's phone rings and she looks at the caller id and cutely cocks her head and says "Kate Kavanagh speaking" and then breathlessly, "Oh thank you Mr Grey, we'll come straight in" and she hangs up. She grabs hold of my hand and says happily "We can go in" and pulls me towards the lift.

The look on Christian's face when I walk in holding hands with Kate… is priceless!


	14. Chapter 14

Ana's POV

It is 2pm exactly 24 hours after I met Mr Grey for the first time as he lifted me off the floor and I blush just to think about it.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks with amusement obviously having noticed my blush.

"That it's exactly 24 hours since I fell into your life and complicated it all. I'm sorry" I whisper and he rubs his hands through his hair which I am starting to understand is a "tell" for exasperation or when he is trying to figure out what to say or do.

"Please don't be sorry for falling into my life. I am the one that should be apologising, 24 hours ago you were just asking me questions, some very probing questions, I might add." I am sure he said that just to see the blush rise again as he quirked his eyebrow and then continues with "You did nothing wrong, the accident wasn't your fault and I hate that you are lying here so injured just for doing an interview." He sighs and says "I knew there was a reason I hated interviews and never do them." He stops for a second and then concedes quietly "Although, I'm glad I did otherwise I'd never have met you. For the record, I'm glad Miss Kavanagh couldn't do the interview."

He decides to change the topic by saying that Taylor is picking up Ray and Carla and that he has called Kate and everyone should be here soon and that perhaps I should save my voice for them because it doesn't sound like it is going to last. Despite all the pain I am so happy that he is sitting with me and looking out for me and I decide that he's right and I just close my eyes to try and rest until everyone arrives as I know I am going to be overwhelmed. I feel him smooth out the bed clothes and then sit quietly next to me holding my hand, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb across my fingers.

As we hear voices coming down the hall, he smiles at me, squeezes my hand and moves to a standing position at the end of the bed where he reminds me to press the pain relief button and to not be a hero as I need to heal.

The door opens, I don't have a clear view but the shock in his face makes me push past the pain and turn and I can't help but smile.

There is Kate in all her glory holding hands with a gorgeous blonde stranger. The thought crosses my mind that only Kate would be able to pick someone up while waiting in a hospital cafeteria and then I am smothered in a patented Kate Kavanagh hug until she is almost pulled away by Christian who is hissing at her "watch out, she has broken ribs, a punctured lung and dislocated shoulder and that's just the damage in the area you are touching her, BE CAREFUL".

I can't tell if the anger is all aimed at her or some is aimed at the blonde god who has just slapped him on the shoulder and it filters into my brain has just said "Nice to see you bro, so this is Ana?'

"Ana, this big buffoon is my brother Elliot" he says and Elliot comes over and squeezes my hand saying "Pleased to meet you Ana, I've heard a lot about you. I'd give you a hug but I don't want to give my brother a heart attack". And when I look quizzically between him and Kate who is sitting on the edge of the bed stroking my head and whispering, "I'm so sorry Ana", he continues with "I met Kate when we being tested for blood compatibility and then we had lunch" as if that was the most natural thing in the world – only Kate would meet a gorgeous man like that, it makes me smile "Nice to meet you Elliot".

"Kate it's ok, it's not your fault" I say, trying to make her look at me, "it was an accident." I know it wasn't an accident but I am going to trust in Christian to tell me what happened because I don't want a Kate Kavanagh investigation that could cause problems for Christian.

"Sorry about your car" I say, "I know you loved that car" and before I can say any more, Christian pipes up with the fact that the car has been retrieved and is being kept for investigation but that he has organised a replacement new car and it will be delivered to the hospital either today or tomorrow in which case she will be able to drive it back home. Kate is stunned, we are all stunned but Kate narrows her eyes and says "Why? Oh that's rude, sorry, thank you but why?".

I watch in awe as Christian's face becomes harder, somehow more angular and he simply says "Because I can. I decided it was the right thing to do and that way you aren't put out." and it is obvious he does not want to and probably will not speak about it again.

For once, Kate just looks at him and lets it go but does say "Thank you, can I have some time with Ana by myself now?" and he looks at me like he is fighting some sort of internal battle and then he asks an unexpected question "Where is Jose?". Kate looks really upset and says "He's gone" and I wonder what happened. Christian then says, "Ok I'll go outside with Elliot but just remember Ana isn't supposed to be speaking much and should be resting and her parents are yet to come in, they are on their way" and they walk out.

"Oh Ana, I have been so worried" Kate chokes out at me, finally letting out the tears she had been holding back and she leans into my hand and I need to relieve her guilt and say "It's not your fault but more importantly, thank you for calling Christian. It was the best thing you could have done because they were able to track my phone and find me, he has a very good security team and then they saved me. Somehow they or I think it was just Christian, pushed the car away from the tree, something about a huge adrenaline rush, and then Taylor (his security guy) did first aid and they called the ambulance and I'm here. So if you hadn't called Christian, I probably wouldn't have made it." She smiles and then sobs harder, but I hope that will be enough for her to feel better about the situation and I think it does the trick because she decides to try to give me another hug but I have to stop her as it really hurts.

I remember too the whole reason I am lying here is that interview and tell her to grab the notes and recorder from my bag saying "I hope it wasn't broken in the crash and that you can get something from it" and she grabs onto it like a life raft and says cryptically "The font of all knowledge, I shall guard it with my life".

She says "I have something for you" and places my favourite Tess book on the edge of the bed and I couldn't be more grateful.

I can't believe how tired I feel and how sore I am, the pain relief is there but I desperately want to see my mom and Ray and then I think of a way of distracting myself. "Um tell me Kate, how did you meet a gorgeous guy while you were waiting to see me?" and she giggles and then goes quiet and looks sad and I don't understand.

I don't have time to pry though because Ray and mom walk in with my self-appointed guard Christian close behind warning them that "hugs are going to hurt"…it sounds like a new mantra.

Mom rushes in for a kiss and says "Oh darling, it is so good to see you out of ER" then without drawing breath, "This is a nice room, did Christian organise it?" and before I have a chance to answer she continues with "You look awful, better than last night but still awful. I went shopping this morning and bought you a top and a skirt so you aren't lying there in that hideous hospital gown." Gee, thanks Mom I am thinking but I know there's no use in talking as she will just bulldoze me anyway. She keeps going on and on and then Ray says quietly, "My turn" and I am so grateful to finally feel his hand in mine and his kiss on my cheek.

"How are you doing baby girl?" he asks with a catch in his voice "You gave us such a fright this morning" and I squeeze his hand to try and reassure him that I feel better, "I'll be ok Dad, but I'm sore" I whimper quietly, I feel safe enough to say it to him because I know he really cares.

"Oh Annie, please take the pain relief, we've all seen you and spoken to you, please take the pain relief so your body heals. It's not even 24 hours since it all happened is it, I'm amazed you are even talking. You shouldn't be, you should be sleeping. Promise me you will look after yourself and let us look after you for once."

And almost on cue, Dr Grace walks in, smiles at everyone with her eyes lingering questioningly for a second on Kate leaning against Elliot's chest, his arms around her waist and says "Ok, you've all seen Ana, you've all spoken to Ana, I'm sorry that it hasn't been long but now it's time to let the girl rest. We have some tests that need running, some bandages to be changed, some casts to be measured and she needs to sleep so we will see you tomorrow ok? After midday again please and we will let you know if there are any issues."

After a small procession of kisses and hand squeezes everyone files out, the last one to go is Ray who speaks quietly in my ear "I need you to be strong for me, stronger than you've ever needed to be before but this time I will be here for you" and I understand what he means although I don't want my mind to go there. Ray then turns and shakes Christian's hand and I wonder if Christian heard because he looks steadily at him and seems to nod.

Thankfully the only person who doesn't leave the room is Christian and I close my eyes with relief as he comes over to me and straightens the covers, kisses my forehead and holds my hand. I drift off to sleep as I listen to his steady breathing. I hope that the nightmare doesn't return and I don't know if I am dreaming when I hear "sleep beautiful girl, we'll keep you safe".


	15. Chapter 15

Christian's POV

The last 24 hours have been quite frankly some of the most confusing hours of my life and I need to try and recap everything that has happened to try and make sense of it but for once I feel almost too exhausted to think.

Sitting there stroking Ana's small hand, while I wait for mom to finish consulting with the other doctors, I step through it all in my mind as if I am reliving everything again:

- Miss Steele fell through my door and when I lifted her up, I felt a jolt of something that confused me, I have never felt anything like that before, I didn't want to let her go.

- She left the office, saying my name as she disappeared into the elevator in such a way that it wrapped its way around my brain for hours, every time I tried to concentrate I heard it like a siren's call.

- I decided I needed to know everything about her because she would be the perfect sub, submissive with a touch of fire and my perfect type, slim, petite, long brown hair and gorgeous but then I sat there for hours arguing with myself - she is not part of the scene but I want her to be a part of my life, could she learn? I've never known anything but subs, could I learn something else? Now, sitting here in the hospital I look at her, so broken and vulnerable but so sweet, do I still want her to be a sub? Could I ever cause her any pain given what I see her dealing with here? Why would I ever do that when the poor girl is feeling more pain than I have ever had to endure in my life and it is going to continue for weeks, months and possibly even years. But I don't know how to do hearts and flowers. Can I learn? She makes me want to learn.

- Miss Kavanagh called to say Ana never made it home and I cared, a lot.

- We tracked her car down to the middle of nowhere and found the car wrapped around a tree. The surge of fear that ran through me was enough to enable me to shift the car. I have no idea how I managed that at all. My heart actually twisted when I saw her lying pale in the car and then she said my name when I held her hand while she was still trapped and unconscious in the car. On some level she must have felt something. When they were working on her, unless she was holding my hand, she moaned in pain. It must have meant something to her for me to be there for her. Can I always be there for her?

- She managed to tell us that someone hit her and we looked and found Cecilia Morton's car nearby.

- At about the same time, Cecilia was caught in the Escala carpark accosting Gail (god, I've forgotten to ask Taylor how Gail is today)

- Ana was taken by helicopter to hospital and they nearly lost her on the table because of the extent of her injuries. Despite all the pain, she managed to see her parents and speak to them and to tell us that she had seen Cecilia at GEH when she left the interview.

- When I tried to leave because I thought she hated me, her blood pressure spiked and it only calmed when I held her hand. She obviously felt something for me. Or was that just coincidence?

- I held her hand and it felt right.

- This morning I called her "sweetheart" and it felt right.

- She seemed to have the same nightmare as I did. We appear to be tied on some deep spiritual level – I have never dreamed of being stabbed before despite all the awful nightmares I have.

- She said "I think I'll be ok … as long as you are here" even though she didn't mean to say it out loud. It made my cold hard heart start to thaw.

- She giggled and everything went right in the world, it was the most glorious sound I have ever heard and I am going to need to hear that sound every day for my life to be complete.

- Her left hand was in my hair, her right hand was in mine, we were both sleeping and neither of us were having nightmares. I was safe and it felt right.

- I met Miss Kavanagh and that Jose fellow. I'm glad that Jose is out of the picture, I was jealous that he said he was Ana's friend and I didn't know how close a friend. Thankfully he mustn't be close if he was unwilling to stand by her no matter what she looked like, Elliot was so unimpressed with what he said and even more so once Kate had filled him in apparently that Ana is the sweetest person she has ever known.

- We nearly lost Ana to a pulmonary embolism and I was thrown back to when Ruby died, that was a memory that I had buried for years and no-one here knew about, not even John Flynn. I hate to say it, Ruby and Ana seem very similar and it shattered me when I lost Ruby before really getting to know her. Today I felt the same about Ana, yet I don't know Ana at all. I have never been as shattered as I felt this morning when I thought Ana might die.

- I kissed her and it felt right.

- I called her "baby" and it felt right.

- I kissed her on the forehead to remove the pain and it drew out another loving memory that I had completely forgotten, throwing me back to the crack whore but then Ana brought me back from the brink of a panic attack by a simple squeeze of her hand. She can pull me out of a dark space, she is a miracle.

- Discovering that Cecelia's father, Stephen Morton had been Ana's step father for a while has taken the situation from confusing to just plain ridiculously complicated.

- Knowing that there are police and hospital reports where something obviously happened to Ana and then to overhear Ray's last comment "I need you to be strong for me, stronger than you've ever needed to be before but this time I will be here for you". Something has happened before which she had to deal with by herself, I don't ever want her to deal with things by herself again.

- Somehow Elliot has become attached to Miss Kavanagh and according to the discussion I had with him for those few minutes that Ana was speaking to Miss Kavanagh it happened when Miss Kavanagh sent that Jose fellow packing for suggesting that he would find a disfigured Ana repulsive. I like Miss Kavanagh's style if that is the case, it is obvious that she adores and will protect Ana. It is solely because of her phone call to me that Ana is alive at all. I will do well to get on her good side and hopefully the new car to replace her old one will do just that in a small way at least. I have no doubt she will be coming at me with all guns blazing to figure out why I am doing all this.

- There's the rub, I don't know why I am doing this. Surely I can't be in love with Ana…. Elena says love is for fools. I have known Ana for little more than 24 hours but I am drawn to her. I crave her contact. I seem to need her. She seems to need me. This is all very confusing, maybe I should speak to Elena, she knows me better than anyone else and has always understood why I do things and how I think.

As the doctors walk back into the room, mom asks how I'm doing and whether I was able to catch up with all my emails and I just gape and shrug, Ana has officially turned my life on its head because I haven't thought about work all day and I don't think that has ever happened. I switched my phone off after calling Miss Kavanagh and re-entering Ana's room and I hadn't thought to turn it back on.

While the doctors start working on Ana, mom pulls me to the side and says with an annoyed look "Do you want to explain what is going on? I thought you only met Ana yesterday, how is that Elliot appears to be involved with her best friend? Have you two been keeping things from me?" and I laugh.

"Mom, I don't need to tell you how quickly Elliot works, I swear to you, I had never seen Ana before yesterday, Elliot had never seen Kate until about 3 hours ago and I'm as amazed as you that he has managed to find someone when he was attempting to do good – I called him to come in to test for his blood type and that's where he met Kate. We aren't keeping anything from you. In fact, I don't know what's going on here, any more than you" I say resignedly, hoping that she might be able to shed some light without me having to ask. She just smiles softly, pats my hand and suggests that I go home and get a rest "It's been a long day". I suggest that she do the same given that she wasn't even supposed to be on this side of the hospital and Ana isn't really any of her concern to which she arches an eyebrow and replies "Anything that concerns my boy is my concern", and continues back towards the bed to assist the other doctors.

I sit watching for a few minutes until they finish up and mom and I are left alone in the room. "Go home son, she is going to sleep well tonight, we have increased the pain relief and her body just needs to rest now. Tomorrow they'll be putting the casts on and she is going to feel really uncomfortable, so if you can come in then, I'm sure she'll appreciate it."

I nod and go to give Ana a kiss on the forehead and turn to see mom looking at me with tears in her eyes and without thinking about it, I quickly give her a half hug and hide my face against her neck and say quietly "Thanks mom for saving me again", I need her to understand what she did for me today. I wish I could give her a proper hug like Elliot does but her gasp and her inability to speak tells me that she is happy to accept at least this, the most I can offer her right now.

Taylor's waiting at the door and says "Ryan here will take over for tonight, I assume you want to maintain security?" and at my nod, Ryan assumes the position at the door and Taylor and I walk my mom to her office and then make our way down to the car.

On the way, I ask him how Gail is doing after what happened yesterday and remarkably, he says she was concerned for Cecilia and I am reminded once again, that my close personal staff members are remarkable people.

I suggest that they take a couple of days off together but apparently Taylor has other plans, "Thank you Sir but until this Cecilia mess is figured out, I am not going anywhere and I am sure Gail is happy to wait, she feels safe at Escala despite what happened."

I shrug my shoulders and say "Fine, the offer still stands because I'm sure you know that there will be a greater load on Gail soon as I fully intend for Miss Steele to come and recuperate at Escala if possible. Who knows how long she'll be kept in hospital and rehabilitation so hopefully after this mess is sorted, you'll have a chance to get away before she is released. I am also going to need your help in getting her back to WSU for her graduation" I don't need to explain to Taylor that this whole sorry mess is all because of me and every time I stuff up, he and Gail seem to bear the brunt of it.

Taylor's response is to say "Have you read your emails lately Sir?" and actually looks surprised when I say, "No, I've had my phone off all afternoon", I don't know who is more shocked to be honest and so I pull out my phone and start working my way through the hundreds of emails, most are mundane and can be forwarded to others to deal with and then I see a series from Welch and my gut clenches, do I really want to know what he has found?


	16. Chapter 16

Christian's POV

It's late, I have been sitting staring at the reports from Welch for the last 2 hours, a glass has been shattered against the wall out of frustration already and if Mrs Jones hadn't removed the other projectiles from my desk, there would have been a bigger mess to clean up.

Taylor poked his head into the room and asked if I needed Welch to come in so we could discuss it as a group but at this point I think I just need to absorb, this isn't new news that will have any impact other than ensure that Cecilia is kept at the facility under greater security.

There is now 24 hour security outside her door and several more outside the window with an additional someone to follow her if and when she makes any movements within the facility. Her access to outside communication is strictly controlled and being monitored, nothing is going to go out without being scanned or intercepted in some way and recorded.

_Gee, I manage to attract phenomenally screwed up people – I hope Ana doesn't fall into that category, although, with what she has gone through, it wouldn't be her fault if she was. How has she managed to retain her gorgeous nature – will she if she is involved with me? Would she be better off if I leave her alone? I don't want to leave her alone, that has happened too much in her life already._

How can I pull all of these strings together to try and work out what was going through Cecilia's head and I am wondering whether I should be bringing the police in now, I know they are asking questions about the cars from the accident as Ana was so severely injured and she was left at the accident scene without the accident being reported by the other, obviously uninjured and able driver. We haven't told them that we have Cecilia in the psychiatric facility so at this point, they don't know where she is at all. In addition to not wanting the police prying into my life, I really don't want them bothering Ana either so I think we'll investigate further and provide them with what I want them to know.

I desperately need to speak to Ana about her past but she is not in a position with her health to be able to do that. She did absolve me of explaining anything until after her graduation but in light of the papers in front of me, I need to somehow understand how these two girls are interlinked and how somewhere in all this mess, I have been the catalyst for all the damage. I believe Ana when she says she didn't know the girl in the car. I just have a feeling that I am missing something, like there is something on the edge of my consciousness that keeps slipping out of my grasp that may help explain it all.

"Mr Grey, I have some macaroni and cheese warming in the oven, I am turning in for the night and since you didn't eat any dinner, I thought you might like some now" says Mrs Jones and I realise that I forgot to eat – I don't forget to eat. To make the point my stomach growls and I thank her and ask her to serve it up, I might as well eat, since the thinking isn't getting me anywhere.

The food or perhaps the break works because when I sit back down again I think back to my thoughts this afternoon at the hospital when I worked through everything that had happened and realised that I really don't know that much about Ana. She hasn't really been able to speak to me since the accident, in the interview she steadfastly stuck to Miss Kavanagh's questions, hmm, all of them! I don't know anything about her other than the very brief security report and what I managed to glean from Elliot this afternoon.

Annoyingly, from his 2 hour lunch with Miss Kavanagh he knows a lot more about Ana than I do and according to him, she is practically a saint – studious, self-sufficient because she's needed to be, quiet, modest and completely unaware of her effect on others, she doesn't seek attention and doesn't like to impose and there was no indication of any relationships. The only other friend she seemed to have was that Jose but he showed his true colours and thankfully Miss Kavanagh sent him packing.

So that brings me back to the information in front of me, is she self-sufficient and not attention seeking because of her mother's behaviour? Does she not have relationships because those that she has observed have all brought her instability and pain? Does she not want relationships? Or has she been hurt really badly in the past and is therefore effectively a shell of what she could be because of mistreatment by those that should have protected her? Does she not trust anyone? Too many questions and how can I bring anything up from her past while she is so unwell.

I work through the documents again trying to piece together an understanding of her life.

It seems that Ray stepped into the breach when Ana's father died and provided stability and support to an almost destitute Carla after the death of her husband and stayed a positive influence in Ana's life throughout, when he was able to do so. It is interesting to note that he is an ex-military man and that explains his demeanour. The first part of Ana's life seems stable enough until 2005, it's the next bit that seems to have been the most turbulent and I am sure is the reason I am sitting here now.

Carla moved out of Ray's house in early September 2005 taking Ana with her to live in Texas with Stephen Morton. Ana turned 16 shortly after. From a police report: Carla apparently drank too much after Ana's birthday party because she was so upset that Ana's actual father had died the day after Ana was born and was missing Ana's sweet 16th birthday. She stupidly drove drunk and crashed the car. The result was that Ana ended up in hospital with concussion and a broken nose but no other apparent or major injuries while Carla and Stephen were both fine. Carla's lack of protection of what should have been her most precious possession is appalling and it gets worse. From the visitor records and file notes at the hospital at the time, Carla barely visited her in the hospital and was annoyed with Ana because she, as in Carla, had ended up in trouble with a DUI conviction – it appears that in her mind, it was Ana's birthday party, so it was her fault!.

In all the intelligence at this point from Carla and Ana's point of investigation, there is no mention of Cecilia, it is as if they didn't even know she existed. She certainly wasn't included in any communications that have been able to be retrieved from that time, Welch is very good so I truly believe that Carla and Ana quite possibly didn't know that she existed. Perhaps Stephen didn't want to mention the fact that he had a daughter to someone he was just starting a relationship with or was it something more?

From Cecilia's background information, she was 18 and away at the University of Texas Brownsville where the records show that she had already been in trouble for possession of marijuana and possible drunken assault on another female student. These were both covered up and apparently the link found by Welch was back to Stephen Morton. It does not appear that in any communications that he told his daughter of his new relationship with Carla until October 2005. Again he may not have wanted to let his daughter know that he had started a new relationship with a woman with a daughter practically her age or was it something more than that?

At that time, October 2005, when he did tell her, there appears to have been a series of vitriolic emails between Cecilia and Stephen where she accused him of replacing her with, and this is where it gets confronting, it appears, both Carla and Ana. The implication running rife through the emails is that he didn't treat her just as a daughter and it had the bile rising in my throat as I remembered her saying to me "oh Daddy am I pleasing you", in one of our playroom sessions towards the end of the contract. My stomach flips to now realise why and it takes all of my control not to empty its contents into the wastepaper basket.

From the night of Halloween 2005 there is a police and hospital report where an apparent "trick or treater" had come to the door and when Ana answered it, the person dressed in a grim reaper costume had actually slashed at her with a knife. It wasn't a costume knife and Ana was stabbed in the neck and in her side and the assailant ran off into the night and was never apprehended. From the police report, Ana recognised that the assailant was a female because she saw the long hair and heard her say "Bitch you're taking it all away from me" This had left her confused because she said she couldn't recognise the person so didn't know why the comment was said.

It hits me with a flash then that her nightmare about stabbing in the hospital must be a flashback to this attack. Maybe something in her brain recognises the eyes that wouldn't have been covered by the mask and she saw Cecelia's face, both outside GEH and when she laughed at her when Ana was trapped in the wreck. Ana was in hospital for quite a while recovering from the stab wounds and still at this point there is no indication that either Carla or Ana knew about the existence of Stephen's daughter Cecilia which is rather odd.

By the 24th November 2005 and Thanksgiving dinner it appears that Carla and Ana knew that Stephen had a 20 year old daughter who was not attending dinner because Stephen said that he had disowned her. This came out in the police report filed for that night where once again Ana had ended up in hospital, it says that Ana said, "There were only 3 people in the house, Stephen, Carla and I and while Stephen has a daughter which we have never seen, he says he has disowned her so she wasn't there".

Ana was in hospital because she had been assaulted by Stephen in a drunken rage. Apparently he had attempted to molest her but she had managed to get away from him so the sexual attack didn't happen but a little while later he had broken into her room with a cane and pinned her against the bed. He had caned her across the back and legs so badly that the skin was a criss-cross of bloody stripes where the cane had broken the skin. It was a ferocious attack, the photos of which made my stomach turn every time I looked at them.  
On seeing the photos earlier today, I had gone to my playroom, taken all the canes and heavy equipment and asked Taylor to dispose of them – he'd seen the photos, he knew why.

Worse is written in the police report from the time where it appears that Carla had spoken to the disowned daughter (Cecilia) the night after and become quite friendly Carla was convinced by her that it must have been some random person that had broken into the room and attacked Ana because her dad (Stephen) was sweetness personified and it couldn't have been him. I wonder why Carla didn't think about the fact that Stephen had disowned Cecilia previously…. At this point, Cecilia moved back into the house while Ana was in hospital and all reports are that she and Carla became friends and went shopping etc. Both of them visited Stephen and bailed him out and Carla again rarely visited Ana in hospital.

Interestingly though, all the pictures of Cecilia at the time show her with blonde hair and I wonder if she dyed her hair brown when she subbed for me…. Did she already have brown hair or did she change the colour on Elena's instruction?

As soon as Ana was released from hospital she was on the plane and back to Ray, she did not go to Carla's house so would not have seen Cecilia to know what she looked like. Ray took her directly from the hospital to the plane and home. Now I understand why Ray said what he did to her as he left today and why the pained expression fleeted across her face at those words.

I am absolutely appalled that Carla appears to have been completely oblivious that all these things were happening around her, that somehow they included her boyfriend and his daughter and that her daughter was being injured time after time and yet she stuck with him. Ultimately marrying him in August 2006 and it was only when he assaulted her so badly that _she_ ended up in hospital with a broken arm and facial injuries that she divorced him in January 2007.

I'm afraid I don't have a very high opinion of Carla while my opinion of Ray has skyrocketed. He wasn't Ana's "real" dad but in every sense of the word, he looks like he has surpassed that duty. I am amazed at Ana's loving nature if she has completely forgiven her mother for the lack of care or I wonder, did she not know about her mother's complicity. I am at a loss as to how I can ask her about that time and Carla's involvement without causing some sort of damage to their current relationship. The poor girl has so few people in her life that I don't want to be the cause of her distancing herself from her mother. Hmm, I wonder if I hadn't paid for the flight, would Carla have come to see Ana in hospital? I shake my head, that is not relevant at this point so I let it go.

However the question still remains, this was nearly 5 ½ years ago and while from the photos I can see of the younger Ana, she hasn't changed much at all, was it just chance that Cecilia saw her out the front of GEH? I am going to have to speak to John Flynn and see if he can shed some light on why Cecilia followed and ran Ana off the road.

The other information about Cecilia is even more disturbing, it seems that she has been living with her father since the debacle with me and now that I know the earlier information, I wonder if she was being abused again despite being 25. She has been in trouble with the law for DUI and marijuana possession more times than is possible since our contract terminated and I wonder if that had any part to play in her actions. I try and rationalise it that the only reason she became involved with me was because she was trying to help her father but I have to wonder, did I mess her up even more?.

And then another thought hits me. Elena provided her, what is the relationship between them now? I'm straight on the phone, "Welch, dig, you need to dig. What is the relationship between Elena Lincoln and Cecilia Morton? Is it still ongoing? If not, when did it terminate and why? Go back and try and figure out when it started too." I pause and am about to hang up and a thought occurs to me "Oh God, see if there is any sort of relationship between Elena Lincoln and Stephen Morton."

Maybe I should just call Elena and arrange to have our usual dinner, that way I can see what she says about Cecilia and chat to her about these feelings I am having for Ana as well. As I have that thought, the bile rises unbidden into my throat. While I want to know about Cecilia, I suddenly don't know if I want Elena knowing about Ana.

I am sure she will tell me that what I am feeling is bad and I am not sure that it is. In between the disasters in the last day and a half, I have felt more at peace than I have before in my life. Not only that, today I really felt Grace's love and was able to accept it. I don't think Elena would approve and as I try and sort out these new thoughts, that feeling of just missing something important intensifies.

I am broken from my thoughts by Taylor saying "We have a situation at the hospital" and my heart clenches, no more situations please and as my head snaps up he says "Mrs Lincoln is attempting to gain access to Miss Steele's room, Ryan has stopped her but she is being very insistent"

Oh Good Lord! What is Elena doing at the hospital in the middle of the night trying to get in to see Ana?

"What on earth she is doing there, just make sure she doesn't go in, get Ryan to call hospital security, no-one should be in any room other than patients and medical staff let alone in Ana's room" and Taylor walks out issuing instructions as he goes. "If you need to go out there to convince her, go" I call out after him.

She must have heard about Ana from mom but why would she want to go in, it's the middle of the night?

The thought that has been eluding me makes an appearance in a feeling I can't shake, the lynch pin, that's it, somehow Elena Lincoln is involved and I need to get to the bottom of it before I can rest.

I was going to speak to her about Ana because I am very confused about my feelings and I was sure she could provide some clarity but as of a few minutes ago for some reason I had started to feel uneasy about her, now I have a downright suspicion about her relationship with Cecilia and Stephen Morton.

For the first time, it seems that the purity that Ana exudes highlights Elena's true nature which is as appealing as a bad smell….


	17. Chapter 17

_**Author's Note:** _

_I'd like to thank everyone that has read my story and a huge thank you to everyone that has posted reviews, to say I am completely overwhelmed is an understatement.  
__I try to thank/respond to all reviews and answer any questions so if you want to ask a question or make a statement, please do so with an account so that I can respond.  
I'm sorry to the guest who doesn't appreciate that I used the name "Cecilia", I had to pick a name and whatever I chose was going to upset someone, at least you are only a villain in this story, imagine if you were called Elena _:)_  
I would also like to publicly thank BannersAndMash for the assistance, support and encouragement, I hope you all have a read and then review her stories.  
_

* * *

******Gr**ace's POV

Gosh, I really do wish I could just go to bed but this dinner with the fundraising committee for the Seattle Grace Emergency Upgrade Ball, apparently they are calling it the SUB ball, was organised weeks ago. As I grab a quick drink with Carrick I fill him in on what happened today.

"Oh Cary, you should have seen it, I wish I'd thought to take a picture, they were comforting each other and it was just beautiful, I have never seen Christian look so rested when he is asleep but his peace was all cruelly ripped away a little while later when he found out that we had just had to rush her into ER because of the pulmonary embolism while he was out of the room. Cary, he was curled up in the fetal position and saying "Ruby, Ruby, Ruby". Do you recall a Ruby ever coming up in conversation? We'd remember if there was ever a girl he was interested in, so it must be some other secret he has kept. It is a dark one and even John Flynn looked like he didn't know who Christian was talking about. It frightened me so much, he looked just like when he was brought into the hospital all those years ago and he really only relaxed again once Ana woke in recovery. Again, it was like a miracle to behold, he came back to life but more than back to life, he seemed to vibrate with a new energy."

The doorbell rings at this point and we have to join the committee for dinner so walk through to the dining room holding hands, I need to touch Carrick right now because my life seems to be a little out of control, I don't know what is really going on with either son and my daughter is on the other side of the world. Carrick is my rock, stabilising me, protecting me and holding me safe.

The committee consists of some lovely young ladies who are new to the charity and Elena Lincoln, a friend that has spent a lot of time with our family over the years and to whom I often confided the trouble we were having with Christian when he was younger. How he was so unlike any other teenager and all the trauma of his early life, she was such a good listener at the time and I am sure she'll be pleased to know that he has some happiness in his life at the moment.

And as we have our coffees at the end of the night when the young ladies have gone, I repeat what I told Carrick earlier and continue with "It truly lightened my heart like you wouldn't believe. Christian says they met for the first time yesterday but I would bet London to a brick that he has fallen in love, completely and utterly in love. It makes me tingle to see how he interacts with her, he is kissing her, he is touching her, he just seems completely besotted and I think he is confused by it all – he's falling and fast. I hope he doesn't run away from it all and accepts it, I think she is also feeling the same thing. Oh and she is gorgeous despite the injuries, a tiny girl, long mahogany brown hair and her eyes are amazing, truly the most beautiful shade of blue which deepen every time she looks at him."

Elena chokes on her coffee and says something about it going down the wrong way but I pass a quick look towards Carrick as I am sure I saw more than a flicker of annoyance on her face as I was talking about Ana. Unfortunately she has had so much plastic surgery over the years that I can't see any true emotion anywhere except in her eyes and they seemed to glow with anger. Hmm, how strange!

Elena left soon after, leaving her coffee unfinished and I was quite thankful, I really needed to get to bed and I felt somewhat cold at her reaction. I would have thought she'd be pleased for Christian.

I didn't say anything to Cary, thinking I must be starting to see things given how tired I am but I remember to tell him one more thing. "Here's the thing though and what has had me shaking my head Cary, Elliot went in today to test if his blood was compatible, Christian rang him and Elliot has befriended Ana's housemate and best friend. I hope Elliot doesn't follow his normal routine and damage Christian's chance at happiness by messing around with her housemate – they had their hands all over each other and left together."

Carrick just smiles and says "I think I'll need to come in tomorrow with you and meet this miracle girl", massages my shoulders and pulls me into his body and I am asleep before my head hits the pillow.

* * *

**Ryan's POV**

Well, this has to be the easiest job I've done for the Boss, why on earth I am even here outside this girl's room I don't know but I'll take it. I have spoken to the hospital security guys and they are just around the corner and have promised to bring me coffee every time they make the rounds. They seem reasonable and can't understand why I am here either but they don't know the Boss and his need to make sure that everyone he considers important are protected.

How much trouble could happen tonight? Especially since T told me that the security breach has been plugged.

Woah, glad I didn't move away from my post because, oh no, here comes shit on wheels, evil personified….

* * *

**Elena's POV**

Who the hell is this little bitch that is getting her claws into my Christian? There is no way that is going to happen. There is no way that I am losing him. He. Is. MINE!

I don't care that I've had a couple of glasses of wine since making it home, I am going to that hospital now and making sure that the little bitch knows to keep away from Christian. I take off with a squeal of my tires and a slight fishtail, I don't care if I wake up the neighbourhood, I am going to take back what is mine.

"Get out of my way, I need to speak with her" I say to Christian's security guy at the door. Shit, he has security for her, he only does that for people he feels he needs to protect, he's never given me protection…bitch! What does he see in her? From what I can see through the window in the door, she looks just like every other sub I have organised except in that bed, she looks like a scrawny wreck.

The security guy doesn't move and stands his ground so I attempt to get around him and he simply informs me that he is contacting Taylor and I am not to enter the room or he will physically restrain me. I stand there looking at him as he does so, trying to figure out how to get in the room. It's worth the effort, he is a young man and with his looks, hmm I could really enjoy him – well built, muscles on muscles so I attempt my feminine moves on him and he moves back with a look of revulsion. Oh boy, you will feel the wrath now, how dare you reject me. I pull out my domme moves and he simply looks at me and smirks, speaks into his sleeve "Will do" and calls someone else.

As I reach towards the door screaming at the little bitch, he literally blocks me with one movement and I find myself twirled and facing two uniformed hospital security officers who promptly manhandle me out of the hospital.

As I head home I decide that I need to go right now to Christian, he needs me and I need to make him understand that love is for fools. He needs to understand that he needs to stay true to us. He is mine to control how I want, he is a puppet, a magnificent puppet and I am the puppet master.

Damn, why have the security codes been changed? "Taylor, Taylor let me up, I need to see Christian."


	18. Chapter 18 - 11 May 2011

**Author's Note:** _It is no secret that I adore various stories on FF and will promote them as much as I can – The Master's Muse and Paging Dr Steele are in my opinion, two of the very best and I suggest you read them if you haven't previously. I would like to acknowledge in this note that Paging Dr Steele explained to me how Elena's pedophilia manifested with Christian Grey and how he didn't/couldn't see the effect she had on him. It really made sense to me and I have used that as the inspiration/basis of what happens in this chapter – so all credit to BronzeGoddess and her brilliant story, Paging Dr Steele._

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

Ah shit, the she-devil is trying to get access. I am so tempted to tell her to piss off and leave the Boss alone. I swear, I don't know what hold she has over him but it is evil and I don't like the fact that she was trying to get into Miss Steele's room. Ugh, she looks drunk, just what I need. Who the fuck does she think she is to turn up at this time of night.

I walk to the study "Sir, the situation has moved to the bottom of the Escala escalator. Mrs Lincoln appears to be drunk and is asking for access, do you want me to let her in or tell her to go home?"

I expect him to say "Send her up" and instead a look of anger crosses his face and _he_ says "Who the fuck does she think she is to turn up at this time of night? Call her a cab so that she doesn't hit anyone with her car and send her home. I don't want to see her" and I swear, I'm sure that under his breath he said "I don't want to see her again, I need to understand what the fuck is going on".

Internally I'm turning into a cheerleader squealing "Hallelujah, let me help please, please!" I would be so happy to see the end of that bitch as would Gail, she can't stand her either and I trust her read on people, she is generally right.

Oh I am going to enjoy this little confrontation and I smile to myself as the escalator descends. "I'm sorry Mrs Lincoln, but I cannot allow you up. May I have your keys please?" She is rather surprised and it shows me how drunk she is because before she has a chance to think she hands me the keys and then as her brain catches up, she lunges at me to try and get them back and almost topples over. As I steady her I say "I have organised for a cab to ensure you return safely to your residence, your car will be returned safely for both you and the public" and escort her out as she protests that she needs to see Christian NOW and I respond that it is not possible and just deposit her in the cab and give the driver her address.

I'll deal with her car later when the next security comes on shift, we'll tag team and drop the car off and continue onto our next location.

Now I need some sleep.

Morning comes and I am up at the normal time for our morning run and the Boss tells me we are running to Dr Flynn's offices. Excellent, hopefully the Doctor will be able to get into his head to shake him out of the shitty mood he's in this morning and I need some information and hopefully patient confidentiality be damned, he can tell the Boss about what is going on with Cecilia. The Boss is tearing himself apart about her and I need to know what the fuck I am up against, whether security is still at risk or the fact that she is contained means the issues are at rest.

* * *

**John Flynn's POV**

Goodness, could he look any worse? "Christian, have you had any sleep?" I say as I wave him to the sofa.

He drags his hands through his hair and ignoring what I asked, he carefully chooses his next words like they are taking more effort than normal to express and when he speaks, it is at a volume barely above a whisper. "Tell me why you call Elena a pedophile?" and my mouth opens and shuts like a goldfish, never had I expected him to ask that question. Normally he defends her and can't countenance that word in the same sentence as her name.

So I start gently "Did Elena make you feel special? Like what you did with her could never be spoken about because it wouldn't be special? You have said she says "love is for fools", did she label any other feelings you may have had as superfluous and wasted? Did that stop you from wanting to have feelings so that you internalised anything like that as wasted? Did she make you believe that the world began and ended with her? Has she controlled every human interaction other than your work and family ones?" For every question there had been a resigned nod but at the last one his head snapped back and he looked at me. His eyes widening and then I see it, the realisation dawning in his eyes and his hands go into his hair and he audibly groans as he gets up and punches his hand into the filing cabinet. "I have been such a fucking idiot haven't I? She is still controlling me, she's still fucking with my head and I'm a fucking grown man. How have I been so fucking stupid? How have I not seen it?"

"Because Christian, it started when you were 15, it became your normal and it overrode the obvious love of your family. They respected your boundaries but while your earlier boundaries had been yours based on abuse, your later boundaries were born out of abuse as well but you didn't see it. Your family thought it was the same abuse so they didn't see it and the only person who knew it wasn't the same thing had manipulated the first abuse into the second and intensified it."

He shudders and for the second time in 2 days I see him starting to retreat into himself and I don't have Ana or Grace here to pull him out so I have to stop it before he disappears too far.

I ask a question "Has something happened that I have missed?" and he shifts in his seat and looks like he is using all his internal power to answer my question. He sits with his head in his hands and says "I have some background information as to what happened to Ana when her mother was with Stephen Morton back in 2005. It concerns Cecilia and what might have happened before they came onto the scene. I have every belief that Stephen Morton was molesting Cecilia and may still be doing so."

He continues "I sat there thinking how could a father do that, how could you do that to a child and how could she still be there with him and why did she attempt to use me for his benefit and she didn't have any friends and then why did she go back to him until recently and I came to the conclusion that he must be controlling her."

He looks tortured but continues "As I sat there trying to figure out why someone would do that, I ….I…." and his voice breaks but he summons some strength from somewhere and continues "I realised that that's what Elena has done with me, she hasn't done things for me, she has been using me. All the subs have been provided by her, she controlled all that, made sure we met once a week so she could keep feeding shit into my brain. It's all been about control and me not thinking. I wouldn't let someone do that in business, I never let anyone into that brain space, I control that, no-one gets close and that works in that situation but it doesn't work in life. My personal life is an empty shell."

Again he pauses for a breath and takes it in shakily and he looks at me, his grey eyes darting up to my face and back down to his fingers clenched in his lap " I saw something the last 2 days that has shaken every belief I have to the core. Elena led me to believe that the only way I could exist was to be in total control, I had to be the master of everything. I must not show any feelings, to do so was weak. To control I have to dominate and yet in the last 2 days I saw something else, you can control others by giving and accepting love. How have I never seen that before? How is that it took a girl I don't even know to exude love and suddenly everyone is wanting to do everything possible to fix the situation – even me.

It's not control, I don't know what the hell it is but Ana makes me feel peaceful – John, I have never felt peaceful. I. Have. Never. Felt. Peaceful. Not before with the crack whore and the pimp where I was always hungry, dirty and trying not to get hurt. Not with Grace and Carrick where I expected them to discover that I was rotten to the core initially because of the pimp and then because Elena said if they found out about our lifestyle, they would disown me. And since then, the whole lifestyle has been like a millstone around my neck, if anyone found out, I'd be ruined, everything I have worked so hard for would be ruined. Yet when Ana holds my hand and takes comfort by my presence, it's as if nothing and I mean nothing matters – her soul is speaking to mine and mine isn't dark anymore. For the first time in my life I feel peaceful."

He visibly shudders and reaches for the water bottle and takes a long drink and then says "You know when I realised that? When Elena tried to break into Ana's room last night.'  
And my head snaps up at that bit of news. Elena obviously found out and thought Ana was a threat and how right she was I think gleefully, Ana is the breakthrough I have been waiting for, for years.

He continues with "I sat there last night thinking, why the hell would she have gone there, why was she drunk and disorderly when she came to Escala to see me. I didn't let her in by the way. And then it hit me, she hadn't controlled the situation, she didn't like that and it spiralled from there and I realised she has been controlling me since I was 15 – basically leading me around by my dick."

"Congratulations Christian" I say feeling quite emotional and realising how much of a toll this must be taking "I think you have made the biggest breakthrough. Did you get any sleep at all last night?" at his shake of the head I am not surprised.

Before I have a chance to say any more he starts firing off questions like they are burning holes in his brain and he really needs to get them all out.

"Has Cecilia said anything about why she ran Ana off the road? Has she said anything about why she has been hanging around GEH?" Why has she been spying on me for the last 2 weeks? It had nothing to do with Ana the fact that she was hanging around GEH. Why does she hate Ana? Can you ask Cecilia if she had anything to do with Elena? I have a feeling that she was a sub for her.  
It also appears that she was abused by her own father. Is there a link between Stephen and Elena?

Did Elena have some sort of relationship with Stephen? Did they have her together ? Oh My God they must have had her together, I am going to be sick. How old was she?" And he empties the contents of his stomach into the wastepaper bin and continues until he is just dry retching. "Oh god, and she subbed for me. No wonder she is so screwed up."

I have to stop him sliding into self-loathing because at this point, if any of his suppositions are correct, he has been an innocent bystander that has ended up in the car wreck that was well on its way to happening before he was embroiled. So I tell him that I don't have any answers at the moment but he has given me so many leads to work on that soon we'll be able to start investigating all this with Cecilia. At this point, Cecilia has been under sedation since being admitted and has refused to talk to anyone. She is still quite psychotic and it is hoped that she will be willing and able to start speaking today or tomorrow, hopefully before I go away because I really want to be able to ask these questions.

Christian informs me that he has Welch doing some investigations along the lines of determining the relationships between Stephen, Cecilia and Elena. Hopefully between us all we can figure out what the trigger was for Cecilia hanging around GEH and how to proceed so that she is no longer a threat to herself or anyone else. Keeping the police out of it for now would be very preferable.

Christian is looking a lot less green as he leaves but he looks like he could collapse with the weight of everything he has just uncovered about himself and I am actually relieved to hear him say to Taylor, "Let's get to the hospital, they are putting the casts on Ana and I need to be there" and while he really should get some sleep, I am thinking being in the presence of Ana will be his biggest solace and worth more than a couple of hours of tortured sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

**Ana's POV**

What just happened? I am sure I woke up when I heard a bang against the door and saw a blonde haired woman looking in, platinum blonde with a face arranged in a snarl as she tried to look through the window in the door but she disappeared just as quickly, I am sure I heard her scream "Bitch, you're taking what's mine" and then all I could see was the back of the security guard again.

Maybe I was dreaming but suddenly I have a visceral reaction to the evil that she managed to convey in that brief look and screech, it is tugging at the recesses of my memory and I can't hold the contents of my stomach and it empties down my front as I struggle to avoid my body but with the pain, I can't move. I am mortified and the immediate reaction of an involuntary sob simply sucks some of the vomit back into my throat making me struggle for breath and while trying desperately not to cough because of the pain radiating from my ribs, I end up struggling to breathe, thankfully an alarm goes off and a nurse comes sprinting into the room, the security guard follows her in and I am embarrassed at the state of myself.

Neither of them appear to pay any attention to the mess with the guard asking if he can help move me and the nurse I think is more than a little appreciative that he is strong enough to easily pick me up and turn me to the side to stop any damage from any further emissions. He leaves me with the nurse after a gentle pat on the shoulder and a reassuring smile and returns to his post outside with his back to the door.

The nurse is particularly concerned as this doesn't look like a normal reaction to the medication and I feel silly but I have to tell her that I think I reacted to the strange woman who looked in the window and woke me up with her screaming. She looks at me like I may be a little crazy and pats my hand saying "Don't worry, sometimes the drugs you are on for the pain cause hallucinations" and I desperately wish that was true. There was something about that face and those eyes that just plain scared me. I don't know if it was because it woke me or if it was because it reminded me of something, that tantalisingly fleeting memory or if it was because she looked plain evil.

I look towards the security guard but don't have the energy to ask if I can speak to him, I don't even know his name and I am a little embarrassed that perhaps I did just dream it. The nurse efficiently changes my clothes, makes sure I no longer feel like I am going to vomit and leaves me with a "Go back to sleep, you are safe here" and I drift back off into an uneasy sleep.

Sure enough, the nightmare that had plagued me last night comes back and I am woken by the nurse as she settles me again and while she offers to increase the medication to help me drop back off to sleep, I am now too scared to do so and ask if I can possibly read for a little while. I am given my tattered copy of Tess and I couldn't be more grateful that Kate thought to bring it in, it provides me with one thing that isn't different in my life from just a couple of days ago.

Reading brings me back to a happy place and without realising it I must have fallen asleep because when I next wake, it is to a scent I am starting to recognise, a soft kiss on the forehead and two luminous grey eyes smiling at me.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I have been watching her sleep for the last 10 minutes and I feel a peace returning to me, I have taken what is apparently her favourite book from her hand, it figures, the romantic tragedy, Tess of the d'Urbervilles and replaced it with my hand. Again, I felt that jolt that occurs every time I touch her and I marvel that as soon as I touch her, I can feel my heart beat a different rhythm, a slower, calmer fuller rhythm and it soothes me.

Finally, I can't resist and stand and place a soft kiss on her forehead and almost regret it as her eyes open but they look happy to see me and so with a smile I wish her a good morning and am rewarded by a glorious smile that lights up her face and eyes and bathes my soul with happiness.

"Good morning beautiful" I say and am rewarded by that blush "are you ready for casting today" and then she surprises me with a voice that is getting stronger and states "well I know who they should cast as the handsome prince and the wicked witch". I love it, here she is making puns when she could be wallowing in self-pity. I laugh hoping I am the handsome prince but I am a little intrigued as to why she mentioned the wicked witch.

"Uh huh and who is the wicked witch?" expecting her to say anything but what she says next. "There was an evil looking woman that appeared at my door last night and screamed at me but the nurse said I must have been hallucinating but I am sure I wasn't." My heart drops through the floor as she lowers her voice and almost whimpers "It really scared me". I can't look at her and she says sadly "I wasn't hallucinating was I? You know who it was don't you?" and she loosens her grip as if she is about to withdraw her hand but I am not letting go, there is no way I will survive if she pushes me away.

I was hoping Ryan had managed to keep Elena away enough that Ana hadn't seen her and without having to say anything Taylor walks out of the room to speak to Ryan. "Can you give me a minute Ana to find out what happened?" I manage to say and lean against the bed, holding her hand as if it is my lifeline and in a way, I know it really is the only thing keeping my tenuous grasp on the situation.

A couple of minutes later Taylor texts me as he walks back into the room, I guess he doesn't want Ana to hear what he has to say. "Ryan said Mrs L managed to look in and screech something. Ana woke up, was physically sick and choked on it because of her position in bed. Ryan helped the nurse to reposition her and left the room. Nurse cleaned her up and came out shaking her head about the fact that Ana had been "hallucinating about some wild woman at the door that had scared her so much that she had thrown up". Ryan did not tell the nurse that it was true that someone had attempted to breach the room."

I can't believe that Elena had managed to hurt Ana and the only reason for that was me again, when will I stop causing this poor girl pain? It all comes crashing down on me and I let go of her hand, she doesn't deserve to have another monumental fuckup in her life, the poor girl has had so much already.

I bury my head in my hands trying desperately to keep from breaking down in front of her and attempt to regulate my breathing which is proving to be a much bigger task than I thought, I run my fingers through my hair and then realise I just need to draw the crap away from her and me being here just keeps bringing it to her. I dig deep, stand and turn to walk away, still not looking at her, I can't let her see my despair. It isn't Taylors gasp, although that sound alone galvanises me, I simply feel her and move quickly spinning to catch her as she almost falls out of bed trying to grab me.

"Ana, what are you doing? You are going to hurt yourself" and as I hold her in my arms she looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes pooling with tears and says, gritting her teeth at the obvious pain, "Christian, I don't know what is going on here and I think you may have some idea but please understand I am not blaming you. I am NOT because I know you wouldn't do that to me. I know I don't know you. I know you don't know me. But I know in my heart that you would not hurt me. I just know so please don't leave me because then you WILL hurt me." And she bursts into sobs that seem to wrack her whole body and with all her injuries must be causing so much pain and I can't bear it and try to absorb her movements with my body so that she isn't moving, I don't even notice that I am holding her to my chest and it doesn't hurt.

"Ana, honey, please, please stop moving, you'll end up back in ER and I don't think I can handle it and that will be my fault like everything else. Please stop crying, I don't know what is going on but I need you to understand I am working on figuring it all out, you just don't need this crap in your head – importantly I need you to understand that it is nothing to do with you. It does all connect to me and I am working out how to make sure that you are kept safe." I can't believe how good it feels to hold her and she slowly stops crying, sniffling into my shirt as she calms and then apologising for doing so and I chuckle as she does, reluctantly laying her back down and wiping the last stray tears away.

I know that I need to tell her something so as she is looking at me with those eyes that see right through me, I say "Anastasia, you know from the interview that I don't say much about my private life and I am an extremely private person, but it is impacting on you and it is killing me to know this. I am getting closer to finding out why this has happened to you and I promise full disclosure but not now, I want you focussing on getting better. I want to help you do that, you are right, we don't know each other but I haven't wanted anything more in my life. Will you trust me?"

Those blue eyes turn impossibly bluer and her mouth moves to a soft smile and she says "Despite the fact that I thought I was in trouble because you called me Anastasia, I trust you."

And I don't care that I don't know her and she doesn't know me but without conscious thought, I find myself smoothing her wild hair with my hands as I hold her beautiful face, then looking deep into her eyes I plant a gentle kiss on her soft lips. And it just feels right.


	20. Chapter 20

**Carrick's POV**

Grace is running late so I decided to drive her in on the way to work well, that's the reason I gave her but I am truly intrigued by this girl that seems to have both Grace and Christian in a tizz. I'd give my right arm for Christian to be happy, yes he's rich and successful beyond any of our imaginations but I don't think I have ever seen him happy except when he is flying or sailing and never when he is with anyone. He's always polite and happy to see us but it's the invisible wall that stops us and I think Grace has started feeling it more as she watches our kids getting older without any indication of any of them settling down and providing her with the grandbabies she so richly deserves.

So, "Come on Gracie, I'll drop you off and that way I can pick you up at lunch time and we can have lunch, today is only a half day for me" I say and smile at my beautiful wife, still gorgeous after all these years. She rewards me with a return smile and says "Sure, and can I twist your arm to come up with me and see the amazing Anastasia?" she has always seen through me and I smirk and hold the car door open for her before scooting around and sliding into the driver's seat. It's like we're still two twenty year olds sometimes and I can't believe how lucky I was to meet Grace and build a fantastic life together, I understand why she wants our boys to have the same.

I saw the flash of anger in Elena's eyes last night when Grace mentioned how it appeared that our Christian is falling in love and I wonder what is going on there. Grace has always been a friend to Elena, while I can barely tolerate her. I have never said anything to Grace because she always believes the best of people and Elena has certainly helped her a lot over the years with the fundraisers. However, it always feels like Elena has done it to maintain a place within Grace's circle in society without any real desire to help any of the beneficiaries and I have always found her attention to Christian disturbing. He says that it is because they are in business together, something about her lending him the seed money for his business when I basically wiped my hands of him when he dropped out of Harvard.

I still regret that, I should have had faith in him but those early teenage years and his familial history really didn't bode well, I honestly thought he'd be out on the streets having squandered all that we had provided for him. It does seem that Elena was the only one to have faith in him at that time and he has certainly repaid that debt and she appears to be a friend of his, one of the few that we know about. Still, if she was a friend, that look should not have crossed her face last night, the flash of anger in her eyes was not that of someone happy with the news. I shall keep an eye on her and an ear on her conversations going forward because if Grace is correct and this Anastasia is making Christian happy, I don't want Elena jeopardising it. He deserves true happiness not the attention of a plastic, society climbing harpy that takes more than she gives.

In no time at all we arrive at the hospital and thankfully with Grace being a doctor, it is easy to find a car park and we are heading up to the rooms chatting about our plans for the day. We nod at Christian's security and as we open the door to the room, we both stop at the sight in front of us. Something I have never seen, Christian blushing and looking like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, gently laying the most beautiful girl back onto the bed, the girl he was most tenderly kissing just a second before, again something I have never seen.

I agree with Grace, our boy is most definitely in love, even I can see it and Grace looks like she is going to burst but ever the professional she rearranges her face and says a happy good morning to both of them, kisses Christian on the cheek and starts to fuss over the girl.

"Anastasia, allow me to introduce my father, Carrick Grey" says Christian, the normal colour now returning to his face and she smiles and shakes my hand saying "Mr. Grey, what a pleasure to meet you." And I truthfully mean it when I say "The pleasure is all mine, Anastasia." And she responds with a quirking smile at Christian, "Please call me, Ana." I'm guessing this is a private joke between them as he gentle smiles back down at her and I can't believe how different he appears, I do believe he actually looks relaxed. I have never ever seen him relaxed. Perhaps nearly relaxed on the boat or when playing the piano but never when interacting with another person and like Grace, I want to make sure this young lady is encouraged to stay in our lives.

"Well it was lovely to meet you _Ana_ but I must be off to work. Christian, lovely to see you son and Grace, I'll see you at lunch" and with that and a kiss for my beautiful wife, I see myself out and head for my car feeling incredibly lighter on my feet.

* * *

**Grace's POV**

I am so glad that Carrick saw Christian kissing Ana; I thought my heart was going to break out through my chest and it was so cute that he blushed. My boy has it bad and I can't be happier but goodness, I can't embarrass him or Ana so "Dr Grace" it has to be.

"Ok, are we ready now for casting? We had to decide exactly what we were going to do for you. We have various options but since we have put a rod through your femur, we aren't going to cast you from your chest to your toes and this means you'll be a little more comfortable. We have had to wait because we were worried about all the lacerations on your leg but it looks like they are all healing well so we will be putting on a long leg cast where your knee will be bent at around 30 degrees for about 2 weeks or so. This can be quite uncomfortable but it will mean that you won't be moving the leg, rotating it by any small movement and causing longer term problems, with your nightmares I think it important that we start with this option. Then when x-rays show that the bones are healing, they will change it to a straight long leg weight bearing cast for another couple of weeks which helps the fractures heal. After that, if it looks like you are able to put weight on your foot, then you will be changed to a short leg walking cast or a fracture brace and you will have that on for about 6 to 8 weeks" She looks quite devastated by it all but I move to reassure her "I know this sounds like a long time but really given how badly broken your left leg is, it is the quickest option that will allow you the rehab work you need to do" and I see that Christian is rubbing her shoulder gently trying to calm her.

He asks the next question, "Can the cast be wet?" and I can see that he is obviously thinking of the rehabilitation and I have no doubt he is working through what he can organise for her and I give him a smile and say," The outside, or hard part of the cast, can be made from two different kinds of casting materials. You can have either plaster or fiberglass, but under the fiberglass cast, you can have special waterproof cast liners which will allow it to be wet". And he simply says, "We need the fiberglass one, that way as soon as she is allowed into water, she can be using the pool at Claude's gym" and I know he hasn't realised that he has said "we" but it is obvious he is going to be standing next to Ana the whole way. Knowing how pedantic he can be about certain things and I have a feeling that her recovery will be one of those things, I have no doubt she will improve beyond what would normally be expected. "Is that what you'd like Ana?" I ask, I know that Christian is used to having his own way with decisions but it is her body and she smiles shyly and says "I don't know who Claude is but I think for me it's always safest to go with the option that is waterproof, I'm known to be rather clumsy" and she looks at Christian who simply smiles across at her…. Ooh, they have inside jokes already and my heart is all aflutter from the normalcy of it.

"Ok, well let's get this done then. I must warn you, it will be uncomfortable and painful and I really don't suggest you get it wet – once you are down to the short leg cast, then it isn't such an issue but just consider how much of your leg is covered by cast and how you won't be able to itch it" at her worried look I shrug and say "At least you're not in the full body cast, we considered it because of your pelvic crack but as long as you aren't moving too much, you should be ok."

I stop and address my next question to Christian "Christian am I boring you? You have just yawned 3 times in the last 5 minutes and I need you paying attention" While I was kidding, I am a little concerned that he hasn't been sleeping and he confirms it by saying he didn't get any sleep last night but that he is fine. I don't think he is, he is steadfastly not looking at Ana as he says this and knowing my boy, I know that he is feeling guilty about something to do with Ana, hmm I wonder what that is… And then it is confirmed by her reaching over and tugging at his sleeve to get his attention and cocking her head to the side and then giving a little shake of her head and he simply shuffles and looks away – oh my boy is guilty of something!

I call the orderly to come and push the bed to the casting room and as he starts pushing, I say "Ok let's get going, you are both going to be needing sleep soon if I am reading this situation right and Ana, you will be taking the pain medication, otherwise you'll be having more than hallucinations" I didn't expect to hear a gasp in echo behind me and when I turn, both of them are rearranging their faces to impassive…what is going on? No, really, it's like when Christian and Elliot were in trouble, neither would say anything to incriminate the other and despite desperately wanting to know what is going on, I like that Christian has Ana in his corner already, willing to not rat him out.

While applying a cast is not normally too painful a process, the fact that Ana has had such devastating breaks to the 3 bones in that leg means that any incidental movement causes pain and I can see her holding so tightly onto Christian's hand and simply squeezing her eyes and mouth shut so that she doesn't make a sound. An involuntary whimper at one point has Christian looking devastated, he slides down so that his arm is around her shoulder and he is whispering into her ear. I can't hear what he says but she calms but his face stays contorted with distress. I swear if he could carry her pain for her he would and my thoughts dart involuntarily and cheekily forward and wonder what he would be like if she was in childbirth, I almost chuckle out loud but compose myself. I can't believe how head over heels he is and I have no doubt that he has no idea and I just wish these two had met in a situation where Ana wasn't in such pain. Her next gasp hurts me as well as I can imagine that bending the leg which has been kept straight for the last few days must have been painful and I realise that what is hurting my son is hurting me. His terse, "Mom, is there anything you can do for the pain right now, Ana shouldn't be hurting so much, she doesn't like taking the drugs but surely you can override that, there's no reason for her to be in so much pain." Spoken like the CEO he is, he just can't understand that you can't control everything and especially when the quiet pained voice finally gasps out "No Christian, I will be fine, I don't need anything, just keep going" and then BAM, my old son is back in full force standing up and shouting "NO Anastasia, there is no need to be a hero, you are taking some pain relief, your body is shaking like a leaf."

My estimation of the girl skyrockets at what happens next. Ana's lip trembles for a second, I am sure she was shocked by his reaction and then she says calmly as she looks up at him "No, it's my body, I say no to more drugs. When it's your body you can do what you like. Please" and her voice trembles "Please don't shout at me."

Christian doesn't know how to respond, no-one ever stands up to him, let alone a little slip of a girl and he stands there running his hands through his hair, it's obvious he is exasperated and his tiredness is not helping as it looks like he is struggling to put coherent thoughts together and he finally says "Argh, I can't do this" and he turns and stalks out of the room.

Ana looks devastated and I quite frankly would like to give my youngest son a clip behind the ear for his insensitivity but she is the important one here and I say "I'm sorry on his behalf, he doesn't know what to do about your pain, I'd say he would happily take it all from you and bear it himself if he could, it's just tiredness and frustration talking, don't worry he'll be back. Look this is almost finished here and I am sure when you are back in your room he'll be there for you again." And she gives me a weak smile and I have to remember, she doesn't know my son and I would put all my money on the fact that right now he is somewhere feeling incredibly guilty for his little outburst.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

Fuck! What have I just done? I have just shouted at Ana. I am the lowest lowlife shit there could be, the girl is showing all the strength in the world dealing with the pain and I shout at her. For fuck's sake when the hell am I going to grow up? But why the hell will she not listen to me, she doesn't need to be in pain? She has suffered enough and now I am adding to it.

"A coffee might help" is Taylor's contribution to my internal flagellations and he follows that with "and some flowers and chocolates for Miss Steele" and continues walking next to me, looking straight ahead and pushes the button for the elevator that will take us to the gift shop level.

Taylor goes to find a coffee and I stand there looking at the woeful display and then I see it, tucked away behind a variety of tacky gifts, a hopeful looking ginger bear, not sad, not happy but hopeful, with gloriously soft fur and soft pads on his paws.

I get a "Nice choice Sir" when I raise my eyebrow at Taylor's smile as I walk out to him and the welcome looking coffee with my bear and an armful of flowers, "It'll last longer than chocolates" I smirk.

I need to get back to Ana and say I'm sorry so I impatiently press the escalator button as we watch the display showing it crawl up the levels. As it reaches our floor, I practically sprint in to be greeted with a snarled "The bitch's got you all bent out of shape hasn't she – just look at yourself!" and the door closes behind me.


	21. Chapter 21

**Taylor's POV**

Arrgh crap, alert situation just hit DEFCON1.

The she-devil is in the elevator.

Ana is in or about to be in her room without the support that he wanted to provide and he's feeling like shit for shouting at her and wants to get back to try and salvage the situation. He's quite predictable sometimes but what we don't know is her reaction, I don't think she's one to be walked all over. I like her already.

The Boss is in a really bad place at the moment having had no sleep last night and probably just 2 disrupted hours over the last 48 and even for him that's bad. I know he spent last night figuring stuff out and I hope I find out what it was because it is messing with his head today, I can see it in his eyes.

Woah, I think I'll stand right behind him so that I can hold him back if I need to although I'd like to let him at her with that look on his face, I don't know what he figured out last night but I'd bet it included something about the she-devil because he visibly shuddered when he saw her.

Ooh, better get closer because here he goes it's not a question but a roar and she shrinks back against the wall of the elevator. "What the fuck are you doing here? Why did you come here last night and try to get into Anastasia's room? What is your fuckin' problem with Anastasia? You don't even know her or do you? Just stay the fuck away from her and from me"

And I am amazed, she attempts to pull herself into some sort of commanding position and he just growls and says "Just cut that shit, it isn't going to work on me anymore". Anymore? Ugh, I do NOT want to know…. Aw Good God, No! I hope that light-bulb moment for me isn't true, well, it might explain something about his predilections. I have to shake my head to get rid of the image that just appeared, she's got to be as old as his mother.

Thankfully the elevator reaches our floor and the door opens but he doesn't let her out of the elevator, with a deathly quiet voice he leans into her face and says "You are going down, you are not coming out. If you come anywhere near Anastasia, I will personally ensure that you are ruined here and anywhere else you might care to tread. Do you understand me?" He pulls himself up, straightens his shoulders. "Am I making myself clear?" she looks beaten for the moment and he presses the ground floor button and steps out of the elevator without looking back at the evil cow.

"Make sure you put someone on her, I need to know her every movement, if she comes anywhere near here, even just once, I will have a restraining order organised and served quicker than she can remove your foot from her ass. Am I clear, I don't care what you have to do, she will NOT cause any more damage to Ana."

"With pleasure Sir" Oh nothing would give me greater pleasure than removing her from all areas of our lives, if I never saw her face again, I would be happy but I know that is not going to happen, she exists like that rotten smell that hangs around the men's locker rooms, not matter what you do, it never ever goes away.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

Why was Elena here? Is she trying to control me only or does she have something to do with trying to hurt Ana, surely she could not have had something to do with the accident. Could she? Shit this is going to drive me crazy but I don't want to think about her today. I have some serious grovelling to do with Ana, I need her to understand that I simply can't deal with her being in pain.

Sawyer is now standing outside Ana's door so I know she is back in there, Taylor says he will stay outside to discuss the security situation with him and organise the extra surveillance with Welch. I know he is also giving me the space to make as much or as little of a fool of myself as I need to make it up to Ana.

I quietly push open the door and Ana doesn't look at me and it is only once I get next to the bed that I realise that she is asleep, it breaks my heart (hah, my cold dead heart comes alive around Ana) to see tear tracks down her face. I place the flowers on the table next to her and gently lift her arm and place the bear under her arm so that when she wakes, she'll be looking at his hopeful face. I can't stand to see the tears and brush my lips across those gorgeous cheekbones to soak them up and she whimpers quietly in her sleep but her luscious lips turn up slightly in a smile and she wriggles as if finding a more comfortable position and clasps the teddy tight and continues to sleep. I hold my breath as she moves as I don't want to wake her and I am warmed by the fact that at least in her sleep she didn't turn away and looked happy with my touch.

As I did yesterday, I place my hand under hers and rest my head on the edge of the bed, trying to figure out what I am going to say and before I know it, the gentle rhythm of her breathing lulls me into a restful dreamless sleep.

An hour later I am woken by a quiet whimpering and a twisting hand in mine and I surreptitiously press the IV pain relief button a little, I know she doesn't want pain relief but her body will heal the better for it so I do and know that if she was awake, she'd be angry with me. She's not awake so I can take care of her and I have to somehow convince her to let me take care of her. It's hard to let someone do that when you've always fended for yourself. I understand that.

I need to speak to Taylor but I don't want to risk Ana waking up without me being here and thinking I don't care so I take my pen and on the card that came with the flowers I quickly write.  
_"Hi my name is T Hardy but you can call me Bear.  
I am here for you when Christian can't be there.  
Feel free to hug me, to chase away bad memories or take away the pain  
Even though from the pain killers you really should NOT refrain.  
I know you are used to having to look out for others and yourself  
Well, I am here for hugging and not for putting on the present shelf.  
So while you think you might be able to do it all on your own  
I'd like a hug now because I don't like to be left alone  
And just so you know, Christian is ashamed and does worry  
That he upset you…He never meant to and is really very sorry"_

It's not the world's best poetry and it's rather silly but I hope she likes it, my first ever attempt and I attach it to the ribbon around his neck and place him back under her arm, give her the whisper of a kiss on the forehead and head out to speak to Taylor.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

Bother, I was dreaming about my finals and it woke me up in a cold sweat, it was one of those horrid anxiety dreams where on the morning of an exam you wake up late, the car breaks down, you miss the exam and discover that you are sitting outside the exam room in your pink bunny pyjamas. I look around the room and realise I am alone and my heart sinks a little, I was hoping Christian would be here but then I realise I am cuddling a bear.

A gorgeous ginger bear with a hopeful face and a note from Christian, aww how cute, see he does have a tender side despite the fact that he shouted at me. As I read his corny little note, the tears come unbidden. He truly is looking out for me and I get that but I am so used to nobody looking out for me or being interested in me – his note speaks volumes of his observations and care. T Hardy is the author of my favourite book, somehow I know he knows that bad things have happened before, he doesn't know why I don't want to take the drugs but then he probably has never seen someone's life ruined by drugs. The note says other things between the lines and I wonder if he meant for them to show, he desperately needs to be hugged yet from what I can see, he doesn't let anyone hug him, not even his mum and despite his tough (and somewhat scary) exterior, I think he's scared, I don't know what of but I want him to feel safe with me. I feel safe with him, he will just have to learn that he can't walk all over me and I think he saw a touch of that today.

Gosh, what am I doing, my thoughts are so scattered, I am talking like we are a couple, for all I know he is playing me like a piano (Oh, I wonder if he plays the piano….I really do know nothing about him despite the interview…. Maybe if he comes back today, I can ask him) but for now I'll just hug Bear. Actually, I think I'll call him CT bear and I think I'll go back to sleep. God I wish I could roll over, this position is so uncomfortable. Oh, I am so tired…

A while later as I wake up, before I open my eyes, I smile because I can feel the soft fur of CT Bear under my hand. Remembering the note, I rub my hand gently through his fur as a source of comfort but my eyes shoot open when CT Bear moves and I realise that I have just rubbed my hand through Christian's hair as he had laid his head on the edge of the bed. His laughing eyes sparkle and he chuckles as I blush and say, "Oh how embarrassing, I thought I was stroking CT Bear" and he says "CT Bear?" oh god, I wasn't going to tell him the C part so I go with distraction.  
"Thank you for T Hardy Bear Mr Grey you appear to be a very accomplished fellow, who knew you could write poetry too?"

"I can do many things Miss Steele but I am very bad at watching those I care for suffer and I am even worse at apologising when I lose my temper." He pauses and then asks sincerely with big puppy dog eyes "Are we ok?" Yay, he said "we". I decide I will ask for one thing before I accept his implied apology.

"Well, we will be if I can give you the hug you desperately need – even Bear knows you need one" and it's there, the hesitation and then I realise it, the fear flashes across his eyes and I know, whatever his wounds are, they go deeper than mine.

"But if that is too hard for you, I'm sorry Mr Grey, you are going to have to come clean to me sooner rather than later why you are more damaged than I am and how in this universe our damage has now become intertwined when I didn't know you just 2 days ago. I am embarrassed to admit I am probably one of the few people in the universe who did not know who you were but I'm afraid I am feeling like you are a bit of a raging river and I am a bit of flotsam that has simply been pulled into the maelstrom that is your life. If I can't have a hug, can you give a timeline of an explanation? Which one is harder for you?

I see him struggling with an answer then I see him go to humour to distract – ha, he is talking to the queen of distraction techniques, I'll let him go there for a bit but he is not getting away without the answer. "Are you sure you don't want to intern for me? You are both intelligent and a good negotiator oh and beyond that you have a bit of a temper to boot!"

"Umm you forgot something else, I am quite tenacious and I'd like an answer, will it be a hug or an explanation?" I say to indicate that the distraction won't work and he has the grace to look uncomfortable but then he says "Hang on, a minute ago it was a timeline of an explanation and now you want the explanation?"

"Well keep stalling and I will ask for both" I say with a laugh but he is looking so uncomfortable and when a nurse enters the room to look at my bandages, the discussion is over and I see him breathe out, goodness this is really worrying him. I give him a pat on the hand, a small shake of the head and a smile and he nods and wanders out of the room to allow some privacy.

The nurse checks everything is as expected then asks if I'd like help to change as visiting hours are about to start and I realise I might as well dress in the clothes Carla brought in so that I look respectable and it makes me feel better and I am ready to see everyone although I'd like to speak to Christian alone. He however is hovering outside and I realise I don't have a means of contacting him and ask the nurse if she minds calling him in and she does so and then leaves us alone again.

He comes in like a teenager in trouble and I smile sadly at him, I didn't realise it was going to be such a big deal and say, "Christian, it's ok, I'm letting it go, you are off the hook. Here, I am giving Bear a hug and now if you give him one, you'll have your hug" and his eyes dance with amusement and some other expression and he reaches out for CT Bear and gives him a huge squishing hug. He then kisses Bear's nose and hands him back to me but says "Nah, he's not kissing you, I'm doing that myself" and he kisses me on the same spot on my nose as I giggle and cuddle the bear. For a second he looks wistfully at the bear and then he says "Now that you are getting better, I thought you might be wanting to do more than lie in bed and stress about your finals but I know you can't really study yet so here, I hope you enjoy this." And he hands me a brand new iPad and then "I don't know what happened to your phone but I'd like you to be able to contact me securely whenever you need to, and I don't think I can stay here with you every minute of the day" and under his breath he says "even if it's where I want to be" so here is a Blackberry – my details are on it and you can email me from the iPad too if that is easier, the accounts have all been set up for you.

I look at the iPad as though it is going to bite me and he says "Here let me show you how to use it before everyone comes in" and he proceeds to swipe his finger and show me all the icons on the screen.  
A kindle app, iBooks, a collection of songs, he shrugs apologetically and says, I don't know what music you like so I have put some of my favourites on it, like this new favourite of mine _Wanted_ by _Hunter Hayes_ but keep looking at what's on the iPad.

My eyes nearly pop out of my head at the next icon. As he clicks on it he is grinning like a Cheshire cat, it is the British Library collection and he says, "Go on, touch that icon, it won't bite" and as I do, another menu appears, it's the Historical Collection. Scrolling down, I select Novels of the 18th and 19th Century. I am beyond stunned, he's bought me the British Library at a touch of a button. "How did you know?" I whisper, really overwhelmed by the present and so grateful but I can't seem to control my emotions at this point and start crying. "It's too much, you barely know me, we haven't even had a single normal conversation yet, I don't know what you like, I've never told you what I like or even anything about me but you have managed to give me the one present that means the most to me when all those that do know me and are supposed to love me …." And I can't finish the sentence for the sobs that rise unbidden and I bury my face in CT Bear's fur, grateful for a place to hide.

I try desperately to stop crying because the hiccupping sobs cause the pain from the cracked ribs to radiate through my entire torso. I gradually start to relax as I feel my hair being stroked and my face being turned gently away from CT Bear and into the crook of Christian's neck. He coos into my ear "Ana honey, just calm down, you need to stop crying, it's not good for you. I didn't mean to upset you. Can you calm down for me please?" I can't hear everything he is saying but I catch a quiet "Otherwise it means that I am hurting you again and it seems that's all I've done to you today" and he softly kisses and smooths my hair and rubs little circles on my back.

The warmth radiating from his arms around me, his words and his gentle ministrations all eventually work to calm me down and I can't let him get away with putting more blame back on himself so I finally say a shaky thank you to which he kisses my hair again and a slightly tighter hug. And then I say "See, I knew I'd get my hug finally today" and am rewarded by him pulling away and giving me an amused shake of his head and a smile that reaches his eyes and then he pulls me close again.

As I am revelling in the feel of his arms around me, he leans in again to give me a heavenly kiss like this morning but this time his parents don't burst into the room and catch us and I allow myself to relax into it, feeling the fireworks go off in the back of my brain.

It's like all the romantic novels I've ever read didn't ready me for this magnificent moment and I moan into his mouth giving his tongue an opening. His answering growl reverberates through his chest as my tongue tentatively attempts to stroke his moving around my mouth in a revering dance of exploration. Even without the casts, iv tubes and disgusting catheter tubes keeping me in place, I couldn't move, I am completely caught in his spell and his arms holding me, his lips like pure gold and the tiny involuntary moans he is making are almost enough to make me spontaneously combust.

He wants me, Christian Grey, gorgeous successful businessman and philanthropist, most beautiful specimen of the male species wants me, and I, clumsy Ana Steele who has only ever been kissed twice, who has never dated and has only ever dared dream, desperately want him.

Just as I feel like I am going to melt completely, he pulls away and gasps "God, I'm sorry Ana" and then rests his forehead against mine breathing heavily "I just can't think when I'm near you" and I shakily try to get my voice under control "Then don't. You're doing everything right so don't apologise."

I watch the expressions flit across his face, wonderment, confusion, anger, sadness and he leans forward and buries his face into my shoulder as he holds me in an almost painful grip and I hear a muffled "I don't deserve you". Since one arm is in a sling and the other is caught under him, I can't do anything other than nuzzle my nose into his hair and say "Why don't you let me be the judge of that?" and I kiss his ear lobe. The reaction is almost instantaneous and his lips are back on mine, claiming hungrily until he seems to calm and they revert to the gentle ministrations of this morning, a revering, caressing kiss that warms me and worships me at the same time.


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Note:** _Thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing, it is very much appreciated, I love reading the comments._  
_Please note guest reviewers, I can't respond to you so if you want to ask a question, please log in so that I can respond.  
_  
_As to the material in this chapter, I apologise for its dark nature and without any actual knowledge of this sort of abuse, please excuse the content, I am using my imagination and my sincerest apologies and sympathies to anyone that might have suffered it in real life._

* * *

**Elena's POV**

What is happening? I have had Christian right where I wanted him all these years, he never asked what I did when I wasn't at Esclava and I made sure he never knew.

Up until now, I have had him under my control and the poor gorgeous fool hasn't realised it, I am rich beyond my dreams and he has been at my beck and call. He was the tastiest little boy I've ever had and he spoiled me for so many after him but he certainly wasn't the first. I still think of him when I am with a boy, the things he could do, ah the things I taught him…

I like them young but I do have one experienced sub that is the only one that comes close to Christian for his abilities to satisfy my particular needs. He and I still get it on when the boys aren't available or I want something more adventurous and he has his playthings join us. He is not a smart or good man though, one of his subs gave birth to a daughter really young and then mysteriously died, I make sure he is always my sub, that way he can't hurt me, but god he's good. Even thinking about him makes me ready and I think I'll give him a call, I need to take out my frustrations about the way that Christian has treated me today, how dare he shout at me at the hospital, all I wanted to do was go tell that little bitch to leave him alone, and make them both understand that she'll never be enough for him, whoever she is!

"Stephen, I want you in the playroom in 20 minutes with our plaything" I say and I hang up on him. He needs to be grateful to me, I managed to get him close to taking over one of Christian's companies and it would have made him exceptionally rich but the fool couldn't carry it off, no matter how easy I made it for him. I had his daughter change her hair colour, change her style so that she was Christian's perfect sub and inveigle herself into Christian's life and Christian did not even suspect, the power I have over these men is amazing.

"Ah Stephen, I see you are here, where is CeeCee? I was looking forward to a double up" and he says with a sneer, "They've got her locked up in a psych hospital, I only found out today…it keeps the stupid bitch out of the way. She's spent the last 2 weeks moaning about wanting to get back with that bastard Grey. There's nothing I wouldn't do to get back at him but she wanted to sleep with him again, says we are sick and twisted and that he is her master."

"Why is she in a psych hospital? What happened?" I ask, I need to know if I need to call in some favours, if she starts talking, I could be in a lot trouble and now that Christian doesn't seem to like me, it is unlikely that he'll help me.

"Apparently she ran some girl's car off the road and caused a bad accident, the other girl is in hospital with multiple massive injuries" he says.

Oh no, it cannot be…. "Exactly when did this happen?" and sure enough it ties in. I can't believe that Cecelia has caused all of this, that bitch is going down too. After everything I have done for her. "Where is she?"

* * *

**Cecelia's POV**

Oh god where am I? All I wanted to do is get back to my Master. He is the only one that has ever treated me right in my life until he cut me loose because of the stupid things my father was doing.

My mother died but no-one knows how but my sorry excuse for a father used to be her Dom and then one day she disappeared, turning up a few months later with me. She left me with him and was never seen again. I have been told over and over again how much trouble I was, how much I cramped his style, how I would never be of any use for anything, how I was only good for one thing.

Then his life spiralled out of control and he started taking drugs and using me to bring the money in and when there was no money and no-one came to visit, he would use me instead and that continued until I went away to uni. I got in trouble at uni when he came to visit and hooked me up with the wrong crowd, possession of marijuana which was actually his but we were sharing it and the assault was from a threesome that went bad. It didn't take long, after everyone was watching me and he couldn't use me to get money, the bastard linked up with Carla Steele and her ugly ass daughter Anastasia… who the hell calls their daughter a prissy Russian princess name. It was all Carla this, Anastasia that and they didn't even bring anything to the relationship, they just took and took. Skinny bitch took everything from me at the time because she took my room, he wouldn't let me come back and I had to sleep rough and I thought she was taking the drugs with her mum and the bastard. I'm glad I managed to stab the scrawny little bitch without her knowing it was me but she didn't die, I wish she had and I hope my words to her as I stabbed her filled her nights with nightmares.

Then I couldn't believe that the bastard really did decide to try and have sex with her as well as her mum and me, I guess he wanted to try for a foursome but skinny bitch thought she was too good for the likes of us and he caned her. Useless piece of shit that she is, couldn't take it and hightailed it out of there once she could move. Her mum on the other hand was quite good fun and liked to splash her ex-husbands cash around when the two of us went shopping so it was good there for a while. She liked having a daughter that was "fun" and didn't have a stick up her ass and it was all good until my dumbass dad managed to break her arm and she decided to leave as well and it was just him and me again because I'd been kicked out of uni.

Everything was looking bad and then he hooked up with Mistress Elena Lincoln, now she is one bad ass bitch too but she did one good thing, she made me dye my hair brown and polished me up and even though it made me look like prissy skinny bitch, it meant that Master liked the look of me and for once someone looked after me. He let me spend his money and I still have all those fantastic clothes and I did have the car until I crashed it into skinny bitch.

I killed her, it felt so good to see her all crushed up in that crashed car. I can't believe that she wouldn't sleep with the bastard but she must be happy to sleep with Master why else would she have been at GEH all the women that work there are blonde. Mistress Elena told me that he never ever hires brunettes and that the only brunettes that go there are for sub interviews. So when I saw a brunette walking out of the building, I wanted to hit her anyway and then I couldn't believe it when I saw it was skinny bitch. No way was she going to be his sub, if I can't be the one, she sure as hell, can't be. He is mine, I will have him again.

I desperately want to get back with him but he is using every means possible to keep me out and even though I managed to nearly get in a couple of times this last week, I just couldn't so I thought I'd try to get in at Escala. Mrs Jones is an easy target because she always goes shopping by herself and she has keys to the doors that don't use codes so it was a good opportunity but that big oaf Sawyer somehow saw me and here I am.

"Yes, I've told you everything. Yes I am glad I killed skinny bitch, she was not worth anything to the world anyway"

"WHAT, she DIDN'T die, you've got to be fucking kidding me?! She was all smooshed around that tree, damn I wish I'd set it alight, I could have stood there and laughed.

* * *

**John Flynn's POV**

And I thought Christian's life was fucked up!


	23. Chapter 23

**Elliot's POV**

Well, last night was an enjoyable night, I will have to thank little bro for acquainting me with Miss Kavanagh as he calls her, I grin down at her as we walk into the hospital, her answering smile is enough for me, I enjoyed last night and this morning and from her hand in my pocket and how she's grabbing my ass, I'd say she enjoyed it too.

"Woah, get a room, little bro" I say and I hear a gasp from Kate as she covers her mouth with her hand "Ana, oooh…." And she has a huge grin on her face too "Way to go, lucky it was just us huh?" she laughs as Christian untangles himself from Ana and lays her back down without looking at us, running his fingers through her hair to try and straighten it. I swear he stands turned away from us long enough for little CG to calm down given how hot that kiss was, I'd have to cool down if it was me.

"Move Grey, I'll fix Ana's hair" says Kate going in for a hug and a whisper into Ana's ear and still Ana hasn't said a word, she looks happy but so embarrassed and then she says in a small but much stronger voice than yesterday "Hi Kate. Hi Elliot, do knock next time you come to visit."

I laugh and say, "Well if he can hug you today, I can too. I promise to be gentle and a total gentleman unlike my brother here" and she giggles and it is a glorious sound. I hazard a look at my brother and can't help but see how happy he is, his eyes just lit up at the sound, like she flicked a switch deep inside. I haven't ever seen Christian look like that and it gladdens me right to my core. We can't let this girl go and I give her a typical Elliot hug although I keep it as gentle as possible, I want her to know she is welcome in our family.

The girls start talking while Kate brushes Ana's hair so I haul Christian out the door to congratulate him but before I am able to speak, he floors me with "Fuck, can no-one in the family knock. Mom & Dad caught us this morning and now you and Kate"  
I laugh, he was busted by Mom & Dad, how funny is that? "Hey just be thankful it wasn't Ray and Carla" I say and he actually calms down. "So you've got it bad little bro? Need any tips? Although from what I could see, none are really needed"  
And he responds with a "Fuck off Elliot" and then I remind him we have dinner with the parents tonight and he looks seriously pained and like he wants to ditch. I say that he can't skip it and this way Kate and Ana can catch up while we go and have dinner, I am hoping that we all find out some more about Ana from Christian and what on earth is going on in his head but somehow I think it will be more like an eat and run for him, even standing outside the room seems too far for him.

We go in to say our goodbyes to the girls and Christian just gives Ana a quick peck on the lips and she smiles shyly at him as he hands her a teddy bear and whispers something in her ear that makes her blush and then with another quick kiss on the forehead he turns and is heading for the door. I on the other hand need to give Ana another hug despite the annoyed look from Christian, and give Kate as long a kiss as I can, dipping her to the floor and making them both giggle and then with a small slap on her bottom, I sweep theatrically out the door and Christian just shakes his head and follows.

I'm thinking this could be fun, us two with Ana and Kate and I hope neither of us screws it up too soon, I'd like to see Christian happy, god knows what's gone on in his head all these years but I can still remember when he came to us and then those teenage years….he's someone that deserves to be happy.

* * *

**Kate's POV**

Oh I am so happy for Ana, out of this crappy situation, she looks like she has gained something so much more. For some reason I can't fathom, I don't like Christian for me but if Ana likes him, I am so glad, she deserves some good things in her life and if _The_ Christian Grey is as interested in her as that kiss implied, she will finally have someone worthy of her.

Not only that, this crappy situation has brought me together with Elliot and I can't take that smile off my face, it was a very enjoyable night, oh and morning.

"God Ana, he really likes you doesn't he? I saw what he was doing when we walked in and look at this stuff, this is the top of the range iPad and I doubt you can even buy that Blackberry yet." I say and unbelievably she says "Maybe he just feels sorry for me."

"Oh for God's sake Ana, he had his tongue halfway down your throat, that wasn't a "I feel sorry for you" looking kind of kiss, is that how it felt to you" and she blushes and hides her face behind her hair and says quietly "No it didn't feel like that but really, why would he be interested in me?" and I say what I have said so many times "Because you're a real babe that's why. Now let me make you look like one so that you look extra gorgeous when he comes back in" and I proceed to play Barbie with her and do her makeup and hair.  
"Have a look at the songs he put on the iPad, here, let me pick just a few:  
Keith Urban- Making memories of us  
Adele – Hiding my heart  
Hunter Hayes – Wanted  
Chris Isaak – I want you to want me  
Billy Joel – I don't want to be alone  
Jason Mraz – I won't give up  
Eclectic taste granted but do you see a theme? I don't think it is a "I feel sorry for you" theme somehow" and I grin at her, I like his style but she just smiles sweetly and starts scrolling through the other songs. I bet she's going to find a heap of songs that don't mean anything but I am pretty sure he didn't just put those songs I saw on there for no reason. He looks like he is head over heels and so he should be, Ana is a super special girl.

I know what would be worrying her though and it is the finals so I ask what she would like me to do about her study stuff and she stuns me by saying that Christian has already organised it that she will be able to graduate and then do her finals when she has recovered enough and I know there has to be something going on that I have completely missed. If it is all under control though, it means one less thing for me to worry about. "By the way, I have written up the article for the magazine, do you want to see it? You know, he was intrigued by you in the interview, I could hear it in his voice and the questions he was asking you and OMG why didn't you take up his offer to intern at GEH, so many grads would kill to do that? Or at least have a look around?"

Ana blushes and says "I was fascinated by him, he was a bit scary but so charismatic, I could barely think straight. Not only that but all the women that work there looked like Stepford wives, you know blonde and beautiful and well put together, none of which describes me but you'd fit in beautifully. Oh, I haven't told you but I fell into his office, like, I literally fell over and he had to help me up, so can you imagine clumsy me around all those perfect women, I thought no thank you, I wouldn't fit in. To be honest I don't see how he would be even a bit interested in me but he has been just gorgeous, I know how busy he is from the interview yet he has spent all his time with me since I have been here." She then drops her voice and says "I don't know if it will go anywhere and I don't want to get hurt."

"Oh Ana, he looks like he wants to devour you and god forbid one of us get too close that we might breathe on you and break you. Give the man a chance."

Ana just gives me a less than confident smile, I don't know what happened to Ana before she came to live with me because she has never shared it but it must have been bad for her not to trust anyone. It wasn't with Ray as she is really close to him and he is so loving with her, it must have been earlier with air-head Carla.

"Anyhow, we have to work out what you want me to bring back so that you can study, how long did they say you are going to be stuck in here? I am going home tonight to hand the article in and finish up at the newspaper, it would have been good to have some original stills. I wish Jose was here, he could have taken some great photos.."

Oh shit, I mentioned Jose, I should not have mentioned Jose and cue…..

"Where is Jose? I thought you said that he brought you down." Ana says looking at me and I don't know what to tell her, I have been trying to work out a lie so that she never has to know what he said, I couldn't believe it when I heard him say "What if Ana isn't beautiful anymore, …., I couldn't be around her without being repulsed every time I look at her." Repulsed, for god's sake, I never realised he was so shallow and it hurt because Ana thinks of him like a brother and a brother would never say something like that. Worse, for years it's been an open secret that Jose has held a candle for her but was it all just because of her looks? Surely he understood that she is way deeper than her looks.

And then I think of a way around it "Oh he had to go back before they would let us in to see you because he had just been told that he had been selected to exhibit at the Portland Place Gallery and had to go back and show them his pictures." And bless Ana but she breaks out into a glorious smile and says "Oh I am so glad for him, that's what he has always wanted, hopefully I'll be moving around enough to be able to go see his exhibition. I'll have to ring him and congratulate him, can you find my phone if it is my bag so that I can put my numbers in this new phone, I don't even know how to use it" and all I want to do is throttle him.

I have an idea, perhaps if Jose can see that she looks fine, he might come and visit her. She isn't shallow and doesn't deserve to lose a friend although I think she'd be better off without him, he won't be welcome back to my life but she has so few friends, I don't want her to lose him. "Why don't I take a short video on my phone of you congratulating him – that way he can see that you are doing ok, well the bits of you not covered in casts and bandages, and you can say how happy you are for him?" and she agrees happily and we make the video.

Ana is just saying "Hey Jose, I am so happy for you and can't wait to see your exhibition, congratulations!" and being Ana when Elliot and Christian walk back into the room. I am a little frightened to see the change go across Christian face when he hears what Ana is saying and I almost shiver but thankfully he doesn't say anything until Ana finishes and before he says anything to her, he tersely says "A word with you Miss Kavanagh…Outside"

"What was that about Miss Kavanagh? Elliot told me what Jose said to you and I don't want him anywhere near Ana" he growls at me. I don't take too well to being growled at by anybody and while I technically agree with him, I am not giving him the satisfaction of bossing me around so I say "Jose is a dear friend of Ana's" hmm, interesting flash across his eyes, he's got it bad! "and she has so few friends that I don't want her to lose one over some misguided statement that he made. She thinks of him as a brother and she doesn't know what he said and I'd rather keep it that way. He has just been selected to do a photographic exhibition and Ana is really proud of him, so she's sending him a message, that's all, don't get your knickers in a twist! This really has nothing to do with you, you can't dictate who Ana sees." and I flounce back into the room, I really am not dealing too well with his intimidating stare and while I agree with him, I hope he isn't going to stop Ana from seeing the few friends she has because then she is moving into a relationship with a potential for abuse and I have a feeling she's seen enough of that.

I hear a thump against the wall outside and Elliot looks at me with a "What did you say?" look and quickly goes out and Ana says "What was that about?" Damn, she keeps asking all the questions I don't want to answer, so I go dig in her bag for her phone while I think of what to say and end up saying pathetically "Um, he wanted to talk to me about my new car" I say as Elliot and Christian walk back into the room. For that I am rewarded by a twitch of Christian's eyebrow and a lightening of the anger in his eyes and he manages to play along by saying "Here are the keys, it is in parking lot K9, for Elliot's sake, please drive carefully on the way home." In other words, I could go to hell for his own sake but he cares for his brother, I don't care, he has to understand, that I am going to stand in Ana's corner whether he likes it or not.

"Thank you, I intend to enjoy the drive." I say truthfully as I really liked driving my old car and I can only imagine that the updated version is better and then because I can't help needling him "I can't wait to take you out for a drive in it Ana" and watch him tense back up again. Oh I am going to have fun with him, winding him up is as easy as shooting fish in a barrel.

Ana then pipes up with "Christian, do you mind if Kate takes some photos of you for the magazine article?" and that diffuses the situation because while I am sure he would refuse if I had asked, it seems that whatever Ana asks for, she will get and she doesn't even realise it.

He smiles at her and then looks at me coolly and says "What sort of photos do you want Miss Kavanagh as I can have some sent from the office" and while that would probably be fine, I want him to sweat a bit more, "Oh I'd love to have some original casual ones, I am sure I could take one now on my iPhone and it would be fine, you look a bit scruffy which is an original look on you" and he actually laughs, it's good to see that he does have a sense of humour under that intense exterior. "Fine, no you can't take a photo now but I'll pop back in to pick up Elliot on the way to Mom & Dad's when I've had a chance to tidy up so I don't look like such a scruff, I do need to maintain some sort of image."

As he and Elliot decide on their movements for the rest of the day, I move back to Ana's side with her phone and we start adding phone numbers into the Blackberry, it takes less than five minutes as she has so few contacts and then Christian says he is going to get changed and gives Ana a another quick chaste kiss on the lips and is gone. Even that makes Ana blush and I punch her gently on her arm… get used to it sister!


	24. Chapter 24

**Christian's POV**

"Yes, Ros, handle it. I am not going to be in for the rest of the week. I am needed at the hospital. No, I am fine. No, not a family member… Just drop it. I am needed at the hospital and I am not going to be answering my phone. Send me an email and call Taylor if it is that important. But I am not coming in and I know you can do this as well as me. Good…. Excellent. Fine, I'll see you next week."

"Taylor, while I'm getting ready for dinner, I need you to go down to Cartier and pick up the order I have just sent through and then pick up a couple of bottles of Henschke Hill of Grace Shiraz and when you get back, we have to go through Welch's report of his findings from today, have you read it yet?"

"The last one I saw was from 2pm so I haven't seen the last two that should have been in by now" Taylor responds "ok, we'll deal with that when you are back, just drop me off here at the front, it'll be quicker for you."

"With all due respect Sir, I don't want quicker if I can't have you safe, with all that's going on at the moment, I am seeing you into the private lift or you're staying in the car with me" hmm, well apparently lack of sleep isn't working for Taylor either, so I just quirk my eyebrow at him and we drive into the car park, I have a feeling we're all going to be jumping at shadows for a while.

"Mrs Jones, how are you? I am so sorry for what happened yesterday?" and when she looks so surprised I realise that I have probably never asked about her personally before and she stammers, that she is fine and wants to know how Ana is feeling. I say "She's doing better today although she won't take the pain relief and is in more pain than she should be in" and it's like I physically feel Ana's pain because I can't help but wince a little. Gail does impassive with the best of them but I see a hint of something cross her face and then she asks "Is she allowed to eat anything other than hospital food yet? Perhaps once you know I can make her some soup or some cake to help take her mind off of where she is, something perhaps her mother might have made for her to make her feel less alone?" And I almost snort, the concept that Carla might have ever cooked something for Ana or cared for her in any way seems remote from the small number of interactions I have seen between them and Welch's investigations.

"Could I ask you to bake a chocolate cake please? Do you think you will have time? Taylor and I should be leaving around 5pm and I would like to take it to my mother's tonight, we can have it with coffee and if she says it is ok for Ana, we can bring some for her, I'm sure she would appreciate it."

With that I turn and walk to my bedroom and as I open the door, I take in the view and the thought comes to my mind, I wonder what Ana would think of this, would she like it, would she like my apartment, would she even like me if I hadn't been there the last 2 days. Maybe she is just grateful and once she is fine, she'll be out of here like a shot and I suddenly have to fight the urge to jump into my Audi R8 and get back to her. Get back to her and make sure she's real and that the kiss we shared was as intense as it felt for me. Oh good lord, what is she doing to me, I need to have a shower to get myself back under control, but the thought of her soft lips especially after she had been crying, the little v on her forehead when she frowns oh, her lips on my ear and her tongue….

Shower, that's right, I'm having a shower, with as many jets on pulse as possible. I need the water as cold as bearable to shock me out of my thoughts and some music to bring me to some other place not inhabited by soft flowing mahogany hair, brilliant blue eyes and soft luscious lips… oh shit, and we're back to Anastasia inhabiting my shower. She could be enjoying the 8 master massage jets on her back while the rainfall showerhead is plastering her hair over her breasts and she is sitting on the recessed stool level with….Oh My God! She is not here. I know nothing about her. I know nothing about what she would do in my life let alone in my shower. I really need to get a grip…. A grip, she could have her hand on my… Again, which fricken head are you thinking with Grey? I have to finish the shower before I drive myself even more crazy than I apparently am, I have never fantasised about a woman in my shower before. I fuck them in the playroom and they go and I have a shower. What is this girl doing to me?

Tomorrow I am not leaving the hospital until I understand her some more, I have no idea what normal people do to get to know someone, it has always been easier to keep people at arm's length but since she is in a position that she can't run away, I guess I have a fair chance of not stuffing it up too much and I should be able to find out all about her – well what I don't already know from the back ground checks but I'd like her to tell me what her experiences of those things were. I wonder whether she will tell me, she doesn't seem like an over-sharer like Mia so it might take more work. I wonder what she is doing now… gah, there I go again, I've never wondered what anyone else is doing – they're either doing something I asked them to do or I don't care. My head is starting to hurt!

I check my phone and see from earlier:  
Security Update Hospital: Ray Steele has arrived. BabyBlue: Happy

Ha, I think, that's funny, security have given Ana the code name of BabyBlue, well, that works and isn't disrespectful and then my breath hitches in my throat at the next message as it comes in.

Security Update Hospital:  
Carla Adams has arrived. BabyBlue: Unhappy tears  
BlondeBomb: Angry BigBro: Left room ropeable

And on cue the phone rings, it is Elliot and he doesn't even wait for me to speak "Who the fuck does Ana's mom think she is? I don't know Ana from a bar of soap and you know her marginally better but from what Kate tells me, she is a good kid. Seriously her fucking mother just walked in barely said hello to her and told her" and his phone cuts out. Seriously what is wrong with the telecommunications network around Seattle, GEH has a whole market waiting for us to tackle that should make us very rich if we can fix this ridiculousness of lost calls and I need to know what Elliot was about to say as I have never heard him this angry.

Of course I am calling him as he is calling me and we both end up leaving messages so I text him to stop calling and I'll call him back and this takes time and I am completely pissed by the time I get to say "what the fuck did she say?"

"She said without caring that Ray or Kate or I were in the room and I quote "Ana, you have the best opportunity to make something of yourself, make sure you screw him as fast as you can, give him your v-card if you still have it, you were real cutesy about not giving it up at 15, actually have you given it up since?" and as I growl at the inappropriateness of her statement, Elliot continues with "She said " give him whatever he wants and you'll get whatever you want, you can share it around and it will make all this having to come in here to see you worthwhile" and you could tell she couldn't care less about Ana, the poor girl was mortified and shattered to say the least. Ray looked like he wanted to kill her and Kate jumped in and told her to shut up and leave Ana alone. Man, I couldn't believe how awful she was, I know it's wrong to hit a woman and I have never done so but today, so close, so fucking close. Lucky you weren't here little bro." I am so angry I can't even speak. "You still there little bro" and I grunt to let him know I am still here and I groan and say "Fuck I thought I was doing bringing her here for Ana, how the hell was I to know she was such an awful person. Why would a mother do that to their daughter, especially someone like Ana? I wonder if I should just put her on a flight back to Las Vegas or Georgia, preferably Georgia. Fuck, I should never have brought her here in the first place. When I do and I guess I need to ask Ana, I think it'll be in coach and I'll ask for the seat near the toilet"

I can't believe it, I had a screwed up birth mother but that was only for 4 years and I was a baby that didn't understand too much. It seems like Ana's had the one person who should have been there her whole life ruining things for her at every turn, maybe she's a few shades of fucked up as well, if she isn't she is a miracle. Distressingly then a portion of the conversation comes back to me and I consider, hmm, I wonder if she still has her v-card, she's gorgeous and she's nearly 22, I very much doubt it – oh god, I'm as bad as Carla, what the hell am I doing thinking about that?.

"What's happening now? Shall I just come back down?," I ask and Elliot says that Carla has been relegated to the corner playing on the iPad and ignoring Ana. Ray is talking to Ana and Kate and Ana is looking calmer and not to come earlier because Kate wants to stay until we go, so a bit longer would be good and then Ray and Carla can stay until the end of visiting hours. I tell him to make sure Carla doesn't walk out with the iPad and he snorts and says he'll make sure of it.

So I disconnect and as I turn to go to my office to have a look at Welch's reports, Taylor appears so we walk together and I tell him what Elliot just said and ask him to put a tail on Carla, there's something about that woman that disturbs me. My suspicions are heightened when I open up Welch's reports and I see that Stephen Morton is now residing in Seattle again, I thought I'd made it clear that he wasn't to set foot in Seattle or I'd hand him his ass on a platter.

The next one has me thumping my fist on the table, "What the hell is she playing at? Apparently Elena has called Stephen Morton to her house and from the new tracers put on the property, they have gone into her playroom" that means she is screwing around with him because no-one goes into that room unless they are fucking. The notes say he has been subbing for her for more than 5 years, he has been a bit indiscreet lately and his "disposable" phone was left outside on the bench seat out the back of his house when he was too indisposed from alcohol. The number of texts which have all been traced back to Elena's house is staggering and so many indicate both Stephen and a plaything. I have an awful feeling as to who the plaything is too and just shake my head with disgust – disgust at Elena and even worse disgust at myself. I have maintained contact with a pedophile and worse, entrusted her with all my secrets when she has been involved with the pond scum of society and is in fact by her actions worse than the pond scum herself.

It makes me sick that I was so blind and I need to punch something, Taylor obviously senses this and says "You being injured is not going to help Ana, who will be there for her if you're in hospital too?" and I growl at him and sit back down. If it wasn't so true, I'd be punching him for being so presumptuous but since he really does know me, I need to pull my head in and get on with the security situation.

The alert pings with another email from Welch and we both gasp as we read it. Elena has just appeared at the psych hospital where Cecelia is being held and she is with Stephen Morton. As Stephen Morton is her next of kin, he will be allowed entry subject to the admitting psychiatrist's approval.

I need to get John Flynn on the line and my first call to his cell goes through to voice mail and I curse and leave him a curt message saying that under no circumstances can Stephen Morton and Elena be allowed in to see Cecelia. I have just hung up when I receive a call back from John "Christian, there is no way I would allow either of those two individuals to have access to Cecelia. I need to see you and I need to seek legal assistance as I have just concluded an interview with Cecelia and I would like to detain these two individuals however without the appropriate legal advice I cannot. I will fob them off and organise for them to return tomorrow when I can be ready for them with all the t's crossed and i's dotted, unfortunately it appears a lot of your suspicions were correct, that is all I will say at the moment. Can I see you later tonight? I don't think I can be out of here until about 9pm can I see you then?"

I feel physically ill and tell him that I will see him as soon as is possible so yes at 9pm and that he will have access to my legal team and my most trusted legal advisor who will ensure confidentiality and I hang up to phone my team to organise it. Taylor in the meantime is speaking to Welch and doubling security so that Elena and Stephen cannot disappear before tomorrow. If there is to be some sort of sting, we need to make sure that they are both there.

My phone pings,  
Security Update Hospital:  
BabyBlue: Happier  
Morticia: In cab to 2070 Southwest Roxbury Street, Seattle that's in White Centre.

Ha, funny association with Addams family, I know it's different spelling but I'll take the code, it makes sense.  
"Fuck!" I scream out to Taylor who was leaving the room, "Taylor come back. Carla Adams is on the way to Stephen Morton's address."


	25. Chapter 25

**Christian's POV**

"Thank you Gail, the cake looks magnificent." Finally something is right about this afternoon!

"We'll be back at 9 pm for a meeting with John Flynn, if you could set up a little supper for then, it would be very much appreciated" and she doesn't even register shock at the fact that John Flynn is coming here at that late an hour, I guess she is very rarely shocked anymore after the things she's had to do. She nods and we leave for the hospital to pick up Elliot and then go onto dinner.

We can't get to the hospital quick enough, I need to make sure Ana is ok after the visit by her mother and I feel like I need to touch her to ground myself. Taylor to his credit makes the trip in the least time possible and I am in Ana's room as quickly as I can be and am rewarded by a tired smile from Ana, she looks exhausted. Kate has done a lovely job with her makeup and hair but I don't think Ana needs makeup, she is such a natural beauty and how on earth is she supposed to remove it all when she can barely move. I guess Kate didn't think of that but I assume it at least stopped Carla from making nasty remarks about Ana's appearance again today and if that was the case, it was worth it.

I intended to just touch her hand but I can't stop myself reaching down and kissing her lips, just a gentle butterfly kiss but it sends a shock through me and it's like a light switch, she turns me back into a human being, banishing the darkness once more. It takes all my effort to pull back and not deepen the kiss but I have a feeling if I did I'd have Elliot whooping like a baboon and I don't need Ana wondering why and having to explain it to her. The small smile on her lips is reward enough and adds to the peace that I feel when near her.

After asking how she feels and with her saying she is ready to sleep everyone takes the cue and starts saying goodbye, while they do that, I ask Ray to step outside for a moment and ask him if he'd rather I ask Carla to leave Seattle, if I pay for her flight would it get her away from Ana and does he know whether Ana would want that as I can't see that she is helping Ana at all. He looks like he'd be ready to pay for Carla's ticket himself but says it has to be up to Ana because she is going to be hurt either way. If Carla stays she is going to continue to hurt Ana with her words but if she goes then Ana will feel that she doesn't care for her at all and she's had enough rejection from Carla in the past and then he stops like he's already said too much and I desperately want to know what has gone on. When I ask him though, he shakes his head and says "It's Ana's story to tell, I need to let her tell it, perhaps you can ask her, you've managed to get closer to her than anyone I have ever seen."

He then stops and looks me square in the eye "Young man, you seem a decent fellow but if you hurt Annie in any way, you will be answering to me, she's seen too much and been put through too much in her short life, I need you to walk away now if you are not going to look after her. I will be here this time for her, you don't need to be unless you are going to stay the distance – however long that may be. She is NOT someone to play with and then discard." And he fixes me with a look of steel.

For such a taciturn man, I'd say that is the longest sentence I have heard him utter and I understand the gravity of what he is saying, having seen those background reports.  
"You have my word that I will not hurt your daughter and I will stay the distance. I have committed to her health plan and will ensure that she is returned to you in as full health as possible. As to her heart and her mind, I promise to do the best I can with what I have, we don't know each other yet but I don't intend to hurt her in any way, even the thought of it is abhorrent to me in every way." Ray stands there looking into my eyes and I swear that despite him being Ana's stepdad, he has the same ability to see through me and I worry what he is actually seeing but whatever it is that he sees, he finally nods and gives me his hand to shake.

* * *

**Grace's POV**

"Why thank you Christian, is that one of Gail's creations? Yes? Lovely, we'll have it with coffee. Are you going to want to save some for Ana? She should be able to eat some solids tomorrow and a small sliver of this should lift her spirits. How is she doing?" and then I pause "What?" and Christian just laughs and says "Well, I was going to say "Here Mom, here's a cake from Gail, we could have it with coffee and is it ok for Ana to eat solids so that I can bring her some? Are you a mind reader now too?" and he kisses me on the cheek and I am glad to see that smile on his tired face. He seems to have aged 10 years in the last 2 days, it's not so much his face, it's more his eyes, there's something different, an even greater sadness or something. He hands me the wine he has brought and I know it will be magnificent, the wines he brings are always the best and I'm glad he indulges himself a little and that the ever present shadow of Taylor is there to ensure that he can have a glass or two and relax with us.

He then says he needs to leave by 8pm as he has a meeting at 9pm and wants to quickly stop at the hospital and I realise that he is here under sufferance as he'd much rather be sitting with Ana and decide to instruct the kitchen to bring through everything at a much faster rate than normal once the rest of the guests arrive.

Elliot is being himself and ribbing his brother but it is for once a gentle ribbing that is making Christian smile, I love that my boys seem to be closer as well over the last 2 days like they are sharing something without competition. I am sure that Elliot is over the moon as we all are that Christian seems to have found someone delightful but nothing is getting him to speak about her and it is up to Elliot to provide us some information from Kate. I can't believe that the boys have managed to connect with roommates, well, that will make family dinners easier for the girls. Oh listen to me, I have the boys practically married off already!

Even Carrick is joining in the pre-dinner conversation about Ana but Christian won't share why he is so enamoured of her and I am not willing to risk him retreating into his shell and change the subject to mention that the committee for the SUB ball is just finishing up and will be joining us for dinner. Christian looks at me questioningly and I explain The Seattle Grace Emergency Upgrade Ball and Elena thought it would be easier to call it the SUB Ball. As I mention Elena, Christian stiffens and it is though a black cloud descends, his face contorts and his hand clasping his wine glass tightens and then I hear a crack and he curses.

"Sorry Mom for swearing, it's cut my hand" he manages to grind out between clenched teeth and Carrick runs to get my bag while I try and staunch the bleeding with a napkin and Elliot hovers with a look that reflects what I am feeling – what just happened?.

"Christian, are you ok darling? What..what just happened?" I ask because I can see that Christian is shaking and it has nothing to do with the cut in his hand, I wrack my brain to work out what I said before he reacted that way and realise it was when I mentioned Elena. I stitch up his hand and look questioningly at him.

"Nothing mother, I was just holding it wrong, there must have been a crack in it" he fobs me off but now I am starting to feel uneasy remembering that look I saw on Elena's face last night.

Just then, Elena sweeps into the room dressed in her usual black garb, her blonde hair artfully in place, her too red lips air kiss me and she ushers in the young girls that she has helping her and I hear a hissing in-draw of breath from Christian and look at him as he narrows his eyes and clenches his hands by his side. Elena reaches out her perfectly manicured talons to grab him on his arms and he literally jumps back with a look of pure hatred and I don't know what is going on, Elena has been part of our family for so long and they have always been friendly. "Christian it's lovely to see you" Elena persists and says "Let me introduce you to Susannah and Sheree, they are helping with the SUB Ball we are organising" and she cackles as she introduces the two girls. They are both beautiful brown haired girls dressed prettily and they make Elena look twice as old as they are both quite young. Christian nods at Sheree and gives the death stare towards Susannah who drops her head and I can't believe he is being so rude. Everyone stands there uncertainly and I realise I need to get back to my hostess role and ask everyone to sit and have a pre-dinner drink. Christian doesn't move, his jaw is tensed and I see a twitch as he contains his temper.

Something is going on. I look towards Elena and something like fear crosses her eyes but she quickly masks it when Christian scowls at her and speaks in what sounds more like a growl "A word with you Elena in the dining room" and they walk off towards the dining room.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

"What the fuck are you attempting to do Elena, seriously? You bring Susannah (a former submissive of mine and you know it because you arranged it) into my mother's house. You call the ball the SUB ball. What, did you bring Sheree here as an audition for a sub role? If you are trying to get our BDSM lifestyle out in the open, you are doing a great job of doing so and it will not be pretty when everyone finds out – what is your game? Are you attempting to make mischief with my life? What is your issue? What has gotten into you over the last 2 days? You attempt twice to get to Ana in the hospital, even after being asked to leave and without any reason for being there. What link is there between you and Ana? You are fucking playing with fire. I do not want you in any part of my life and if you do not leave voluntarily, I will ensure that you do so in such a way that you will be ruined. Do you understand me?"

"Christian, why are you doing this to me? I am the one that made you, I took you from a 15 year old who was on the road to prison and ultimate ruin and look what I did for you. I made you what you are today. I am the reason you are so successful today. I taught you control, I taught you how to think. I made you and this is how you repay me. You know that love is for fools, why now? You lose your mind over some dimwitted girl over what? I have Sheree here that is just exactly what you want and she's not all broken into pieces in a hospital and of no use for your needs. And you have very specific needs, I know…." she simpers and tries to lift her fake breasts into view as she leans into me.

"You did nothing but teach me to fuck Elena. You taught me nothing. You stopped me having any relationships beyond you. You pulled me down into your depraved world and lifestyle where all I have done is hate myself and I stupidly listened to you. Who says I needed the canings, the almost medieval torture you laid on me. Not only was it completely wrong that you introduced me to the lifestyle when I was 15 and would have done anything for a fuck but you were nasty to boot. You weren't a caring Domme and I learnt from you until I understood better about the needs of submissives, what you did to me is not what I did to the girls I had but it was still empty, each girl just a vessel. No love is soul draining and I am understanding that now. Finally I have some goodness in my life, if by some miracle, Ana wants to have anything to do with me, I don't have to worry about someone finding out about what I am doing. I don't have to worry about losing my business because someone has seen something or heard something. I have realised over the last 2 days that I don't need anything that you told me I needed, I need someone to love me and I need someone to love. I don't need someone that I have to control. You are a fucking depraved bitch who still routinely ruins little boys. For fucks sake Elena, I was fifteen when you started fucking me and fucking with me…."

I didn't hear the door open, I hadn't heard anything, no footsteps, nothing and suddenly I see my mother, her face white, her eyes dark and she is stalking towards Elena and she slaps her hard across the face, once on the right, once on the left and I don't know what else she is going to do when dad comes running across the room with Taylor by his side. Taylor takes hold of Elena's arm as mom screams at her "You are a pedophile, you knew everything about Christian and you used that to get to him. How dare you, you need to rot in hell you fucking bitch. Get out of my house and I never want to see you again unless it is in court. I can't believe I allowed you in my house and opened up my sons to your depravity. Did you just ruin Christian's life or did you attempt it with Elliot too?"

I see both Dad and Elliot standing there ashen faced, shocked and absolutely disgusted and I realise that they have heard everything. Dad is holding Mom who is shaking and looks like she is going into shock as Taylor opens the door for Elena who runs out clutching her face in her hands. I don't care what happens to Elena, hell would be too good a place for her, I have just lost my family and I know that I will lose Ana too, once she knows the truth. No-one, let alone someone as pure but damaged as her is going to want to have anything to do with me. Elena has ruined everything, my past is wasted, my future is gone. My life as I know it is ruined. I know I have lost my family in one fell swoop and turn dejected to walk out of the house.


	26. Chapter 26

**Taylor's POV**

Oh gee, no wonder the Boss is such a mess, the evil witch has had her claws in him since he was fifteen. No wonder then he overreacts to situations like a fifteen year old boy, he has been under her control since then and hasn't figured out how to deal with emotions because she controlled everything for him. This is fucked up with a capital F, oooh, that must be what he worked out the other night when he refused to see her and why he was such a mess the next day.

Oh fuck, look at the look on his face, look at the expression on everyone else's faces.  
Where's he going? I follow him outside. "Taylor give me the keys" he says and his eyes are empty, his face is a shade of grey, he looks like he is going to break.  
"There is no way you are driving Sir. Tell me where you want to go" I state as calmly as I can, it is my job now to protect him from himself, there is no way he is going to be out of my eyesight for the foreseeable future.

"Just fucking give them to me or you're fired" he screams and I say "That may well be but" and I decide to go out on a limb and say "There's a whole family in that room there that cares about you and is devastated at what they just heard, Ana in the hospital that needs you and Gail and I that will do anything to protect you, even from yourself so you can either accept that and allow me to drive you without complaint or I will restrain you and drive you to Dr Flynn" and I stand my ground. I know his abilities and he is not going to be able to get the keys from me or have access to any other vehicle.

And he just folds against the outside of the house, head on his knees and burying his hands in his hair. "They hate me, I've just lost everything." he whispers sounding completely shattered and I take one more liberty while I can and say "I suggest you engage Carrick on whatever case you are building against the witch and make the most of the anger everyone is feeling towards her, you have more than me watching your back." He huddles himself up further, hugging his knees and looks like he is going to be sick.

I don't know if I have convinced him that somehow his family isn't going to cut him off, god knows where he saw that in their faces because all I saw was anger aimed at one Elena Lincoln and an absolutely horrified and enraged Grace who looked like she would have killed her and buried the body without a qualm. This from a lady that has always seemed cool, calm and collected under any circumstances thrown her way and always a "lady" but an amazing tigress when she realised the amount of damage done to her son, I must say I was impressed.

At the same time we both hear screaming coming from within the house "Where is he? I have to find Christian. I fed him to the lions all those years ago, I need to at least protect him now, even though it will be just from himself" and I can tell that Grace is in tears and haul him up. "See she's got your back too, come on, back inside" and I forcibly lift him, a deadweight Christian is difficult to move but he has completely retreated inside his head and only two options are usually left for him in this situation. Complete closed down inaction or violence and I need to get him to his mother inside so that we can hold off either situation. He just cannot move and all I can feel as I try to hold him up is his shuddering, his whole body shaking with some deep emotion, tension rolling off him like waves.

* * *

**Grace's POV**

"Carrick, I fed him to her. It's all my fault. I used to sit there and talk to her about him, all his fears, how he didn't like to be touched, the trouble he was getting into at school, how I wished he would have a relationship with some nice girl as he seemed so frustrated and from those conversations she used that to get to him. What was he talking about? Did she start molesting him at age 15? Is that when he started calming down at school but how did she do it? My God, he mentioned the BDSM lifestyle and that he was her submissive and in turn that's how he treated HIS submissives. We always thought he'd never been with anyone and instead he's been immersed in that lifestyle – Elliot did you know about that?"

Elliot is standing there shaking and he just shakes his head, I have never seen Elliot unable to speak and I can see that he is clicking back through his memories to see if there was any clue that he missed. "Elliot, did she ever attempt anything with you?" and again he shakes his head and says "Maybe I missed what she was trying to do but I always hated her. I couldn't stand how she acted around us so I always walked away and I guess I left Christian in her clutches by doing that – fuck, I didn't protect my little brother. I was glad when he stopped fighting at school and didn't think twice about it. I saw some bruises once on the back of his legs and assumed he'd been beaten up and not gotten caught and didn't bring it up – I bet it was from her caning him. Now when you think back, he never wore anything but long sleeve shirts and track pants even when on the rowing squad – that was unusual but I thought he was trying to hide his burns but it must have been what she was doing to him."

We all stand there shamed at how we let him down, we said we'd protect him and yet we took him from one set of abuse and when we should have been helping him develop his relationships, something he'd never seen in his prior life, we let him be abused by someone worse than what he'd had to endure previously.

"Oh Carrick, I failed him as a mother. How did we not see it? She is a She-devil and why did I never see it? It was only today and yesterday that I saw her character reflected in her face and body language and I started noticing how fake she was. What other sort of other people have I let into our children's lives? Oh no, she has been volunteering with the youth outreach services at the hospital for the last couple of years. Oh Carrick I failed them, I have failed them all." I feel like I am going to be sick.

And Carrick simply wraps his arms around me and places my head against his chest "Darling, she has been playing a lot of people for a long time. She tricked me as well and you have no idea how many child abuse cases I have worked with all these years and I didn't see it. I guess we were all so pleased when he stopped getting into trouble when he was fifteen and he had just started with a new therapist and everything seemed to fall into place. It wasn't unusual that he didn't have girls come around during his teen years because he'd never socialised and we thought he didn't want us to see him naked when we might have seen the physical damage to him because of his earlier fears. Darling you couldn't have been a better mother, this is what pedophiles do." And he rubs my back soothingly.

"Grace, we need to find Christian because I am sure he is believing this is all his fault and goodness knows what damage he will do to himself" and that galvanises me because there is nothing that scares me more than Christian's self-loathing.

As I run to the front door crying out "Where is he? I have to find Christian. I fed him to the lions all those years ago, I need to at least protect him now, even though it will be just from himself" I see Taylor lifting up a lifeless looking Christian and I scream and run towards them, what has happened in those few minutes we were talking in the room? Taylor simply holds him up and I see that he is alive but as he shudders I can see that he has retreated to a similar catatonic state as the other day in the hospital. He is in no shape to walk and Taylor puts one arm under his knees and another round his shoulders and once again carries him into the house and lays him gently on the lounge.

"Darling, I love you and I am so sorry we failed you for all these years." I say as I gently stroke his hair off his face and then remembering what calmed Ana yesterday, I start to rub comfortable circles on his back, completely forgetting his fear of being touched and am shocked to the core and pull my hand away like it is on fire when he screams in a voice twisted with torment "Don't touch me".

The shuddering turns into sobs that wrack his entire body "I don't deserve you, I don't want you tainted by me. Just leave me alone." And I realise that I need to somehow make him realise that we don't blame him. "Christian, you need to listen to me. We don't blame you. We love you. We are not going to leave your side until you realise this. I am calling Dr Flynn now"  
I don't know what I said but he groans and starts to unwind himself and says quietly. "You don't need to call him. I've got to get home because Dr Flynn will be there at 9pm and we start the process of bringing Elena Lincoln to justice from evidence provided by the girl that caused Ana's accident."

I don't know that my heart can take any more bad news but I have to ask. "What does Elena have to do with Ana's accident?" and he just shrugs and says "A lot."

Finally I understand how he feels with his self-loathing, everything bad that has happened to this family can be directly traced back to some action of mine whether it be a tenuous link or a direct link and I sink back into the couch unable to provide him anymore comfort and it is Carrick that takes the lead.

"Son, I am coming with you, nothing would please me better than to be finally providing you the support we should have provided to you back when you were 15 and there will be no greater pleasure than seeing Elena sentenced to a lifetime in prison for what she did to you alone, let alone the others she has obviously preyed upon. I know we can't take action in relation to you due to the statute of limitations but if she did it to you, she's probably still doing it to other young boys and we need her to stop."

It's obvious he doesn't believe that we are there for him and I can feel my family splintering as everyone tries to figure out how we move forward and start supporting him while honouring his need to withdraw but not allowing it to go too far.

Once again, I am grateful for Taylor, he says quietly "Sir, you told Ana that you'd be back at 8:30 to wish her goodnight and she said that would scare away the nightmare, if we want to meet that commitment and get back to Escala, we need to be leaving now. If Carrick is with us, we can park close and you'll be able to spend an extra 15 minutes with Ana before getting back to Dr Flynn and .."

And just like that, the talisman that is Ana works because Christian starts to rise although it is only with Taylor's steadying brace that he manages to stand and he says, "Ok Dad, get your stuff, we're going in 5 minutes if you want to come" and then unbelievably, always the man in control of a situation he says "where are Susannah and Sheree?" and I have to say, I don't have any idea where they are.

I go look in the sitting room and they are still there looking scared and I can't really blame them, our house has become a war zone since their arrival and then I am surprised once again when I hear Christian come up from behind me and say "You will both sign a non-disclosure agreement, I will have one for you in a minute and then you will be in a cab to wherever you came from and you will not step foot into this house again. The ball will be organised and you are not invited and are not to have any further to do with it. Do you understand? Just wait here" It is unbelievable to hear the control in his voice and the command he has over others as both girls accept what he has said and simply nod. He walks to the door to wait for Taylor who appears to have returned to his vehicle to grab the agreements. I shudder to think that Susannah was my son's submissive and that Elena had brought Sheree into my house to seduce (or whatever they do) my son – the gall of the woman astounds me.

What a life this son of mine leads! I always thought he was private and I could understand it because of his wealth but with everything else that he has been hiding, how he hasn't succumbed to a stress related disorder I don't understand – keeping secrets is the hardest work for your body and this boy has been doing it all his life. I still don't know what he remembers from before our adoption although I know that he has strong memories because the night terrors still persist and I wonder whether I should have pushed further when he was a child so that I could have helped him along the way and to think that since he was 15 he has been keeping his life and personal preferences secret – he is 27, it has been nearly half his life. My heart just hurts.

As Christian walks back in with the forms and the girls sign and leave, his stomach growls and I half sob with distress as it all hits me and my legs turn to jelly "God, I couldn't protect you for all these years and now I forget to feed you as well!"

And he is at my side and has his arm around my shoulder holding me up and he whispers in my ear "Mom, you are my angel, you saved me all those years ago and have loved me ever since even though I haven't deserved that love. I consented to everything that Elena did to me and there is no way I wanted you to know anything about my life. I am truly sorry you had to find out and especially the way you did. I have felt like a monster all my life, a monster who does not know how to love and therefore did not deserve a place in your perfect family, with the perfect parents, my perfect brother and perfect sister, yet you didn't make me feel like a monster, I could never figure out why you kept loving me.

I thought if I was bad then you would send me away and I'd stop ruining your perfect life but I know you kept loving me and that's what I couldn't understand. Once Elena told me that I was unlovable and didn't deserve love either to have it given to me or to give it, it made sense to me and I hung onto that and everything else she said because I could rationalise it. I figured that if I was a successful businessman, then I would fit into the family because then no-one would guess the monster and just see the façade and I was happy to do that – I felt like by my success I was allowed to be in your house. Mom, I know you love me and you have always protected me, this is not your fault. Please don't blame yourself. You will always be my angel and your wings have always lifted me."

He kisses me on the head, I don't know where to start with a rebuttal of the things he's said however I am glad he's talking and then I finally see a small quirk of a smile on his lips as he says "But some food to go would be good."

While I organise the food, Christian disappears, I assume he is looking for Carrick and then they all return and I give them 3 containers of food, I am sure that Taylor will get a chance to eat somewhere along the line and the man deserves so much more given what he has had to deal with. The smile on his usually impassive face is worth it as I thank him for looking out for my son but he says nothing.

As they leave, Christian gives me a small smile and peck on the cheek and as much as I'd love to give him a hug, the memory of his reaction a little earlier is too raw to allow me to do that so I just squeeze his hand and hope he truly understands the love and sadness I feel for him. Carrick gives me a hug and says "Darling, go to sleep, it's been a torrid night and we won't be back until later." I decide that a nice bath and lie down are just what I need given that I have an early start in the morning and head off to my room.

I lie in the bath and try and fathom everything that has happened, try to work out how I missed everything so badly, how Christian could not feel and accept the love we all had and still have for him. How Christian says he doesn't know how to love, that he doesn't have a heart yet I know he gives compassionately to causes around the world and would never allow anything happen to anyone close to him. He says he doesn't know how to love but I wonder if he just doesn't realise that his heart is bursting with love and once he acknowledges it, he will find peace.

I finally make it to the bedroom and as I move the decorative pillows to lie my head down, my heart breaks and I sob because there in the middle of my pillow is a small, red, unmistakeably Cartier box and inside, a beautiful pair of angel wing earrings.


	27. Chapter 27

**Taylor's POV**

It's lucky the Boss works out like a demon otherwise his heart would have burst with the shit he's been carrying around. First as a kid and then as a teen, I still don't know what happened when he was a kid, no-one ever mentions it, he hasn't volunteered it and the records are sealed. I tried finding out soon after I started working for him and was woken by his screaming and thinking that he was being murdered. I'll never forget that first time when I saw the abject terror in his eyes, the anguish as the terror reduced and then the aftermath, the shaking, the hours trying to calm himself at the piano playing maudlin music.

It still hits me every time it happens so whatever it was that happened in the past must have been horrific if willingly being fucked over and being beaten up by the witch was preferable to that.

Now I wonder if any of the trauma relates to the witch and whatever she did to him, for fuck's sake, he was 15! I have always hated what he did in that red room but those women go in there willing and keep going in there and they are all of age and consenting, I've seen the forms, I've seen how happy they are, they know what they're getting into but I really hope it's going to be finished now, I don't want Miss Steele in that room.

I don't know if the Boss has totally released himself from the witch's powers and whether I can arrange for the witch to simply disappear, I would happily do time if they caught me but they wouldn't catch me, I have my means. Somehow though I think she still has her claws in his mind, she's been part of his life for more than half of it because she must have spent a couple of years before she did anything with him, finding out all the relevant information from Grace and from being a part of their family group, grooming them all, not just the Boss.

Talking about powers, I wonder what it is about Ana that has the power over him, none of us know what her story is but if she is to use her power, I hope it is for good only and not evil because there is no way that I can protect him from her. She seems to be his life force at the moment and it is a wonder to behold but if she turns on him, it will destroy him completely.

I swear I must be going soft because I look at him cradling her face as he gives her a kiss and feel teary, since when have I ever felt teary?! She looks so small and helpless in the bed, the massive cast engulfs her lower half, the sling holds her arm in place, there are breathing monitors, heart rate monitors and the elimination tubes and all I want to do is make sure that no more harm ever comes to her – both for her sake and for the Boss's sake.

I look at Carrick and he's wiping his eyes as the Boss goes to stand and Ana sleepily opens her eyes and whispers, "You came back" and he simply says "I said I would." However, the look on her face is of pure concern when she takes a good look at him and says "But you need to go and get some sleep, you're running on empty" when he says flippantly "I'll sleep when I'm dead" she gasps and the tears immediately start rolling down her cheeks and she throws her arm up over eyes. That reaction to a throw-away line was so unexpected that my stomach clenches and the Boss looks devastated. He gently lifts her arm and says "I'm sorry Ana, it's just a line, a throw-away line, I'm so sorry, please don't cry, my god, I can't do anything today without upsetting someone, please calm down, think of your ribs, you're going to hurt yourself." He gently wipes the tears with his thumbs and kisses her eyelids, she steadfastly keeps them closed but as she calms down with hiccups he grabs a tissue and she wipes her nose and finally opens her eyes and says fiercely "Don't even joke about it."

This man who still believes no-one loves him has the clearest example in front of him of what his loss would mean and I hope that she will be the one that starts getting it through to him what everyone else was trying to say back at his parents.

"Um ok" and he sounds like a boy that is suitably chastened and then he goes for diversion. "I'm sorry that I woke you but I'm glad you're awake because I brought you something for tomorrow, I apologise that I can't give it to you now because we need final approval from your doctor." She quirks her eyebrow at him, she really does manage to convey a lot with her face, given that the rest of her body is basically locked down. He continues "My housekeeper makes the most delectable chocolate cake and if the doctor says it is fine for you to eat solids, you can eat it tomorrow, I have put it in the fridge."

She glowers at him for a moment but with a smile and says "You know I will be dreaming about chocolate cake now and I'll make sure to ask the first doctor on their rounds tomorrow if I can have it, if I can, by the time you next get here, I will have perfected moving with all these attachments and cast and have eaten my cake" and he says with all seriousness "Hmm, I don't want you hurting yourself, maybe I'll take it home". She snorts and smacks his knee, "Christian seriously! I promise not to move out of this bed and as if I could. You need sleep. Go!" and then because it looks like she is worried about his mental state and having chastised him, she smiles a cute shy smile and says "But thank you for coming back, the nightmare can be chased away by pleasant dreams of cooking and delicious food" and then her voice drops but I am sure she says "and you".

Thankfully, he either missed it or chose to humour the rest of us in the room and says "Well, once you know whether you can eat other foods please text me so that I can bring some of Mrs Jones' soup or anything else that you'd like and I'm sorry but we have to go" and he holds her head in his hands and what I think was going to be a quick kiss turns into something that has both Carrick and I turning and walking out to give them some privacy.

I don't really want to go to sleep tonight with the image of her hand in his hair and the groans albeit quiet emanating from them both. She is going to be the death of all of us – I see some very long and arduous exercise sessions in my very near future.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I'm so tired I just can't feel my body at this point and I can't believe I upset Ana with that comment, it was pretty damn insensitive given how many times she has been close to death in the last 2 days.

God she's beautiful, so broken though, maybe why I can relate to her, she's broken physically but I'm wrecked mentally, I know I am. How am I going to support her without transferring my 50 shades to her but she needs to know. How am I going to tell her about the whole screwed up mess we are in? My family has only heard a tiny fraction and looked shattered, what is it going to do to her, what is it going to do to us? I really want there to be an "us".

That last kiss took me all my strength to pull away from, her hand in my hair, her taste, her lips, she unravels me every time she touches me. And I like it and I can't believe how much I need her, I just want to crawl into bed next to her and hold her, let her goodness transfer to me, it's an impossible dream but maybe if I imagine that, I can displace all the other crap that is running around my head.

Walking back to the car, no-one says anything, neither Taylor or Dad look at me and I gather that last kiss might have embarrassed them, hmm, another reason to kiss Ana, if it means everyone leaves us alone. She makes me feel good. She makes me feel right. Oh good lord, I think they're the lyrics from a song, lordy lordy I'm thinking in song lyrics – god help us!

Now we have to see Flynn and with Dad no less. How the hell did going to dinner with my parents end up being the worst night of my life, could it get any worse? I have a feeling it will, Flynn has promised to let me know everything that Cecilia said and from his tone of voice, I think my assumptions this morning must have been correct in some manner.

Once in the car, I realise that I am going to need to bring Dad up to speed otherwise he is going to be completely blindsided by what he hears with Flynn and I need to at least prepare him and ask him not to tell my Mom, she doesn't need this shit in her head. "Dad, you're going to need to keep this information under legal privilege and not disclose it to Mom, do you still want to be part of it? Will you make sure not to tell her?" He responds that he does not keep secrets from Mom and has never done so in all the years that they have been married but as a lawyer, he knows there is material that cannot be disclosed and it is that material he will not be disclosing. I am guessing that anything that relates to me will be passed on and I can't believe I'll be hurting my mother again and again, I can't stand it but there is nothing I can punch in the vehicle so I just grit my teeth and fall back against the headrest trying to figure out what he needs to know.

I text Flynn a simple message. "FYI: Carrick, Grace, Elliot and Taylor all now know about Elena. Carrick is with me to assist with legal representation."

And I almost chuckle at the response: "How do you feel about that?"

My response: "Really? That standard question? Nothing original?"

I can't believe he texted me his stock standard question. I don't actually know how I feel about it in a way that I can express. I feel devastated. I feel that now they know I am a monster that they will start drawing away from me. I feel confused because they haven't acted like that but perhaps once they've had time to think, they will. I feel surprised that Grace was so distraught. I feel exhausted but strangely, I feel a little lighter, like this huge secret has finally been lifted off my shoulders.

I relent and text Flynn, "Ok, I'm somewhat confused with a myriad of different emotions but we'll investigate this another day, I just needed to let you know that Carrick will be there and assisting legally."

I close my phone and address the elephant in the car, "Dad, just so you know, you're going to be hearing stuff that you don't want to hear and I'm sorry. Do you want me to go through it now or just wait until the other legal staff are hearing it as well?"

"Just the basics son so I don't look like the complete idiot I am for having missed it all happening around me" he says and I realise that the fallout is more than just for me, Carrick is well known in legal circles and the fact that he missed this happening under his nose could well diminish his reputation. Ah Crap, my deception is hurting more and more people and I wish I could just escape it all – run away and not have to do this.

Deep breath. "The basics are: I was in a BDSM relationship with Elena from age 15 to 21 and she has facilitated my BDSM lifestyle since .." Carrick holds up his hand and says in a breaking voice "I'll hear the rest with everyone else, I don't want to hear it twice and I'm sure you don't want to say it twice."

And we pull into the carpark at Escala and head up the elevator, no-one saying anything, I guess everyone is turning everything they have heard in the last few hours over in their minds or most likely wondering what other pearlers they'll hear from me tonight, just how depraved my life has been, quite the reasoning behind it all and how it all relates to Anastasia lying broken in hospital. Yes, everyone is just about to find out how fucked up my life really is, all I want to do is go to bed.

We step out of the elevator and I am shocked to see Mrs Jones comforting someone in the big room and I can't think who it might be, Taylor stiffens next to me as well until they turn around and I see it is Elliot. He looks a mess and I don't understand.

"What are you doing here?" I ask confused, I don't understand why he is in tears and looks like he is falling apart and then he shocks me as he starts a verbal stream of consciousness that doesn't allow me any time to provide any answers with "I didn't protect you Christian, I'm your big brother and I said I'd always protect you and I. Didn't. Do. That. I'm so so sorry, I don't know what to say. Why didn't you tell me? How the hell did it all start? What did she do to you? Every time I walked away when she was around, was that when she got to you? How did you hide everything away from me, we spend time together and I'm always ribbing you about not having girlfriends and joking about you being gay and in the meantime, you were hiding a huge fucking secret from all of us – when did you do this? I just don't understand. Why, why… argh god, I just fucked up so bad. I'm SO sorry!"

He is holding my shoulders and looking into my eyes and I don't know what to say, where to start so I close down and he just shakes his head "See, you do that and you hide, fuck and we let you, maybe we should have pushed." And I am sure it is disgust on his face as he takes his hands down and buries his head in them. I don't deal well with emotions, I don't know what to do in the situation and all I can say wearily is, "I'm sorry" and before I can say any more Elliot says "What the fuck are you sorry for? I can't believe you've dealt with all of this and none of us knew." And he stands there staring at me and chokes out "Fuck Fuck Fuck. Why were you still friends with that fucking pedophile? Why are you business partners with her?"

Before I have a chance to answer because right now I am wondering how my life has panned out like this and how I can possibly explain it, John Flynn walks in and says "Because she has controlled him all this time without him realising it, it's not his fault" and I really want to believe him but I know I consented to everything all these years so I guess I am just as screwed up as her.

I just want to disappear but to protect Ana and so many other people, I need to be here and I need to participate, my fuckedupness needs to be put to a side, Elliot is right, I have to stop hiding.


	28. Chapter 28

**John Flynn's POV**

This is a complication I don't think we needed right now but perhaps with Carrick on board it will help with the legal side of things but I wonder if Christian has forgotten that he has additional legal staff attending as well.

"Christian, do you still have some of your legal team attending tonight?" as he nods I can see he is wondering if should just keep it in house as such but I think that Carrick is being affected by what he has heard tonight about his son, I have never seen him look so distracted and distraught, yes, distraught is probably a good description of his expression and that perhaps an external person may not be so affected. Given that the Christian's family have only just found out something about Christian, I don't know how they are going to cope with the rest of the distasteful information we have uncovered in the last few days. I wonder how it went down, how the rest of the family found out, I wish I was there because from the look of Carrick and Elliot, they have been broadsided in the worst possible way.

I wonder if this is the best time to do this, yes, I want to make sure Ana is safe and also that Cecilia is safe, she is as much a victim as Ana and I really want both Stephen Morton and Elena Lincoln behind bars but perhaps it can wait until tomorrow but when I suggest that to Christian he shuts me down with a raise of his hand and a "No, tomorrow I am spending all day with Ana, she needs me there and I don't want to be doing anything else. My actions in the past have resulted in her being in hospital and I am going to be at her side to get her out of there as quickly as possible and back on with a life she deserves." Hmm, interesting choice of words.

Taylor appears and says there is a Mr Alex Lia and a Mrs Kathryn Harrison downstairs and can he send them up and Christian nods and herds everyone towards his office, waiting for the 2 members of his legal team to arrive as well as Welch who has rung to say he's on his way. While he does so, Mrs Jones brings in a jug of cold water and glasses but somehow I feel that everyone is going to be needing something stronger than water by the end of the night.

With everyone settled in the room, Christian draws his shoulders back, dons his CEO mask and starts, he produces a NDA for everyone and says "Although I know that everyone has already signed a similar NDA previously, I ask that you take a moment, review this document and sign, I need everyone to be aware that was is going to be discussed tonight goes far beyond any business dealing and delves deeply into my personal life and that of others that have at some point been close to me. The disclosure of any of this information would have severe deleterious effects on GEH and therefore the lives of thousands of employees. I cannot countenance that, while disclosure would have an impact on my own life, that is not my concern in this situation, the welfare of my staff and all the businesses that rely on our business is paramount. If you feel that you cannot honour this NDA, please leave now otherwise read, sign and we can start."

Everyone signs, tellingly, his brother and father included.

Christian continues "Parts of this story will go back a long way but the one thing that has brought this all to a head was a simple student newspaper interview on Monday, yes just 3 days ago although I seemed to have lived a lifetime in between.

The threads that need to be drawn are as follows:

Monday 9th May 2011 – Anastasia Steele a uni student from WSU came to my office, she interviewed me for the school paper and left the premises of GEH. As she left she was sighted and followed by a Cecilia Morton who then an hour later, in a remote stretch of the I5, ran her car off the road. Anastasia is in hospital with multiple injuries in a serious but stable condition. Cecilia Morton is in a psychiatric hospital under the care of Dr John Flynn here. For the sake of expediency I will draw a quick diagram of all related parties as I understand it, if you accept for the sake of this exercise that I am the glue that holds all this mess together.

Anastasia Steele did not know I existed before the morning of 9th May.  
Anastasia Steele is the daughter of Carla Adams.  
Carla Adams was married for a time in 2006 to Stephen Morton.  
Stephen Morton is the father of Cecilia Morton.  
Stephen Morton attacked Anastasia Steele when she lived in the same residence as him in 2006 after having attempted to sexually assault her.  
Stephen Morton attempted to destabilise my companies in 2008 with the assistance of his daughter.  
Cecilia Morton was a submissive of mine in 2008.  
Cecilia Morton was organised for me by Elena Lincoln as with all my previous submissives.  
Private information alert: Yes, I have maintained a hidden BDSM lifestyle since the age of 15.  
I was introduced to the BDSM lifestyle by Elena Lincoln when I was 15 and I was her submissive for 3 years until I chose to be a dominant and she was then my submissive until I was 21. After that she then procured suitable candidates as consensual participants for me to continue my BDSM lifestyle here.

There's an audible gasp when he makes that last statement and I wonder how everyone will cope with the filler information that I will provide once he completes his statement. He doesn't acknowledge that anyone made a sound and continues.

"Each of these submissives signed agreements both NDA's and also contracts for our arrangements and I can provide them all to show that all relations I had were of age and full consent.

My own sexual relations with Elena ceased at age 21," He laughs humourlessly and says "I guess I got too old."

He shakes his head with a look of disgust and continues:

"My business relationship with her started when she lent me $100,000 seed money to start my business – she was the only one that had faith in me at the time after I dropped out of Harvard" Carrick lowers his head and his shoulders sag as he makes this statement. Christian isn't looking at him though, he is staring at some speck on the wall and continues "I paid her back as soon as I could and then to repay her for her support, I went into business with her in her Esclava beauty salon business as the financial partner and it is in this capacity as well as her "recruitment" of partners that we have maintained constant contact" and then his voice drops as he says "And just yesterday I figured out that she has been controlling all interactions I have that are not in a business setting.

At Harvard I was still under Elena's control as she didn't allow me to interact with anyone else otherwise I would be caned, brutally so, when she next saw me. Once I dropped out I was so busy proving that I could make the business successful to prove all the doubters wrong that I wasn't interested in anything else and once I had made it successfully in business, it was easier not to interact with anyone to keep the vultures at arms length. The BDSM lifestyle made it possible to just interact with someone on the weekend and satisfy every sexual need I had and it carried me for the rest of the week and I would have dinner with Elena every Wednesday and now when I think about it, she would spend that time putting ideas into my head….Fuck I've been an idiot!" and he just shakes his head and closes his eyes.

"Thank you Christian" I say, "If you will allow me to continue with the details provided by Cecilia Morton in both a written and verbal statement and also to provide some background on other comments you have touched on." I look at him and he nods to go ahead.

"I have been supporting Christian for a number of years and it was only yesterday that some major breakthroughs have occurred in the understanding of how his relationships in the past have been manipulated and he has seen them for what they truly are and while this isn't the forum to discuss it, I need everyone to understand the following:

BDSM relationships are a lifestyle choice and if they are practiced in a safe, sane relationship between consenting adults, then it's a nonissue. My understanding is that Christian has conducted all of his BDSM relationships in this manner. His introduction to this lifestyle is another matter and at age 15 he was neither an adult nor able to give informed consent and the adult in this "relationship", one Elena Lincoln is a pedophile. Not only in everyone's mind but under the definition in the legal system and like a typical pedophile, she didn't stop (or start) with Christian and one of the actions from tonight is to decide on the legal action in relation to her pedophilia. We need to determine the extent of her activities and ensure that evidence that will stand up in court and not be outside the statute of limitations. We need hard evidence of such activity within the last 2 years.

Every other BDSM relationship Christian participated in has, unlike his introduction, been started and maintained within clearly defined contracts between consenting adults and all have concluded with the submissives retaining all benefits provided eg cars, clothes etc and this was the same with Cecilia Morton despite her stealing and in other ways taking advantage of her situation.

This morning I was able to speak to Cecilia, she provided a spoken statement that has been transcribed and she has signed as being a true representation of her statement, here it is please read it."

As they read it I sit and watch the faces but it is Christian and Taylor who know the background from Welch who look furious, Christian looks like he is about to be sick and Taylor quietly passes the bin towards him and is met with a slight shake of the head. Elliot explodes with disgust and puts his head in his hands and I can see his shoulders shaking with quiet tears and I can only imagine he is considering what his brother went through as a child. This is confirmed when he quietly says "Not only Christian but now poor Ana all because of that fucking bitch" and so I know he knows about Ana and seems in favour of her from the stricken look on his face when he looks at his brother. Christian simply clenches his jaw tighter and I have no doubt he is taking the blame that should be laying on Elena's shoulders and adding it to his own – I have seen how he thinks.

I add for the sake of the others, "Ana was stabbed by Cecilia during Halloween celebrations when Cecilia was in costume and she never saw her while she lived with Stephen Morton so would not have recognised her on Monday. Cecilia has admitted that she has twice attempted to kill Anastasia and since the last attempt was just 2 days ago, I am recommending that she be detained in some manner as she is a continuing threat."

"I understand that there appears to be a Dom/Sub relationship between Elena and Stephen but what I don't understand is why Elena Lincoln came with Stephen Morton to the hospital this morning, from my understanding she is not normally seen in public with her subs. At no point has Anastasia's name been mentioned other than by Cecilia and definitely not to Stephen Morton."

Welch pipes up with "Conversations that have been recorded since this morning indicate that Ms Lincoln has figured out the link between Morton's statement that his daughter was in a psychiatric hospital because she had run someone off the road in a horrific accident and Ms Lincoln knowing that there was one young female patient in the hospital after such a horrific accident and her express wish stated after they had been turned away and she was alone was to "Make Cecilia pay for ruining my life and that other little bitch needs to go too" therefore Cecilia is at risk from Ms Lincoln as well as Anastasia. However, I don't believe she has shared these opinions with Stephen so at this point we don't know if he knows that Anastasia is the girl in the hospital"

Christian pours himself a glass of water and indicates that now would be a good time if anyone wants one, it creates a little break that seems to allow the three legal eagles in the room to compose themselves – even they look shocked at what they have read and heard.

Before anything legal is mentioned though, Christian says something that has me looking sharply between him and Welch. "When Carla Adams left the hospital today, she gave the address of Stephen Morton as her destination, do you know what happened there? She was only told at the hospital that Ana had an accident, no-one at the hospital knows that another car was involved, the assumption there is that Ana left the road during the rain and hit the tree. On another matter, Stephen Morton's conditions at the time of the legal action against him for attempting to damage my company back in 2008 were that he was not to reside in the Seattle area and he is back here and obviously has been for a while."

Oh Good Lord, could this web get any messier?

Welch says "Apparently when Carla reached Stephen's house, he wasn't there and she simply returned to her hotel room. We are however keeping tabs on each of their whereabouts and tracking their phone conversations and at this point they have not interacted. It is however unusual that she should be seeking him out given that the divorce was not amicable and was a result of him breaking her arm."

Christian pipes up "She probably thinks he is successful and she wants something more from him, seems like she is willing to do anything as long as she ends up with something out of it."

It's obvious that Welch's methods and evidence may not be 100% on the right side of the law so the legal team needs to determine what methods and evidence can be utilised to reach our legal goals and these as I set out for everyone are the following:

Lock Elena Lincoln away – to protect young boys and provide retribution to those previously abused and with the last bit of information protect both Cecilia and Anastasia.

Lock Cecilia Morton away – she has admitted to 2 attempts to killing Anastasia and would appear to not hesitate to do it again. Although some sort of psychiatric custody should be considered to provide her the support given the trauma and abuse she has been subjected to for so many years.

Lock Stephen Morton away – incest and perhaps breaching the conditions of his release in 2008.

As we are discussing this Welch is on his phone and puts his hand up to indicate that he wants to break into the discussion with some new information.

"Apparently Carla has just contacted Stephen Morton, here is the phone call" and he switches his phone to speaker.

Carla: "Hi Stephen, It's Carla, how are you?"

Stephen: "Why are you calling me you fucking bitch?"

Carla: "Well hello to you too. I was hoping to speak to Cecilia is she with you?"

Stephen: "Why are you smelling around her? She's in the loony bin anyway so you can't speak to her"

Carla: "What do you mean? Is she ok? You know I consider her a daughter, she was always brighter and more fun than my own _" And if Christian could combust I am sure he would, the expletives fly drowning out the obviously less than complimentary description of Ana that Carla has stated, Christian's face is murderous and Taylor simply rests his arm alongside Christian's and he unclenches his fists but his eyes are still blazing as he looks at Taylor who simply shakes his head.

Stephen: "No she's not ok, she's in the psychiatric hospital because on Monday night she apparently ran some girl's car off the road and caused a bad accident, the other girl is in hospital with multiple massive injuries."

And then there is a pause, a long pause and then

Carla: "Did you know that on Monday night Anastasia had a bad accident and is now in hospital with multiple massive injuries?" and there is silence

Stephen: "Shit, you're kidding me? CeeCee never did like Anastasia. Have you spoken to Anastasia, did she say it was CeeCee?

Carla: "She didn't say anyone else was involved but I haven't been able to really speak to her because her boyfriend, the great Christian Grey won't let anyone near her."

Stephen: "What the fuck did you just say? Did you just say that Christian Grey is Anastasia's boyfriend? You have got to be fucking kidding me"

Carla: "Why, why would that matter?"

Stephen: "Because he was fucking CeeCee a couple of years ago and kicked her out when he didn't like what _I _was doing, CeeCee has been going crazy the last couple of weeks since we ran out of money and she has been stalking him out trying to get back with him."

Carla: "So you have run out of money" Ha, that's telling, that's what she took out of that conversation. Then she seems to remember herself and says "OMG have you spoken to CeeCee, has she said she did it? God what a mess!"

Stephen: "We weren't allowed to speak to her, we were turned away today, hopefully I'll be able to go in and see her tomorrow."

Carla: "Who is we?"

Stephen: "Not that it's anything to you but it was my friend Elena Lincoln"

Carla: "Hmm, Elena Lincoln"

Stephen: "Do you know her?"

Carla: "She was trying to set me up with someone a couple of years ago, said he liked small, slim, brunettes with green eyes."

And Christian actually gags and throws up in the bin. Welch pauses the replay to allow him to walk out with it and everyone looks at each other, even the impassive legal team look slightly green around the gills. The sound of crashing and swearing from another room has Taylor out the door as soon as it starts and they walk back in a minute or so later. Christian's head is down and I can hear his laboured breathing but he signals for the replay to continue.

Stephen: "I didn't know you were into the scene"

Carla: "I wasn't until I decided that I liked what you did to me, well, not the broken arm so much so I investigated it after I left you and met Elena at one of the clubs. She is always surrounded by young men and kept trying to hitch me up with boys that looked too young to be in any clubs let alone those types of clubs"

Stephen: "Well did she get you the gig?"

Carla: "The bitch said I was too old for him apparently he was mid 20's though she said she'd subbed for him when she met me but I'm a good 10 years younger than her and better preserved, everything is real unlike her, so I don't know what she was getting at, maybe that Dom had mommy issues and I was too close to his mother's age"

There's an audible groan from Christian and both his hands are in his hair while his elbows are on his knees and he looks like he is in the brace position, his whole body is shuddering as he tries to maintain control. I can't imagine how much this phone call is killing him inside and know it is going to take a lot of therapy for him to move forward.

Stephen: "Maybe we could get back together if you want some fun times or are you with someone at the moment?"

Carla: "I'm with someone at the moment who is in Las Vegas, he's good for the money but doesn't care for sex, so maybe we can work something out." And she pauses like she is considering it and then she says "Oh but what about CeeCee and Anastasia?"

Stephen: "They don't need to know about it and since both are in hospital for the foreseeable future…"

Carla: "What about Elena, you haven't said what she is to you?"

Stephen: "I'm sure she'd enjoy a second person if you want to join in with her, she likes it when CeeCee is there"

Carla: "Oh Stephen, you don't do you? What do you mean she likes it when CeeCee is there"

Stephen: "Sure we do, CeeCee likes it, we've been sharing everything since she was 13. That's why she was so pissed when you turned up in our lives with Anastasia and Anastasia wouldn't put out."

Carla: "You know I don't think she has yet either and she's nearly 22"

And this time it is Elliot groaning "She is such a fucking bitch" and Christian is as white as a ghost, his fingers gripping his hair tightly.

Stephen: "I thought you said the great Christian Grey was her boyfriend, he screws exceptionally well according to CeeCee, it wasn't just his money she was after when she went stalking him a couple of week ago."

Carla: "Nah, he's not screwing her, I can tell. I think whatever is going on between the two of them is only new, hmm, from what her flatmate was saying, she may only have met him on Monday so no he hasn't gotten into those tight panties yet. I hope he does soon though, I'd like some of the sugar to come my way."

Stephen: "You haven't changed have you? It's all about the money."

Carla: "Ha, you can talk!"

Stephen: "So are you coming over or not"

Carla: "Hell, why not. Ana's money bags boyfriend paid for my flight here, I might as well enjoy myself while I'm here. See you soon."

And the conversation finishes and there is silence, dead silence around the table as no-one wants to be the first person to speak.

* * *

It's so silent that I am sure I can hear Christian's heart thumping.

Finally Welch speaks up, "There are tails on all 3, Elena, Stephen and Carla, so the girls are safe and I am happy to pass over the tapes if they can be used in any legal action"

Suddenly Christian stands up and looks at everyone and says "Does anyone need me here? I can't help with any legal matters. John Flynn can fill you in with any details. Do I need to be here?"

All 3 legal eagles look at each other and Carrick says "I guess not"

"Well I'll leave you to it. Make sure the cases are water tight and I don't care what happens to any of them as long as Anastasia is safe." Christian says, cocks his head at Taylor and they walk out the door.

He's correct, I know all his history, Welch has all the details of the incriminating evidence going back in time whether gathered legally or not. Carrick and Elliot know what the family knows and therefore any public knowledge material. The legal eagles know the legal side and what options we have.

It's probably best that Christian isn't in the room being frustrated and having the material hashed and rehashed to build the self-loathing. I just hope wherever he is going that Taylor sticks by him because I don't think it safe for him to be alone.

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

Oh good, we get to leave the room but I hope we aren't on the way to take care of Carla or Elena, I will need backup if we do because I can't guarantee that I will be able to stop him causing permanent damage or death to either of those two damned evil women.

"Can I ask where we're going?" I ask quietly as we descend in the elevator because he is still as white as a ghost and I am thinking a visit to the emergency room might well be on the cards, tonight might just have been the last straw and so I am extremely surprised when he says "the hospital" and climbs into the SUV without saying anything else, buckles up and puts his head into his hands.

Thankfully at past 11pm at night the roads are clear and we are at the hospital in double quick time and I just follow him as we head for Ana's room – well that's a relief.

Ryan is on the door thankfully, tonight would not have been a goodnight for security to be lax and be missing with the Boss in the mood he is in. I still don't know what he is going to do and then he does the most surprising thing.

He slides off his shoes, turns to me and says "I suggest you sleep in that chair if you want to be ready for the morning" and as he slides into the bed next to Ana, she is restlessly muttering and sounds like she is in the middle of a bad dream, not a nightmare and I really hope she doesn't freak out when she wakes up, especially since we now know the various things that have happened to her.

However, I haven't given him enough credit because he rises up onto his elbow, kisses her gently first on the forehead as he normally does and then whispers in her ear as he gently strokes her face until she calms and then stirs awake. She is in that twilight zone between asleep and awake but recognises him enough to not freak out and lifts her face for a kiss and then simply snuggles into his side and goes back to sleep.

It's amazing, even in the dim light of the room I can see the look of peace that floods his face, he rests his head against hers, wraps his arm around her and he is out like a light.


	29. Chapter 29 - 12 May 2011

**_A/N: Apologies first to everyone waiting for an update, real life has blocked writing and updating for a few days and will continue to do so for the rest of this week and I am also away for most of next week so updating will be sporadic, if at all.  
This chapter is another longer one (for me) like the last one and will hopefully tide you over.  
I always respond to all reviews so I was able to forewarn everyone that reviewed about this week's delay and I'd like to reiterate a point I have made before, if you ask me a question as a guest, I can't answer it, if you ask it with a registered id in a review or send me a PM, I can and will answer it. I will make one exception, to guest lauralai55, you couldn't have paid me a higher compliment, thank you. I truly appreciate all reviews and all the support from other writers and readers that have recommended my story. I would also like to give a special shout out to Banners and Mash, make sure to read her stories and as always, if you read no other story, make sure you read The Master's Muse._**

* * *

**Ana's POV**

The nurse wakes me up for the routine middle of the night "wake you up and bother you attendance" and is standing there with her hands on her hips looking at Christian and looking annoyed. She starts to reach for him and I whisper quietly, "Please don't wake him, I don't think he's had more than 2 hours sleep in the last 3 days. He isn't bothering me, in fact, I haven't had the nightmare since he's been here and I feel so much better. Please leave him alone, he is helping me."

The nurse harrumphs, thins her lips but gets on with what she has to do, she does jostle him at one point and we both hold our breaths and hear as he tightens his arm around me "Don't touch her, leave her alone" and what sounds very much like a whimper. She steps back, shakes her head and says quietly "Are your ribs ok? He seems to be holding on very tightly" and while she is right and he is putting a bit of pressure on, I love the feel of his arm and his body heat is keeping me warm so I whisper "It really is fine" and smile at her and she finally leaves me alone. Although not without a scowl and a shake of the head and while I am sure it's against protocol, I really don't care, he makes me feel safe.

I know Taylor is in the room, thankfully he seems asleep but now that I am awake and the new medication hasn't kicked in yet, I take advantage of the fact that I can observe this gorgeous man and wonder about the fact that he is here, lying in my bed. Who would have thought, mousey little Ana cradled in the arms of an Adonis, a gorgeous Greek god albeit with copper hair and perfect teeth and oh my, I can see that amazing tongue peeping through those imminently kissable lips. If it wouldn't wake him, I would just lean over and…. And I really can't think about what it is that is pushing against my right hip, if I move my hand I might be able to touch ….. I can't, imagine if he woke up!

I can feel the heat rising through my body as I imagine his body under the shirt, I can feel the rock hard abs and as I wiggle to try and move my arm, Christian stirs and I stiffen, not wanting to wake him instead a small smile settles on his lips, he shuffles a little, emits a small sigh and then nuzzles his nose closer into my hair, his breath right on my ear and his hand sweeps down my body in a gentle caress before it moves back up and rests just below my breast – damn, so close! I almost don't want to breathe in case he moves but it looks like his hair is tickling his nose, so I use my left hand and thankfully the shoulder doesn't hurt too much and move the hair off his face and then decide that I need to touch him so leave my hand on his on my chest. He settles again and his steady breaths and the cute little noises he's making lull me back to sleep with a smile on my face and dreaming of things I've never dreamt before, like licking chocolate cake off of his rock hard abs.

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

Damn nurses, I was deep asleep, the deepest sleep I've had for a while, it seems the Ana affect is to make us all fall asleep, amazing! I keep my eyes apparently shut but I perfected the skill a long time ago to be able to watch without being seen and I can see little miss innocent having a jolly good look at the Boss. If I wasn't supposed to be sleeping, I'd be smiling. I swear she is blushing so I can only imagine what she's thinking and that turns my thoughts to the delectable Gail who I am once again not sleeping next to but if this, whatever it is between these two, works out, hopefully we'll all finally have restful sleeps at home.

The Boss moves, oh please don't wake up, I don't want to pretend to sleep through him discovering her checking him out, thankfully he manages to perfect a grope in his sleep and stays asleep. She's using her left hand even though her arm is still in the sling to brush some hair off his face and I watch that hand hesitate before she lowers it back onto her chest over the Boss's hand with a little "cat's got the cream smile" and soon she is asleep as the drugs kick in and cue sleep for me again.

I'm woken again by my phone vibrating, "Taylor…..Yes Miss Grey I am with Christian…. No you can't speak with him…No, he's sleeping" Oh good lord, how am I going to get Mia off the phone, I am trying to speak as quietly as possible as I don't want to wake the Boss and leave the room but Mia's squeal is loud enough to wake anyone.

Without even holding my phone to my ear I can hear her say "Rubbish Taylor, I just spoke to Mrs Jones and she said that Christian wasn't there so he can't be sleeping and it's nearly 6am and he's always awake at this time"

"Well, he is not at home however he is sleeping and I will get him to call you when he wakes"

"Wait, Taylor … is he sleeping with someone? OMG Taylor you need to tell me…"  
"Miss Grey, Mr Grey will call you when he is able, I need to go now" and I hang up. Please, as if I am going to tell Mia anything but now that she is suspicious, I really shouldn't have said as much as I did, the Boss doesn't have a chance.

I let myself back into the room and they are both still asleep, it really is a miracle, he hasn't had a night terror, actually, neither has she, and he has slept the whole night since getting here, there wasn't a peep from either of them, thankfully Ana was able to convince the nurse in the middle of the night that she was happy for him to be there.

It is going to be my job to convince this next nurse to come back at the end of her rounds so they get some more but just as I think that, the Boss stirs and I watch to see what happens.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

In my dream I am floating down the road, holding his hand, stopping to give him a passionate kiss while he holds me around the waist and I have my foot kicked up in the universal sign of bliss. I can feel the heat of his arms and his hands are around my back, pulling me into his chest and his kisses start at my ear, across my cheek, on my lips while he slips his tongue in for a small explore, down my throat and stops just above the last opened button of my shirt. His hot breath is moving my shirt in and out while my body moulds itself to him and his hands move down to my bottom and he uses it as a lever to haul me up so that he is standing and I am now towering over him as he buries his face and I giggle with pleasure.

"Anastasia, that is by the best sound to be waken up by, what's so funny?" I hear as a whisper in my ear and I feel his hand brush away my crazy bed hair. I gasp, I can't believe the dream has morphed into real life and I was giggling out loud, oh no, I know I speak in my sleep, what might he have heard… oh no, what did Taylor hear?

I can't tell him what I was dreaming about and even thinking about it makes me blush the colour of a watermelon and he smiles so I go with the earlier dream and say "There might have been chocolate cake involved" and he chuckles. I am however worried about what I might have said, "Did I say anything?" I ask mortified and he laughs and says "I didn't hear anything" and then shaking his head with amazement, he looks questioningly at me "A first I think, I slept like a log for the first time ever and I didn't wake up at all." He shakes his head as if to clear it and says in a quiet voice, almost to himself, "It's you! I can sleep when I am near you."

Then he seems to remember himself and drags himself up and swings his legs out of bed saying contritely "I'm sorry, I never do this".

"Um what, crawl into hospital beds to sleep with strangers?" I say as an attempt at humour and he looks sadly down at his hands and at the door through which Taylor has just disappeared, "No, I don't sleep with anyone"

Woah, what does that mean? He said he wasn't gay in that mortifying interview. He kisses like a god, well, I don't know what like, a demon with a heart of gold floating on a cloud of mmmm, not that I have any frame of reference but … he doesn't sleep with anyone. I don't know what my face says but he looks at me sadly and says "We really need to talk."

* * *

**Christian's POV**

"We really need to talk." I say because we can't go any further without her knowing about me and everything I represent.

Despite the gravity of the situation she giggles, she has the most disarming way of doing it when I am at my most serious and I lose complete track of what I was thinking and revel in the sound. "Pray tell, what are you giggling about?" I ask and she says "You know nothing good ever comes from "We need to talk"" and I don't know what she is talking about, I assume it must be a relationship thing but I've never had one. Obviously my face shows confusion because she says "You've never been told "we need to talk"? Umm, have you ever had a relationship?" And she says it like a joke and when I duck my head she gasps and I know that shit just got real, I guess I might as well start with my disclosures. I really hope that I will hear her giggle again but I resign myself to the fact that I may just have heard it for the last time.

Just as I am about to open my mouth, a doctor walks into the room, nods at me and I move off the edge of the bed, the distance from Ana feeling magnified as she is looking at me with a worried look and it looks like she isn't attending to the doctor at all. "Yes, I feel fine" she snaps at him without looking at him and then she shakes her head and looks away from me and apologises softly to the doctor "Sorry, what did you ask, I was completely distracted" and he smiles and says "Well, you sound like you are on the mend and ready to start fighting the battle to get out of here as soon as possible. First things first, you will be moving off a liquid diet today and " he doesn't manage to get any other words out as Ana excitedly asks if she is allowed to have chocolate cake. I think if she could move both hands easily, she would have been clapping in excitement.

The doctor smiles and says "It's not normally the first thing that patients eat, usually it is soup and soft bread but perhaps a small piece of cake won't be a problem. Why do you have some stashed away?" At her excited head nod he laughs and she says, "If I am only allowed a little piece perhaps the rest can be shared between you and the nursing staff" and my heart swells at her generosity. Then she seems to remember that I am in the room and that Taylor has come back in as well and says "Although we might need to leave a couple of pieces here" and she tilts her head and smiles towards us and the doctor says "unless you have the Magic Pudding in there, with the size of these fellows, I'll leave it all for you but thank you."

"Now, more importantly, we need to start to get you moving or you will seize up. The physiotherapist will be in a bit later to start exercising with you, you need to take it slow but make sure you move. Your shoulder should be able to come out of the sling today and that will help but I don't want you putting pressure on your left arm as you move out of bed, no lunging for things." He laughs "Like after a piece of cake that might fall off your plate, no big hugs basically no big moves at all. Remember also, and I know you won't be able to miss it, but you have broken ribs and a punctured lung. The lung appears to be healing and your lung capacity seems to be increasing which is good but your ribs will be hurting for weeks and possibly months, so be very careful with any movements. There's no sign of the pulmonary embolism so I think we can start reducing those drugs so that the rest of the wounds will heal faster as well. The nurse will be coming in soon to replace the dressings and we need a scan on the cast leg to ensure that there is no infection in there as well."

He pauses and looks at her "However, given what you have gone through, I think you are an amazing young woman to be sitting here, not in tears, not whinging and not even taking the pain medication you should be taking, ready to take it all on. Young lady the world is your oyster and I hope it opens up for you as soon as we can get you out of here. You don't deserve to be in here" and she drops her head shyly and blushes a pretty pink.

And I couldn't agree more, it's a pity my fucked up life has put her here but I will do everything to give her exactly what he said she deserves.

The doctor gives her a smile, a pat on the shoulder, a nod to us and is out the door.

"So are you going to sit there or are you going to get my cake?" Ana asks cheekily and then adds a dig at my response last night, "because you know, I could always shuffle on my bottom but you were pretty clear last night…."

I can't resist and with a smile I go to the fridge and grab the cake, Taylor has magicked up some forks from somewhere and I walk over to her and before I give her the fork, I lean forward and kiss her gently on the lips, I think it startles her, it certainly startles Taylor but then I whisper in her ear "I agree, you are truly amazing" and she blushes that delicious shade of pink again – I like seeing the color in her cheeks.

"Now, in your dream that had you giggling, you were doing something with this chocolate cake, do you want to recreate it?" and the blush goes from pink to puce and Taylor coughs and removes himself from the room, his shoulders shaking. I have never seen him lose it like that and am struggling with a straight face myself, and while I'd love to know, I take pity on her as she actually looks mortified and say, "Sorry, here taste this, Mrs Jones makes the best chocolate cake" and she hurriedly takes the mouthful. As she swallows, the look on her face is exquisite, her eyes shut, her mouth a perfect O and I am sure the answering grin on my face makes me look like an idiot but I don't care, my girl likes chocolate cake… oh, my girl…..actually, that feels right. There are so many other things that I'd like to do to her to recreate that look but as I am thinking that I hear her whisper.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

I am aware that the door is opening but the feel of the chocolate on my tongue, the cake just melts into a world of gooey chocolate goodness, stealing all my capabilities with it and all I can think is "Oh the only way this cake could be better would be if I _was_ eating it off Christian's rock hard abs" and then I hear the roar of laughter and open my eyes. Did I just say that out loud? Oh please, could it be any more embarrassing? Apparently yes because Taylor had just walked in the room when I said it and twice in the space of a few minutes I see him trying to contain his laughter but this time I am looking at him and can see the light dancing in his eyes as well. Admirably, he brings himself under control unlike Christian who has a beautiful belly laugh going on despite trying to calm down as he looks at my once again bright red face, I smile ruefully at him. He is gorgeous when he laughs and I don't think he does it often so this time I don't mind being the butt of the joke but there's no way I am ever going to live it down. I try to move it along by saying "Umm, excuse me, too much laughing…. do I only get one mouthful of the most divine chocolate cake I have ever tasted?"

Christian can finally manage a sentence and squeaks out "oh baby, it's on me if you want to waste the cake but I'd rather just feed you" and pops another forkful into my mouth.

He hacks off a hunk for Taylor who also brought in coffee for them and who then asks what he could get me, he apologises for not asking earlier and I know it was because he was making a quick exit so I didn't see him laughing so I raise my eyebrow at him and say, "Thank you, I'd like a tea with the bag out, English Breakfast Tea if they have it" and he looks confused and says "Basically a cup of hot water with the teabag on the side?" and when I nod he smiles and walks out.

Christian is looking at me and I feel I have to explain my drink choice, "I like it black and weak" and I think he is going to make a joke but he lets it go and says "I think you've had enough cake because it was only supposed to be a small piece of cake" and when I pout playfully, he gives me one forkful more, pops the rest in his mouth and all I can think of is that if I want more, I need to get to that mouth. The thought makes me giggle again and his eyes sparkle as he looks at me. He gets up to put the plate on the top of the fridge and then saunters back towards me with a grin on his face, he reaches for my face and then I know he can read my mind because he slowly lowers his lips to mine and very gently forces his still chocolately tongue into my mouth. I can feel his smile against my lips and I can't help but giggle again and he pulls away with a "Happy?"

Taylor is back with my tea and watches intrigued as I pop the teabag into the cup and almost immediately fish it out again, I am glad I have both hands again. The ability to use both hands reminds me that I'd like to remove the makeup that Kate put on me last night because I am sure it is smeared and messy from sleeping in, belatedly I realise I probably have panda eyes and must look like a mess, god what must Christian think of me?… although his opinion doesn't seem too bad, he certainly hasn't left me alone.

Christian is looking at me closely and says, "Which bit of today are you worried about?" and at my confused look, he says "It looks like you are worrying about something" and the look of relief on his face relaxes it completely when I say "I want a mirror. Actually, I don't want a mirror, I just want to clean my face, I probably have panda eyes and smudged makeup all over my face. I never wear it and if Kate makes me up I usually wash it off before going to sleep and I was just too tired last night after you all left that I forgot and couldn't get rid of it anyway."

* * *

**Christian's POV**

Oh thank God, she's worried about the makeup. "Don't worry about the makeup, I am sure the nurses can help with that when they come back in. More importantly, what sort of soup would you like for lunch?" and very cutely she says "Does your Mrs Jones make soup too? I'm sure you mentioned that last night but I had no concept of her abilities, that chocolate cake though…" and she blushes the lightest pink, that memory will stick with all of us for a while.

"She makes a beautiful chicken soup, a pumpkin soup or a mushroom soup or anything you want. Which one would you like?" I ask her and she says the cutest thing "What's your favourite? She might as well make something that everyone likes, I'm happy to eat anything, I'm sure I'll be starving by lunchtime although I am happy to eat whatever the hospital provides."

Not only is she beautiful even with the smudged makeup and crazy bed hair but she has already twice today considered other people when something has been offered to her, I can't lose her. Damn that brings me back to the fact that we are going to need to talk.

"Ok, what about an order of chicken noodle soup?" I say and she smiles at me with a "that would be wonderful, it's what I always make when Ray isn't well" and Taylor walks out to organise it with Mrs Jones.

"Do you cook?" I ask and she says "Yes I had to learn over the years, there are only so many things you can eat out of packets before your body doesn't work and it's amazing the types of meals you can pull together from scraps" and she smiles sadly. My heart clenches but I need to know, "When did you start to cook?" and she tilts her head to the side as if working backwards and says matter-of-factly "Probably since I was 6 or 7, I wanted to have breakfast and if I didn't make it, I didn't get it"

Oh God, that means that Carla hasn't ever really looked after her daughter and I just need to know but just as I open my mouth to ask her, the nurse walks in and starts checking Ana over saying the physiotherapist is running about ½ hour late and is there anything that Ana would like and she shyly asks for something to make herself look more presentable and the nurse nods and is back with some wipes and a mirror and then walks out.

"Would you let me help you?" I ask and she stares at me incredulously "I can take off makeup" I say haughtily and she says with a grin "Ok we really DO need to talk. You don't sleep with anyone, you've never had a relationship and you know how to take off makeup… are you a drag queen at night?" cocking her head cutely to the side as she pretends to look me up and down to measure me up for a drag queen, "I know" she giggles, "Lady GreyGrey or Crystal Chiming Balls" and for the third time in one morning Taylor is trying not to laugh and even under my attempted icy stare can't help the smirk.

He attempts to divert the situation by grabbing her bag and giving it to her so that she can find a hairbrush and when she does, I put out my hand and say "Allow me? You'll just hurt yourself twisting" I saw her grimace just looking in her bag and I can brush hair. She hesitantly puts it in my hand and that cheeky smile won't leave her face, I make quick work of brushing and then braiding her hair so it will stay tidier and more controllable and she sounds so surprised when she says thank you. Oh if she only knew why I can braid hair, she would suddenly find the ability to walk and would be out the door, I am sure of it.

"So now will you trust me with your face?" I ask and she nods silently "good, relax" and her lips lift in a smile as she closes her eyes and I'd happily kiss off any remnants of the lip gloss but restrain myself and quickly wipe down her face, exposing her beautiful skin. I am so glad the airbag did its job but I can see there is a bit of bruising on her cheek and along her jaw. When I touch it gently with my fingertips, she doesn't say anything, it is only the sudden stop in her breathing that alerts me. "Is it sore?" and she whispers, "Only a little, it'll be fine" and while I'd like to kiss it better, I say to Taylor "we need to bring the Arnica cream" and realise it will actually help with her leg and side as well, "maybe we can get a big tub of it somewhere".

I stand there looking at her and then I hear a "Can I open my eyes yet" and I decide that her smart mouth deserves a reason to giggle again so I say "No" and then don't say or do anything. "Ok…" she says eventually "Please tell me you aren't going to redo my makeup." and Taylor outright guffaws and hurriedly walks out the room as she opens one eye carefully and starts giggling at the look on my face.


	30. Chapter 30

**Christian's POV**

Breakfast is served and Taylor indicates that he'd like to speak to me outside so we head out and he says that Mia is trying to contact me, well, that's just what I need and then I realise I do need to speak to her before she speaks to any other family members in case they tell her. Mia, although a force of nature and who sometimes presents as scatty is actually quite perceptive and I can't imagine that everyone is a bundle of fun this morning after what they heard last night. She'll figure out something is wrong and I need to be the one that tells her.

This brings me to another worrying thought about my mom, yesterday she was here by this time so why isn't she here yet? Is she avoiding me? She's had the night to think, she must hate me now. What did dad tell her last night/this morning when he made it home? What was the end result of the meeting? I don't really want to know, I want to stay in the bubble with Ana and just forget the rest of the world exists.

I turn on my phone and yes, it is a miracle, I have had it off all night and all morning and I groan at the sheer volume of missed calls and messages, it'll take me more than an hour to listen to or read them all.

I see numerous ones from Elena and skip them, I don't want to think about her let alone deal with her. Looking through I can see that Welch has been doing some more digging and that he has copied everyone on it so that means the legal team and John Flynn know it and it's not something I have to do anything about, the sooner the evil ones are put away, the better.

I have several missed calls from John Flynn and messages asking how I am going. I ask Taylor if he has spoken to John and he says, "He texted at 4am asking if you were ok, I told him you were sleeping and he said he would go home and do the same then and then he called at 7am and I said you were with Ana and he said, "Ok I'll speak to him later." So it sounds like it was a late night for them." I all but growl and say, "Well I hope they sorted something out, I guess I am going to have to go through all this shit instead of helping Ana, I am going to ring Ray and get him here, I actually want some answers from him as to Ana's life and I am sure he'd like to help."

A quick phone call later and Ray says he'll be down like a shot as he wants to be useful so I go in and Ana is just finishing up her breakfast. "Was it nice?" and she grimaces and shakes her head and then blushes and says "I preferred the chocolate cake". Didn't we all! "We'll see what we can do for tomorrow, perhaps Mrs Jones can prepare breakfast, what would you like? Pancakes would fit the criteria or is there something else you'd like" and she shyly says "I'm sorry, you're already paying for all this, I can't impose all my food as well" and I shake my head, "Rubbish, I don't care about the cost of getting you better, you need to get stronger and out of here, the least expensive thing I could do is provide breakfast, Mrs Jones is preparing breakfast for us anyway, she won't mind. What would you like with your pancakes? Bacon? Syrup? Both" and she replies "I think only syrup although I'd love the bacon, I don't think I am allowed it yet."

And she stops and looks at me "Christian we really need to talk today, I need to understand why you are doing this for me. You need to understand I don't usually have anyone do anything for me and I don't know why you're doing this, you are making me feel…." and her voice breaks and she looks like she is trying to control tears. My chest tightens as I watch her lips quiver and her eyes fill with tears and she quickly looks down and takes a deep breath, this action then causes her to gasp and lift her hand to her side. I feel it subconsciously as the pain courses across her face from the broken rib and the damaged lung and she lets out a shuddering breath, trying to breathe through the pain and I start to speak and she puts up her other hand to stop me and continues "You make me feel …. cherished" but she won't look at me and I can see the tears spill down her cheeks as she tries to hide her face.

I can't bear it, this beautiful person who deserves the world, who _deserves_ to be cherished is breaking in front of me and I know how she feels, I have never felt like that and it hurts. I also know she isn't crying because of what I am doing but what others haven't done in the past and I can't fix the past but I can make sure she does feel it going forward. I desperately want to lift her into my lap and hug her but I can't with all her attachments so I move to her side, tilt her face up and gently wipe away the tears before placing as gentle a kiss as I can on her soft lips and then as I move my hands to her shoulders and just simply rub little circles, she leans in and hides her face on my shoulder and whispers "Sorry".

I whisper back "Please don't be, I understand and you deserve to be cherished, please accept what I can do for you so that you can do everything you ever wanted to do, you deserve it baby" and she shakes her head and I wonder what her confidence in herself is like, I am sure it is practically non-existent. Finally, the shuddering starts to subside and she calms down and leans back against her pillows leaving my arms to feel bereft, I tell her that Ray is coming to help with the physiotherapy as I have to work. "Thank you" she whispers and then completely unexpectedly, she leans forward and gives me a quick peck on the lips and then seems to realise what she has done and blushes and hides her face again. "Oh no you don't Missy, you can do better" I say laughing and she peeks out from under her hair and I take full advantage, kissing her slowly and deeply, it has to last me all day and I want her to remember exactly how I feel. Her hands move up to my hair and she holds on as she gives herself over to enjoying the kiss, just as she moans against my lips, I can't believe our luck or lack of it, as the door opens and we break apart. "Annie?" Shit, it's Ray.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

Oh shit, it's Ray!

"Hi Daddy" I say as brightly as possible, I don't want him to be mad at Christian when he makes me feel cherished, yes, that's the right word, that is exactly how I feel when he is here. No-one has ever made me feel like that, Ray made me feel safe, Carla made me feel like a waste of space and everyone else makes me feel like I am just useful to them. Kate likes having someone around to cook and clean and be the fill-in person because as soon as she is with someone, she doesn't bother with me. Jose likes me to fill in his photos and while I think he'd like to get a bit closer to me, his eyes always go to the prettiest thing in the room when we all go out and I have kept everyone else at bay because I am sick of being used.

He's looking between Christian and I and I watch his fists unfurl and his jaw unclench and finally he whispers like it's almost too much to talk "Hi Annie, how are you feeling? I see you're busy, do you want me to stay?" and he sounds hurt.

* * *

**Ray's POV**

Oh shit, he has his tongue down her throat, I'm going to kill him.

Hang on, she looks happy, that's it, that's what's different. Annie never looks happy, yes she smiles but her eyes never show it, she always looks empty. Here she is all broken and trussed up like a turkey but whenever this boy is in the room with her, she actually looks happy and every time he looks at her he looks like she's his reason for living although at this point he looks awfully guilty!

"Hi Annie, how are you feeling? I see you're busy, do you want me to stay?" I have to ask, if she really doesn't want me here, I can go but before I can say anymore her eyes fill with tears and I am horrified, the poor girl doesn't cry unless something is really affecting her anymore and I don't ever want to be the reason to make her cry. She has lived through more than any 21 year old should ever have to live through so I move over to her and say "Annie, its ok, I am not going anywhere unless you want me to, I want you happy" and my voice drops to a whisper just for her, "I'd do anything to see the smile on your face this boy brings you" and she sniffs and looks shyly over towards him and says "Thanks Daddy" and I am brought back to 2006 when I rescued her from that hospital and the horrors that Carla had allowed her to be subjected to without any care. She never did tell me what happened, she just said she wanted to come home with me and not even go back to the house so I took her home and dealt with the nightmares after it. I vowed then that I would never let anyone hurt her again.

I ask if Carla is coming in today and watch intrigued as the boy stiffens completely and the look of anger goes across his face, I like him even more and then Ana surprises me with "I'd rather not see mum at all, she's acting weirder than usual. Do you think she is back on something? How did she get here? I don't want her here" and she is getting more agitated so I look at Christian and he simply nods and explains "Ana, I organised my plane to bring her from Las Vegas because we didn't know if you were going to survive the first night, I can send her back or put her on a commercial flight, if you want her gone, she's gone." Christian says and looks at her like he only has to press the button and it will happen and given everything else that has happened, I think he just might have that sort of power. It really has me intrigued as to why he is here with Annie. It looks like love to me whether he realises it or not and I know love can make you do stupid things – Carla is a perfect example for me!

"Where is she now?" Ana asks and I watch Christian's face, the boy knows something and it isn't pleasant because I can see him thinking how he is going to say something and he says instead "What did you mean by "Do you think she is back on something?", does she have an addiction?" and it looks like Ana doesn't want to disclose the information but I don't care, I'm happy to take the rap for disclosing the information. "There were a number of years where she was abusing prescription and goodness what other drugs and she didn't look after Ana at all, I was away on military deployment and she managed to stay relatively clean on the short times I was home on break so I never knew and this one never told me." I realise that Ana is crushing my hand and I say "She was only 6 or 7 when it started wasn't it" and she says "It probably started when I was 5 but by the time I was 6 I had to learn to cook so that I could get some food, it was lucky there were chickens next door and old Mrs Donna Thomas liked to give me cookies whenever she saw me otherwise I probably would have starved" and the boy makes a strangled sound. Hmm, the eyes before he drops them and the clenched hands indicate that he has seen and or has lived something like this before… no wonder he strives to be successful now.

"Do you do drugs son?" and the look of revulsion that goes across his face is extremely telling "I have a zero policy on drugs in my businesses and I will not countenance anyone taking drugs" and then Ana pipes up with "but you keep wanting me to take them here" and looks at him and he just looks annoyed at her exactly as I feel "Different thing" he growls and she says "well, it's not, mom started with pain killers and then it went on from there until there were men coming in and out of the house, sorry Dad, and she was happy to chase anything or anyone across the country. In fact the way she was acting yesterday was similar to when we were with husband no3."

"Did you look after your mother?" he asks and she nods and says "Dad would send me money for my birthday to buy something for myself and if I managed to get to the mail before mom, I would save that up and buy staples like flour and butter and rice so that I could cook and the rest I would scrounge, I told you I could make up a dinner from scraps. Dad was always there at the beginning of the school year so I'd get a school uniform which meant that no-one found out. I kept to myself so I didn't have to invite anyone over and that gave me time to do everything that needed to be done at home. Dad never knew."

And I feel like shit and for some reason I need the boy to understand that " I can't believe that I never figured it out and it went on for a long time but when I was home, we went out to dinner, I would stock up the pantry and fridge and I always gave Ana some money because I felt bad that she didn't seem to have anything that the other girls had. She always seemed to have a lot of books but I didn't realise that she was borrowing them all. She always said she was happy with her books and her guitar" and that makes me ask "Do you want me to get your guitar?" and her face lights up. The boy notices and starts typing away on his phone and then we are interrupted by a knock on the door and the physiotherapist comes in, all smiles although she is about to impart torture on Annie.

Christian makes sure I am happy to stay to help as he has his empire to run and I am more than happy to be helping Annie out, finally I can do something useful, she looks a bit worn out about the discussion that we have just had.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

Fuck Fuck Fuck, Ana has been fending for herself since she was 5, she was so close to being in the same situation as myself. What has she seen? Carla has been doing drugs for a long time, a lot of her inattention now makes sense, not only is she selfish but she has been feeding a habit. What has Ana been subjected to? What issues does she have that we haven't got to because we haven't spoken about what's really important? Has she ever seen a therapist? She doesn't seem to have issues with men but I haven't seen her interacting with any males other than my family, John Flynn and Ray, God, have I been forcing myself on her? No, I am not used to interacting with girls other than my sister and the subs but I know when a kiss is returned and she is definitely returning them and today she kissed me.

She kissed me, she really is sweet but hang on, have I created a Stockholm Syndrome situation – she's in here because of me, she's trapped in the situation and I'm the one that saved her at the crash scene and have provided all of this. Now I'm the only one that's here so she's latching onto me because I saved her. That's it, finally all this makes sense, there's no way she'll want to have anything to do with me once she is better, she'll be gone once she can get out of here and has some sort of a life happening again, especially once she knows what everyone found out yesterday. Well, I am going to make sure she makes it to graduation and then starts the life she deserves and I'll just keep going with my fuckedup life, alone.


	31. Chapter 31

**Christian's POV**

"Grey" and there's silence on the phone, who the hell is this? I really need to check before I answer, "Christian, how are you doin' bro" but I don't recognise his voice, he sounds like he has a massive hangover "Elliot?" I ask "Yes dude, my fucking head feels like it is going to explode with the shit you've been through, what Ana's gone through .." and I can hear him sobbing again – why is everyone taking this so bad? And then a thought hits me "Elliot, listen to me, you CANNOT tell Katherine any of this. Tell me you haven't spoken to her. Elliot…what have you done? Have you told Katherine anything?"

Finally he composes himself and says "No bro, I haven't told Kate, she thinks I was out drinking I think because I couldn't get any words straight when I spoke to her this morning. She is coming up today with all of Ana's study stuff and I want to see her to make sure we're all straight and I need to bury myself in her – what the fuck am I going to say to her?"

"Elliot, you need to pull it together, I've lived it and you are …" and he angrily responds, "Shit Christian, you don't get it, we had this dumped on us yesterday, all of it, yes you've lived it for all these years and we still don't know what you lived through before you came to us but we have had it dumped on us like a lorry load of shit, not spread out to absorb and react over the years – now I understand why you were so ready to lash out at people, no-one better get in my way today. Sorry Bro' now I'm lashing out at you."

"Just don't say anything to Katherine, I haven't spoken to Ana about it and Katherine is a reporter with reporter instincts, I can tell, so make something up about something happening at work and don't go into the hospital with her – I don't know who is going to be there today."

"Was anything decided last night? I've had my phone off all night and morning until now." And there is silence on the end of the phone and then Elliot says "Where'd you go last night?" and when I say the hospital he actually chuckles "Damn Ana has the right effect on you, don't fuck it up bro'" and I can't help but think it is already.

How am I going to tell her about everything and if the only reason she feels anything for me is because of the Stockholm Syndrome (or something like it) then she is really going to hate me. I must have been quiet for a while because Elliot says cautiously "You haven't already have you bro?" and suddenly I'm really angry "Since when have I gotten anything right except for business? Nothing, I have never gotten it right, no matter what I do so yeah, I probably have fucked this up already" and I hang up.

Actually, I'm not angry I am beyond terrified that when I go into Ana's room and tell her what I know about her, about me and those that have touched both of us that she won't see me again, that she'll tell me to go away. If she does, I will walk away and I won't be able to come back because I will be shattered, I don't know what it is about her but her innocence and now I know her back story, I don't want to be the one to give her more grief how much can one girl stand?

So with a heart beating so fast that it shows me that I have a heart, I walk back into Ana's room. She is lying back on the pillows, her cheeks are stained with tears, she looks like she is twisting her face to stop herself from crying anymore and her fists are clenched on the sheet and that formerly non-existent heart feels like it misses a beat. "Ana what's the matter, where's Ray?" I whisper, has someone said something to her? I am going to kill them… and then I hear "Christian, it hurts, I can't do this, I'm never going to walk again. What am I going to do?" and my heart tears a little more. "Ana, will you trust me? I know you don't want to take the pain killers because of what happened with your mum and I will explain why I understand, but why don't you let that be something I help you with. If you're scared of dependency, why don't I control it so we record it all in a spreadsheet, you can see how much you are taking and we won't let it get to a dependency situation – I'll do it on the iPad if you want or if you want me to control it so there is no way you can manipulate it then I will? Why don't we treat this as a business of "Getting Ana well" and it can have smaller projects "Getting Ana to graduation" and "Getting Ana to fly through finals" and then "Getting Ana a job"" and then she says something that makes that non-existent heart melt a little "Can we have a small project in there called "Making Christian Happy" and another one "Making Ana not so sappy"?"

And I want to kiss her to make her feel better and to make me feel better but the picture of Stockholm runs through my mind and I pull away, I can't do it, I can't keep making her feel like she is obligated to me. Ana is staring at me with worried eyes, "What's the matter Christian? What has happened? What have I done? Oh God, you think I'm like Carla don't you and now you don't want anything to do with me." And then she gets angry, really angry and it's as sexy as hell but I drag myself back to what she is saying "I can't believe it, you have had everything handed to you on a silver platter all your life, now you know that I have dragged myself out of the scum of society and you don't want anything to do with me. Well fine, let's get these projects organised and done so that I am no longer in your hair. God forbid that I put some dust on that mighty fine suit or a fingerprint on your life somehow" and then the angry tears slide down her cheeks as her body starts to shake.

"Oh Ana" and I go to put my arms around her and she pulls away with a strangled "Don't touch me!" and the irony is not lost on me and what I thought never existed is shattering entirely, my heart breaks and I know that the only one that holds my heart in their hands now is Ana and she has the power to bring it to life or strike out the tiny spark of life it has seen.

"Ok, although you are completely wrong about me having everything on a silver platter all my life, you are one gorgeous ball of angry and you know, it makes me feel better." As she huffs at me I continue with "Don't get angrier, we need to talk, you are not going anywhere and we are going to talk and I am not having anyone else interrupt me so let's do this, let's start project 'Getting Ana Well'." And I get up and lock the door, no-one is going to interrupt us.

"First Ana, as you would recall from the interview on Monday, I am driven and I will succeed, so this project will succeed, I need you to believe in that and trust me, in business I understand what to do. In the rest of my life, I would honestly say that I haven't had any success and you deserve to understand it before you are angry at me for not kissing you. That was what started you off just now wasn't it?" And I am rewarded by a stubborn pout and then a downward look from those big blue eyes and when I press with "Wasn't it?" an angry little "Yes". I just want to kiss her and lose myself there for days but I can't when I keeping thinking that I have backed her into this somehow, I get the feeling she is going to tell me that I am being ridiculous but now that the idea has taken root in my brain, I can't shake it off.

"Secondly, let's do this, you need some pain relief and I will not give you any explanations on anything until you take it and there are a lot of explanations I have to make to you." For a second I think she is going to defy me because I have upset her, the crossed arms sure indicate that she is listening to me under sufferance at this point. "I agreed to take tablets instead of being injected but then I refused to take them" she says and so I say "Ok, let me go and speak to the nurses, don't go anywhere" and she twists her lips as if to say "Yeah, so not funny asshole" I find the head nurse and say quickly that Ana is concerned that she has a familial history of painkiller abuse and so would like pain relief tightly controlled and recorded. I tell her that I have said I will do the recording for her and would they assist and come and give some pain relief.

The nurse actually looks relieved and comes down and provides the medication and says "You know that while your pain is so severe, it is unlikely for your body to develop an addiction as it is using it all to assist with the pain levels but here are all the details and the number you have taken so far. We will keep a record and update you in the morning each day, will that do?" and with Ana's nodded acceptance, she watches Ana take them, notes it down and leaves the sheet with me to record all the details. I fire up my computer and show Ana how I am recording what she has taken, how many and at what time and she nods again. If I could only see the tightness in her eyes disappear from the pain, I'd be so much happier.

"Thirdly, what you told me about your mother this morning doesn't change a thing between us." And before I have a chance to say anything, she bursts out with "You need to understand I am not like my mother" she looks at me with such grief stricken eyes that I can't help but get up and sit on her bed and pull her into me, rubbing circles on her back reassuringly and thankfully she doesn't push me away this time. "Honey, I know that with every fibre of my being" there is nothing even remotely similar between Ana and Carla except their looks and even in that, Carla is coarse and over done while Ana is a simple natural beauty. A vision that should be standing on a cliff top with the sunset shining behind her as the wind blows her hair.

"Actually I lie, it does change something, two things actually, my respect for you has increased in leaps and bounds for what you have had to go through and from such a young age, I'm sorry that I ended up causing you all this extra pain now and the second thing is that it makes our lives very similar. It means I can understand some of how you think, although I don't profess to understand how a woman's brain works, let alone yours, it's just that we have somehow lived what could have been parallel lives." And she looks at me like I have grown two heads.

"I haven't told anyone what I am about to tell you now, well, I have told a slew of therapists so please bear with me, I find it very hard to talk about. I have a number of cigarette burn scars on my chest and back from my childhood." My voice drops to a whisper as it gets harder to say "I had a horrific childhood. The woman who brought me into this world was a crack-whore, Anastasia. Yes, one step up from your mom and it sounds like you had men coming and going in your life too and I hope they never laid a hand on you" I can't look at her because I don't want to see an affirmation in her eyes and I don't want to see the pity there either.

"One of the pimps used to butt out his cigarettes on my body if I didn't hide. If I did hide he would find me and hit me with his belt and then kick me until I stopped crying. My earliest memory of this is about age 3, of being hungry and being hit and burned and then when I was 4 one day the pimp discov ered the crack whore had had enough and committed suicide by overdose. I was so hungry and so thirsty and my mother was so cold and she wouldn't wake up, no matter how I tried to wake her. It took him 4 days to make the discovery of her dead body and phone it in to the authorities. He knew I was there because I was huddled over my mother trying to make her warm, he gave her a kick for "fucking up his life" and me an extra kick for being there then he shut the door as he left . . . left me with her . . . her body." I can feel Ana shuddering next to me and she simply reaches out and grabs my hand in hers, pulls it into her lap and strokes it, she doesn't say anything but the hand on mine is trembling and then I feel the tear drops on my arm. Without hurting her ribs I pull her a little tighter, I can't give her anything but I need to absorb her comfort and she curls herself in as comfortably as she can.

"You were 4 and you remember?" she asks softly and I say "well you were 5 do you remember?" and I feel the nod under my chin. "It was the belt mostly, if I was 'in the way' or 'eating all the profits'" and this time I am shuddering because I can't imagine hitting a little girl and then the unwanted image of all the brown haired girls I have belted in the playroom comes to mind and the realisation comes as a slamming sucker punch, I am as a bad as all those pimps that have beaten the Ana's of the world, I am the same as the pimp that used to belt me and my mother. That's what I have been doing all this time, I have been punishing the crack-whore for every time she didn't protect me from the pimp by effectively turning into the beast himself. I quickly disentangle myself from Ana and run for the bathroom, my stomach relieving itself of its contents. Finally Ana's voice manages to cut through to my consciousness as it sounds like she is becoming frantic and it is when I hear her say "Christian are you ok? I am going to press my panic button" that I manage to lift me head up and say "I'll be back in a minute". What am I going to say to her?

Finally I am able to pick myself up off the floor and wash my face and mouth, rub my teeth with some toothpaste and walk back in, I can see the concern written all over Ana's face but I can't look her in the eye. "I'm sorry Christian, what did I say?" and I can't believe she is taking responsibility for my reaction. "God Ana, you are unbelievable, get back to your story, how long did the beatings go on for?" and I am scared at the answer.

"Only until I figured out what was going on and then I disappeared as soon as either type of man turned up. I think I was 7 when I spied on my mom one day and saw the pimp give her pills and she gave him money, then some other man came along and they went into the room and then he gave her money. Then the pimp started breaking the tablets, giving her smaller tablets and she gave him more money. It was an interesting way to learn about business…." I learnt the lesson and started making brownies and selling them at school, then I cut them slightly smaller and so made more money with the same tray of brownies. It was a valuable lesson to learn because I could then cook an extra dinner a week." She shrugs and then chuckles. "Trust me, I can manage a budget. You always have to find the positive" and there it is, this amazing girl has found the positive while I have always wallowed in the negative.

"Do you want to tell me what that was about?" she says pointing at the bathroom, "I obviously triggered something" well ok, it's now or never.

"Ana, you have to promise me that you won't cut me out of your life, no matter what I tell you now, please?" And I know I am begging and asking a lot of her as whatever I am going to say is going to be awful but those blue eyes are looking at me calmly and darken as she says "I promise I will listen to everything you have to say because I feel you don't talk to too many people, hmm you shout at a lot" small smirk, I can't believe she has managed to smart mouth me in the middle of an important and heavy statement and she continues with "I promise to not jump to conclusions, I've done that once today and the possible outcome of you walking out the door made my heart twist. I will hear you out but only if you give me the kiss you owe me from before." And I know she is asking in case she never wants to kiss me again and I am willing to do that because I don't know if I will ever be able to have a chance again.

Her kisses bring light into my life so I gently take her face in my hands and she puts her hands in my hair and we give ourselves over to it, it feels like a farewell and the tears running down her face are salty as they mingle with her sweetness. I take my lips away from hers and gently kiss the tears saying "I'm not saying goodbye but if you decide to never speak to me again, you need to understand I will still make sure you are at your graduation and you will complete your finals and you will be standing and walking again and you will have your dream job, whether I am here or not" and the tears turn into sobs at the anticipation that whatever I am going to tell her is going to be life changing.


	32. Chapter 32

_**A/N: **_

_**There have been some issues with FanFiction for the last few days and update messages haven't been going out. It is really important that you have read chapter 31 that I put up 2 days ago, before reading this one, so if you haven't read it, please go back and do so, for your own sake.**_

_**Don't look down, go back and read chapter 31 first :)**_

_**.**_

_**In the meantime, thank you everyone for reading and reviewing. Thank you guests, remember if you have a question either pm me or log in and have your settings allowing responses. Thank you to the magnificent other writers that inspire me every day. Thank you to everyone that supports me. It is all very much appreciated as a first time writer and human being with feelings.**_

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**Christian's POV**

She pulls my lips back to hers and pressures me to open up to her and just at our deepest, her phone rings and she pulls away to look at it. She looks at it and then looks at the door where I can see Kate and she squares her shoulders and says something I am sure she has never said. "Hi Kate, now's not a good time, I'll call you later." There's a small pause where I can see the shock on Kate's face and then Ana says "Thank you, you can leave it with Taylor ….yes I'm fine…no, nothing's gotten into me, I am just dealing with something more important…. Sorry that sounded bad, but no, I don't have time right now…. Well actually it is a case of life and death and ….. oh for fuck's sake Kate, I'm sorry. Thank you. I have to go" and she hangs up. The look of total shock on Kate's face is priceless, I don't think Ana has ever stood up to her but her glare at me is pure poison. "You know she's blaming me" I say quietly and she whips her phone back to her ear and says "And Kate, this has nothing to do with Christian, this is me talking, I need to sort a lot of things out and if I don't figure it out today, I will have to deal with mom again and I just can't, I need Christian's help to fix things for me" and at that I see Kate nod, her shoulders relax and she actually smiles at me.

"Well, she doesn't need to know what we're talking about but she was pretty mad at Carla last night so I thought I'd use it" Ana says with a shrug and I beam at her, my soft little kitten has claws and she knows how to use them but only when really needed….. "Seriously Ana, I need smart people like you at GEH, you can take a negative and make it positive, you understand money and you are damn good at reading a situation". Her response is a simple smile and a "Not happening Grey!" and I think my mouth may just have popped open because she gently lifts my chin.

"Ok, what did I trigger" she says and I add to her list of characteristics, "Smart", "Tenacious", "Good memory"

"If I tell you my life story in summary, the bit I missed out of the interview, then hopefully this situation we find ourselves in will all be explained. Are you ready?" I ask, I'd rather be anywhere else but I know I have to do this and so I take a deep breath and she places her hand on my thigh and gives me a gentle squeeze.

"I told you about life until age 4, the police found me at the house with the crack-whore's body, I was taken to hospital as I was malnourished and dehydrated, Grace was the doctor on duty and took a liking to me and decided they wanted to adopt me, they had already adopted Elliot so didn't have to wait long for the adoption to come through although I did spend a couple of months in a foster home." I hate thinking about this part of my life.

"I was a tough kid to deal with, I didn't speak and I didn't let anyone, even Grace touch me and I have never let anyone touch me, I can tolerate shaking hands and very little else, there are some areas that I don't mind being touched as long as no-one lingers" and I pause and shake my head as if to clear it "Except for you, I can hold you and it doesn't affect me, in fact, it feels right, that makes you special above everyone else, I have never been able to hug anyone other than my sister Mia, well she hugs me but I don't hold her. I can hold you and it doesn't hurt, it just feels right. Back to Mia, she was adopted when I was 6 and I still hadn't spoken, my first word that Grace ever heard was "Mia", she's a force of nature and a bundle of energy and she drew me out of myself, I hope you'll like her, even though she can be a bit much, she has a good heart."

"Anyway, childhood was fine until I became a teenager, then my desire to be touched but my repulsion or absolute fear at being touched came head to head and I would instigate or not walk away from fights."  
Ana cocks her head and says "So that you could feel some sort of touch?" and I have to sadly nod and say "You can imagine a teenage boy full of hormones wanting to be "touched" in a special way and too scared to interact with a girl because every girl wants to touch your body and wants to hold hands or hug and I can't do that, still can't, well, except with you."

"Anyway, one day one of mom's friends asked if I could come over to do yard work and my parents thought that since I'd been expelled from a couple of schools that perhaps I'd be able to use up some of that steam doing heavy work and I was happy to go. This is where my life took a track that ended yesterday with a spectacular crash that has just blown apart my entire family and quite possibly everything in my life, to not be too dramatic. It's the reason you haven't seen my mother or brother or father here today. Can I get you a drink?" "Oh for god's sake Christian, stop prevaricating, I don't need a drink I need to know what has happened" she says through gritted teeth.

"I'm not prevaricating, I came to a realisation 2 days ago that has taken me 12 years to realise and so am still working through it, so please bear with me. Back to the original story, I was 15, I went to do yard work at the Lincolns, Elena has been a friend of the family and most particularly my mom since I was a little kid and I made some sort of smart remark when she brought out some lemonade, she slapped me then kissed me and told me to come back the next day. It shocked the crap out of me but she gave me what I couldn't get anywhere else, a horny teenager with sex on tap and she didn't touch me except where she knew from mom that I could be touched.

For the rest of the summer that I worked in their yard, she introduced me quickly to being her submissive in a BDSM relationship, I'd do anything to get the sex and she would hurt me if I didn't get my grades up, if I fought with anyone, if I drank and that summer I had started drinking heavily to try and cope with everything and I was one step away from starting to take drugs, she would hit me and hit me hard, she controlled my life and showed me how I could control myself and in return she gave me sex." Then I look at Ana she looks horrified but thankfully it doesn't look like it's at me and I pull her back into my side and she says "But you were just a boy Christian, did she use information that Grace would have told her as a friend?" and as I nod, she says "Oh poor Grace, she must be shattered that she fed you to a lion" and I nod "When did she find out?" and I say "Last night, Mom, Dad and Elliot all found out last night" and she gasps "OMG, so this is all raw for everyone, what did you realise two days ago?"

I think I pale because I feel faint and I say, "Can I keep going with my story first and then you see how this has all happened and my life as I knew it completely unravelled?" and she nods but looks up at me and into my eyes like she is trying to see something, she doesn't say anything but tightens the hand that is resting on my thigh.

"She kept me on an extremely tight leash, no pun intended and so I was her submissive for 3 years until I came to a realisation that I needed control, that I needed to be in control and my whole life I had lacked that control so then I became her Dom and that lasted until I was 21. Then and I'm sorry, this is the bit that upsets me and will probably upset you." And there is a catch in her voice when she says "Let me be a judge of what upsets me, I wish I could put my hands on that bitch"

So I continue "After I stopped being her Dom, I started going to BDSM clubs but as my reputation as a businessman rocketed, I couldn't do that anymore so Elena stayed in my life, organised subs for me, I appreciated her assistance and helped her with her business finance and running it. It seemed like she was the only person that had faith in me when I dropped out of Harvard and she lent me the $100,000 seed money I needed to start the business. I paid her back quickly and then thanked her by investing in the beauty salon chain she runs. We'd meet once a week and given how busy I am, it was my one 'non-business' thing I did except for some rare sailing and flying. Please don't look at me like that, yes, I am an idiot but I only worked this out two nights ago." And she hits my thigh, "I don't think you're an idiot, that pedophile groomed your family, then you, took you at 15 and warped your sense of worth until she knew exactly how to control you and I bet she always found girls that were a particular type and then had them on a rotation for you that she controlled, she's been controlling you for years. What?" and I don't know what my face is saying but this little 21 year old girl, just a college student has figured it all out. Here am I, supposedly the master of figuring out a person's motivation and making the best of it and I just didn't get it. She gently lifts my chin again, so I guess my jaw had literally dropped. "You're a bright guy who can read people in business, you weren't trying to read yourself, you didn't look in the mirror and analyse your life. What about your expensive charlatan, why didn't he hold up the mirror so that you could read yourself?"

"I guess, I didn't want to see it or couldn't see the link" and she turns my face so that I look at her, "Did you figure out another link this afternoon?" she asks gently gesturing towards the bathroom and I respond with "Yes, I did. Are you sure you're a Lit Major? You could have a psych major without even trying and I could give you a list of names of therapists that you would be able to put out of business. I can hear it now, "Paging Dr Steele"".

I could look at her all day, the gorgeous eyes that now look so troubled, the lips that are just made for kissing but I know I have to continue. "If we get back to this horrid bedside story, 'The train wreck that is the personal life of Christian Grey', all the girls were small statured, long brown haired girls with green eyes – do you want to guess why?" and she asks with a shudder "They all look like this bitch-troll Elena?" and I say, "No, Elena is a platinum blonde" and she looks at me horrified "Is that the woman that tried to get in here" and as I nod she says "I knew she was pure evil, was that the night you realised that she had been controlling you?" and as I nod amazed she says "Well, at least that's one piece of the puzzle solved! Fucking bitch what the hell was she going to do to me? Anyway, back to your story, I don't know, why did all the girls look… hang on, why did they all look like me? Oh god, is that why you like me" and I can see her rapidly attempting to not shut down and I say quickly "You promised, please hear me out." And she takes a huge breath and immediately grabs her side, "Please don't do that" I plead gently rubbing her back and she just looks at me with the tears rimming and nods, with a whisper says "I promise".

"When I picked you up off the floor on Monday and saw your eyes, your hair, your stature and the fact that through the whole interview you kept acting submissive, all "yes sir", "no sir", I don't deny that I thought I'd like you as a submissive but it was more than that, even from the beginning it was more than that, did you feel the spark?. You have to believe me, even when I was thinking about asking you to be my sub, it didn't feel right because you weren't part of the scene, I've never had anything else but I was obsessed by you, I didn't get any work done after you left and I was determined to pursue you. I don't know how I was going to do that but then Katherine rang." I look at her begging her to believe me and not shut me down. She gives a bit of a shake of her head, looks at me and gives a tiny, tight but reassuring smile as if to say, "Ok keep going" so I do.

"Why the type? I know you're dying to ask, well apparently the link I made earlier that you were asking about was that I seem to like to hit brown haired girls that looked like my crack whore mother, for my sexual gratification, apparently just like the pimp used to hit her, the pimp that I have despised all my life. I am so many shades of fucked up that 50 shades doesn't even cover it!" and I put my head in my hands and look down, feeling that this is what will break us. I can't look at her, she has withdrawn her hand from my thigh and I can hear that she is trying to breathe through some sort of emotion but I dare not look at her in case I see complete and utter disgust.

She starts singing a song quietly and I look at her, I'm horrified to hear it is Stooshe's "Black Heart"

_I don't like it when you break me honey_  
_Why'd you have to do that?_  
_Tell me when you'll make these tears keep falling_  
_Do you feel like a man?_

_Figure, figure there's no working you out whatsoever_  
_Only one way I can sum you up altogether_  
_You got a black heart_

_Daddy I've fallen for a monster_  
_Somehow he's scaring me to death_  
_He's big and he's bad_  
_I love him like mad_  
_Momma, he's the best I ever had_  
_Daddy I've fallen for a monster_  
_He's got a black heart_

"I wish I had my guitar. Christian, is that how you see yourself? Do you see yourself as a monster with a black heart?" and she looks directly at me. I nod, horrified that she has pegged me so perfectly, so correctly and she says "Well, your life is pretty fucked up but somehow, I know it's not true. You would never have been like you have been with me if that was the case, if you were a monster with a black heart. You don't have a black heart... but just so you know, take out a belt anywhere near me and I can't guarantee where your balls might end up." And somehow I know that the kitten sitting as close to my lap as I can get her would be more than up to the task of relieving me of my prized appendages.

She hasn't thrown me out yet though so I decide to continue. "There's more and this is where our lives have started to intertwine without either of us knowing that we had a connection. A bit over 2 years ago, I had a short BDSM relationship with Cecilia Morton" and I feel her stiffen and with an arctic voice she says "My stepsister for a while, was she organised by Elena Lincoln?" then as I nod, I watch her as her eyes flick around as she's thinking and then she looks green "Oh my god Christian, she's also a friend of Carla's, I knew I recognised her name, Christian I need a bin, I'm going to be sick. Elena tried to set my mom up with you as well didn't she?" When I nod she is sick into the bin, it's interesting that we both have had the same reaction to this snippet of information. I gently rub her back as she holds her head in her hands and go to get her brush and toothpaste and then she whips her head back around towards me.

"Oh my god Christian, did Cecilia run me off the road? Was it her?" and as I nod she says "So you've been blaming yourself for this accident because she was your sub?" and I nod "Well don't, she's tried to kill me at least twice before." And I nod and say "I know" and I think I'm going to give her whiplash because her face whips back around to me. "Ana, I am a man of considerable means and my security team is one of the best in the country, as soon as we found the car we knew it was Cecilia's and soon after that she attacked Mrs Jones in the garage at my home and my security team detained her.

From there we started searching back to see what link she could possibly have had to you, just so you know, it _IS_ my fault that you are here. Don't argue! Cecilia had been hanging around my life for the previous two weeks like a shadow and upsetting my security staff because they couldn't catch who it was that was trying to get into my house and my offices. Anyway, what we can figure is that she was waiting trying to catch me and then she knew (because Elena had told her) that I have a "type" and that none of my employees are brunettes and so when she saw you, she thought you must have been a sub that had come in for an interview and so was determined to stop you and then she recognised you and decided to try and…." And she squeezes my hand, I hadn't even realised she was holding it and then she turns my head and lifts up her face and says "but you saved me. How did you find me? I have been a bit scared to ask."

I can't believe it, she just seems to have accepted everything I said and just wants to know how I found her "I tracked your phone once Katherine called. There are lots of other things we can do but importantly we can go back and track a lot of things and find things out that many people can't and that was when I found out that you had been stabbed" and she sucks in her breath "Cecilia confirmed that was her by the way to John Flynn the other day." She curls further into me and says softly "I hate Halloween now and will hide in my house when it used to be one of my favourite celebrations. Not only that but the rib that broke and punctured my lung in the accident is the one that was broken when I was stabbed, so she nearly finished off what she'd started years ago because it was weakened."

My chest hurts but I have to keep going, "I also found about the other hospital visits and I have to tell you that as soon as I read that you had been caned by Stephen Morton I removed all such things from my playroom and now with the belts that you mentioned and what I realised today, I think I might get rid of it all, I don't ever want to use it again." And I feel the shiver as she asks "Would you use it on me?" and I respond with "You need to understand that all subs agreed to everything I ever did, it was always set out in a contract and in truth it was a contractual arrangement, it was never a romantic involvement. I would never do anything to you that you did not enjoy and without your agreement but I need to discuss us and whatever this is" and I wave my hand between the two of us.

She looks at me, "When you came back in after Ray left, you were all distant on me, what happened? You made me feel like I had done something wrong" and I groan and say "Ana, I am not good at this relationship stuff because I have never had a relationship, I kept everyone including family at arms-length until I was a teenager, then Elena got her hooks into me and kept them there until two days ago, and she made sure that I never became close to anyone. So this morning I came to the conclusion that you were simply reacting as a Stockholm Syndrome sufferer" she gasps but I continue "Well, consider it, you are basically being held captive here and I saved you" and she says "Seriously for a really smart guy, you really are an idiot!" but her eyes are dancing and she says "No Stockholm Syndrome here buster, I like you and you'd better get used it unless you want to get rid of me" and I tighten my arm around her, "I said, I'm not going anywhere but you are going to have to get used to me not having a clue about anything that "normal" people do in relationships, you are going to have to teach me and I am going to stuff up. I have anger issues and I am going to apologise now in advance."

"As long as you don't hit me, we're all good" she says and snuggles into me. It feels so right.

"Well, if we're all good, I've got something for you" I say and walk to the door.


	33. Chapter 33

**Christian's POV**

I open the door to speak to Taylor and he hands me the bag from Kate and the bags that I came out to grab and I lock the door again.

I saunter back towards Ana with a smirk on my face, I am looking forward to her opening the big bag and she looks really cute as her eyes dart between my face and the bag and since I want to hear her giggle I give her the study bag and she quirks her eyebrow and says "Oh thank you." Then I reach for the big bag but then move my hand and grab and open the small bag and ask "Would you like some morning tea?" At the look on her face I burst out laughing, "Go on, you can growl at me" I say and she can't help but giggle at the fact that I am teasing her and says "Why thank you, actual tea." And then her tone changes as she says "Oh, Twining's English Breakfast Tea, you remembered" and then she looks down and I reach over and lift her chin and give her a gentle kiss, "I remember everything that relates to you, I want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy."

While I want to deepen the kiss, I really want to give her what's in the next bag so pull away but lean back in for another quick peck just because it feels right and I want to see that smile back on her face.

"Ok, I'm not giving this to you until you smile" and as she complies while attempting to pout, I place the big bag across her lap and indicate that she should open it, as she does, her eyes go round and she shakes her head. "Is this for me?" and as I nod sure that she'd love it, she says "I, umm, I can't, umm, I won't accept it" and my heart sinks. She looks at me and gestures for me to lean in and she reaches up and grabs my hair and pulls me down to her lips and I can feel her saying sorry in the kiss and then as she lets go she says "It is beautiful and it looks like the most expensive one in the world and I don't want to hurt you by not accepting this but there is only one guitar that I will play. Ray is a master craftsman and he made me a guitar when I came back with him. With that guitar I was able to heal myself, I can't and won't play anything else, it would be wrong…." She looks up at me with pleading eyes that say, "Please understand" and I take the guitar off her lap and lay it gently to the side and slide back into the position I was in before and, monitor connections be damned, I lift her onto my lap.

"You are amazing" I say, brushing her hair off her face, I move my hand down past her ear and gently rub the lobe and it sends a shiver through her that I can feel and then as her eyes search mine I say "You have such loyalty, you are beautiful and you have an amazing spirit, I hate that life has conspired in such a way to bring us together and that you are in so much pain, but there is nothing more that I want to do than hold you in my arms. I …." Her lips are on mine, her tongue forcing its way in and I realise that the moaning is mine and then her phone rings and she groans and as she goes to turn it over to ignore it, she breaks away and looks at the door and giggles. "Ray is going to kill you!" and there is Ray looking through the door with a raised eyebrow.

I gently place Ana back on the bed and against the pillows and open the door and Ray says "Son, I like you but …" and I have to say to him "Seriously, you have impeccable timing, the only times I kiss her, you appear" and as Ana giggles, he smiles and shakes his head and says "Here you go Annie" as he goes to give Ana the bag he's holding. However, he stops and looks at the guitar discarded on the side of the bed and says "I see you have a better guitar, I guess you don't need this one" and while it isn't said in a hurt manner, both Ana and I say "No" sharply and he stops mid-sentence and raises his eyebrow again.

"Ray, Ana told me in an rather forceful manner that she wasn't playing any guitar other than the one you made her, she didn't even try this one, so no, this one is now mine. Your daughter is loyal, smart, beautiful and I'd say stubborn to a fault, am I correct?" and Ray positively beams and chuckles and says "Well, you've pegged her correctly, good luck!" Ana looks at us with a pretty pout belied by the sparkling eyes above and Ray gently kisses her on the cheek and from the look on Ana's face I can see that he doesn't do that often and she says "Oh Daddy, I couldn't play anything but Mikey" and at my quizzical look she giggles and says " 'My guitar' became 'My Keetar' which became 'Mikey my guitar'."

"Do you play guitar Christian?" Ray asks and I respond with the fact that I have played a little but that normally I play a piano, having someone else to play the guitar with will make music portable for me and a lot more fun but I realise that they must have played together and so I offer Ray my guitar and say "Go for it, I'd love to hear you both play" and they smile at each other and as they start playing I can't believe that Ana leads off with Keith Urban's "If ever I could love", Ray is just providing the backing with the guitar and I have to say the sound from "Mikey" the guitar rivals that of the expensive guitar that Ray is playing but it's the words that Ana is singing quietly as she studiously looks down avoiding my eyes that make me shift in my seat.

I used to cry out in the middle of the night  
Baby hold me tight  
But there was nobody beside me when I opened my eyes  
Now I turn the corner of those days and nights  
Something inside me changed and I think I might  
Be starting over  
I don't wanna run  
Oh no, cause you might be the one, baby

If ever I could love  
I think it could be with you  
If ever I thought I found somebody so true  
I wonder if you feel  
The same way that I do  
If ever I could love  
I think it could be with you

You know I can't read your mind my love  
But it seems to me  
That your heart and mine tonight are  
Defying gravity  
There's something so familiar  
And still so unknown  
The closer that we get I swear it feels like coming home  
And I'm ready to be brave  
Oh yea then you look at me and say baby

If ever I could love  
I think it could be with you  
If ever I thought I found somebody so true  
I wonder if you feel  
The same way that I do  
If ever I could love  
I think it could be with you

It's a long song and my heart is thumping in my chest as I listen to her singing, she has the most beautiful voice and she couldn't have picked a better song from one of my favourite country artists. As she finishes and looks shyly up at me, I ask Ray if I could have the other guitar, pressing a quick kiss on her lips as I pass and ask, "Do you know all Keith Urban's songs and as she nods, I say "Ok, will you back me up on this one then" and I start singing "Making memories of us".

I'm gonna be here for you baby  
I'll be a man of my word  
Speak the language in a voice  
That you have never heard

I wanna sleep with you forever  
And I wanna die in your arms  
In a cabin by a meadow  
Where the wild bees swarm

And I'm gonna love you  
Like nobody loves you  
And I'll earn your trust  
Makin' memories of us

I wanna honor your mother  
And I wanna learn from your pa  
I wanna steal your attention  
Like a bad outlaw

And I wanna stand out in a crowd for you  
A man among men  
I wanna make your world better  
Than it's ever been

And I'm gonna love you  
Like nobody loves you  
And I'll earn your trust  
Makin' memories of us

We'll follow the rainbow  
Wherever the four winds blow  
And there'll be a new day  
Comin' your way

I'm gonna be here for you from now on  
This you know somehow  
You've been stretched to the limits  
But it's alright now

And I'm gonna make you a promise  
If there's life after this  
I'm gonna be there to meet you  
With a warm, wet kiss

And I'm gonna love you  
Like nobody loves you  
And I'll earn your trust  
Makin' memories of us

I have been watching her as I sing and the tears are trickling down her cheeks and I know that today has been a heavy, heavy day for her but unlike the rest of my family, she has had to deal with a whole level of damage far above mine for such a longer time yet appears to have accepted me and all my problems. She has absolutely astounded me with how perceptive and strong she is but I just want to wrap her up in my arms and to protect her from the rest of the world.

But she surprises me with a sniff and a wipe across her face with her hand and asks "Are you up for a duet? Do you know "A little luck of our own"? and when I nod she starts off

The cards are stacking up against us  
These days our luck is running low  
It's hard to explain but a little bit of rain  
Seems to follow us wherever we go

Black cat sittin' on a ladder  
Broken mirror on the wall  
We're not a bit superstitious  
No need to worry at all

'Cause when we can't roll a seven  
And our last lucky penny is gone  
This world can be tough  
But I know when our love is this strong  
We can make a little luck of our own, luck of our own

The storm is only temporary  
But you and I are here to stay  
Baby can't you see true love is all we need  
So just throw that rabbit's foot away

'Cause when we can't roll a seven  
And our last lucky penny is gone  
This world can be tough  
But I know when our love is this strong  
We can make a little luck of our own  
Oh we can make it baby

'Cause when we can't roll a seven  
And our last lucky penny is gone  
This world can be tough  
But I know our love is this strong  
We can make a little luck of our own

We can make a little luck of our own  
Yeah, yeah  
Oooh we can make it baby  
Make a little luck of our own

I can't stand being apart from her anymore and place the guitar down and move back to her side, taking Mikey and laying it gently on the bed and she lifts her arms as I approach and I gently pick her up again and pull her into my lap, her hands glide into my hair and she nuzzles into my shoulder allowing me to comfort her. It's only after I have settled her, kissed her hair and whispered in her ear that I realise that there are two extra people in the room.

Mom and Mia are standing there and they both have tears running down their faces and Mia is quiet, I am so shocked that I actually jerk up and Ana gasps in pain and I bend back down to her and whisper "Sorry baby, I'm so sorry" and she just smiles and says "It's ok" and tries to disentangle herself but I pull her closer as I say. "Hi Mia, Mia, this is Ana. Ana, this is Mia my sister" and Mia comes shrieking back to life and runs over to give us both a hug and Mom and I both shout "Stop, Ana has broken ribs" and Mia to her credit, skids to a stop but rests her head on my shoulder looking at Ana and says "Ana, pleased to meet you, as soon as you can, we're going shopping" and I shake my head and look at mom who at least has a smile on her face.

Mom walks over and squeezes Ana's shoulder and says "Hi Ana, how are you doing? Sorry my shifts have been all over the place so I couldn't come any earlier" and Ana looks at me and raises her eyebrow and I say quietly so that only she can hear "Ok fine, it's not all about me" and she giggles and says she's feeling better to Mom and then Mom says "Ana, thank you, I've never heard Christian sing" and Ana turns to look at me again, quirking her eyebrow and I say quietly "I don't like singing for other people" and she says "But you have a beautiful voice, you need to let it free, you need to stop hiding, share your beautiful gifts and that reflected light will brighten the darkness" and I just stare at her. "God you're amazing" I say and lean in to kiss her, she brushes quickly across my lips and whispers in my ear "Christian, your mom and Ray are here, it's just not right."

I look up and Mia is looking at me gawping like a goldfish, "My god Christian, I don't know where you found Ana but don't lose her, she's beautiful, she can sing and she's smart." And at least then I know that no-one has said anything to Mia and I am going to have to work out how I do that, there's no time like now but I need to speak to mom first.

"Ana, honey, I need to speak to Mom, Ray, she's all yours but remember it's still not even 3 full days since the accident, you should be resting Ana" I say and she nods although it looks like she'd like to be defiant about it "And Mia, do you mind going down to the coffee shop down the road with Ryan and getting us all some afternoon tea?" I know Mia has a "thing" for Ryan and this time I am using it to my advantage, I know that Ryan isn't interested but I need her out of the way for a bit. I know that Ana is safe with Ray while I go speak to Mom, however as it is security change over time anyway, Sawyer has appeared so Taylor is free to follow me to mom's office.

Once we are safe in her office I ask "Mom, how are you doing?" I'm scared to hear the answer and she gives me a sad smile and says, "Well if everything awful that has happened to you has brought you to this point in your life with the most beautiful girl in the world in your arms, then I am not going to let it destroy me. I'm so very sorry Christian, I don't know how I am going to make it up to you." And she starts crying again.

"Mom, please stop" I say and realise that I still can't hug her, it amazes me that I can hug Ana.

"Ana has had a worse life than me, I don't know what Dad told you last night, if anything, but I found out today that Carla has been on drugs since Ana was very young and she has basically fended for herself since the age of 5 or 6. Ana isn't fazed by my life at all, she was upset for me but I told her everything Mom and she …. She's just amazing."

I don't know what else to say and I look up to see Mom looking at me with a genuine smile and I see she's wearing the angel wing earrings. "Darling, I think she is amazing too" she says quietly and then she notices where I am looking, "Thank you for the earrings darling" and I say, "You have to know I've always thought of you as an angel that saved me, I don't blame you for Elena and all the rest of it at all, you weren't to know. I have spent a lot of my life hiding, I have been doing it since before you came along, I have always been good at it. Mom, I love you, I need you to remember that you saved me every time you wear the earrings." And Mom's tears start again and she says "Oh Christian, the earrings are the only things that have kept me going today, every time I think of last night, they seem to touch my neck to remind me that you don't hate me and they stop me curling up in a ball."

I know what I have to do so I think of Ana and put my arms out to Mom, she wraps her arms around my neck, resting on my shoulders and avoiding my chest and back and finally, for the first time ever I give her the hug she needs and I can feel her tears on my shoulder as I pull her into a proper hug.

Finally Mom lets me go and her eyes no longer look tortured but she doesn't say anything other than "Oh Christian" and reaches up to touch my cheek to see if I am real "It feels like a dream" she whispers and I don't know whether she feels like she is waking from a nightmare or what. "I can't believe this week, a beautiful Mother's Day on Sunday when my family made sense, the only thing missing was Mia in France and then one person I don't even know has an accident, it's not her fault yet the repercussions travel like ripples in a pond and none of our lives will ever be the same." And she stands there shaking her head.

"Mom, what am I going to do? Ana doesn't want her mother here and I don't want Carla anywhere near her either, did Dad tell you what she has done or rather not done and what she is doing now?" Mom gives a small nod so I say "What Dad doesn't know and what I found out today is that she never looked after Ana, Ana was cooking dinner for them both when she was 6. Mom, she was dealing with what I was dealing with as well as looking after house! She was 6, trying not to get belted by pimps and looking after the house, selling brownies to pay for food and she continued looking after everyone until she was 15 or 16 and ended up in hospital because her step father caned her when she stopped him raping her! Her mother ended up in the BDSM lifestyle with Elena, bloody Elena shopping her around, she even shopped her to me." I feel green again and I say "I'm so sorry Mom, so sorry I have disappointed you and made life so difficult over the years." And I hear a strangled sound from my Mom and see her desperately trying to rearrange her face but what she manages to speak.

"As a mother I can't condone sending Carla home without seeing Ana again, I have to believe there is still some good in the woman" my Mom who only sees good in people says and I have to say "Well so far she was more excited about travelling in my jet than the fact that her daughter was in a critical condition in ICU, she has told Ana that she looks ugly and unattractive, the day she came out of ICU, asked her if she has lost her virginity in front of strangers, joked in a besmirching manner with her ex-husband about the same thing and then has gone to his house, which is where she is now, to sleep with him while her current husband is working to "make her some money". She is sleeping with this man despite him being the one that tried to rape Ana and then caned her so badly she ended up in hospital, oh and he is the father of the girl who has twice attempted to kill Ana. Does she still have any redeeming features Mom?" and Mom looks horrified but still manages to say quietly "She gave birth to Ana" and I snort and say, "It's perhaps the only good thing she has done all her life".

"I need to speak to Ana, I wonder whether Carla could be put into some sort of program to assist with her addiction, maybe once that is out of her system I wonder whether she would be able to operate in a more appropriate manner" I am now itching to get on with things, I don't do well with sitting around and talking. Mom smiles and says "I think I can help with that, let me get onto some colleagues and I'll see what I can do, a girl needs her mother. Speaking of which, what are you going to tell Mia? Elliot is a mess and she is going to see him after here" and I shrug.

"I don't know, I want her to be friends with Ana, it would give someone for Ana to talk to as she goes into rehab and it would be a good education for Mia to see how other people have to deal with less than perfect lives but they are so very different. You should have seen it Mom, that guitar I bought her today was a $20,000 guitar and she refused to use it because Ray had made her a guitar and she doesn't want to play anything else. I'd say she's like that with everything, money is only a means to an end, I don't think she particularly cares for it and what can be bought."

What to tell Mia though is making me feel physically ill. "Maybe we can just say that Elena had an inappropriate relationship with me and that is why Elliot and everyone is so upset and that Ana's accident was caused by an ex-date that I had, let's leave it at that in relation to all the revelations."

Mom just nods, "I think that will be more than enough, I really don't want Mia thinking about what you have been doing, now to get Elliot to stop.."  
"What do I have to stop?" I hear as a growl and Elliot walks into the room, he looks awful but goes over and hugs Mom and she says quietly to him "You need to stop beating yourself up over it. It's going to be ok Elliot. Christian, if I can use Ana's own words to you "you need to stop hiding, share your beautiful gifts and that reflected light will brighten the darkness", I think the most amazing gift you have been given is Ana herself, Elliot, Christian just told me information about Ana that he has discovered today that makes that girl in there a miracle unto itself and if this whole horrid chain of events had to happen so that two damaged souls could find each other then I suggest we move forward from this point and not dwell on the horror of the past. We can't go back and undo it so we just have to move forward"

"What Mom, what can't we go back and undo?" and there's a sharp intake of breath from all 3 of us as Mia bursts into the room with that question and a tray of coffees and then she looks at Elliot, "Oh Elliot, you look like shit!" and her hand goes over her mouth as Mom exclaims "Mia! Language! You're worse than the boys!". "Sorry Mom, hi ungorgeous brother, did you have a big night last night" she says as she goes in for a huge hug and it looks like Elliot won't let her go but he's staring inquiringly at me over her shoulder.

Eventually, he lets her go and she stands there looking at us while the awkward silence grows and then I say "Mia, sit down" and just as I say that Dad appears at the door as well. Great, everyone's here, perfect! Nothing like an audience to try and explain an awkward situation to a little sister!

"Mia, if you don't mind, hear me out, everyone has been through an awful lot of stress over the last few days due to a number of revelations about my life. Ana had an awful car accident on Monday night and her condition has been critical a couple of times so she is fragile, anyway, the accident happened when she was run off the road by an ex-date of mine. See, I'm not gay. The girl was once a step sister of Ana's and Ana has had a tough life so please be nice to her. I met the girl through Elena Lincoln with whom I have had a relationship of sorts with for a number of years…" as I say that Mia gasps and says "I knew she was evil, there was always something slithery about how she spoke to you. Did she do something to you when you were a teenager?" and all our heads jerk up and I nod slowly and she sucks in her breath and looks like she is going to cry and says "… and Mom and Dad, you don't know this but about 6 years ago she pulled me aside when I was in the kitchen at a Coping Together function and said there was someone I should meet. She pulled me into the library and there was an old disgusting fellow in there and he was leering at me and she made some remark to him that I was some sort of bait "a bit like her brother" and I didn't like what I saw and thankfully just then Elliot came looking for me because something was burning in the kitchen and I was able to leave. Thank you Elliot."

The silence is broken by a sob from Mom and Dad is right over to her and cradles her in his arms comforting her and Elliot just wipes the back of his hand against his forehead and says "Well, I'm glad I was able to save my little sister even though I didn't help my little brother" and Mia hugs him and they cling tight to each other.

I stand here feeling like a piece of excrement for having brought all this angst into my family. No-one notices as I quietly turn and walk out of the room. Taylor falls in next to me and I walk back to Ana's room.

* * *

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**Author's Notes:**

If you get a chance, listen to those Keith Urban songs and then the paragraphs above will take on even more meaning. You can find them on youtube but also the following site (if you take out all the spaces) is good, you can see the lyrics and also play the songs.

W w w . elyrics song/k/keith-urban-lyrics . html

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Note also: Due to real life commitments it is unlikely that I will be able to update until the end of next week, so I appreciate that readers want me to update but this writing is just something that I have to fit around a life that is becoming increasingly hectic. I promise I will update when I can but I won't promise a schedule as I don't want to disappoint by not meeting deadlines … which is what is happening in real life at the moment.

* * *

Please everyone, while you wait for my story to update, may I suggest you have a read of BannersandMash's fabulous stories "Silver and Steele", "Storms of Greysteinn" and the new and different "Secret Scribbler Steele", if you can't find them, have a look at my favorite Authors list and you can go from there.

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Once again, thank you for reading and reviewing, it is very much appreciated.


	34. Chapter 34

**Taylor's POV**

Any more revelations and I think my head will explode. I hazard a glance at the Boss and he looks like he's blaming himself again, why? Because of his existence? That evil woman obviously groomed Grace and has been using her, how many children has she had access to through her "charitable" works. Welch is going to have a field day tracking down everyone that poor excuse for a human being has damaged. Hopefully he can find the legal evidence so that she can be put away for ever. If he can't find something to convict her on I will ensure she doesn't have the opportunity to hurt any other child into the future. To think that I have spent the last 7 years protecting the Boss from his enemies without realising that the worst one was his only "friend", shit, what else have I missed?

Security Text:  
BabyBlue: Asleep  
Sting: waiting outside  
ETA?

Ha, that's funny, Sting as in Sting Ray. Whoever said us security guys didn't have a sense of humour!

We only ever needed TheBoss before and now we have a few:  
BabyBlue - Ana  
Sting - Ray  
BlondeBomb - Kate  
BigBro - Elliot  
Morticia – Carla

And I realise what I will put Elena Lincoln in as _E_vi_L_, somehow that is most appropriate.

Ray is a decent fellow and it's good to see that he seems to have accepted The Boss. The look of concern on Ray's face when looking at him is enough to show that he cares about him or his mental state, maybe it's because he is going to be around his precious daughter. Ray says "I'm off boys, make sure you keep my girl safe in there, do you want me to take a shift at any time? I am happy to help but son, you need to get some sleep too, you won't be much help to her otherwise."

Then there's a pause and he hesitates contemplating what he is about to say, like it hurts him to say it "Son, Ana told me that she spoke to you about what has happened to her, I don't know what she shared with you because she would never tell me what had happened. I have to say thank you for what I heard this morning, I still don't know how bad it got so I am glad that she is talking to you. I could never get her to talk to a psychiatrist or a counsellor, in fact, I don't think she has ever told anyone so I don't know what will happen now that she has told you. I am hoping it isn't going to open the old wounds and add to the current ones or whether finally she is going to come out of it as a different girl."

He rubs his hand across his forehead like he knows that releasing the memories that you have locked away carefully for years can be disastrous. "Son, despite all the crap, she looked happy. And another hint for you, the music will be a key for you. The girl can sing any guitar song and few others that have never been sung with guitar backing, she spent 3 years until she went to uni playing that guitar in her room. Look after her son and you won't find a more loyal person who has your back."

That is the most I have ever heard the man say and it looks like it took a lot of effort and by the look on the Boss's face, I can tell he understands that too because his shoulders go back into position, he draws himself up like he is going to face this challenge and puts out his hand to shake Ray's and with the other hand he claps him on the shoulder but I can see that he doesn't trust himself to speak, he simply nods. That girl in there has whatever it takes to change people and apparently that includes me because she is as important a charge for me now as the Boss.

The Boss knew I was listening earlier, he had his phone on so I could listen because he knew I needed to know it and he didn't want to have to repeat it all to me later, he didn't want to hear it the first time and he didn't want to have to tell me what they discussed as he knew it would be too hard to repeat. He knows that I know and that now I will be protecting her as much as him, he didn't even have to ask me.

My disgust for those who have damaged these two rises like bile in my throat and I make it my own personal quest to ensure that they don't have the opportunity to damage anyone else or these two any further.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

We walk in and I can see Ana is asleep, she's hugging CT bear and that lump in my chest that never used to exist, pumps harder wishing it was me instead of the bear. I don't understand how important she is to me already, how much I want to protect her and keep her safe. It is not just her beauty, it is something else entirely that lights me from within. However, she is just so beautiful, her hair fanned out across the pillow and the tip of her tongue just visible between her slightly open lips and I sigh in exasperation as I look at the tubes all still connected and her body in the cast being held up by the bed crane. She looks like she should be so uncomfortable but she has a slight smile on her face and I am just about to bend down to kiss her forehead and leave when I hear her whisper and remember she said she talks in her sleep. Oh the truth of words said when unconscious, so I lean in to hear and am rewarded by a "Thank you Christian for saving me, you stand out in a crowd, you are a giant not just a man amongst men" and I realise she has taken the words from my song today and has obviously been thinking about them in relation to me and it sends warming tendrils into my ice-cold frozen core. Then the words to another song are quietly whispered, amazingly in tune and it only takes a second for me to recognise it, Mia used to have this song on repeat on her iPod. Jessie J's Laserlight and realise it was the song that was bugging me the other day because it is the verse she is singing in her sleep.

You make me feel good,  
You make me feel safe,  
You make me feel like I could live another day  
You make me feel good,  
You make me feel safe,  
You know I wouldn't have it any other way

I can't help myself and gently kiss those inviting lips and unfortunately she stirs and her eyelids flutter open and shut as she comes out of sleep and she smiles and says quietly "Hey You, sorry I fell asleep, that physio session took it out of me" and I can't believe she's apologising.

"You do realise you were involved in a major motor vehicle accident just three days ago? You should be sleeping all the time, not spending that time having to relive past horrors as well, I am sorry that I had to do that with you today." Ana cocks her head at me and then shakes it, her exquisite eyes trained on mine, searching, I'm sure she's seeing into my soul and then she says "I'm guessing you just had to tell Mia something that she didn't know" and at my sorry nod she continues "How did she deal with it" and I just don't want to go there so I abruptly say "Elena attempted to involve her a few years ago but Elliot was able to save her at the time so nothing happened thankfully. Can we not talk about how I have ruined my family anymore?"

Ana's eyes fill with tears, I assume at the harsh tone I've used but I'm too far gone with all the disclosures, the black heart is crushing everything else so I say curtly "I just wanted to make sure you're ok and are going to rest. Have you taken your tablets? Do you want me to make a note of it? Are you sure pancakes and syrup are all you want for breakfast? Is there anything else that you need? What….?"

"Christian" she says very quietly "You are going to need to trust me. You are going to need to let me help. You don't have to do this by yourself anymore. I am not just a project, at least I hope not. I am only going to worry if you walk out of here with your shoulders swallowing your ears." And I consciously drop my shoulders and she smiles gently "That, surprisingly doesn't make me feel a whole lot better"

I so want to curl up with her but it's the middle of the afternoon, she is exhausted, I have an empire to run, lawyers to talk to, psychiatrists to talk to, security to talk to and oh, see how else I can fuck up my family some more. I don't even know where to start anymore, I feel like I am in the eye of the storm, sitting on the edge of the bed I am absorbing the feeling of calm that Ana is radiating but I know the shit-storm is about to recommence and I need to remove my family from her vicinity. Ana really doesn't need to see their distress as she will start to doubt me. "I'm not going anywhere" she says gently as she squeezes my hand, "Give me my tablets and you can note it down, I'll have the pancakes and syrup with tea and I don't need anything other than you smiling. So please do what you need to do, let your light shine and then if it helps, there's space here for a goodnight's sleep, although how you fit on this bed, I don't know."

She pats my hand and withdraws hers, her eyes probing mine and the ice that has been encasing my veins, slowly starts to thaw and I groan "There you go again, looking out for someone else to the detriment of yourself, is that how you avoid your demons?." That's when I see it cross her face, I've worked it out, she is hiding in plain sight like me, that's it, by looking after other people she can avoid what happened to her. "You do it by helping and I do it by spending money on the people that we care about." And the tears brim her eyes again and it looks like I have touched a raw nerve, maybe I have just illuminated her behaviour and she had never thought about it so I continue, "You are amazing, I am never going to stop saying that to you, I don't know what I've done to deserve…" She simply shakes her head and puts her arms up to me and I gather her up, she buries her head on my shoulder and I can feel the quiet sobs as they rack her body and the tears as they soak through my shirt.

I want to kiss away all her tears but I don't know what she wants or needs at this point so I let her control the situation and eventually she calms and as she reaches for a tissue I pass her my handkerchief and she giggles through her tears "You're so old fashioned, it's funny" she says when I quirk my eyebrow. I love that giggle, I want to hear that every day but right now, I want to kiss her, I need to kiss her tears away, I want her to forget her past and just focus on the future and the only way I know that stops her going anywhere in her head is to make it worth her while staying in the here and now.

So I gently turn that gorgeous face towards me and brush her hair out of her eyes, wipe the remnant tears away with my thumbs and move my hands up into her hair, massaging her scalp and I am rewarded by her closing her eyes and leaning in to me and I quietly and gently nibble on her lip until she pulls me forcefully into the kiss and gives herself over to it. Our safe space, the one place where we can just be the two of us, is in each other's arms and yet as per every other time, sure enough the peace can't last for more than a moment as the cavalcade arrives at the door.

Thankfully though this time, my body is blocking the view and Taylor simply indicates that the door is locked while I pull away reluctantly but focus my attention on Ana.

"I'm going to give you your tablets and then I am taking my family away from here so you can sleep. I'm sorry I woke you up" I rub her arms to warm her up as she shivers "but I can come back later if you want me to, do you want me to come back?" Her eyes are trained on mine and she looks like she is trying to see through me and then she blushes, drops her eyes and gives a tiny nod. I wait smiling down at her until she finally peaks back up at me and catches a look at my face and dissolves into a fit of giggles and I hug her close and whisper in her ear. "There's no place I'd rather be. I don't know what you're doing to me… but I like it" and I barely hear it but she says "Me too. This is just not me."

I take one last long breath of her scent and place one last kiss on her lips and lay her back down, hand her the glass and tablets and finally leave to face the music outside.


	35. Chapter 35

**Taylor's POV**

"Is this a "How to catch a pedophile" book?" I ask Welch as he throws a wad of papers at me.

"Fuck No, it is the list of young adolescent boys the she-devil has had contact with over the last 2 years alone" Welch says and I nearly gag, my eyes popping out of my head. "Can we just bury her somewhere?" I say, "Car accident, falling down stairs, thrown off a cliff into shark infested water, fuck, nothing is good enough for her."

Welch looks like he feels exactly like me as I say "How the fuck did we all miss the fact that she was the biggest fuckin' threat to the Boss? Can you believe that this shit has been going on since he was 15? All that other crap makes sense now doesn't it?" and we both sit there shaking our heads.

Finally Welch says, "What's the girl like in hospital? She's not a disaster is she, she's not one of his usual girls is she?" and I have to control my temper because he has no idea how far from "one of those girls" Ana is as he hasn't had anything to do with her. "Look Welch, have you been able to call the Boss the last couple of days?" I ask and he says with a look of complete surprise "No actually, every single call has gone through to voice mail and he hasn't answered emails, it's been weird" and I say "Well, that's because he's had his phone off, he never turns his phone off, but he doesn't want to be disturbed when he is with her, he is completely besotted with her, whether he realises it or not".

"He's not replaced one controlling woman with another one, is he?" Welch asks and I can see why he'd think that but my bones tell me that isn't the case.

"Nah, she does him good, calls him out when he's being an idiot and shit the girl had a more fucked up life than him growing up and his early years were beyond fucked up. He explained to her what happened before he was adopted – shit man, he was left with his dead crack-whore mom for 4 days and he had been abused by her pimps, burnt with cigarettes, belted, kicked, the works and that explains those fuckin' nightmares he has and then to think the Evil One got her claws into him and fucked him up good." I shudder as I say it because hearing the Boss say it the other day made my stomach turn.

I continue "The little one though was looking out for herself from the age of 5 and doing the cooking from the age of 6 so she didn't starve. Not only that she was trying to get away from HER mom's pimps and then you read what happened to her at the hands of Stephen Morton and heard what his crazy daughter said about that part of her life. I don't know if I'm getting soft but seriously these two are made for each other but their joint shit is going to be something to deal with. I think they are both going to fuck things up, the Boss more so than the little one and we're all going to have to be on our toes. By the way, we have to protect the little one even more than the Boss, at the moment I think she's the only reason he can put one foot in front of the other, his head is all over the shop. And no, she's not intentionally controlling him, he's thinking about her and that is controlling his actions." Welch nods, I think he gets it, this situation is weird for all of us.

"Welch, nothing I just said goes out of this room. Understood? You need to know as head of security because there are lots of things impacting on security for the Boss at the moment but no-one else out there needs to know. It was all basically whispered between the two of them, the Boss had me on listening mode so he wouldn't have to go through it again and she doesn't know that." And he nods, I didn't need to say it but with the load of shit that has been dumped on us all over the last couple of days, it's fair for someone to want to share the load.

I told Gail some of it because she has always wondered at why the Boss was into the BDSM lifestyle, saying that there had to be a reason for it because he really didn't look like he "enjoyed" it, he looked like he was enjoying it to me but she was adamant about some shit about him looking empty. I guess she was right. She always hated Elena Lincoln, said she made her skin crawl and she couldn't figure out why the Boss was a friend with her and now she understands. Gail's an awfully good judge of a person, maybe she can bring the breakfast in the morning and give me some sort of take on Ana, that would be interesting and I can wrangle it if the Boss goes back there to sleep tonight.

"Shit, we'd better get on with this, the Boss will likely go back to the hospital later and he'll want to know what's been done so far, you know he wants this all to have been done by before we knew about it. Ok, what have you found?"

"Pictures, we have pictures of boys going into her house, see these. Then we have the traces of them going down into the downstairs rooms. One of the boys is totally broken, see, this one, Macy Dwyer, he looks desperate and not much more than 14 or 15. I have arranged with a social worker to try and get a discreet recording device onto him, it's a watch that looks like a watch but has a recording device and a camera in it but he doesn't know that and it is all hidden so the Evil One shouldn't see it either and hopefully we can get recordings of what is going on. We are also working to find a good foster family in the area to see if we can have him put into a loving environment where hopefully he will be able to open up – Dr Flynn has agreed to work with him and any other child and try to draw the information out of them." As I look at him, feeling sick that we are leaving the kids there for a day more, he says, "We are working as fast as we can. Carrick knows a couple of legal people that focus on this area and are drafting up all the paper work so that as soon as there is evidence it can be slotted in."

"With the Boss giving evidence and the stuff that Cecilia has said, there should be enough to put away Elena Lincoln and Stephen Morton. Although both are extremely resourceful and we are relying on someone in a psychiatric institution who will be charged on the two charges of attempted murder based on her own confession. All of this is being drafted today so that only the bits that need to be specific are being left to be filled out, with evidence we can turn it around in less than a couple of days. However, what the fuck is going on with Carla Adams? She now knows that Cecilia tried to kill Ana yet she goes and fucks Cecilia's incestuous father, her ex-husband and has stayed there all day, she didn't even attempt to leave to go visit Ana. I don't get that woman at all." Welch finishes with a shake of his head.

"Oh I can answer that, she's been on drugs since Ana was a baby by the sound of things" I say and it's like a light goes on for Welch "Oh Fuck! That makes sense now. I couldn't figure out what she was gibbering on about and I'd say then that Morton is on them too…. Ooh, we might just be able to organise some truth serum…..in the form of a few little white pills, we might be able to bring the witch down. What are we going to do with this Adams woman though? She hasn't done anything other than be awful from what I can tell" and I say that Ana doesn't want her own mother there so I don't know if we know everything, there is a chance that she has done something else but at the moment, no, we don't know of anything else. "If we don't find anything to put her away, I think the Boss will ship her back to Vegas for Ana's sake, the further away she is, I think the happier Ana will be."

"Let's have a look at the history of this Carla Adams, it might tell us something. Married to Bob Adams, married to Stephen Morton, married to Ray Steele (gee that name rings a bell for some reason), married to Frank Lambert (that name rings a bell as well)" and Welch sits there tapping his pen against his chin as I watch his eyes flicking backwards and forwards unseeingly across the page, willing the memory of something to come to the fore and then he stands up abruptly, tipping his chair over backwards. "Fuck, Carla Adams is Carmela Montenga. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" and at my bewildered look he paces backwards and forwards.

It all spills from Welch as the memories come back, "She was the village bike on base … everyone had a ride and then when she got pregnant, Frank did the right thing and married her. At the time she said she wanted to get rid of all of her old life and changed her name to Carla and it seemed like she had calmed down. He came back to base to see the baby when she was born and was killed the next day, he was hit by a drunk driver on the way home from celebrating his beautiful baby's birth. Fuck, so the girl in the hospital is his daughter?"

He continues, "Ray stepped in a couple of months later when Carla was partying like an idiot, acting like the old Carmela and leaving the baby by herself, Ray held some sort of candle for Carla and in an effort to get her to change her life and look after the baby, he married her and it all seemed to settle down again although she remained a piece of work. Ray was the best thing for her and for the baby but she still played around when he wasn't there, just not as much!. My god, it's a small world, I left that base a year or so later and lost track of everyone. That baby was the most gorgeous baby on base, everyone loved her, she was always calm, she didn't cry, she'd just look at you with those baby blue eyes and you'd melt then she'd give you the biggest smile and giggle. That giggle is still in my brain and when I came back from deployment and the psychs were telling us to find something good to think about to overwrite the bad memories, it was her giggle that came to mind. Amazing! "

"Well" I say, "She hasn't changed except that she's grown up and has the same effect on everyone, well, except her mother!"

I see it then, it has moved from just being another job to being personal and I know that Welch is more than completely on board. "Do you want to involve Ray in anything? He is going to be at the hospital every day I think, it looks like it is killing him seeing her in there and he's trying to do anything to help her" I ask and Welch says, "I'd love to catch up with him, he was always a smart bloke, dumbest thing he did was fall in love with Carla but I think it was the love of the little one that made him stay when he realised that he had screwed up majorly by marrying her. The little one gave him a reason to come back, to fight through and make it back and…. he saw some shit out there on deployment… very nice guy, he'd be an asset to the team." He pauses and then says quietly "I wouldn't mind going in and seeing her to be honest, her giggle saved me a lot of heartache."

I grin and say, "Oh don't worry, you'll be seeing her, the Boss isn't letting this one go and your balls are on the line if even the slightest thing happens to her – your screening processes are going to have to be even better than before for whoever is protecting her. If he was paranoid about family safety before, expect it to be a hundred times worse with her."

.

* * *

.

**Elena's POV**

Where the fuck is Morton? Why isn't he picking up? What's he doing? I need to get to that stupid daughter of his and make sure she doesn't mention me at all. If I can get to her I can make sure that it's worth her while to never ever speak of me.

Aargh, I need a whipping boy and Isaac is out of town, Morton isn't answering his phone, oh I know, I need a little boy to make me feel better, to make me feel like a queen. I AM the Queen and fuck Christian, how dare he choose a mousey little girl over me and what I can provide. I give him a week and he'll be crawling back to me, begging me for someone for relief and I must thank him, I look forward to our meeting on Friday when I tell him I'm expanding into Portland, I had forgotten there was a university there with feeder schools …. an easy supply of young meat.

Where. Is. Morton? "Stephen, I am not leaving any more messages, if you are not here within an hour, we are done" there, that should get him over here pronto.

Let's see if I can have an afternoon of fun, I am crawling out of my skin with worry as to what Grace is going to do now that she knows about her "precious" son, I guess I was lucky she just slapped me. I don't really care, she probably thinks she has a huge sway on society and can lock me out of things, little does she know that I know the secrets of quite a few high level society people and they will stick by me. She's just a little doctor, she can't do much. Hah, she's going to have to organise that ball now, I was having so much fun using the subs and I really thought that Christian would go for Sheree before mousey bitch turned up. Ugh, thinking about that "thing" trussed up like a turkey in hospital, with matted hair and as white as a ghost just makes me sick, that little bitch has ruined the best thing I had going. Oh well, best make use of my day, I am going to have me an afternoon full of afternoon delights, if Morton isn't here, I will get my latest whipping boy.

"Macy, can I pick you up after your shift? Yes, mistress _does_ want to see you. ….. Yes I will pick you up from the bus stop in 10 minutes. NO! NO! You will not tell her where you are going, remember this is our little secret. Yes pumpkin, I will look after you." There, that's the afternoon taken care of and if Morton calls me back, it will be the night taken care of and then I only have to get through tomorrow, maybe I can have a session with Macy tomorrow afternoon. Yes, that's it, I can pick him up from school, he can skip gym class and that way, no-one will see the cane marks before I see Christian again for dinner at our standing dinner appointment. I look forward to talking sense into him.

.

* * *

.

**Taylor's POV**

Debriefing with the Boss and a message comes through.

"Sir, we have to get back to the hospital" and I show him the text message.

Security Text:  
BabyBlue: Distressed  
How soon can you get here?

And I am practically chasing him to the lift and down to the cars.

"Where taking the R8 and you're driving" he says, I am about to protest then realise that he said I was driving – cool, I never get to drive it and he obviously wants me to drive it fast. He continues with "I'm likely to wrap it around something with the speed I need you to go and the faculties I have operating." Shit, it's bad if he can tell how impaired he is but there's no time for thinking about that, I have a beast to drive and fast.

We arrive safe albeit with white knuckles and run up the stairs to the lifts and thankfully no-one is around at this time of night but like normal, the lift seems to take forever and he is crawling out of his skin by the time the doors open. He launches himself down to her room, bursting in to see 2 nurses attempting to hold Ana down and she is screaming and kicking and punching and looks scared out of her wits.

"Ana", he barely whispers it as he runs to her side yet she must hear it as she simply stops screaming and goes limp as he wraps his arms around her "It's ok baby, I am here, I am here" he whispers and she sobs, her breathing is a heartbreaking ragged sound as she is trying to breathe with her damaged lungs and the obvious adrenaline rush is leaving her as quickly as it probably came and has left her a shaking quivering wreck.

I take a look at the two nurses who appear to be as shocked by her behaviour as she was by them and I realise why she must have reacted this way when I catch through her hiccupping sobs, "make her go away, make her go away" and I look at one of the nurses who disturbingly looks just like Elena Lincoln. Platinum blonde hair, a slashing red mouth and a hard set to the eyes, if I didn't have all her features imprinted on my brain and had only seen her once through a hospital door like Ana, I'd mistake her for the evil one too, I am not surprised that Ana mistook her when she woke her in the middle of the night.

The Boss takes one look at the nurse, his eyes harden and he says "Get out and call the doctor" she doesn't move and just appears to sneer and so I decide for everyone's safety that I will assist her out, my grasp on her arm seems to do the trick and the other nurse with a gaping mouth who has just spent the last few minutes ogling the Boss, follows us out quickly.

A doctor is paged and arrives flustered at the room to be met by a dangerously calm, controlled statement from the Boss "I will have Anastasia Steele discharged into my care tomorrow morning, I would like the complete treatment plan documented so that it can be followed under the supervision of Dr Grace Trevelyan."

The doctor looks like he is about to protest and the Boss is admirably holding his temper as he spits through clenched teeth " Anastasia has had an enormous fright tonight and we arrived as soon as we could which was still 20 minutes after the episode started and what do you think we found when we arrived? We found two inexperienced nurses attempting to manhandle her and hold her down – she has if no-one remembers, the following injuries from a major car accident 3 days ago, not months ago, but 3 days ago she sustained and let me list

a dislocated left shoulder yet one of the nurses was pushing down on her left shoulder trying to hold her down

a broken rib so holding her down was just pushing that into her already punctured lung plus causing excruciating pain

a pelvis fracture so her kicking and twisting to get away from nurses is only going to damage that further

a left leg with fractures to the femur, tibia and fibula so an extremely unstable leg even though in a cast should not be subject to the rough movements I saw, including the nurse throwing her back onto the bed. Not only that but all the twisting in trying to get away from the nurse meant the weight of the cast which was for some reason no longer being held by the crane would have been dragging down and putting extra pressure on the pelvic fracture

a right leg with massive lacerations as well as a leg under a cast that had blood vessels cut which may well now be rupturing internally.

not to mention the mental damage that has been done

And what has happened to her lungs and given the pulmonary embolism that happened the other day and the blood thinners she was on, damage that can be happening elsewhere.

Why did the nurses attempt restraint instead of following the procedures that have worked in the last couple of nights when these nightmares have been dealt with in a manner not only providing dignity but ensuring no further damage is done to the patient?"

The doctor's face has paled considerably as the Boss has set out the potential damage that has occurred in the last 20 minutes and then completely ignores him and rushes to press the emergency button as he and we all notice that Ana has passed out in the Bosses arms – none of the monitors are attached anymore, so everyone is blind as to what has actually happened but it is obvious that Ana is not in a healthy state.

The look of horror on the Boss's face as he places her back on the bed and allows the doctors that have rushed in to take over, mirrors that of the other day when he thought she'd died in the operating room but this time he continues to hold onto her hand and I know that they are not going to pry him away from her until he knows what is happening.

An oxygen mask is forced onto her face, the heart monitor is back on and the fact that there is a beat, albeit erratic is a relief, the Boss took his hand away so that they could move her closer to one of the machines and her heart rate dropped and in alarm he grabbed her hand again and the heart rate stabilised and the emergency doctor who was monitoring it says with a smile "Hang onto her son, you're our best bet at the moment." The Boss, doesn't look at all impressed with the attempt at levity and I just can't believe the little one's rotten luck.

I go out to see Ryan to see what happened, why it escalated so badly and he says that the nurses wouldn't let him intervene and although he tried to tell them what had worked previously, they wouldn't listen and just tried restraining her which caused her to react and it just became worse and worse. He says, "Make sure they check her chest, that awful looking nurse that was first in, pushed her back down onto the bed forcefully with both hands on her chest" so I go back in and pass on that information to the doctors. The Boss's jaw clenches so hard I wouldn't be surprised if he has a chipped tooth in there somewhere as the doctors worriedly converse and decide that whole body scans are going to be required to determine how much damage Ana has sustained from what was effectively a 20 minute attack.

As the preparations are made to transfer her to ER, the Boss leans down and whispers something into the little one's ear and I watch enthralled as the heart rate slows and steadies. Dr Grace who had come in just before he bent down to speak to Ana watches the monitor as does one of the other doctors and raise their eyebrows at each other and then converse quietly and she nods. Before he has a chance to speak, Dr Grace says "Christian, you are coming into the scans with us and you will stay with her until they are all done" and he looks relieved and simply nods, I honestly think there would have been some serious restraining to be done if any other suggestion had been made.

An hour later and with scans showing that while the ribs have been damaged further, the lungs are no worse than they were, thankfully there is no sign of deflation of the punctured lung or of bleeding in the lungs. The shoulder doesn't look like it is dislocated again so she should be fine although probably sorer. The worse thing is that the pelvic fracture seems to have widened a little and is the biggest concern as any further damage and she will need a full body cast and this damage will slow down her rehabilitation as any jarring now will potentially destabilise her pelvic region or cause nerve damage. The legs are thankfully ok and no bleeding under the cast means that does not need to be changed and with the Boss next to her, all the monitors are now indicating normal responses.

As the doctors make to leave the room, the Boss singles out his mother and the most senior doctor there and reiterates what he said to the junior doctor at the beginning "I will have Anastasia Steele discharged into my care tomorrow morning, I would like the complete treatment plan documented so that it can be followed under the supervision of Dr Grace Trevelyan." He adds with a tone that brooks no argument "I can provide around the clock nursing care in my premises, I can provide full rehabilitation services and facilities and if she is with me, I will ensure her security and peace of mind," and he turns away, not waiting for an answer to press his lips onto Ana's forehead.

"But Christian, you can't provide the medical care, what happens if there is an emergency?" Dr Grace says quietly.

"Mother, if my security had not called me and I had not made it here in 20 minutes, Ana would have been dead, you did not see how they were manhandling her, would you manhandle someone having a night terror, would you be restraining someone with a rib injury by pushing against their chest, would you throw someone with these sorts of injuries around?…. The hospital should be thankful I am not suing them for any number of things" He stops himself saying something more and then asks "Will you supervise Ana's recovery?" and then so quietly that only Dr Grace and I can hear "I can't bear anything to happen to her mom, if she doesn't make it, I'm gone too."

With tears in her eyes, Dr Grace says "Yes son, I'll supervise her recovery and I know you will provide what we need to do that. Will you stay with her tonight to make sure she is ok and then we can organise it in the morning?" and he says with a small smile "Like you had to ask" and they stand there looking at the little one and then he says "Is there any chance of pushing another bed up against hers, I don't want to bump her when she's in so much pain but I want to be right there if she wakes up again?" and Dr Grace says "I'll organise it immediately and see you in the morning" and he kisses her on the cheek and she walks out.

The Boss has locked the 2 beds together and is lying as close as possible without nudging her, he's holding her hand with his left arm resting along the little one's arm providing a connection that keeps her calm and his right hand is nestled in her hair, resting on her good shoulder and finally he drops off to sleep.

I settle for another night sleeping in a chair …. hopefully things will start going back to "normal" tomorrow and I will be back in Gail's arms, I smile and sleep welcomes me after another day that I am happy to see finished.


	36. Chapter 36 - 13 May 2011

**Taylor's POV**

Excellent, with Ana at Escala then security will be easier, much easier so I call Welch to let him know and he says he will come and speak to the Boss as soon as we are all moved in but in the meantime will start screening all the staff that the Boss has already organised to come in – nurses for 24 hour rotation, physios to help with the rehab, any staff that Claude is going to need to assist with the rehab and anyone else that he has thought of in the hours since he woke up. Ana was knocked out by some strong drugs last night and they have allowed her to sleep right through thankfully and even the Boss looks rested but tense.

My gorgeous Gail appears with a container filled with breakfast, it will be hours before we can transfer Ana as the paper work to allow this irregular discharge is more than expected and the Boss is adamant that the nurses from last night need to be reprimanded and discharged, he will ensure that the worst one will never work locally again either, her manner was appalling. It is a measure of his attention to Ana that he somehow didn't set that into place last night, she's changing him already, it was more important for him to be present with her so he did and left the admin alone, amazing. There's something troubling about both women but I don't think the Evil One's reach includes sending in fake nurses – we will be investigating it anyway because their manner was awful, no-one let alone the little one deserved that treatment.

The smell wafting out of the container is making my stomach grumble and seems to be making its way to Ana as well as she starts to stir. The Boss is at her side the second she makes the smallest sound and is stroking her hand when she slowly opens her eyes. As she focuses on his face inches from hers, a small smile appears on her lips but disappears as she looks at him. "What's the matter Christian?" and he looks confused and asks "What do you mean?" and she continues to look at him and says quietly, realising that Gail is in the room and she doesn't know her "You look angry" and he chuckles and says, "Oh baby, there's nothing the matter then, this is my normal state." She doesn't look particularly convinced but accepts the quick peck he gives her and he continues "Ana, let me introduce Mrs Jones" and the smile that lights up her face is strong enough to light a stadium.

"Oh Mrs Jones, it's a pleasure to meet you, your chocolate cake is divine, may I have your recipe please?" and Gail laughs and says "Miss Steele, it is lovely to meet you too and yes you can have the recipe." Ana says "Thank you and please call me Ana". The Boss says, "All staff are requested to use formal names, so Mrs Jones and all staff will be calling you Miss Steele" like that's the end of the story. So Gail then says "Miss Steele, I hope you're hungry, I have breakfast, Mr Grey suggested you would like some pancakes with syrup and I have included some apple and cinnamon muffins as well" and the little one looks at the Boss with the tiniest touch of defiance and says "Well, even though it smells delicious, I am not going to eat a bite until you call me Ana." Gail looks at the Boss who shakes his head and looks indulgently down at Ana and says "Go ahead Mrs Jones otherwise this stubborn girl will not eat" and Gail says "Ok Ana, how many pancakes would you like?" and with a huge grin on her face, Ana giggles and says "I'll take 2 pancakes and a muffin please Mrs Jones, do you have a first name?." "Ana…." the Boss growls and she just throws him a cheeky look and happily accepts the plate.

I notice it and I see the Boss notices it too as he stiffens, Ana grimaced as she reached for the plate but didn't say anything and the smile dimmed a little "Ana, are you ok, where are you hurting? You had a rough night last night." Ana just shakes her head as if to say "ignore it" but he is not letting go "Ana, I am filling in the report at the moment about the despicable behaviour of those nurses" and her eyes fill with tears as she says quietly "They scared me half to death." Well she may not realise it but she was a lot closer than 'half to death" last night. She continues with pain in her voice, "One looked like the she-devil and the other one had the same eyes as Cecilia. The one like the she-devil kept pushing me in the chest and holding me by the shoulders, I tried throwing her off with a judo move that Ray had taught me but I don't have enough range of movement and my shoulder didn't cope so it's a bit sorer now. I'll be right but I must have blacked out" and she shakes her head trying to remember what happened. "What happened last night? I remember you coming in and then I don't really remember much else."

And she looks at the Boss with a bewildered look on her face and he says like he really doesn't want to tell her "You collapsed and once your heart rate stabilised, they had to do a complete body scan to see what damage had been done to you. Those fucking animals damaged your ribs, your shoulder again and your pelvic fracture seems to have worsened". Before he has a chance to say any more, her lip quivers and she says through tears "I'm never getting out of here am I? There's no chance of me making graduation is there?" and he is straight down to her and cradling her in his arms until she calms. Then smiling reassuringly at her he says "On the contrary, I have completed all the forms this morning and you are leaving here today" and she looks confused and he continues a little triumphantly as he stands back "I am having you discharged into my care under the medical control of my mother"

Suddenly I have this feeling of impending doom and even Gail feels it because she moves closer to me and the little one says in a voice with an edge "Umm, did you think that perhaps I might like a say in my treatment?"

The silence is deafening as she crosses her arms and shoots daggers at him, the effect is partially reduced as she winced when she crossed her arms. Interesting, the Boss is used to issuing orders and everyone jumping, used to making decisions and having no-one question them, so as he contemplates what she said, he somehow stands taller and looks like he is going to handle it like he handles dissenters in meetings. As the anger flashes in his eyes, she somehow straightens and looks angrier, I wonder what is happening, they are staring at each other and the tension is unbearable. I don't know if she is doing it so that he can see that he can't run roughshod over her or for some other reason and then I see it in her eyes.

She's afraid and the Boss to his credit sees it too because he simply concertinas down in the chair next to her and grabs hold of the hand he can reach and sits there looking at her with concern written all over his face. "Baby, I just want you out of here so that I can guarantee your security, guarantee that you get the best support possible, guarantee that you get the best rehabilitation possible, guarantee that some crazy nurse isn't going to try and kill you in the middle of the night, guarantee that you will have time to study and guarantee that I will get you to graduation. If you are in my apartment, I can work and look out for you at the same time without having to deal with strangers wandering in and out at all times. My mother is happy to make sure everything medical that needs to be done is done and I just want you as comfortable as possible." And he pauses and then says in a conciliatory tone "I'm sorry, I'm used to making all the decisions and I realise you are used to making all your decisions too, see I told you I'd stuff up yesterday. I can stop the whole process if you want to stay here but please consider that what happened last night will never happen if you are safe on my premises."

At the acknowledgment of why she was upset and that he should have let her make or at least be part of the decision, Ana says "It would be nice to be out of here, somewhere that doesn't smell like a hospital. Somewhere that hopefully I can forget that I am a broken mess." She pauses for a bit, looks down at her hands like she is trying to come to some sort of decision and then says "Do you have a view?" and he laughs. "What about the whole Seattle skyline? Is that enough?" he says teasingly and she says "Ok, I'm sold and thank you." And he kisses her and then she says quietly, looking directly at him and I guess, trying to make him understand, "I'm sorry, I know that sounded rude because you have done so much already and are paying for everything but " and she pauses as her voice breaks "I need to be able to make my own decisions because whenever someone else makes the decisions for me, everything turns out bad. Can you please include me before you make a decision on my behalf? Let me have a say? Or this" and she waves her hand between them "isn't going to work." Ah ha, that tells me that they still haven't defined what it is that they have with each other, I don't think either wants to put a label on it in case it breaks it…

"Since this" and he waves his hand as well "is more important to me than anything else, I will say yes but please forgive me because I am going to forget and make decisions and need your forgiveness and acceptance after it. Can I promise to try and ask you first but if it relates to your safety, I may do first and ask your forgiveness later, if I am wrong?" and my respect for the little one increases as I can see that she really doesn't want to cede any control but one little sentence has caught her, "more important to me than anything else?" she whispers looking at him and there is nothing but truth in his voice when he responds "Anything" and she just shyly nods and smiles at him.

And Gail who never displays anything but pure professionalism when not in our rooms squeezes my hand and is looking at me with tears in her eyes. At my surprised look at her she seems to remember where we are and hustles to pick up the plate and pack everything back away but not before giving Ana a small smile and pat on her hand, it's like she needs to touch her to see if she is real.

"Thank you Mrs Jones, that was delicious, will you be cooking for me too if I move in?" Ana asks and at Gail's nod, she turns to the Boss and says "That settles it then, why are we all still here?" earning herself a laugh from all of us.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

"Umm, did you think that perhaps I might like a say in my treatment?" God she sounds like a spoilt little teenager that's always had her own way and after everything I have done for her so far, what is her problem? Oh but she's so sexy when she's angry. I can't think about that! I do need her out of here, I can't function like I have been, I need her where I can see her at all times and make sure she's safe. I am a Dominant, I know that I am right and I look after everyone I care about, I know what's best, I have to look after her otherwise I might lose her, I can't lose her. She is the air that I breathe at the moment, although this hospital air is pretty disgusting.

Hang on, her eyes are the window to her soul and she looks scared, I know she's not scared of me, she hasn't had any reason to be scared of me. Yet. What is it? What am I missing? From everything I know of her I know she's not a petulant teenager. Why is she scared? Surely she's not scared that I'll do something to her? What is it? Her eyes have changed to the deepest blue and I am drowning in them, what is she trying to tell me….Let me think, how would I feel if that was me?... There, I've got it.

God, she's scared of losing control of her life, she has had to make decisions for herself all her life, oh I've got this honey, I understand exactly where you are coming from. Ha, if we weren't here I would be laughing about the fact that I thought Ana could be my submissive, she doesn't have a submissive bone in her or if she did, it has been broken by someone along the way so now she needs to be in control. I understand even though I came to that understanding through the ministrations of Elena rather than life in general. We are quite a pair, quite a pair. Baby, I'll give you whatever control you need but I will look after you first.

I so want to sing the Hunter Hayes song "Wanted" that I put on her iPad, it is not available for the public as he is still finessing it for market but owning a recording studio has benefits because I get to hear songs that aren't available to the public yet. However breaking into song right now wouldn't be appropriate so I will make sure she has a chance to listen to the song later by adding it to the playlist as the next song to play. The words in the song say what I need her to understand.

You know I'd fall apart without you  
I don't know how you do what you do  
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me  
Makes sense when I'm with you  
Like everything that's green, girl I need you  
But it's more than one and one makes two  
Put aside the math and the logic of it  
You gotta know you want it too

'Cause I wanna wrap you up  
Wanna kiss your lips  
I wanna make you feel wanted  
And I wanna call you mine  
Wanna hold you hand forever  
Never let you forget it  
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted

Anyone can tell you you're pretty  
You get that all the time, I know you do  
But your beauty's deeper than the makeup  
And I wanna show you what I see tonight

When I wrap you up  
When I kiss your lips  
I wanna make you feel wanted  
And I wanna call you mine  
Wanna hold you hand forever  
Never let you forget it  
'Cause baby I wanna make you feel wanted

As good as you make me feel  
I wanna make you feel better  
Better than your fairy tales  
Better than your best dreams  
You're more than everything I need  
You're all I ever wanted  
All I ever wanted

And I just wanna wrap you up  
Wanna kiss your lips  
I wanna make you feel wanted  
And I wanna call you mine  
Wanna hold you hand forever  
Never let you forget it  
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted  
Yeah, baby I wanna make you feel  
Wanted  
'Cause you'll always be wanted

I don't know how it has happened but she is truly more important to me than anything else and while she may have a hard time believing it, it feels right to me. Having her where I can make decisions for her and take care of her is my driving force at the moment, it's more than when I was obligated as a Dom to look after my sub, it is much more. I don't know where these feelings are coming from but I need her to understand what I feel and so I quietly suggest she listen to my latest playlist before I go off in search of my mother and try and get us all out of here.

"Mom, this goes above you. This has to go to the board, how did two individuals like this make it into the hospital let alone being the carers of someone with such severe injuries. I didn't see their names, I was more worried about Ana but scarily, one looked like Elena and Ana said, the other one had the same eyes as the girl who ran her off the road. Can you make sure I get their names so I can do some background checking to see if there is any link to Elena, I wouldn't put it past her, at all?"

At Elena's name, Mom's back stiffens and she goes off to find the details for me and I continue to speak to the lead doctor on Ana's care. The doctor knows mom well and is happy with the care to continue although at any sign of distress, he wants Ana back and I am more than happy to oblige. He provides a detailed program of when she needs to be back for cast removal and replacement and the types of exercises that are to be undertaken at each stage, the results and problems we should be expecting and my body hurts on Ana's behalf, the next six weeks are going to be so tough for her.

My angst at the fact that this is my fault returns but I squash it down to re-enter the room where Ray has appeared and is sitting with Ana as she undertakes her exercises, grimacing as the pain in her pelvis restricts the amount of movement she can make. I see her determinedly do her shoulder exercises, knowing again that the strain on her shoulder must be killing her and I say "Remember the extra damage from last night and slow it down" and she shoots daggers at me as if I have reminded her of something she wanted to forget but it is Ray that says, "Morning Christian, what happened last night?" and looks at her. Ana blushes and then I realise that the physio may not have been told either and I say "Stop, have the notes been updated since last night?" and at the shake of the physio's head, I nearly combust on the spot. "Are you fucking kidding me? Ana collapsed last night after being effectively assaulted by two nurses after she had a night terror and they re-damaged her shoulder, made the ribs worse and have widened the pelvic fracture – surely the notes were updated? How fucking useless is this hospital, I'm so glad you won't be here any longer. Stop now, do not do any more exercises until you" and I point at the physio "know what has changed because of the extra damage."

I realise that Ana may not have told Ray about the move so I say "Ray, I don't know if you know that I have organised for Ana's security for her to be moved out of the hospital to be under the supervision of my mother and we are moving her out today" and for some reason I really don't want to say to my apartment as I don't want him to misconstrue my intentions but I want him to continue to assist and realise I have to bite the bullet and say "I have room at my apartment and with my onsite security and housekeeping staff, I can ensure that Ana is well looked after without worrying about who will appear in her room." He looks at me and I know his prior warnings are more than applicable and I add, "I have an additional guest room if you wish to stay or you are welcome to continue at the Fairmont and come in and assist as you have here, it's actually closer than here and I can ensure that Carla does not visit as we have a private elevator, it can only be accessed with a code." I feel damn uncomfortable and realise that one of the benefits of having subs was that I never had to meet the father of a sub, so I never had to feel like I was taking something of value from someone, with Ray I can tell that even though he doesn't seem to mind me, I am taking away his little girl.

Finally Ray says "I can't stay much longer as I have to get back to work, so if I could use the guest room and make sure that Ana is happy, then after a couple more days, I can go home and then drop in periodically, is that ok with you Ana?" and I can see she is upset that her father isn't going to be there for much longer but she nods and pushes back her shoulders, breathes in and grimaces, her eyes flick up to mine and she says apologetically "It's ok, somehow I keep forgetting!", the girl really doesn't have any self-preservation genes.

As the clearance and final tests are to take another hour or so, I decide that Taylor and I will return to Escala to organise it and we'll be back to pick up Ana and Ray before lunch in an SUV as the R8 is only a 2 seater, a quick kiss and I am out the door.

As we get to the car, Taylor says "Can I drive as I have some information that Welch gave me last night and you might react, so I'd like to be driving?" Sure, it's just an excuse to drive the car because he never gets the opportunity but I am strangely amenable to anything at the moment, Ana is moving into my apartment – woohoo!

However Taylor then goes onto to tell me how last night Welch figured out that he knew Frank Lambert, Ray and Carla on base and about Carla's sordidness from before Ana's birth. My non-existent heart clenches that my beautiful girl has had a less than ideal life from before birth and my estimation of Ray increases as I realise what he did, giving her the feeling of being wanted when she hadn't been from conception. I also understand his desire to protect Ana but then Taylor completely floors me with the giggle comment that Welch made. I know that Ana's giggle has the power to heal but to know that it literally had helped Welch back from the brink makes me more determined that Ana should never again know a life where giggles were not the norm. I vow to make it my mission to ensure that I hear her giggle at least once a day – for her sake and everyone around her including me.


	37. Chapter 37

**Gail's POV**

Sawyer is with Mr Grey as he meets with the doctor, Ryan is outside the door, Ray is with Ana so Taylor is free to walk me down to the car with the tray and I can barely contain myself as soon as we reach the car, if I was a little girl I'd be jumping up and down and clapping my hands. "Oh Jason, did you see that? Did you see his eyes? There's a light in them when he's near her, touching her or talking to her. He listened, did you see him listen and take the time to think why she said what she did? Oh, and he called her "Baby" and "Honey", oh Jason, it's fantastic! She IS a miracle isn't she?"

I'm sure that Jason thinks I'm being a sentimental fool but I have always said those horrid relationships Mr Grey has had just leave him empty and now he looks like he has a chance at true happiness, I really hope he doesn't do something silly and ruin it.

Jason is just smiling at me and as I go to leave he takes me in his arms and says, "I think you're making me soft baby because I must admit, I did notice all those things. But you know what I am really happy about? With Ana at Escala, I get to sleep and do unmentionable things to you again and not have to sleep in a chair."  
"Oh Jason" I say "Way to ruin a moment" and I slap his arm but I'm smiling because I must admit, there was nothing soft about what was leaning against my belly a second ago and I have missed him.

* * *

**Welch's POV**

All the shit I have been through with the Boss over the years is worth it if I get to see little Anastasia again, I hope all the stuff that she's had to deal with all her life has not knocked the innate goodness out of her. Sure she was a baby and babies giggle but Anastasia was different, as I told Taylor, she'd just look at you with those baby blue eyes and you'd melt then she'd give you the biggest smile and giggle. The worse you felt, the longer she'd look at you, like she was absorbing whatever was troubling you, then she'd smile and giggle and whatever it was would be let free, you wouldn't be able to think about the issue anymore and you felt better. Shit, if she is still even remotely like that, she should make our lives that much easier with the Boss, the guy is a pot of issues, not the least of which is the Evil One, Elena Lincoln.

Speaking of which I ring the Boss, "Sir, you have your normal scheduled meeting with Elena Lincoln tonight and we suggest you continue it, discussing what was brought up the other night, you will be wearing a listening device and hopefully that will be enough to give her just enough rope.." and I take the phone away from my ear, it doesn't need to be anywhere near me for me to hear the expletives he's heaping on me and protesting about going anywhere near the bitch. While I totally agree with his personal feelings on the matter, he is our best bet to get some admissions as we have rigged all the devices around the private dining room, and it doesn't matter what she says, if she even blows gas discreetly, we'll pick it up.

Eventually he agrees as long as I go into Escala and show him everything that I have picked up so far and a good piece of news I can give him is that the camera footage and recording from Macy has gone through to the police. Furthermore, plans are afoot that if they can organise themselves it'll mean that the Boss won't have to go to the meeting but it is important that he not cancel so that everything seems as per usual in case what is planned doesn't eventuate. The Evil One has arranged as per normal for an appointment at Esclava to "tart" herself up like she does before each dinner with the Boss, ugh, she makes my skin crawl and always has. The noose is tightening and I hope no-one stuffs it up.

I can also report that there's movement on the Stephen and Carla front as well. Our little plan of attack yesterday worked, Carla needed some more little white pills and contacted a supplier, with a little interception, and the replacement of the supplier at the time of delivery by his "brother" aka an undercover cop, let's say he was generous with the number he provided so that there were plenty to share with Stephen and all captured on undercover camera. Stephen was upset about a message that the Evil One had left on his phone saying she would cut him off if he wasn't there within the hour and Carla said "Here take this tablet, it will take the edge off her anger" and he did and the net effect was that Stephen didn't call the Evil One within the designated hour at all. When he did eventually call she chewed him out properly but instead of letting him go as she said she was going to do, she raged for a while and decided that this afternoon she was going to punish him and that "slag Carla", those were her words, seems like Carla hasn't endeared herself to anyone.

The conversations continued and make me wonder whether Carla ever did change, when Stephen suggested "Why don't you stay, tell your husband that Ana needs you and just stay here?" she simply readily agreed and rang her husband and lied to him. Carla said she was spending all day with Ana and thought she'd be here for months, could he put some money in her account so that she could pay for accommodation and buy things for Ana as the poor girl really didn't have anything here. She makes me sick!

* * *

**Christian's POV**

Now the decision I have been dreading telling Ana and more importantly, Ray about, I am putting her in my bedroom, my justifications are valid, my room is the biggest which is important as I have organised a crane thing to hold her leg in the position it needs to be in with no pressure on her pelvis and with the least pressure on the three breaks. The bathroom is easiest to access and is the nicest and biggest. It has the best view of all the bedrooms.

To be honest though, I need to sleep next to her, I want to hold her, feel her body against mine and sure I'd love to have her in every way possible but at the moment I just want to feel her. She calms me and I don't understand why, I have never slept next to anyone because I couldn't stand the thought of them touching me. Even the thought of anyone touching my chest burns but with Ana, I crave her touch. Granted, we haven't touched skin to skin in my no-go zones, I've always had a shirt on between us and I am not rushing to have her touch my chest but I've never been able to hug anyone yet here I am wanting to simply hold her against my chest, absorb all her pain.

Wheeling her out of the hospital, via the back loading dock so that no-one sees us, I try desperately to make sure that I don't hit any bumps and every time I do, I curse the hospital issue chair. I have ordered a specialised wheelchair with full shock absorbing technology and it should arrive tomorrow so that hopefully we will be able to move Ana around the apartment and get her out and enjoying the sunshine even though she says that she is going to spend the next two weeks studying so that she can sit her finals and feel like she deserves the graduation certificate when she receives it.

Taylor is driving the SUV as carefully as I have ever seen him drive and quite frankly if I could have had Ana delivered in an ambulance I would have but the paparazzi would have gone mad about an ambulance arriving at Escala. So slow and steady does it, we finally arrive and he pulls up next to the elevator and Ray holds the chair as I lean in to lift Ana out. It feels divine when she puts her right arm across my shoulder and loops her left arm around my neck, her ear is within kissing distance so I do and am rewarded by a wriggle in my arms. "Hey don't wriggle, I don't want to drop you" I say chuckling and trying not to jolt her in any way and she says "Christian, you saw how those nurses were pushing me around yesterday, a little jiggle from you isn't going to hurt me" and I say, "if your leg hadn't been in a cast, could you have taken them?" and with a little defiant lift of the chin she says "Ask Ray, I can or rather I could, take down a man easily" and I look to Ray to see the proud confirmation in his eyes and his nod. "Take the warning son," Ray says "I taught her well, she can fight and she can shoot straight if she needs to save herself, I suggest you don't do anything that would elicit the need for Ana to use those skills because you'll be the one worse off and if not from her…" oh so a not so veiled threat to behave myself then…. And I cock an eyebrow as I look between him and Ana, "I take the warning, Sir and I promise to look after her to the best of my ability" and I can see Ana blushing with embarrassment. So I bend and whisper to her "It's ok, I feel the same way, so I know where he's coming from" and she blushes redder still.

I gently place her in the chair and strap her in "Do you think I need to be strapped in to go up an elevator?" Ana questions and I say "I like strapping you in", oh, oops, I said that out loud, "I need to know you're safe" I add quickly and hope they didn't notice the pause. Hmm, that was an interesting look that went across Taylor's face, I take it that he doesn't approve, he's never censured me on my lifestyle before and I wonder if it is more Ana than the lifestyle. Shit, what am I going to do, I've always needed the BDSM for the control, I can't do that with Ana, I don't want to do that with Ana, but I don't know anything else. And my mind goes into freefall as the elevator rises quickly, the walls seem to be closing in and then I feel a gentle squeeze on my hand and am looking into concerned questioning blue eyes. I grab hold and try to regain my control, her eyes looking huge in her face are like life rings thrown over the edge of a ship to a man overboard and she slowly reels me in and by the time the doors open, I am back in control and I squeeze her hand, not knowing how to thank her. I am going to have to speak to Flynn and soon.

Ray pushes the wheel chair as I hold the door open and motion them in, watching their faces. Ana's face pales and Ray's is set in a "don't show anything" expression and I suddenly feel uncomfortable as though somehow my conspicuous wealth is making them uneasy and I don't want anything to scare Ana away. She won't look at me as her eyes dart around the apartment taking it and then finally her eyes come back to me and she looks sad, like she's made some sort of decision and says in a whisper "It's big". Ok, I hadn't expected that and I don't have a witty comeback and simply agree "Yes, it's big" waiting for what she really wants to say but she doesn't say anything else but looks up at Ray and then back at me.

I am entirely at a loss and then realise that at least I should be a good host and offer them a drink – a beer for Ray and tea for Ana. Gail comes bustling out and welcomes them in as she asks Ana how she'd like her tea and winks when she says she has some chocolate cake, I can see Ana relaxing and am so grateful for the affection that it appears that Gail already feels for Ana. I realise I am completely unused to having people in my home other than my immediate family and Elena and at the thought of her, my stomach clenches and I look at Ana to see if she can give me a clue as to how I should be acting and then I remember her request at the hospital. "Would you like to see the view?" I ask quietly, she is looking so scared that I'm almost worried to talk in case it upsets her and she gives me a radiant smile and says "Yes please" and I signal to Ray that I'd like to take the chair and push her through the big room where she spots the black grand piano and asks if I will play her a tune and I promise I will and suggest we can all jam at some point and the smile stays on her lips making me a little less uneasy.

As we approach the balcony she gasps as she realises that we weren't kidding when we said the entire Seattle skyline is visible, just looking through the floor-to-ceiling windows she can see the whole of Seattle and the surrounding mountains and Elliott Bay. She says, "I don't want to go out on the balcony" and I ask if she is scared of heights suddenly hoping that she isn't as I realise that I want to fly her up in my helicopter and take her soaring. I've never taken anyone up with me but I desperately want her there enjoying it with me but she surprises me with, "No I don't want to be sitting in the wheelchair I want to be standing there with the wind in my hair. I want that to be a goal and since I won't be able to walk for my graduation, I would really like to have a picture in my mind to work towards. I am thinking the sun setting behind me with the wind blowing my hair" and I smile at her, "It's a beautiful picture I am imagining in my mind, if it helps, then sure, I can't wait to take that picture for you" and there are some other things I'd like to do to her on that balcony as the sun is setting but now is not the time to be mentioning them, not with Ray standing at my shoulder looking down across the city.

I wheel Ana back to the table so that Gail can serve afternoon tea and then walk back to Ray who is still standing by the window and then asks me to step onto the balcony and I know he is troubled as he says "It's a magnificent place you own here son, are you sure we're not an imposition, we are just simple folk of average means and .." I need to shut him down before he verbalises anything more. "Sir, I know that I haven't known Ana for very long and that the last few days have been difficult for everyone, I understand that you don't know me or my motivations but my sleepless nights and torment have built this, I have more than enough to share and I couldn't imagine a purer more beautiful person to share it with than Ana."

I pause to make sure he is following me "If there weren't any other reasons and there are many, one reason why I will do whatever it takes to make Ana happy is that only since I have known Ana and despite the awful circumstances we have found ourselves in, have I had more than four hours sleep in a night and woken rested without having been woken by a nightmare. Ana's presence brings me peace that no amount of money or possessions has ever been able to provide me and there is no way I can thank her for that other than being whatever she needs me to be and doing whatever she needs me to do. So please can you reassure her that these are just possessions and if keeping her meant giving away the possessions, I would do it in a heartbeat but I intend to keep doing what I do, that way I can protect everyone that I care for, I can make sure I and those precious to me are never hungry again and hopefully along the way I can help others as well. I promise I will look after her and part of that promise is making her happy, she is happy when you are with her so you are always welcome here."

Ray looks at me and I swear his eyes are like Ana's searching mine to see if there is any untruths in what I just said and I suddenly think back to what Welch told Taylor about Carla's reputation on base and I wonder, the bond between Ana and Ray and their similarities may well be more than step-father and step-daughter, they have an uncanny ability to look deep inside you that can't just be co-incidental.

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

Ana is safely ensconced in the bedroom and has fallen asleep, the move was stressful for all of us so I can imagine it wore her out. We have the room camera turned on so that if she starts having a terror, the Boss can get there quickly but he is with us now. Ray is in his room, the old subs bedroom and I can't believe how relieved I am that Ana isn't in that room. The Boss, Welch and I are all in the security room where Welch has rigged some extra screens so we can see all the cameras he has organised, some outside Stephen's house which while interesting just confirm all of our diminishing views of Carla. More important are the ones that have been rigged around and inside Elena Lincoln's house and car.

The police haven't done their job yet and unfortunately Macy is at risk one more time, the Evil One has picked him up from school and disappeared into the house, if the police don't get the information today, we'll have to take action and make him safe, this has to stop otherwise we are all complicit in damaging a child that does not deserve any more pain.

Suddenly we hear a voice that hasn't played a part in this drama so far, it is Bob, Carla's husband "Carla what are you playing at? I rang the hospital to speak to Ana and see how she was going and they said that she'd left. Where are you? Where is Ana?" he sounds like he is suspicious and well he should be.

"What do you mean she has left? She was there when I was there just a while ago. Yes, well, I guess it was around 1pm when I left" Carla lies through her teeth and it is obvious that Bob is suspicious of her response as well. "OK, I guess I'd better go back and find out where she is, bye, love you too" and she hangs up.

She looks a little stunned as she turns towards Stephen, "Ana has left the hospital, I wonder where she is. Oh well, let's go in and see Elena."

My heart clenches as I see Elena coming into the main room from downstairs, her smile is evil as she greets them. She slaps Stephen across the face for disobeying her yesterday but seems to be in a good mood because she has just read a text from a nurse at the hospital that says "Mission accomplished, she's gone" and Stephen says "Elena what did you do?"

Elena cackles and says proudly "Well hopefully she's in a worse state than she was in before, maybe she's in the morgue! I went into the hospital the other night and saw the hospital roster and found the pigeon holes for the nurses that were to be on duty last night. I put some "Today Only 80% off" vouchers for Esclava in the pockets of the two that were assigned to that floor and when they came in to Esclava yesterday, I couldn't believe my luck, one looked like CeeCee and the other one was a beautiful platinum blonde so I gave them full service. I did them up as beautifully as they wanted, the full treatment so that they were like putty in my hands and then I suggested that the girl in the room was someone that I knew and that she was really dangerous. I suggested to them that she needed to be both scared and handled as roughly as possible because she had beaten up someone close to me and therefore deserved to be beaten up as well. I made sure to tell them that to not make it obvious and to keep doing it every night so that she is in there as long as possible and in as much pain as possible or make sure she is gone completely." The Evil One cackles and claps her hands like she has done something wonderful.

Carla looks a little uncomfortable and says "You do know Ana is my daughter don't you?" and if it wasn't such an awful situation and disclosure, the look on Elena's plastic face would be comical as she screams at Carla "You have to be fucking kidding me? Ana is YOUR daughter? Your daughter is fucking up my life as much as you appear to be fucking up my arrangement with Stephen. What are you doing with him anyway?" and then it looks like she actually staggers when Carla says "Stephen and I used to be married and we were getting re-acquainted."

"Oh what a fucking sordid mess!" Elena says and we have to all agree with her on this sentiment, it couldn't be a better description of the situation. She continues as she sinks into a chair, pointing her long bony finger at Carla, "You do realise that when you were looking for a Dom, I suggested you to Christian and he turned you down because you were too old, ha how funny, he could have done both mother and daughter. Wait, why did CeeCee run Ana off the road if she was her stepsister at some point? What aren't you two telling me? Why didn't you tell me this the other day Stephen, are you holding out information on me?"

He takes a step back as if in fear and says, "I only found out the other night when Carla called me and came over, I had no idea it was cock-tease Ana in the hospital but it makes sense, CeeCee was really jealous of Ana, so she must have seen her and followed her and…."

Suddenly there is a flurry of movement at the door of the room and before anyone of the evil three can move, Macy is standing at the door, he is drenched in sweat and goodness knows what else and he is running past them and out the door.

Finally, out of the unmarked police cars that are parked along the road, three uniformed police officers leap out and catch Macy as his legs give out and he starts to sink towards the ground. The other officers immediately surround Elena, Stephen and Carla who had rushed out after him, Elena looks angry and ridiculous standing there in her leather domme gear while Stephen and Carla simply look shocked.

We all laugh as a paparazzo leaps out of the bushes, it will make a lovely photo for the front pages of the paper tomorrow, Elena in her gear and cuffed by a uniformed officer, brilliant! For once we are all happy to see the pap, public humiliation will do more to destroy Elena than anything else and there is no getting away from what has just happened and the best bit is that Carla is the reason that the pap was there. Yesterday Carla was chatting with her drug dealer before our switch and mentioned to him that she had more money because Christian Grey had put her up at the Fairmont and she didn't have to pay, he obviously mentioned it to a pap and the pap was following hoping to get a photo of Christian but instead has gotten a picture worth so much more.


	38. Chapter 38

**Christian's POV**

My God, poor Macy! Everyone is whooping about the fact that the pap has captured Elena looking confused and embarrassed, handcuffed and dressed in her unattractive domme gear but all I can see is little Macy in the police officers arms, it could easily have been me and it all comes rushing back. The fear, the pain, the darkness and I quietly leave the room, there's only one place I need to be right now and it isn't here.

I let myself into my bedroom, lock the door, turn off the security monitor and crawl into bed next to Ana, trying not to jostle her. She doesn't wake and I wrap myself around her, my left arm slides under her pillow, I bury my face in her hair and wrap my right arm around her, I need to feel her closeness, I need to absorb her goodness to drive away the darkness that is engulfing me. In her sleep she sighs and with a small smile, turns her head towards me and nuzzles my cheek and it takes all the self control I have to not wake her and kiss her until I feel better.

Her gentle breathing and undecipherable quiet mutterings start relaxing me, the darkness retreats and I am being lulled to sleep when I suddenly have one of those stupid body jumps that happens as you are dropping off to sleep and my knee connects with her leg and she wakes with a squeal of pain and I am mortified. I can't even look at her and say "Oh baby, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" rubbing her leg where I kneed her and she simply giggles "Well if you wanted me to get up, you could have just tapped me" and she leans into me and giggles again "Look at me" and I can't, she is going to see that I am a mess. "Look at me Christian" she says quieter but with the strength of steel and I drag my eyes up to hers. In the semi-darkness of the room I can still see them deepening as she looks at me, the smile fading from her lips, "What's the matter Christian, what's happened? Can you come up here because you need a hug?" I still can't move, I hate that I have once again added to her pain but more importantly, I don't want her to see me, as my 15 year old self, exposed and battered and then I realise she said "YOU need a hug" and I stare at her and gasp out, "How do you do that? How do you know?"

"I can feel it Christian, you are radiating pain. You look like you are made of sand, one poke and you'll crumble. I want to be the water that keeps you together, makes you stronger and able to withstand the desert winds" her eyes don't leave mine as she speaks, drawing me towards her until I can bury my head in her hair again, I need to smell her, to fill my nostrils so that my brain can get it's fix of Ana. I am lying on her right arm and she has it wrapped tightly around me and it finally registers that she is trying to tug me back towards her face and I am happy to oblige.

If I could swallow Ana whole I would, I need her essence in me and finally as the black cloud rolls away and I release her, she is gasping for air but her eyes soften as I apologise and touch her swollen lips. "It's perfectly fine Christian, do you want to explain what that was all about? I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong?" and I whisper almost under my breath "You help me by just being you." And I really don't want to tell her what has happened, not just all my fucked-up shit and reaction to Macy but I haven't even thought about how I am going to tell Ray and Ana about the fact that Carla has been with Stephen the last couple of days, let alone the fact that she has now been arrested.

"Ana, I'm sorry, I was having a major flashback to my 15 year old self and I am sorry, I shouldn't have put that on you" I hesitate and she waves her hand airily as if to say it was "no bother" and indicates that I should keep talking and I realise that Ray needs to be involved in the next bit of the conversation so I say "I have something really important to tell you but I need Ray here too. Can I get Mrs Jones to bring you some afternoon tea while I speak to my security and find out what is happening now and then we can all sit down and … I'm sorry, don't look at me like that, I don't want to say what I need to tell you twice." She looks at me like she's trying to work out if I am weaselling my way out of telling her something and I assume she sees that I am actually telling the truth and simply pulls me back down and gives me a feather light kiss on the nose and as I smile, she continues and kisses me on the chin. She is grinning now like a Cheshire cat and I decide to beat her at her own game and grab her face between both hands and place feather kisses on her eyelids, her nose, her ears and then back down her cheek bones and stop as I am about to reach her gorgeous lips and I am not mistaken that her heart rate has gone through the roof but she is giggling and she pulls my head down and crushes her lips onto mine, then just as I feel an opening and am about to poke in my tongue she abruptly stops and pulls away giggling "Once you tell me….."and clamps her lips together in a thin line even though she can barely control it, her whole body shaking from the controlled laughter until she grimaces and it slowly fades. It's me then scowling at her that makes her say "I know, no sense of self preservation… but it was worth it to see your face" and I melt and kiss her on the forehead, promising to be back with Ray and the full story.

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

"Shit, the Boss's gone, I didn't even see him leave. Look, he's going in with Ana, where was he looking before he left Welch? Really? He was looking at that monitor? Shit he was watching Macy. What are we going to do about the kid? The cops strung him out a day more than they should have, can you find out why Welch? The Boss is going to want to know and he's going to have someone's ass for it I am sure."

Hmm, he's turned off the camera in that room, at least he's thinking straight, I don't want to see any more than I have already between these two, I have been missing Gail and watching them isn't helping! Right, mind back to the job, "I guess we'd better call Carrick and make sure he can set the legal actions in motion now that they are in custody so that there is no chance of them getting out any time soon"

We spend the next half hour providing information to Carrick and the rest of the legal team, liaising with the PR team to make sure that the Boss's name isn't anywhere near the pap photo and then the door bursts open and it's the Boss.

Rapid fire we discuss with the legal team that the information coming back from the police is that the report will show is that someone was suspicious when they saw Elena pick up Macy from school when school wasn't finished. That person had been suspicious previously and had mentioned it to the social worker on his case, who was also suspicious as they had seen the cuts and bruises but Macy wouldn't say where he had obtained them. The story will continue that the social worker gave Macy the watch and therefore there is absolutely no link back to the Boss and us as his security team.

The legal team thinks it's up to the Boss as to whether he discloses, his disclosure would probably cement the fact that there is a pattern of abuse of minors especially those from disadvantaged backgrounds, kids with issues, but it's up to him as to how much he wants to say and when.

As I thought, the Boss is upset about Macy, he paces back and forwards agitated as he says "We have to get hold of Macy and make him safe. I want him seeing John Flynn straight away and I wonder if Mom would take him on as an emergency foster, at least until he can be put safely in a home where he is not going to be damaged further. Do we know where Elena got her claws into him?" I know he isn't going to like the answer when I say, she met him through the hospital outreach services organised by Grace and would take him for weekend activities. The glass sailing through the air is adroitly caught by Sawyer, saving Gail having to clean up a mess but it doesn't improve the mood of the Boss, realising that Grace is going to be extremely upset about having allowed another child into Elena's evil clutches.

Then the Boss drops a bombshell that none of us had thought of "I have to tell Ray and Ana about Carla being arrested and worse that she has spent the last few days in the company of Stephen Morton. Ana at least knows how rotten Stephen Morton is but Ray does not. Welch do you want to join us for afternoon tea now and I will tell them both at the same time. I think you will need to ensure that Ray stays here and doesn't do anything rash in anger on Ana's behalf, maybe you can reminisce or something, the bar is open to you, you just need to be functional in the morning. I will be dealing with the fallout for Ana."

The Boss goes to his office to call Grace and ask for her assistance with the emergency placement of Macy and from watching the monitors, I'd say he doesn't mention where the Evil One managed to put her claws into him as the conversation seems to be quite quick and unemotional although his hair looks like a crow's nest from the amount of times his hands have gone through it.

I understand how much pressure he is under with the disclosures he is about to make to Ray, watching him the other night with the legal team made him the most human I have ever seen him, closest to breaking point and watching his family affected by the disclosures and these are similar disclosures to another father who is about to hear things a father never wants to hear. I sit there imagining how I would feel if someone was to tell me that those things had happened to Sophie and my heart races and realise that it might be better if I tell Ray, rather than the Boss. Then it will be a father talking to a father and I go to the Boss's office and wait for him to notice me, when he does, I can't bear the anguish in his eyes and raise my hand "Permission to speak freely sir?".

"Sure Taylor, what is it?" The Boss's words are wearily squeezed out, it's not late in the day yet but it seems the last few days are catching up with a vengeance.

"Sir, I suggest that as a father, I should lead the talking about what has happened to Miss Steele over the years at the hand of Stephen Morton and her mother, so that it is a father speaking to a father, rather than you who are otherwise involved with his daughter. Then we bring Miss Steele in when you tell them what has happened today." I suggest, I don't know how Ray is going to handle the disclosures of the damage done to his daughter over all those years but he doesn't need them associated with the Boss in anyway, the saving of his daughter can be attributed to the Boss instead. We all need Ana in the Boss's life, so this is for all of us.

He thinks it through for a minute and nods, "So Welch reacquaints himself first, you tell him the background on those two and then I bring Ana back in and I tell him what has happened today? Ok, let's do it."

* * *

**Ana's POV**

Oh Good Lord, I really don't like being stuck in bed but if the benefit is that Christian crawls in periodically with me, then I'll take it but he is such a mess, can I deal with it all on top of my own. Thinking of which, I haven't heard from anyone since I was a bitch to Kate, I really don't like being horrible but yesterday I needed to hear what Christian had to say. I'd better fix it as I just find it easier if no-one is angry at me, they leave me be and quite frankly, life is much easier that way.

As I look for my phone in my handbag, I can't find it and dig a little deeper and then I sit there shaking my head smiling, seriously, where did he find a phone cover like that? Pearls and diamonds and a swan, somehow I don't feel like a swan but he is making me feel like the ugly duckling that finds out it's a swan, he makes me feel beautiful and I am not. I still haven't had a decent shower and I will be bringing that up with the nurse that is coming in, I desperately want to have a shower but I don't know how that is even possible with this massive cast. As I am thinking this Gail appears with the nurse and makes the introductions and goes into the bathroom to show "Melanie" what facilities are available. The nurse returns with a smile on her face and says "I bet you are itching for a decent wash aren't you?" and I can't help but think that I must stink and simply nod. "Well, what we are going to do is pop your leg into this special bag and at the top we use this tape that is effectively duct tape which will stop the water going in and you can sit on the shower chair that Mrs Jones is bringing up and have a lovely shower all by yourself, so you can feel like finally you have some control in your life" and I smile, she has obviously been doing this for a while and knows what it feels like "and then you call out and I will help you out again and you can get dressed."

My hand flies up to my mouth, "I don't actually have anything to wear here, what am I going to do?" and Gail appears with a smile and says "On the contrary, Mr Grey has had a number of clothes delivered in your size, Melanie if you come through into the closet, you will find this whole section is now Miss Steele's" and I am completely overwhelmed. Gail comes out and sees me and is quickly by my side, she puts her arm around my shoulder and says simply "Mr Grey is a good man" quietly rubbing my arm until I calm back down. She smiles at Melanie who is the height of efficiency and has my leg encased in the protective bag and is wheeling me into the bathroom before I have time to think and behold there is the most amazing shower and I start giggling and say, "Do you have any idea how this works?" and she says "Let's get Mrs Jones in here to give us a quick run through, basically I think you could stay in here a week and still not know what each of these buttons does." Gail returns with a huge smile and shows us the pertinent points saying, "I bumped something once cleaning it and ended somewhat cleaner than when I came in" and I can't wait to sit in there and enjoy the water pulsing against my skin, removing the smell of the hospital while listening to orchestral music.

Melanie settles me on the chair and asks if I would like assistance taking off the gown and I hesitate, I have never consciously let anyone see my body since Stephen Morton attacked me, I'm well aware that the hospital staff must have seen it all because I was in a gown when I woke up in emergency, but I can't let her see. She recognises the hesitancy and organises it so that I can remove the gown and replace it with a robe and she brings me into the shower and moves me to the shower chair, I can't believe her strength, she lifts me like I am a ragdoll and doesn't strain at all, she places clean towels within reach, the shower is a dual head one with a seat running around 2 sides so is able to place them there and I will be able to be swathed in a towel when she comes to help me out. She places on the towel a small bell that I feel ridiculous ringing but she assures me with a grin will only be for the bathroom, so it isn't like she is my slave as I state indignantly and leaves me to it.

The rain shower heads are amazing, I have always loved walking in the rain and the droplets from the showerheads are so soft, it's like sitting in a summer shower and I lose myself in the sensation. I am enjoying luxuriating in the sweet jasmine smell of the shampoo and sensations of the massaging jets on my back and finally feel clean when I hear an almost urgent "Ana are you in there?" at the door and I say "I'm just having a shower" and I can't help myself "You do realise I can't really go anywhere, where else would I be?" there's a small pause and then I hear "Do you need any help?" and I panic, he can't see me like this, I turn off the water and grab a towel "Umm, no I am almost finished, would you be able to call Melanie up please?" again a pause and then a hopeful "I can help you."

"Fine, just wait until I say you can come in then" I huff and quickly dry myself, wrapping one towel around my nether regions with a bit of jiggling, one around my top half and am about to wrap the last one around my hair when I hear an exasperated "Ana?" "Gee, you don't do waiting do you?" I growl back at him "Fine come in" and as he walks in "Well do you like the wet rat look?" and he smiles and just walks in, takes the towel from my hand and wraps it expertly around my hair "You're beautiful no matter…" he says and slides one hand under me and the other around my back and walks carefully and slowly out to the bedroom.

Melanie is standing there looking a little annoyed but quickly puts another towel down so that the cast cover doesn't drip all over the bed, she quirks an eyebrow and says "We normally remove the cast cover in the bathroom so that they don't drip everywhere" and he just looks at her like he couldn't care less and says "It's easier for me to lift her and I don't want her moved unnecessarily, if I had put her in the chair in the bathroom then I'd have to lift her again and jolt her again" and I can't fault his logic "So please, show me how to remove this cast cover" and together they remove it. Hmm, well, that area of my leg won't need any shaving that's for sure and while I desperately hold the towel in place to save my modesty, Christian looks up at me and smiles wickedly, once he realises that the removal hasn't caused any permanent pain. He silently rises from the side of the bed and disappears into his closet and I can feel my cheeks redden when he comes back with a pile of clothes including intimates and says almost casually, "I asked Caroline Acton at Neiman's for string tied underwear so that you can put them on easily and leggings that will stretch over the cast" and despite my embarrassment I am extremely grateful, he really did think of everything.

"If you can get dressed quickly, I'll help with your hair and then we can join everyone else for afternoon tea and I can tell you what I said I was going to tell you earlier, ok?" He adds the "ok?" so that I don't question him I am sure and I nod and he and Melanie walk out of the room and I hear him say, "Aren't you going to help her?" and she explains "She doesn't want anyone to see her body" and then they are out of earshot and I don't hear if he responds, ah well, now he knows I have some sort of issue. I discover that it is quite difficult to lift my shoulder but am dressed in a matter of minutes, the string ties did make it easy, I'd been wondering how I was going to wear something with that cast.

I start towel drying my hair and then hear the knock on the door and call out "Come in" and he's across the room, the towel is out of my hands and he is drying my hair with a grumbled "I said I'd do it", he walks quickly into the bathroom and is back with the hair dryer and brush and gently dries and brushes out all the knots and repeats the performance in the hospital when he made the perfect braid, this time it's more of a sexy messy braid and I can't help but to reach up and pull him down for a thank you kiss. He groans as he breaks away, "Oh Ana, I'd do anything to stay up here with you, just the two of us but we have to go downstairs and I'm sorry, I am going to be telling you something that is going to upset you. Will you promise that you won't shut me out and let me be there for you?" I'm more than a little scared, assuming it has something to do with Cecilia and then he says "We have to tell Ray what Stephen did to you as part of the explanation of what Cecilia's motivation is and also to explain what has happened today. Are you going to be ok with that?" I am completely stunned, I managed to hide it for all these years from Ray and I know he is going to be devastated. I whisper horrified "Daddy is going to be a mess" and he says "Taylor is going to do the talking, he is a dad and wants to tell as one father to another and that way I can concentrate on you" and I nod, Ray will probably take it better from another military guy. And then Christian floors me with "Oh, we just discovered today that Welch, the head of my security, was on base with Frank Lambert and Ray when you were born, so he met you before all of us. He is downstairs now too and will be reacquainting himself with Ray, so this is going to be a tough afternoon for him but I am hoping that Welch and Taylor can help him out at the end of it all, and he is staying here so we can make sure he is ok. Ok?" and I can just nod, how on earth did my world get so complicated?

"All right then, you're coming down with me" and he picks me up in his arms, I'm enjoying this part of the situation and he gives me a quick peck, not allowing me to deepen it, his eyes glinting with amusement and we head down the stairs and he places me on the couch in the big room, in front of the fireplace and a table overladen with afternoon tea.

Taylor walks in with another fellow and Christian introduces him as Welch, his head of security and I smile and ask Christian "Does anyone have a first name at all?" and at his response of "You will call him Welch" I simply giggle and shake my head and watch Welch's stern military demeanour change as though a switch was flicked. I imagine that like Ray and Taylor, his face is usually tightly controlled and I see a number of emotions flick across it, amazement, happiness and then something else and he steps forward and offers his hand and says "It is lovely to see you again Miss Steele, little Miss Canny Annie is what we called you on base and it is a pleasure to be of assistance to you now" and everyone is looking at him quite shocked including me. "You remember me?" I say a little incredulously and then I notice Ray who is looking towards Welch and steps in with a "Welch, I don't believe it! God, I haven't heard "little Miss Canny Annie" for 20 years" and he chuckles, "You had everyone on base wrapped around your little finger. How you didn't turn into a little brat from those 2 years, I don't know." and then he pauses as he realises that everything that happened after that would have hammered out any brattiness if it had ever existed.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

When Ray says "How you didn't turn into a little brat from those 2 years, I don't know." it is the perfect lead in and I say "Actually Ray, I have an idea why not. In our investigations over the last 4 days we have uncovered so much material that rivals the disastrous start to life that I had, we don't need to go over my story now but Ana told me quite a bit over the last couple of days and we found a lot of other information that I am horrified that Ana went through at the hands of Carla and then Stephen Morton." I put my arm around Ana and can feel her shaking and ask "Are you ok baby? Do you mind if we share it all with Ray now" and she gives me a small nod, looks at Ray and tears up. "We can leave if you want and let Welch and Taylor do the talking" I offer but Ana shakes her head and says "I lived it, talking about it is the easiest part, I'll stay."

"I've asked Welch and Taylor to set it out because we need to explain what has happened this afternoon" and she looks sharply at me and I just squeeze her hand to say "I've got you".

"Ray, everyone, sit down" I say and pass beers around, pushing the bowl of nuts towards them.

Taylor sits forward and says to Ray "The girl who ran Ana" and he looks at me and I nod, she's not Miss Steele to Ray, "The girl who ran Ana off the road is Cecilia Morton, the daughter of Stephen Morton…" and he continues with the whole sordid tale of how Cecilia has admitted to everything before and now. Ray sits absorbing it all, his face tightening as he looks at Ana curled cringing into my side and then when Taylor mentions the way that Stephen treated both Cecilia and attempted to attack Ana, there's a strangled moan and what sounds like an "I'm sorry" to Ana and she just shakes her head. The next bit is more difficult as Taylor starts to attempt to explain why Elena is involved and I realise I need to say it and do simply as much as the embarrassment is killing me "Elena was a family friend, she is a pedophile and seduced me at 15 and she is into the BDSM lifestyle, she introduced me to that, she met Stephen Morton somewhere along the line and also Carla and was involved in setting up liaisons for both of them as well as enjoying Stephen as one of her partners." Ray is looking at me and I say "Ana is safe with me, don't worry" and I mean it, I don't know what I am going to do but there is nothing in me that wants to take a belt or a cane to Ana, it doesn't figure anywhere in my brain and while I have been warring as I did today with the loss of control and of what I have always known, I know that I won't subject Ana to any pain. I'd sooner let her walk away and die myself than be the one to hit her again. Ray is looking at Ana who finally looks at him and gives him a small smile and he seems satisfied although somewhat disgusted and I don't blame him.

"Anyway, it seems that Elena is still molesting young boys so we set up a sting yesterday but the police didn't act on it and we had to allow a young fellow back into her clutches and today thankfully, the police were able to take Elena into custody. However, both Stephen and Carla would taken into custody at the same time" and Ana jerks up and I cringe at the pain she must be in, although she doesn't seem to feel it as she exclaims "Why? Why was mom there with Stephen?" and Ray is looking greyer in the face with every passing second as I continue "Well, it seems that since your Mom has been here in Seattle, that she decided that she'd like to reacquaint herself with Stephen and has spent all the time since you last saw her with Stephen. She contacted a drug dealer and bought some drugs, at the time she told him that I was paying for her accommodation so she had more money, the drug dealer passed that information onto a paparazzo friend of his. She shared the drugs and … herself with Stephen, who missed an appointment with Elena who then summonsed him over there today and so they went together. On the basis of the information from Cecilia and the drug solicitation, both Stephen and Carla are in custody. I'm sorry honey" I direct at Ana as she bursts into tears and through the sobs we can all hear "She knew he tried to rape me, she knew he nearly killed me when he caned me, she knew that Cecilia tried to kill me and she took your generosity and used it to go and have sex with Stephen Morton and to buy drugs and not even bother to come and see me. Why does she hate me so much? It wasn't my fault I was born" and I can't hug her any closer. Without realising it, she is on my lap and sobbing into my neck and I can only whisper into her ear to try and calm her, her ribs must be aching and the sound of her wheezing breath is scaring me but she is just getting more and more worked up.

I hazard a look at Ray and his head is in his hands and I know he's blaming himself and then Welch says to him.  
"Ray, you did what was right from the beginning, don't blame yourself for not knowing, it took a lot of work to find what she'd done, I know what she was like from before and still I had to dig really deep to uncover all this stuff. Annie is built of the strongest steel, she'll pull through, you're her dad, she's not blaming you, you were the only one looking out for her from the beginning. We all knew that Carla wanted to party, that's why everyone respected you for taking on Frank's kid because he wasn't there to protect her any more. You've done that and admirably given what I have found." I don't know if Welch has provided enough comfort but it seems to be more than I can provide Ana at the moment and realise that perhaps Ray can provide more given that he has had to rescue her before so I signal him to sit up and I carry Ana over to him and place her on his lap.  
At first the sobs get louder and then whatever he is softly singing in her ear calms her down and the sobs become hiccups and finally she just curls up in his lap and accepts his presence and he closes his eyes and rests his head on hers, tears rolling down his cheeks falling and mingling with hers, a picture of a father protecting his daughter with his heart laid bare.

It's simply too much to bear and we quietly leave the room to allow them to grieve.


	39. Chapter 39

**Christian's POV**

It is heartbreaking to watch Ray and Ana, we all sit quietly looking at the monitor wishing we were anywhere but where we are, watching the only father she has known try to erase the feeling of being unwanted that has pervaded her entire life.

I need to get Ana to bed once she has calmed down, all of this stress is not going to be doing her healing any good. I am more than well aware that she should be hooked up to all the monitors and sleeping, not weeping her heart out. What Mom said to me the first day that Ana was in hospital has stuck with me and tears at me, Mom said, "Love is what will heal her Christian, she is going to need a lot of love and support in her rehabilitation" and all Ana has heard is how her mother really doesn't care for her at all. I know it doesn't matter how much anyone else says they love you, if your natural mother doesn't love you, no other love seems to matter and my heart breaks for her.

We see the nurse hovering unsure of what she should be doing, I go out and tell her to go to her room and I'll call her when Ana is ready. She takes a moment to tell me that Ana should have taken her medication and that she is supposed to take her blood pressure and I say, we'll call you, her blood pressure would be elevated at the moment due to some news she's been told and we'd like to let her calm and with a look of annoyance she walks away.

As I walk past the great room Ray quietly calls out my name and I am straight in and he says quietly "She's asleep now, do you mind carrying her to her room Son, my legs are asleep because of the way she has been lying on me?" and then under his breath he says "I can't believe how badly I failed her, my poor girl" and he looks up at me and says "I'm holding you to your promise Son, I don't know what you did before with your other women but I am assuming from the way everyone was talking that it was what they wanted but if you hurt Ana, you will be dealing with me." He looks at me and I nod, and he continues "I also assume Welch hasn't changed a bit and still has a place in his heart for Ana and will protect her with his life. He was one of her favorites on base; every time he came near she would giggle and his rank didn't matter because he'd be down on the ground playing with her. I'd hope he has her back even if he is an employee of yours, so you have been warned." I nod and say with absolute sincerity "I have no intention of ever hurting Ana, you have my absolute word and the fact that both Taylor and Welch are on my team means that hopefully we can stop any harm ever coming to Ana from any outside source ever again."

I smile for a second at the image of Welch on the ground playing with Ana as a baby and say "You say Welch was on the ground playing with Ana?" and I can see the memory is a happy one for Ray as he says "Everyone loved her on base, I'd completely forgotten that nickname "Little Miss Canny Annie" because she seemed to be able to see right through you and she only smiled at the decent personnel, anyone that didn't have their heart in the right place she wouldn't look at and would hide in my arms. Son, let me say, she has been that way all her life so when I saw her looking at you and feeling safe with you, I decided you were ok. Had I heard everything today but not seen her with you, I would have had my doubts but she trusts you like she's never trusted anybody, even me. She's told you things that she has never told another soul so I have to trust you as well, please don't do anything to break that for me but more importantly for her…. She hasn't had reason to trust for a long time, thanks to you I now know that was right from when she was five… I can't believe it. I thought I was as good a father as I could have been." And he looks distraught so I say as gently as I can "I think you were there when it was most important for you to be there, when she had no-one and was broken and unable to care for herself, from what she told me, it was when she needed you most that you were there. I doubt that she would fault anything you have ever done, as you just said, she doesn't let many people in unless she trusts them and she trusts you."

I pick Ana up as gently as possible and Ray kisses her forehead and relinquishes her and I say, "I'll go put her down, the nurse is itching to do what she has to do and then we'll have a bite to eat, nothing heavy but Mrs Jones has prepared dinner, please stay and eat, she could make you a plate for your room but I think you need to be with the rest of us." And he slowly nods as he jiggles his legs attempting to get feeling back and I walk away with Ana in my arms, my precious bundle so tiny she should be dead weight heavy but it is the cast that seems to be the heaviest part of her except that I know one part is extremely heavy and it is her heart, how am I going to support her so that she gets what she deserves. My girl deserves love and I've never given love, I've never taken love even when it was offered by my family because I know I don't deserve it but Ana deserves it in spades. Can I do this for her?

As I walk past Gail, she sees I have Ana and dashes back up the stairs to raise the nurse who then comes bustling into the room after me, with her help Ana is connected back to all the monitors and her leg is suspended and supported again. I promise that if Ana wakes I will give her the painkillers but I am unwilling to wake her given what she has just gone through and the nurse stays while I bolt downstairs to have some dinner quickly. As requested, Ray is sitting with Welch and Taylor chatting quietly and I nod at them, eat my plateful and excuse myself, I want to be in the room when Ana wakes so grab my computer and set myself up to work dismissing the nurse with an assurance that if anything further is required that I will call her.

* * *

**Grace's POV**

Oh, I need to sit down, Carrick's phone call has made it all very real and scary, Elena is in custody but so are Ana's mother and her former step-father who is the father of the girl who ran her off the road. Poor Ana, how must she be feeling? However, I am worried, Carrick has something else he needs to discuss with me and he didn't want to do it over the phone and wants to wait for the end of the shift and tell me at home, knowing that, I am struggling to concentrate on my work and the children need my attention. Come on Grace, shake it off and look after the little ones, life will go on for me but these children need your full attention for the next hour and then it's home time.

A text from Christian says "Mom, can you come around in the morning? Ana is sleeping and seems ok, senior nurse Melanie will send you a separate text with any questions/opinions" and at least that seems to be working well, I can't believe that those two nurses attacked Ana last night. According to Carrick, Elena was behind that, I can't believe that woman was my "friend" for so many years, and I really do question my judgement now, even though John Flynn says I shouldn't, that that is how pedophiles work but I still feel like an idiot, especially as her true colours are now showing and she is pure evil.

I manage to concentrate and have never been happier to have a work week finished in my life. Checking in with Ana tomorrow will be a pleasure, I can't believe the change in my hard working son, Christian, despite all his distress at the revelations he looks at peace when with Ana and I will be forever grateful that Ana has come into his life. Now to get her healthy and able to be active, the places that they can go, the things they can do, oh, I can see it all and I wish my boy the greatest happiness, he has the ability to give love even though he doesn't think so but more importantly, I hope he will learn to accept the love he so richly deserves.

Deciding I need to concentrate on my driving, I try to clear my mind and think about the ball that is coming, again, my thoughts go back to Elena and how I am further in the lurch now that she is no longer part of the organising committee and the girls have been dismissed, I look forward to passing that responsibility onto Mia now that she is back. Oh lord, that makes me think about the fact that my beautiful daughter could have fallen prey to Elena as a young girl and my heart clenches. The talons of that woman have touched our family so deeply and my mind wanders again so that I almost don't see the red traffic light and have to slam on my brakes. The screech of the wheels of the car behind me further pull my thoughts to the present as I wait for the thump of the car into the rear but thankfully, they managed to stop in time and all is fine. Ok, concentrate Grace or you'll be in ER or of no use to anybody and I manage to simply stare at the road for the rest of the trip, counting the road signs, counting the cars, looking at licence plates, anything to not think about my family and the turmoil it is in.

Driving up towards the house, I have never been more glad to see Carrick standing there waiting for me and I decide that tomorrow, Carrick can drive us both to see Christian and Ana as I don't trust myself at all.

"Darling, you look exhausted, come inside" and I revel in the feeling of his arms around me, the security he provides me and the love I know he is trying to transmit in that hug and kiss he holds for longer than normal and it takes everything I have to not break down in tears on him again. There have been too many tears in the last two days for all of us.

With a drink and a tray of nibbles, we take ourselves out to the dock to enjoy the setting sun, sitting as the children used to with our feet dangling in the water, quietly enjoying the wine until Carrick says "Gracie, you need to promise me that you will listen to everything I have to say before leaping to any conclusions." And my heart lurches, what has happened now? I nod just so that Carrick will continue "Remember all those years ago when you saw Christian and knew that you had to look after him? That he had to come home with us as soon as it could be organised?" At my nod, Carrick continues "Well, I had the same situation happen today." He pauses as if he is grappling with his words and getting them right. "The reason that Elena is in custody at the moment and not out on bail is because a minor was at the scene today and was able to conclusively provide photographic and sound evidence that proved that Elena was abusing children. The boy is Macy Dwyer and …" and I gasp, "Oh no, Macy? Oh mmmy God, Carrick, I fed him to her" and I break down into the sobs that I have managed to keep at bay for the last couple of hours and Carrick collects me in his arms and tries to soothe me.

"Gracie, I said hear me out" I hear him say in my hair but I have to tell him "Cary, I specifically asked Elena to help Macy because he was an older child but with similar issues to Christian and because she seemed to get along with Christian when no-one else had, I thought … I thought…. I thought she'd be able to help. Oh my god, what have I done? What have I done?" and I feel him shaking under me. Finally Carrick says "Ok, I did not know that but darling, will you now listen to me?" and I pull back from him to give him my attention but he pulls me back into his arms and then pulls me into his lap so that our faces are level and he is looking at me expectantly and then takes a deep breath and says with a rush "I want to foster Macy, we can give him the stable life he desperately needs and the right sort of love to get him back on track. I am sure Christian will help as well, he was distraught watching the sting happen and seeing Macy involved, he was extremely angry that the police had the information the yesterday and didn't act on it, allowing Macy to go through hell today as well. I think we can do this, do you?"

It's the least I can do, to attempt restitution and try to salvage what I have done and as I am wondering if there are others, Carrick breaks into my thoughts, as if he knows, "Christian has his head of security looking through all the children that have had anything to do with Elena to see if there is any further evidence, at this point it doesn't look like it. Darling, it's not your fault." I just can't stop shaking though and I know I am going into something akin to a state of shock, this last 5 days have just been too much for me to bear and Carrick gathers me up and carries me back to the house, up to our room and lays me down gently on the bed saying quietly, "Don't move, I'll be back in a second" and runs into our bathroom.

I can't stop the shivering and he comes back and helps me undress while stripping off himself and then wraps himself around me trying to transmit his body warmth to me until my trembling calms and then he lifts me again and carries me to the now full bath, softly scented with a gardenia scent and climbs in still holding me. We haven't spoken but we don't need to, all these years he has always known what to do and I am so grateful I met him all those years before, my own saviour and he's doing it again. His gentle ministrations finally relax me enough to enjoy the bath and I snuggle up to him and reward him with his favorite bathtime pleasures, my husband is my best friend and I am so glad that we stand shoulder to shoulder, I finally leave the bath prepared to face the world again and having agreed to fostering Macy although I know it will be a difficult task for us. Who knows what effect it will have on Christian but I know he will put all his resources into helping Macy.

* * *

**Elliot's POV**

Finally it's Friday and I can go see my girl, I haven't seen her in …. wow, just 2 days, I don't know what Kate is doing to me, I can't get her out of my head and here I am driving to Portland to go out with her and her friends and then tomorrow bring her back to Seattle to spend the weekend with me. Just thinking about her is making me smile, sexy as all get out and with a fiery temper to match but gorgeous, just simply gorgeous and I can't wait to see her again. I wonder if that fucker Jose is going to be there, Kate says he's decent and that it was really strange to see him act like that and that he has a "thing" for Ana, well that "thing" better not come close to her now. I've never seen my brother acting so normal and so in love, who knew. Oh my god, who knew the reason he was like he was all came down to a massive bloody secret, Christian isn't gay, he's just one kinky bastard fucked up by a family friend at age 15 when I should have been protecting him.

"Hey Christian, how you doin?" I say as he answers the phone quietly with "Hold a sec" and I wait until he is back on the line with a "How are you Elliot? Sorry, I was in the room with Ana and I didn't want to wake her" and I am in awe at the caring tone in his voice, there is no evidence at all of his usual brusque tone and I wonder if he even knows what day it is as I am sure he has been too wrapped up in Ana. "All good here, bro. It's Friday night so I am on the way to Portland to spend tonight with Kate and then bring her home tomorrow, when's a good time to come into the hospital and see Ana" and there's a small silence on the other end of the phone and then he says "Ana's not in hospital anymore, she's here with me, so give me a call before you want to come over to see if she is awake or not". "Woah, really? You managed to get her out already?" I say, amazed that he managed to do that when she was obviously in need of the specialised treatment and then my heart sinks when he says "I had to get her out of there, Elena organised a couple of nurses to beat her up last night and I am not risking her where I can't see her" and all I can whisper is "Shit is Ana ok?" and it's a tired "Yeah, nah, actually they made it worse but thankfully not so bad that they wouldn't let her out under Mom's care so I have some nurses here, Ray is staying as well and Mom will drop in tomorrow morning."

He sounds exhausted and I say, "Have you had any sleep in the last few days? You sound like shit" and he says something that nearly has me running off the road "I'll sleep tonight. Elena, Stephen Morton and Ana's mum were all arrested today" and at my expletive he says "Yep, they got them today, Dad and the rest of the team are working on making sure they don't get out again but poor Ana is shattered that her mother didn't bother coming to see her but spent the day with Morton and worse, we had to tell Ray as well – the whole fucked up mess is out in the open now for everyone to pick at." He pauses for a second and then says "Sorry to do this to you but can you make sure that Kate doesn't know about it until I can get her to sign an NDA, I don't need any of this shit in the newspaper. If you want to tell her tonight I will email you a copy of the NDA and she can electronically sign it and you can send it back but don't talk about it otherwise because it will kill Ana and ruin me." And quite frankly while I already adore Kate, I have to look after my brother and his guardian angel Ana, there is no way I want to let him down again. "Sure bro, send it down and I can get Kate to sign it. Alright sleep tight and I'll see you sometime tomorrow" and as go to I sign off feeling so much lighter that Elena is in custody and can't hurt him anymore, well not at the moment anyway, I hear him say quietly as he hangs up "Look after yourself Lelliot, be safe" and the tears in my eyes make the road harder to see so I slow down. The events of the week playing on my mind until I reach the outskirts of Portland where I start concentrating on the weekend ahead…now for some fun with my girl!

* * *

**Kate's POV**

"Hey Jose, yes I know you want to come out and party with me but my boyfriend is coming up from Seattle and …. Yes, well, what are you going to do about Ana? Are you going to go see her? No, I can't drive you, I am going with Elliot…. Where did I meet him? Well, you know when you were being an ass in the hospital waiting room and you left, well he came in and heard you and looked after me, he's Christian's brother….. So, no I don't think you are welcome to hitch a ride with him back to Seattle… Ok, goodbye, see you round" Grr, he is annoying me now, I wish Ana was here so I could grumble to her, it's been empty here without her, she doesn't say much, she's not noisy and lets me do whatever I like but she's always been here for me and now I am really missing her and I must admit, I am really missing her cooking but it's her, her goodness, that I am missing.

I hope she's ok, I have left a dozen messages for her but they all go through to voicemail, Elliot says that Christian told him that she's fine but sleeping and I hope that she'll be happier tomorrow when I see her and that she's not in so much pain. I'd love to know what's going on, I know something is being kept from me and the way that Christian bought me a replacement car without any question means that money really isn't important to him or he is hiding something but Ana says to trust him. I think there's something strange about him but if Ana says he's fine, I am going to have to believe her, I'd like to see her get some loving, speaking of which I'd better go get myself ready for my amazing lover boy. I can't wait to have his arms around me, his body pushed up against mine against the wall oh and wherever else he wants to take me, I'd be happy to get take out and keep him home tonight … or maybe a little reunion and then we can hit the bar and dance the night away… hmm delicious, I'd better get ready.

Aiming for delicious and to make sure Elliot remembers exactly why he has driven to Portland, I pluck, peel, scrub and am waiting in my tiny camisole, tight shorts, and high heels, my hair piled high with tendrils hanging down softly around my face leaning casually against the kitchen bar when he rings the doorbell and peers in. The huge grin and low wolf whistle mean I have hit the mark and it takes a second for my brain to ignore the "play it cool" soundtrack that was running in my mind and I launch myself at him to be caught in mid air, my legs are around his waist and my hands are in his hair and he turns and steadies us against the wall, his hands running all over me as I groan against his lips and his tongue dives in and drives me crazy. As I come up for air I realise I am now sitting on the breakfast bar, Elliot's hands are doing things that I didn't think were possible and the noise I hear is a combination of his groans of pleasure and a high keening sound from my throat and then I'm gone, his mouth swallows the screams until I shudder forward into his arms and I clock the satisfied grin on this face as I collapse onto his chest.


	40. Chapter 40

**Christian's POV**

It's dark now, I am sitting listening to Ana breathe while watching the sun set, a beautiful sunset I hope to share with her soon. The sky was as red as the fires of hell meaning we are in for a warm spring day tomorrow and I wonder what I can do while she is stuck in the big cast to make her days better and more enjoyable. I can't go moving her around as much as I want to and really between studying which she is determined to do, and the physio, I don't think she will want to do anything else and her exhaustion won't let her anyway.

Well, I can dream I suppose, I wonder how long it will be before I can take her out on the boat or perhaps in Charlie Tango, hey that could work, she is going to be strapped in anyway and I can take her on some sightseeing trips over Seattle and around Vancouver. I smile as I think that I have never taken a woman up in Charlie Tango and how she will react to it and then I hear the moan. It starts quietly and then within seconds it turns into a scream and I am up and onto the bed trying to calm her, it seems like she is going to try to fight me, with both hands she is pushing at my chest and I am amazed at her strength, for such as tiny person she is actually able to push me backwards and then her body recognises me and her brain registers that it is me whispering urgently into her ear and she collapses back on the bed in tears.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry" I breathe out and she opens her eyes to look at me and through the sobs manages to whisper, "I thought those nurses were back" and I curse the fact that I can't wrap myself totally around her body, the whole leg cast hookup which is protecting her damaged pelvis means she is stuck on her back. "The nurse wants to give you some painkillers, please will you do it for me? The pain killers will ease the pain receptors in your body and that will mean you brain can relax as well because the body won't feel like it is under siege and you'll be able to sleep without these horrid nightmares. Will you please take them?" I say pleading with her.

She shudders and looks deep into my eyes and says quietly, "Will you stay with me?" and I nod and she says "ok I'll take them but I need to know that you are here protecting me" and I smile and kiss her gently on the lips.

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere, I can finally sleep in my own bed and you being here makes it so much better, we might both get a full night's sleep but before that, do you want some dinner? Mrs Jones has some easily digestible tasty mac and cheese." It looks like she considers it and is about to turn it down when her stomach grumbles and I raise my eyebrows and she smiles and says "I guess my stomach says yes" and I laugh and with a "Wait here, I'll get the nurse and some dinner." I go to leave the room.

I am out the door just as a pillow sails past my head and I turn with a shocked look to see an angelic Ana peeking out at me under her hair as she picks at the sheet, the "What did I do" look on her face changes to a shit-eating grin as I say "You have a good arm Miss Steele" and she says "Yes, and you'll do well to remember that Mr Grey. Especially when you make smart-arse comments like "Wait here" when you know damn well I can't move!" God, this girl does things for me, her and her smart mouth! That mouth… that mouth that draws me back down and this time I can't keep it too gentle, I want to feel her, I want to heal her, I just want her and then her tummy grumbles again, loudly and she laughs against my lips and my answering smile breaks the moment and I shake my head and kiss her forehead as she squeezes me and this time I make it out the door.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

I hate all the poking and prodding and the fact that I have to take the medication but if it means that I sleep and don't disturb Christian, I am happy to take it, he is looking so haggard, his gorgeous face lined with worry and this accident seems to be wreaking major havoc on his life, who knows what has happened to his businesses this week as well as what damage has been done to his mental state. Somehow he senses what I am thinking, he has an uncanny ability to do so and says "Well, it's Friday night and we have a weekend to look forward to, is there anything you want to do, … places you want to go?" and he grins pretending to look around for things that I could possibly throw at him.

I could drown in that smile, it lights up his face and shines in his eyes and I can't help but giggle which only widens the smile and causes tingles deep inside as his eyes crinkle and he leans forward to kiss some cheese off my lips "would you like to share some of my dinner, to start with?" I say and he explains he's already eaten but that he has something coming that he will share with me in a minute and when I cock my head he just smiles that gorgeous smile again and I forget what I was thinking and want to throw myself at him, if only I could move my body.

He does that mindreading thing again and says in a husky voice "Later, eat your dinner or you don't get what's next" and I raise an eyebrow, oh please don't treat me like an errant child because I don't take too well to that but I am not going to defy him and I'm happy he doesn't want any; Mrs Jones' mac and cheese is too delicious to share, let alone not eat the lot. Waiting until I have finished, he grins, grabs the plate and disappears only to reappear a few minutes later with a covered tray. With a flourish he reveals first a teapot, cup and teabag and proceeds to slowly pour the water into the teacup and makes a show of dunking the teabag quickly and pulling it back out and I can't stop the fit of giggles that erupts. His answering smile is gorgeous but I really want to know what is under the cloche and so with a flourish, he lifts the lid and there sits an enormous chocolate cake with beautiful white chocolate ganache and two forks.

Our matching smiles could save a power station running out of coal and I offer him a fork and he delicately cuts a piece and places it at my lips. My brain nearly combusts at how romantic this scene would be if I wasn't trussed up like a turkey and somehow he senses that I have taken a dark turn in my mind and he moves quickly so that he is sitting next to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. As I turn my head into his shoulder he gently traces my cheek bones with his finger and then simply holds me and allows me my moment before saying "Better?" and while I am still hiding my face, I nod and he lowers his head to gently kiss me and says as he turns my head and looks into my eyes, "I'd feed you chocolate cake forever if it meant you smiled like that for me every time I did it."

* * *

**Christian's POV**

It's true, her smile lights up the room and my life and when she turns inwards, it scares me because I don't know when we are going to hit the rejection area of her thoughts and I don't know what I am going to be able to do when she gets there. I didn't expect the strength of her hug pulling my head down to hers after my last statement, nor the tears running down her cheeks but I know her enough now to know that they are happy tears as her body isn't wracked by painful sobs so I quickly kiss them away and move back to her lips, revering them as much as I am enjoying her response.

Suddenly she starts giggling, ruining the moment completely but I don't mind, "What?" I query as she shakes in my arms.

"I'm so sorry but all I could think of was that you are breaking all the rules, I have eaten way too much and I hadn't had a bit of the white chocolate yet and I am supposed to be sleeping, nurse Melanie would be very angry with you if she knew" Ana says rubbing her hand gently down my arm and I smile.

"Well, yes, hmm, bringing the whole cake up was probably the wrong thing to do and I'll bring it back down for everyone else to share but here, you're allowed this piece of ganache while I go do that" and I leave a plate with a giant piece of white chocolate on the tray table and bring the rest down to Welch and Ray who are still sitting there sharing beers. It's nice to be able to reassure Ray that Ana is feeling better, has eaten most of the piece of cake that is missing and had all her dinner and seems ok at the moment. He nods his head and reminds me that if I bring Mikey, the guitar, into the room, she will be able to self soothe if she wakes up and is upset and I hope she won't have to but I love that he is able to help in this regard so thank him, wish them all goodnight and take the steps two at a time to get back to her.

"Did you eat all of that?" I ask incredulously as the plate is clean and she tries but is hopeless at keeping a straight face, first she blushes red and then dissolves into a fit of giggles and then withdraws the whole piece from under the blankets.

Between the giggles I get, "I was going to save it for later…."as if she was being serious and then with a hint of exasperation, "As if I could eat it all you goose! I wanted to eat it with you."

My brain jumps to the fact that I don't think I've ever been called a goose and no-one has ever gotten away with calling me an idiot but from her, I know it is without malice and means she is comfortable with me, it makes me feel warm, right to the core. I can't even attempt a severe look as a reprimand, she disarms me completely and so I simply sit where she is patting the bed and lean in to take my side of the chocolate.

Then Ana continues with "You know, you nibble on one side and I start on the other, no hands like a noodle" I have no idea what she is talking about but if it means that my mouth ends on hers, as I imagine the final situation will be, I am all for it.

* * *

That was very satisfactory and we lean back against the pillows, I know Ana should be asleep but I want to talk to her, I want to know about her beyond the horrors of her life that are unfortunately forever imprinted on my brain.

"Tell me what you like?" I say, "Where would you go? What would you do? What is important to you?"

A little smile plays upon her lips and she turns to me and says instead "Is your piano important to you?"

No, she's not getting away with that so I say, "Hey, I was asking you the questions? Yes it is. Now back to you. Well is your guitar important to you?"

She smiles and says "It is the most important possession I have…. So your piano is important to you and my guitar is important to me, you should see this house I saw online, the whole house looked like a piano with a giant guitar resting against it.

It sounds intriguing so I decide to shock her with "Would you like that? I would have it built for you" and she almost chokes and says incredulously "Are you serious? You have more money than sense!" And all I can think of is "It's good to be me" and I grin at her.

Ok, time to bring it back to something she is comfortable with "You never told me what you want to do tomorrow…"

She smiles and quietly states "I know it's silly but I'd love to see the dawn from this amazing apartment"

I can't help it, "Amazing you say?"

"Yes, just like its owner" and her lips curl up in a smile and I will my body to hold still, with her sitting on my lap I am struggling to stop my body revealing itself but I learnt control a long time ago and I go back into that space for a second and then I realise that worry has clouded her expression and I smile to dispel her worry "Sorry, I was thinking about what I could show you but the dawn I can do if you are awake, I am not waking you if you are asleep" and she doesn't look convinced, I think she can read me better than anyone I know, but she lets it go in the spirit of our light hearted conversation.

"Well, I'm not going to sleep then" she says with a sexy pout and she crosses her arms in a fake protest but just as she sits there, the suggestion of sleep appears to trigger a yawn she can't suppress and she breaks down into a giggle that I can't help but join in with and I cuddle her as I chuckle. I can't explain it, her warmth heats me to my core, waking and soothing as it goes.

"Well, daybreak is accounted for, what else? Tell me what would you like for breakfast? Mrs Jones normally doesn't work on the weekend but she is here this weekend with everyone staying and will happily cook whatever you desire." I used desire in my sentence because I would give her anything she wants at this moment if I could. "Come on, your breakfast order please and then you are going to sleep" and as she starts to pout at being ordered to do something I say "You can pout all you like but you are supposed to be asleep and I don't want nurse Melanie madder with me than she already is and my mom is coming tomorrow to check on you and I don't want her mad at me as well" and she nods and smiles instead.  
"I'd love pancakes but honestly, I don't care whatever Mrs Jones cooks is divine and I am sure I'll enjoy it all" and she hesitates for a second and then says "And thank you. Will you be back soon? Can you call Nurse Melanie for me please?"

* * *

Orders placed for breakfast and I am back in the room as the nurse rolls Ana back to the bed and it is my pleasure to pick her up and lay her down on my bed… she's in my bed and I can't stop the smile growing on my face… and with the final assistance from the nurse, Ana is lying as comfortably as she can and the nurse departs.

A quick shower and I am back in the room as Ana is obviously fighting sleep and I slide in next to her, I linger on a gentle kiss but as I wrap her in my arms, she snuggles into me and makes some cute quiet mewling sounds as she finally slips into sleep and a peace descends on me and I am able to slip into a peaceful sleep as well.

I am woken from my unusually deep sleep by something and sit up horrified, Ana isn't in my arms anymore and worse, she isn't even in the bed. As my eyes acclimatise to the darkness I can see her reclining on the chaise by one of the windows looking out and I hold my breath as I watch her, how did she get there? How did I not feel her moving off the bed? How much damage has she done to herself? I can feel the anger rising at my lack of control and Ana's complete lack of self- preservation but for once I realise that anger is not going to help in this situation so I quietly pad over to her. As I go to touch her hair, I see the tears coursing down her cheeks and my heart breaks for her and I grab my robe and place it over her before sliding on behind her and spooning her into my body trying to provide comfort and she relaxes ever so slightly and rests her head on my forearm. I gently brush her hair off her face and simply hold her and finally the tears start to slow and she mumbles "I'm sorry, I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep and…. Don't be mad but I decided I really want to see the dawn." I'm glad she realises that I am less than pleased with what she has done and I can't believe that I am managing to control my temper but she disarms me completely when she says "You looked so peaceful sleeping, it looked like the first time you had slept properly and comfortably since I appeared in your life and I didn't want to be responsible for waking you up."

My non-existent heart swells and threatens to break through my chest and I just pull her tighter, my baby wants to watch the dawn, well, I'll watch it with her in my arms and deal with the ramifications on her health later.


	41. Chapter 41 - 14 May 2011

**Christian's POV**

"Anastasia, darling…" I start to say as the sun finishes rising and I smooth her hair, from the top of her delectable head and down her tiny body, rhythmically stroking as I try to form my words so that the anger and fear that was leeching out of every pore when I saw her on the chaise, don't become part of what I am about to say.

"Christian, daarrling…" she counters, "Please don't be angry with me, and I know you are because I can feel it, you've just gone all 'angry tense' on me and …. and you just called me Anastasia… I didn't want to wake you, you look like you have been through a worse accident than me, not that your gorgeous features are diminished, you just look like you are carrying all of the world's troubles on your back and since this is all my fault, I didn't want to add to that by waking you up."

Wow she's good, "You say I'm 'angry tense', how does that feel?" I ask, genuinely intrigued and she shrugs and I realise I need to be able to see her face, her eyes tell me more than her words do and so I say my now signature "wait here" and accompany it with a smile so she knows I am continuing last night's joke and walk into my dressing room to find an extra robe and walk back fastening it while she is looking me up and down.

"So you thought you'd hide in that fluffy robe?" is her cheeky question as I walk back to pick her up and shuffle her over so that I can lie face to face with her.

"Ok, I'll modify my question, which you didn't actually let me ask, Ana, darling… better?" and I am rewarded by a raised eyebrow and a small smile, "You've told me why, can you tell me how you managed to make it to this chaise, from that bed without causing yourself any damage, have you hurt yourself and how did you even get out of the apparatus?"

"Are you thinking, 'who am I going to fire for this'?" she unexpectedly asks and I almost gasp, my girl certainly has the gift of observation.

"Um that did cross my mind" I manage to stammer out.

"Well Mr Grey, it will serve you well to remember from this point onwards that not only do I have a good arm but I have excellent core strength and flexibility, albeit hampered by the two small facts of broken ribs and cracked pelvis at the moment but when fit, woe betide any opponent who messes with me and has to contend with my judo moves." I believe her and can't wait until she is fit enough to work with Bastille.

Ana continues, "Anyway, I was able to shuffle myself along so that the thigh area was suspended only and I could then reach and release myself, it took a bit to get to the end of the bed without waking you and sliding down and then I shuffled on my bottom backwards until I reached the chaise and then using my upper body strength, granted with a bit of rib pain, I pulled myself up." I flinched as she mentioned the rib pain, I wonder what she did to her leg having it only partially suspended from the top section but I guess the next medical test will tell us.

"Now, I know you're displeased because I can see it in your eyes and your forehead and your lips, but I didn't want to wake you and it was really early." With that, she leans forward and gently nibbles on my lip, I want to show my displeasure at her lack of self-preservation but the fact that she did it for me; just makes me pull myself into her arms so she doesn't move anymore and give myself over to her and her kisses requesting forgiveness for her actions.

My hands are tangled in her hair and I let her kiss my eyelids and move down towards my ear and then I quickly move my head and catch her full on the lips and as she smiles against my lips, I take the opportunity to deepen the kiss and just as she reciprocates somehow finagling her left hand inside my robe and digging her nails into my back, the door opens and Mom walks in. Unbelievable!

"Oh sorry dear, I assumed you were asleep, I was just going to check Ana.." Mom says looking embarrassed and Ana simply giggles and breaks the tension for all of us, how is that every single time….

Thank goodness that I had thought to put on the robe as it hides my now rapidly reducing earlier response to Ana's nails and I am able to swing myself up and carry Ana back to the bed for Mom to start her examination. As she pokes and prods and checks Ana all over, I mention her nocturnal adventures and Mom gently suggests that next time Ana wakes me as the damage to the pelvis could have been substantial and something about the way she says it makes Ana not look defiant and nod her head suitably chastened. Thank goodness she is going to listen to my mother if she isn't going to listen to me.

"Darling, Elliot called and said that he and Kate are coming home this morning, can we have family dinner here tonight then so that he can bring her back tomorrow night?" as I agree I see Ana looking concerned and then she says quietly, "Do you know where my phone is? I just realised that I turned it off at some point yesterday and I told Kate I'd ring her but I forgot in everything that happened."

I desperately don't want her thinking about yesterday so quickly go out to where I last saw her phone and bring it back to her, turning it on as I come back up the stairs so that by the time I hand it to her, there are a number of message pings and I leave her to listen and walk with Mom to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.

* * *

**Elliot's POV**

"Mmmhhhmmm, Kate, what are you doing to me?... Oh you can keep doing that!" and I am greeted by the giggling face of Kate as she moves back up my body to my arms. "God you're beautiful. Sassy, beautiful and sexy as hell, what did I do to deserve you? Oh I know, I did my brother a favor…. I might have to do that more often…. Argh, ok, I don't need to anymore, I've got my girl" and I can't help but grin at her and her gorgeous face as I squeeze her tight.

"Seriously though, I do have to do something for him and it involves you….don't look at me like that!" Well it's now or never, I need to get Kate to sign the NDA otherwise she can't be in my life, I have learned my lesson and I will be looking out for my little brother like I never have before, even to the exclusion of Kate if it's what I have to do to keep him safe.

"You know how there is an absolute fascination with everything he does, including his personal life? Well he needs to guard that personal life and so anyone that comes in contact with him in a personal sense needs to sign an NDA. We all have…" and Kate stares at me.

"You mean even the family?" she says incredulously.

"Yes, all of us and since you want to see Ana and she is most definitely in his personal space, you need to sign it as well…..Don't get mad" I say watching her face go stony. "My brother has had a really tough life and some information came out the other night that none of us knew and a whole lot of stuff about Ana too. He is going to protect Ana with his life, I know him and he will not let anyone near her or anywhere near his personal life who hasn't signed"

"What do you mean… about Ana? Was it about her life before she came to live with me? She never ever spoke about that but I know something happened to her that affected her badly. Is she ok? Well, other than the obvious." Kate's questions come tumbling out of her.

I hold her hand, look at her, and say, pleading with my eyes, "I can't say anything until you sign the NDA and promise not to use any of the information, EVER, can you do that? Please say you can do that" and she nods, completely serious.

"I can do that if it protects Ana, she's like a little sister to me and I have always been sad that she wouldn't let me in. She's such a beautiful person, are you sure your brother isn't going to damage her some way? I know he has something to do with her accident, I just can't figure out what but I agree he does look like he adores her. We all do. I'd do anything for Ana, so where's this NDA?"

I breathe a sigh of relief that I didn't have to choose between Christian and Kate, I show her my phone and tell her to read it all, Christian insists that everyone reads it properly and then show her how to sign so that I can send it back to him and once she has, I wrap my hand around her hair and pull her down to me. "One for the road honey pot?" and she giggles and our departure for Seattle is delayed considerably.

* * *

**Kate's POV**

"Ana, how are you? Why haven't you been answering your phone?... Uh huh, ok….. We are just leaving now and will be in to see you when we get there….. What do you mean you're not at the hospital? Where are you? …. What are you doing there? ….. Oh, really, what? The nurses beat you up? What happened to Christian's magnificent security? ….. Sorry, sorry, ok. I'm _SORRY!_… Yes, I understand, I'm sorry. We'll see you soon. Ok, love you."

"Gee Elliot, I don't know what your brother has done to Ana but she's all feisty now, well, actually, she wasn't, she just sounded really annoyed with me and hurt on his behalf, I hope he isn't going to change her too much" and his face changes and I wonder what is going on. "Ok buddy, I've signed the NDA, spill please, Ana is too important to me to allow her to be hurt anymore by anyone even your stinking rich brother, something happened on Thursday night and she still sounds like it is too hard to talk"

And then if things weren't weird enough with Ana's phone call, my sexy, suave, comfortable, manly Elliot suddenly buries his head in his hands and looks like he is about to burst into tears and starts talking, "You know the other morning when you thought that I was drunk from a big night out and were about to get mad at me?" and I nod my head then realise he can't see that and give a quick "Uh huh" which seems to keep him going, "Well, I didn't get to bed until about 5am because Dad and I were sitting with Christian's legal team after finding out that …. You have to promise never to tell ANYONE about this" and he looks at me with a tortured look. Damn whatever it is would make a great news story, I know it but I've just signed the NDA and I know that Christian has the power and the money to enforce it.  
Elliot continues when I nod "We found out that Christian was the victim of a pedophile when he was 15 and this individual who was a family friend until the other day when it all came out in front of us, has had a really negative impact on his life right until now, actually right until Ana fell into his life. Ana's accident wasn't actually just an accident, she was run off the road."

I gasp "Who, who ran her off the road?" horrified that poor Ana who doesn't have an enemy in the world was subjected to this entire trauma and it wasn't an accident.

Elliot looks up at me and says "It was her step-sister, Cecilia Morton from her mother's third husband which is weird enough but there is a link to Christian. Cecilia was his girlfriend a couple of years ago and she has all sorts of problems but she was stalking Christian when she saw Ana and decided to get rid of her for once and for all. Apparently, she tried to kill Ana when they were in Texas so it has been a long term grudge. Christian is taking it as his fault though because Cecilia was stalking him and she was introduced to him by the pedophile."

"But it's not Christian's fault" I say confused.

"No it's not but Christian always thinks the worst of himself when something bad happens to someone close to him so he is shouldering the blame. I don't think he is looking after Ana like he is out of guilt though, I've never seen him like this, he doesn't know it but it looks like he is in love and it is changing him for the better, it's really nice to watch actually." And he has a happy look on his face, thankfully replacing the tortured look of earlier. I have a feeling he isn't telling me everything but what he has said so far is shocking enough. No wonder Ana kept to herself all the time and didn't really want to get out there and socialise.

"There's a lot more that relates to Ana's step-father, Cecilia's father. Back when she lived with them, he attempted to rape and then he beat Ana up, this was after Cecilia had tried to stab her a few months earlier, I think and that was when she moved back to live with Ray. I don't know how much Ana would like you to know, I'd say none of it but the problem is that her whole family story is going to be played out in the courts very soon because you see yesterday there were some really heavy developments. Yesterday, Christian's security team managed to set up a sting so that the pedophile was caught with a young fourteen year old boy who was being abused .." my hand flies up to my mouth as I struggle to breathe.

"Oh god Elliot, this is getting worse and worse and I feel you aren't even telling me everything" and he nods.

"It does, at the time thankfully, the police arrived and arrested her" and I nearly fall off my seat.

"Her? The pedophile is a her?" I screech at him.

"Yes, it's a "her" and there's a whole 'nother story there, let me finish this one and then I can tell you about her. Anyway, when they came to arrest her, they found two people visiting her who were also taken into custody for other reasons, any guesses who they were?" and I just can't possibly think who so just shake my head and he continues "Well, they were Carla, Ana's mum and Stephen Morton who was Carla's third husband and Cecilia's father"

"Oh my God! What were they doing there? Why was her mother with husband number 3, as Ana used to call him, in the few times she spoke about her life, even the mention of him used to make her shudder?" I croak out, I can't believe what Elliot is telling me.

"It's a sordid mess, trust me. The link is the pedophile, they all know her for some reason and when I tell you the charges, you'll understand why they were all taken into custody. Carla has been abusing drugs since Ana was around the age of 5 and it appears that she bought them from an undercover cop the other day so that's why she was arrested. Morton was taken in for an even worse reason, apparently Morton is a rather evil fellow and had been abusing his daughter from a young age and she provided information about that in the psychiatric facility which should be enough to convict him. That and the evidence she provided in relation to his abuse on Ana all those years ago for which he was never charged should ensure that he goes away for a while. In addition, when Cecilia was Christian's girlfriend, Stephen Morton attempted some sort of attack on Christian's company and as a condition of his parole, he was supposed to stay out of Seattle, however he has recently been living there. The most disgusting part of it all, the bit that has upset Christian and apparently all of his security team is that Carla has spent the last few days sleeping with Morton and taking drugs with him instead of going in to see Ana, never mind the fact that she is married to someone else, she just hasn't bothered with Ana at all. Unfortunately they had to tell all this to Ana and Ray who is staying with them so that they understood why Carla had been taken into custody and it has obviously shattered Ana."

"Oh honey, what an awful situation for Ana and for poor Ray" I whisper as I try to grasp the enormity of it, I always felt that Ana's mom didn't really seem to care for her but the depth of the deceit and the lack of care and love for Ana is just unfathomable. No wonder Ana kept to herself, she obviously couldn't trust anyone if the one person that should have been looking out for her all her life, just didn't care. Elliot bundles me up in his arms as my tears start to fall and holds me tight, I am so grateful for him; I need to feel wanted because that whole story has just left me feeling cold and sad, so sad for Ana.

"I thought I should tell you all that so that while I know you'll be there for Ana, you could perhaps go easy on Christian as he is a shattered man. It's been revelation after revelation for him and everybody actually, Ray didn't know about how long Carla had been taking drugs and nothing at all about the time in Texas, Ana hadn't just not told you, she hadn't told anyone until she told Christian, and she told him everything, he only relayed a very small part to me. We didn't know about Christian's early years before his adoption and he told us about them and then about the pedophile. Oh that's right, you wanted to know about her." And I nod but to be honest, I don't know if I want to know, what he has told me so far is making me feel ill.

"Actually, do you mind, can we not talk about her, I'd really like to leave so that I can get to Ana and give her a hug." I say tearfully and he kisses me gently and nods, lifting me up to my feet and steadies me as my knees buckle.

"One more thing, Christian doesn't want anyone talking about all this to Ana because she really needs to speak to a professional about all the underlying issues she has and which would have been exacerbated by the last couple of days. Having said that he thinks if you are there and keeping her company, she won't have time to just sit and think about her situation, so he really does want you there. Not only that he is also putting every bit of every relevant team he has whether it is security or legal or health on fixing the current and past situations for Ana. Believe me when I say he will move heaven and earth for her, I think last night was the first time he slept since the accident other than a few hours grabbed here and there because he knew she was safe. Trust me, if anything can be done, Christian will do it. Ok?"


	42. Chapter 42

**Christian's POV**

That's it, seriously! I am locking my door and asking Taylor to not let anyone into my apartment, I just want to kiss my girl. Is that too much to ask?!

What's worse is that it's killing me that I still haven't kept her safe in my own apartment, I've managed to keep external forces away from her and she goes and sabotages her own health supposedly to let me sleep but I think it's more than that, I'm sure it's more than that. What is it? What is she doing? I find her phone and turn it on so that it will be ready as soon as I give it to her and it starts pinging away with all the missed messages, I am glad she turned it off yesterday so that she rested but I am so tempted to check who the messages are from, whether there are any males in amongst them all but I refrain and simply pass it to her with a smile and escort my mom out to give her some privacy.

It's as I walk back downstairs that it hits me, she's trying to take back some sort of control in her life, I hope she doesn't draw away from me in her desire to do so. I want to be a part of her recovery selfishly for my sake as well as hers. I don't want her to try to do it all alone; I don't want her to have to do anything alone anymore.

It's almost like I have said it out loud as Mom says softly "If she doesn't keep doing things like what she did this morning, she will get better faster and you two can get on with sharing all the wonderful things you can do together." I nod, I've never shared experiences with anyone other than my family but now all I want to do is share my world with Ana, let her experience things she's never done, taste things she has never been able to afford, show her places she's never seen and feel things she's never felt.

I say quietly "She has to learn to trust me, sadly she hasn't had any reason to trust anyone since the age of five except for Ray, she's always had to rely on herself and it's her go-to position, so I think she is trying to wrest control back until she can. Mom, I can't let her down, I know what it's like to not have control in your life, I reacted by not talking because that was something I could control, I can't let her do anything like that to herself. I might need your help along the way" and she nods her head, smiles at me and pats my hand, not trusting herself to speak.

Having made sure that Mom is comfortable and chatting to Gail and nurse Melanie, I make my way back to my room, hoping that Ana has had time to answer her calls and I hear her say "Don't say that, he has been protecting me since the minute he found me. How could you say that? His security is the reason I am here now and safe. No, I will not hear it….. Love you, see you soon." And my blood boils, I am sure that was Kate and her meddling ways and I cross the room to get to Ana and she simply turns to me, two bright spots on her cheeks, tears in her eyes and I can't move fast enough to crush her to me until her breathing calms again and eventually, she removes her face from the crook of my neck.

There are no tears but the expression on her face cuts me to the quick, "Are you ok baby? What's happened?" and she just shakes her head and buries her face again. I gently lift her face back up "Tell me. You don't need to do this by yourself anymore. I want to be there next to you, helping you, please don't lock me out" and she shudders.

With a faltering voice she says "What am I going to tell Kate? I can't be making out nothing happened, like I have for the last four years because with my mom in custody, it's all going to come out and I am going to be a freak show." She looks so sad, closing down into herself she finally continues in a whisper "and what about everyone else? I already haven't seen Jose since this happened, Christian I've never wanted to be in the limelight and especially for this sort of reason and you don't deserve this either, because of me."

"Christian and Ana, will you two please stop blaming yourselves. Neither of you have done anything wrong." Comes from the doorway and I snap my head up.

* * *

**John Flynn's POV**

"Christian, I have read everything you sent me explaining Ana's situation and I know your side of it. Both of you are victims of other peoples actions. You both know about their actions now, you need to work through your betrayals but you need to move forward. Blaming yourselves doesn't help that process" I say, it's not normal for me to be so direct to Christian but lack of sleep is decreasing my filter and I wonder how Christian managed to work on so little sleep for all these years.

I glare at both of them and am even a little annoyed that Christian looks so well rested, "How long did you sleep last night Christian?" and he looks surprised.

"I actually slept for at least 6 hours, I think it might be the most I have ever slept and.." Christian looks at me with awe, "I just realised, I didn't have a nightmare. My god, Ana, you are a miracle, I slept for 6 hours and didn't have a nightmare, that's never happened and it's because of you" he smiles happily at her and then I am floored by her response.

"I'm sorry Christian, because of me you are so exhausted" she says sadly.

"No, no" he rushes to correct her "No honey, it doesn't matter how much I work, how exhausted I am, I never sleep more than 4 hours a night and I wake up with a nightmare every night, some really bad and some just enough to wake me but I don't ever remember sleeping that long. I don't know what it is about you, every time I have fallen asleep next to you, whether it was in the hospital or here, I haven't had a nightmare. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, please believe that."

"What about you Ana, did you have the nightmare last night?" I ask, now intrigued because Christian has told me about the horrid nightmares that she was having in the hospital and the incident with the nurses.

In a hushed voice she says "No, I had that one before you came to bed but after that, no I slept through until just before the dawn" and she stops with a guilty look at Christian.

Christian grimaces and softly squeezes her hand and looks at me and says "I am hoping that Ana agrees to work with you about learning to trust me and giving up just a bit of control, trusting me to look out for her too so she doesn't do things like she did this morning that are going to set back her recovery."

I look at Ana who looks like she is going to huff and then I see her shoulders sag as it appears that Christian's words are sinking in and she won't look at me but she gives a small nod. Hmm, it appears I need some background on what happened today but I can understand her reticence at letting anyone in after reading her information.

"Well Christian, unlike the two of you, I haven't been sleeping because we have been working overtime trying to compile the cases against Mrs Lincoln and Stephen Morton"

Christian cuts me off with "Shit, how is Macy? I've been meaning to ask" his eyes and body language indicating his true concern for that poor boy.

"He's in hospital at the moment and your mother has been assigned to look after him. I don't know if you know but your parents have petitioned to foster him on his release from hospital" and at my statement, Christian draws a deep breath and I watch him struggle for control and it ends with a release of his breath, a shaky hand across his brow and worried eyes looking at me.

"I guess it's the best option isn't it? They've already dealt with a fucked up youth and I have contributed to Macy's damage so I'll help as much as I can." I watch as Ana reaches over and gently squeezes his hand and his jaw relaxes just a little.

In a quiet voice which is surprisingly strong, Ana exclaims "You know we'll both help don't you? It might be easier for him to relate to us because we're closer in age and know a little of what he has gone through, Christian obviously but I can help as well. And Christian, there's no way I am letting you do this by yourself since somehow you are making it about you and something that you've done which is just codswallop, seriously! Elena Lincoln is the bitch that has done all this, you didn't even know about Macy until yesterday or the day before and you didn't know she was still messing with young boys, did you?" At his gobsmacked shake of his head, she continues with "Well, then we can help a poor boy that has ended up in her clutches without any more blame being heaped on your soul. You're not a monster and I don't know what I need to do to prove that to you."

I am amazed, this girl who doesn't know Macy at all, has obviously gone through a lot of trauma over the last few years is willing to reach out and help and here she is, not really knowing Christian at all, yet determined to make him see what everyone else but him can see. If there is anyone that can do it, I am sure it will be her, although I may well gain a new client in her as she tries to balance him out. I'm not the only one surprised though, Christian still hasn't regained his ability to speak and I can imagine that there aren't too many people in the world who would dare speak to him like that. Then I start wondering whether I am hallucinating because Christian instead of reacting with anger at her which is what I expected, actually laughs and turns to me and says "Here you go John, the one person in the world who has called me an idiot, a goose and now accused me of spouting codswallop and I haven't hit anything or anyone. I'd say that's progress wouldn't you?"

And I have to chuckle and agree, Ana is looking between us, assuming an inside joke and so Christian clarifies, illustrating with his hands "I may have a small anger issue that we have been working on. Apparently, you are good for me." And because it appears he really can't have enough of her, he leans in and kisses her sweetly as she smiles.

"What if you wake up one day and you're not angry anymore?" She says, "Will you feel like you have lost a piece of yourself or do you feel like you will have space for something else?" and he looks at her curiously and shakes his head.

"I said you shouldn't be a lit major, you really should do a psych major. I look forward to waking up and not feeling angry, I almost did this morning until I saw your little stunt….." and he almost growls at her, goodness, what did she do? And then he continues "Let's see what happens tomorrow morning, shall we? Will you promise to stay in bed?" and she blushes and nods. How on earth did she leave the bed in her shape? I guess I'll find out soon enough.

I hate to bring the mood back down as it is pleasant to be in Christian's company when he is this relaxed but I am actually here for a reason, "Ok, back to my original statement, I have spent the last couple of days compiling the cases against Mrs Lincoln and Stephen Morton" and sure enough the temperature in the room drops.

"Does Ana need to be here for this? Can she have breakfast and relax downstairs?" Christian says rather urgently and I know that he's trying to protect her but I need her input in relation to Stephen and Cecilia as I haven't had an opportunity to speak to her about them, I have only read what Christian has told me but I don't have an opportunity as Ana speaks up strongly.

"Since I haven't spoken to Dr Flynn about this, I think my input is required, Christian, I am strong, I can do this. I have to do this. I have to stop hiding and it's better to get used to getting it out. I am not hungry but do you mind if I have a cup of tea though?" And Christian is out the door calling for Gail without hesitation but when he returns he seems to somehow morph into her as he pulls her in as close as he can, his left arm around her shoulder and his right hand holding hers. It looks like he is trying to be a physical barrier to whatever hurt is going to occur from my questioning.

I smile at Ana's reaction when Gail appears with a plate of pancakes and toast, some juice and Ana's tea, I was wondering how Christian had let go of his food issues and realise it hasn't gone at Ana's gentle chiding of "Thank you, apparently 'not hungry' means a bigger than normal breakfast, I'd hate to see what 'hungry' would result in but let's not test that, I'll end up the size of a barn without any exercise and all this food."

Ok, Christian's anger issues aren't far below the surface as he warns her with a tense tone "You're too thin, your body doesn't have any fuel to heal itself, please eat" the girl is smart enough to realise that he isn't going to brook any argument but I think if she hadn't actually been hungry she would have baulked however, she shakes her head and applies herself to her breakfast, offering us both toast. I refuse but Christian accepts when it is obvious that she isn't going to eat until he does and then as he takes it resignedly, her face breaks into a huge grin and I know I am going to be entertained watching these two together. Christian is learning for the first time in his life that love can be fun and there are great rewards to accepting it.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

John Flynn leaves the room with a quick peck on my cheek and a squeeze of my hand saying "I'll see myself out" and Christian nods, waits until the door is shut and simply picks me up and holds me like he is never going to let me go.

Eventually I have to whisper, "Ribs" and he gasps as though I have stabbed him with a knife and releases me a little then drops his head onto my shoulder and whispers his apologies. I can't bear it and wriggle until he gets the idea to release my arms and I pull his face to me and gently so gently brush my lips against his. "Christian, we'll get through this. Together."

"How? How are you so brave? How do you manage to be such a beautiful person when all this horrid stuff has happened to you? I'm so worried about when all this is going to become too much" he says quietly, genuinely questioning as he looks into my eyes, like he will see the answer there. His urgent, indignant, upset "You don't deserve it, not one bit of it" hits me and all my defences crumble. As I try to hide my head in my hands, pressing my hands into my eyes to stop the flood, he realises that he just triggered the breakdown he was worried about. "Oh Ana, I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so sorry."

I can't breathe, the sobs too hard to breathe through, the ribs too sore and I just don't want to exist anymore, and while the walls are closing in on me, I am vaguely aware of Christian shifting me to reach his phone and then his urgent although almost whispered plea "I'm sorry John, I need you to come back, Ana's broken down." Then his arms are both back around me as he says "Breathe Ana, breathe, honey, you can do it, I'm here, no-one is ever going to hurt you again. No-one. Ever. Again."

And I still can't draw in the breath of air I need and in the back of my mind, I wonder if I will pass out, that would be bliss, to never wake up again and feel unloved. To never wake up and wonder who is going to hurt me today. To never wake up and feel everything is hurting because someone wanted me dead. To never wake up again from a nightmare where a masked face is trying to stab me or staring at green eyes laughing as I am trapped in a wreck.

"Ana, stay with me" finally filters through and then a desperate "Ana, I love you, you can do this, come back to me" I can't believe he said those three precious words and it shocks my system enough and finally I manage it, an inward breath that starts down in my stomach as those muscles relax and I feel the constriction in my throat easing as the air reaches my lungs. The deep breath though does something to my damaged lung and the broken rib seems to stick and I give in to the blackness as the searing pain envelopes me and the last thing I see are the tears running down Christian's face while he screams for his mother.


	43. Chapter 43

_**A/N: Just a quick note. ** _

_Thank you to everyone who reads and an extra thank you to all the reviewers, each review is read and very much appreciated.  
Real life is going to be insanely busy for me for at least the next two weeks so I am just giving a warning that there may be no updates during this time.  
__While I am not updating, perhaps you could have a look at my favourite authors and read their magnificent stories.  
A special shout out to BannersandMash for all your assistance and encouragement so far and for providing stories that go beyond the standard fare and while still holding true to the essence of Christian and Ana, introduce us to times and places none of us have been._

* * *

**Grace's POV**

"Quick Melanie, something's happened" and my hand reaches for my big medical bag but it seems to move without me as Taylor grabs it and is racing with us up the stairs. At the same time I see John Flynn rushing back into the apartment and is right behind us as we burst into the room.

My heart stops as I take in Christian with tears streaming down his face and Ana collapsed in his arms when she thankfully moans, it activates my brain and I calmly say "She needs oxygen, nurse please" and to my shattered son "Son, lay her down so that we can put the mask on her, she'll be ok. What happened?" Taylor moves forward and gently unwraps Christian from Ana, somehow managing to do so without removing Christian's connection and obvious lifeline and Melanie is able to place the mask on Ana.

As the oxygen flows into Ana, we can all see her chest start moving and as I start taking all the necessary measurements I note with relief that while her heart is beating faster, it is steady and the oxygen flow is working to help her breathe.

I am at a loss as to what happened to cause the situation and Christian is in no position to talk, his eyes trained on Ana's face and finally as her eyes open he is above her and she weakly puts her hand up to pull him down to her shoulder, she looks annoyed at the mask but he finally breathes an audible shuddering breath and says "Oh Ana, I thought I'd lost you."

It's a hoarse whisper, said as Ana momentarily snatches the mask from her mouth, but we all hear it, "You said you loved me, there's no way I wasn't coming back to you."

"Yes I do" he smiles down at her and kisses her forehead. There is absolutely no trace of my CEO son at all nor of the broken man of a few moments ago but what there is instead is a feeling in the room that is bursting with love and gratitude.

Taylor smiles a genuine smile of relief at Ana and winks at me as he turns and walks away, nurse Melanie busies herself filling out paper work, John Flynn comes over and offers me a chair with a smile and I drink in the peace that filled me at her words.

He said he loved her!

Then I hear my CEO son coming back with a vengeance, "Put your mask back on and breathe until your chest isn't hurting anymore, then and only then, tell me what happened. You weren't breathing, it was like someone had punched you, like when you are winded and that was bad enough. Finally, you managed to draw a breath and I thought you were going to be ok but then you screamed in pain and blacked out. I thought you'd died on me." His emotions may not be showing on his face, where he is wearing his CEO control mask but his hand is shaking as he lifts it to move his hair out of his eyes.

I stop her removing her mask and say quietly "Before Ana tells us that, can someone fill me in as to what the antecedent was, what happened? So that we can make sure it doesn't happen again." As three pairs of eyes swivel towards Melanie I realise it is of a private nature and ask the nurse to leave, we can complete all extra paperwork later.

John explains that in order for the court documents to be filed against the evil three, Ana had to corroborate the evidence and in doing so, a lot of the feelings of abandonment had been revisited however he apologises, he hadn't realised that she was this close to a breakdown or he would have stayed and worked her through those feelings. His heartfelt apology is accepted with a nod by Ana although Christian is fixing him with a rather angry stare, John then explained that Christian had called him as she had broken down hence his return. Christian takes up the explanation caressing Ana's hand and hair as he does so saying that he had just indicated that he thought she was brave and didn't deserve any of the horrible things that had happened to her and she broke down. I watch ready to pounce with a sedative if Ana starts reacting the same way now but I can see her jaw clenching as she grits her teeth and her grip on Christian's hand tightens. I nod to Ana to indicate that she can remove the mask as she is breathing easier now and say "Just pop it back on if it gets hard to breathe, ok?" and she gratefully removes it.

"Firstly I am so sorry.." Ana starts and elicits a growl from both Christian and surprisingly John but she doesn't look at either of them and continues "It did feel like I was winded and my brain was just telling me it would just be easier to stop breathing and then I wouldn't have to remember all the horrid stuff, I could just disappear and it would be bliss".

I watch my son and the horror in his face is obvious to all of us and he clasps her hand harder and then she says looking up at him "But then you said 'I love you' and I realised I love you too. I couldn't leave you like your birth mother left you. As I had that thought, my muscles finally relaxed a bit and I was able to draw that breath of air. I must have over extended though because there was an excruciating pain from my side here" she says pointing at the area of her chest where her lung was damaged "and then I felt the ribs move and open up, what I did earlier this morning must have strained them. Anyway, the pain was so intense that I think that's what made me black out."

I can't stop the tears as they run down my face as Christian takes her in his arms, the look in his eyes when she said she loved him and wouldn't leave him like his birth mother was of such haunted love I can't imagine what horror this beautiful girl has been subjected to that she understands my son like she does and no-one else ever has.

I can make my peace with my past if I make sure that no other child has to endure the memories of these two and I see peace in my future if the two of them continue to understand each other in the way they do.

As I think this, I feel a squeeze of my hand and John Flynn is gesturing with his head that we leave and I nod, knowing that the two in front of us will probably not even notice our absence and I couldn't wish anything more for them in this moment.

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

Well fuck me but the boss has become more human in the last six days than I have seen him in six years. This is confirmed to me when I hear Grace say to the good doctor "John, do you know in 23 years of knowing my son, I have never, ever seen him cry. It didn't matter how hurt he was, he would not cry, he would not let anyone comfort him, I always wondered at the control of a child that could do that, how badly he must have been treated to never allow himself to cry again" and that stops him mid step and he looks at her.

"You know, I've never seen him cry either, no matter how deep the memory, no matter how hard the memory, no, I've never seen him cry either. Wow, that girl is awakening everything. Can I give you a warning? You'll need to be ready for him to go through the adolescence he never had and from the sounds of things, the adolescence Ana never had. They are both going to need handling as they get used to some sort of normal life, or as normal a life Christian could possibly have." As he says that Grace nods her head and he looks over her head at me and I nod too, the message was meant for me as well.

Great, now not only do I need to protect the one thing that can destroy him or if damaged could destroy him, there's a good chance I am going to have to deal with effectively two horny teenagers. I don't normally drive with earbuds in but I may just have to once Ana is mobile…

And another thing I am going to have to deal with is Ana's friends starting right about now as Elliot and Kate Kavanagh come stumbling out of the elevator giggling and messing around. I move to stand in front of them but Grace stands up quickly and kisses Elliot on the cheek and gives Kate a quick peck as well and asks them to be a little quieter.

"What do you mean? Is Ana still sleeping? Is she ok?" Kate asks concerned, "She was awake earlier, what's happened?"

Grace says quietly, "Remember, it is less than 6 whole days since the accident and so there will be good days and bad days, this is a bit of bad day. She overdid it a bit this morning and is on oxygen at the moment. We are hoping that she will stabilise again and be able to remain here and not go back to hospital. Christian is comforting her at the moment."

Miss Kavanagh then says something that does not endear herself to anyone as she rounds on Elliot "I thought you said he'd do anything to help her heal. Why is she on oxygen? Why is she crying? Did Christian do something to her?"

And I almost growl and perhaps I did because Grace looks at me in surprise and I decide I will be better off in the security room before I say or do anything considered unwarranted. As I go to walk away I hear Elliot say "I doubt Christian did anything to her, he told me this morning that she'd decided she wasn't going to wake him and she wanted to see the sunrise so had managed to haul herself out of bed and across the room. Did she hurt herself doing that Mom?"

'Yes dear, she managed to hurt her ribs and a deep breath a little while ago seemed to catch on the rib and cause a reaction similar to when someone takes the air out of you, like she was winded, but because of the lung damage, it had a bigger effect than would be expected. It was a frightening experience and the oxygen is helping her to breathe and Christian is just helping her calm down. Kate, there is no way in the world that Christian would do anything to Ana, trust me." The last statement is said in a rather disapproving tone and I am pleased, Miss Kavanagh needs to be put in her place if she is going to go around making statements or questioning like that.

"Well, are we going to be able to see her soon?" Miss Kavanagh continues sounding unconvinced at Grace's words and I watch Grace stiffen.

Grace says quietly, "I would suggest that perhaps Elliot could show you around Seattle for what is left of the morning and perhaps early afternoon and then you can come back and spend the rest of the afternoon and dinner time with Ana." She then turns to Elliot and continues " Elliot, we are having family dinner here tonight instead of at home so that you will have time to drive Kate home tomorrow. Does that fit your plans?" and from the look on his face at her tone, I can see that he is changing whatever plans that he might have had to fit and he nods and says easily "Sure, we'll make ourselves scarce now and see you later this afternoon."

I am impressed even more when he adds quietly to his mother "Is Christian ok?" and looks relieved at her beaming smile, I've seen an entirely new side to Elliot this last week and it is a lot more admirable than his usual demeanour.

His choice of companion however leaves me mystified and I stomp off to my office and back to the bank of security cameras. To be honest, with the good doctor's warning ringing in my ears, I am a little unsure as to whether I really want to look at the camera from the Boss's room right at the moment.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

"Yes I do." I do love her. I love her with all my heart. Just six days ago I did not have a heart and I did not believe that I deserved to love or be loved at all. It took thinking that I had lost her for me to say "I love you" and I didn't realise that I did, but I do.

How could I not? She is perfection in every way but when she says "I love you too. I couldn't leave you like your birth mother left you" I know she holds my heart in her hands to do with it as she wishes. How does she know that is my biggest fear? Ana can see right through me and that scares me no end. What will happen when she sees how rotten I am at the core?

I can't think about that, she loves me. She loves _ME_! I can't believe it, a feeling of peace just floods through me as she says those words and I need to hold her close, she is more than my other half, she is my whole. She is my everything.


	44. Chapter 44

_**A/N: Just a quick note. ** _

_Real life is still crazy and I will be away for a good part of the next week for work, so updates are unlikely for another week now.  
__This chapter however wouldn't leave me alone so I pushed work back and wrote it, I hope it's enough to tide you over for another week._

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I hold Ana in my arms, her head on my arm, my body curled around hers, she fits perfectly into me as we spoon and even with the cast I am able to hold her and absorb her energy and transfer my feelings into her. She gradually relaxes against me, I feel it as the tension leaves her legs, then her back as she shuffles into me, trying to have as much contact as she can. I can feel her shoulders relax and her neck softens on my arm and finally she succumbs to sleep, her breaths quiet and even, lull me into a relaxed peaceful state, one that is completely foreign to me.

I hadn't intended to spend the morning in bed but there's nowhere else I'd rather be when I hear Ana mumbling in her sleep. She suddenly tenses and I whisper in her ear that I am here for her and the relaxation is immediate and she snuggles back against my chest. Yes, back against my chest, I can't believe it, I do have a shirt on and Ana hasn't ever touched my bare chest but the thought doesn't scare me as much now and I look forward to the day that she will touch it.

Without realising it as I have that thought I tense up and Ana says quietly, "Are you ok?"

I chuckle and say "Asks the girl in a cast who collapsed on me, who should be sleeping and resting…."

"Thank you for cuddling me, can you help me move please?" she says quietly and while I want to help her, I am enjoying holding her so I nuzzle into her hair, inhale her scent and shake my head. "What do you mean, no?" she says with a twinge of exasperation.

"I just want to hold you and keep you in my arms. Do you know how much you mean to me? Do you know how much I want to protect you from the world? I feel like I can do that if I am holding you, protecting you." I didn't mean to make her cry but I feel her shuddering and I clasp her tighter "Oh, I'm sorry honey, I didn't mean to make you feel worse" and I attempt to turn her but now she is curling herself up in a ball and pushing back into me. I feel like a right royal ass, she had relaxed and now I have gone and ruined it all again. My fantastic reverse Midas touch strikes again!

Finally she calms again, "Seriously, you gorgeous wreck of a man, turn me around or I'll do it myself, I need to see your face" Ana chokes out at me and I frown and comply, picking her up and rolling her over so that she doesn't twist her pelvis in attempting to turn. I am still frowning when she reaches out and gently runs her hand down my cheek. All I want to do is kiss her but I am now completely confused so she continues, "Do you know how beautiful what you just said was? I don't know what you have done to me but I never ever used to cry and you have me crying at the drop of a hat. The worst thing is that I can feel that you think you just said something awful. Please stop doing that."

"What? What do I have to stop? You can't stop crying and I have lost all semblance of a brain, I couldn't think my way out of a paper bag when I am near you, so I don't know what I have to stop doing." I say quite earnestly, this little slip of a girl has turned all my thought processes on their head.

"Stop thinking the worst. This particular girl, when she is crying, is not always sad, she could be frustrated, that's usually when I cry. Or as has been the case over the last 6 days, when I am emotional and that could be both in a good or bad way. Just then was a good way." Ana's tone is almost pleading as she says this and I realise I really know nothing about the emotional side of women. "Oh and I sob when I watch sad movies even cartoons, so you have been warned." With that she smiles and I can't help but smile back.

"I am sorry, I really have no idea." I apologise leaning forward to give her a peck.

Ana leans in, then makes a conscious decision and pulls away and my chest constricts when she asks "Christian, will you tell me about your past relationships?"

"I thought we covered that in the hospital" I say desperately not wanting to cover this topic, ever but especially not now.

"Christian, what you told me was that the evil witch seduced you, then you went to clubs so I assume they were not relationships in any way shape or form, just people that you did "things" to" and she shudders, it sounds awful when she says it that way.

"Ana, I was learning how to be a Dom in those clubs, it doesn't make it any more appealing but it's where I learnt how to treat a Sub right, Elena hadn't treated me right as a sub…" and Ana's snort cuts me short.

"She didn't treat you right at all let alone as a sub." And she puts up her hand "And don't tell me it did you good because there were so many other ways she could have given you that control without doing... um.. unmentionable things to you… and I bet some of them were unmentionable." And she looks at me defiantly.

I hate it, Ana is absolutely right, so many of the things that Elena had done to me had been humiliating and with my level of pride, I had made sure that I didn't repeat my misdemeanours because I didn't want to be subjected to them again. "Well, I wish I'd met you a long time ago although given our age difference I might then have been in trouble. You amaze me with your insight."

"And you are avoiding the question…." She says and smiles at me to soften the blow and runs her hand down my arm, my arm tingles but doesn't hurt, I want to feel her hands all over me but she continues with "What about your subs? How many were there? How did you feel about them? I don't know anything about the lifestyle except that it's supposed to be kinky but …. Since I don't know anything about anything. Would you tell me? Explain to me what it is, and why the attraction?"

She's scaring me now, I don't want to give her any more details because I don't want to be filling her head with my past, so I go for diversion "Can we talk about this another time? There's an apartment full of people that want to see you and I am monopolising you, your dad is still here and Elliot and Miss Kavanagh will probably be here by now and…. It's time for your medication."

I am rewarded with a full-on pout and I burst out laughing "God, you're a sad sight honey but you look real cute" I sing to her and she whacks me with a spare pillow.

"You want to sing Billy Joel, "Big Shot", I'll give you Billy Joel, "you may be right, I may be crazy but it just may be a lunatic you're looking for…" she sings at me.

I look forward to duets on the piano and guitar and can't help but steal another kiss laughing as I do so, then I stand to leave and call Nurse Melanie. As I am about to open the door, I hesitate and ask quietly, "Are you ready to face everyone? Are you sure you're ok? Is there anything else I can do?" She just bites that lip and shakes her head which has me back next to the bed and saying "Don't bite that lip, I want to do that" and hungrily taking her mouth one more time as she pulls my head down, running her fingers through my hair. Unbelievably, I hear foot steps outside and spring away as we both look at each other and laugh, almost busted again but this time there is a pause, a knock and then Taylor's voice saying "Sir". I really should give Taylor a raise.

* * *

**Gail's POV**

It's unbelievable what change one tiny person has wrought on this apartment, it has taken it from a beautiful showcase devoid of feeling to being full of energy that just seems to be bouncing throughout the great room. The lights of Seattle seem to somehow shine brighter and it just seems like life has been breathed into the apartment, now it feels like it should, like a home and I couldn't be happier for Mr Grey.

He looks a little less well put together, it's obvious his hands, well somebody's hands have been running through his hair but it was a wonder to behold to see him carry Ana down the stairs, dressed in a beautiful blue long maxi dress that covered the cast. What made Grace gasp and look at Carrick with tears in her eyes though was the fact that Ana had both arms around Mr Grey's neck and again, was nestled into his chest.

Everyone at the table except Miss Kavanagh and Ray understands how significant a moment this is and Mr Grey didn't even appear to notice, he has just brought her down and made her comfortable. Nurse Melanie fussing about pillows and support until Ana almost shooed her away and Grace basically rescued her with a quick hug and a "How are you my dear?"

Miss Kavanagh is next and it is patently obvious that she is sharing the pain of her friend in the way that she stays by her side, Taylor told me what she said earlier but from the look on her face, I am sure she is just distraught for her friend. I am amazed by Ana (yes Mr Grey would like me to call her Miss Steele but Ana insisted) who looks at her friend, ignores the queries as to her own health and immediately distracts Kate with a question about Elliot. I hazard a glance over at Elliot, the perpetual playboy and almost drop the plate I'm carrying, if I am not mistaken, the two Grey boys have met their matches this week. His eyes are shining with a light that only brightens when Kate sneaks a peak and a smile at him and he is having trouble concentrating on Mia and her incessant chatter when normally he would be playing along.

To be fair, even Mia, sitting between her two brothers seems a little different, a little more aware of the situation and her eyes smile every time she glances between Mr Grey and Ana.

Oh it is lovely to have the whole family here and catering for them all, they are such a lovely family, very appreciative of my dinner and the chorus of approval when I bring out my chocolate cake is very heartwarming to me but it is topped when suddenly Mr Grey breaks into a belly laugh, Ana's face a second later turns a beetroot red and Taylor who was standing just outside the great room actually giggles and walks away.

There is absolutely stunned silence in the room as Mr Grey finally controls his laughter with everyone staring at him, I don't think anyone has heard him laugh like that for a long time and with all the stress of the last few days, definitely not in this time. With a huge smirk on his face he rises gracefully from his chair, taking a plate and a fork over to Ana saying "Sorry, private joke" and then quietly so that only Ana should have heard but I was standing next to her about to give her a plate, he says "Let's share this one and we can have another one later when everyone has gone, that one you can eat it any way you'd like" and the colour in her cheeks deepens but she smiles and happily accepts the forkful he feeds her.


	45. Chapter 45 - 15 May 2011

**Christian's POV**

"Thank you Christian" is all she has the energy to say to me as I her lift off the sofa and carry her back to the bedroom, I love the feel of her hands around my neck as she holds on, her cheek on my chest, her eyelids drooping and I carefully negotiate the steps I've taken a million times in various states of being but never has it been so important that I not miss a step.

The precious cargo in my arms is being watched by her father, she rouses enough to blow him another kiss when we are at the top of the landing and so ends a busy afternoon and night of family. "It's nice to have a family, I've always wanted one." She whispers with a smile "Thank you" and her eyelids close and I am still holding her as Nurse Melanie bustles in.

"Well I guess she's too tired to take the medication now" is the somewhat exasperated comment from Nurse Melanie and I bite my tongue at the response I want to give her as I see my mother in the doorway.

"I'm sure she'll be fine" my mother says in a calming manner "We're staying in the last guest room tonight so if there are any difficulties, Christian, please come and get me, don't let it get to the same point as this morning. If there is any conversation, please keep it light, we need to try and keep her calm and rested"

I nod, I couldn't agree more, I don't want to cover any horrible subjects with her, I want her to start enjoying life and working on her strength but I have learnt one thing about Ana since the beginning of the week which is that once she wants to know something, she will keep going until she had her answers and she has asked me about my prior life. So I have two options, either I will have to keep away from her, which isn't an option as she is as necessary for me to breathe as air now or I will have to distract her and that I can do with a bit of planning.

My office which has been my sanctuary for so many years and where I have spent many a night working into the wee hours now feels empty so I work as quickly as I can so that I can be back in my bedroom, where I want to be and to ensure that both of us sleep well.

Just as I am about to close the lid of my laptop, satisfied that Ana will be more comfortable tomorrow, an email pings and I curse.

I have to deal with it now if I want some sort of day with Ana tomorrow so I resign myself to the fact that I am stuck in the office for longer but then decide, no, I can use my computer in my room, at least then I can watch Ana sleep. Watching her is enough to calm me down and this email is going to need calm and rational responses and actions. So I pick up the laptop and pad my way into my bedroom, I smile as I see Ana has CT Bear clasped tightly in her arms and she looks happy and resting, no creases on her forehead, no tear tracks and the slightest smile on her beautiful full lips.

I shake my head, maybe sitting here isn't going to be the most conducive environment to do what I have to do but just her presence has lowered my heart rate so I open the email and start work.

Welch has sent through some more information and Carrick despite being in the same apartment has left me alone and sent an email, I guess to clarify as much for himself as for me, setting out the situations of each of the evil three and what we can do or what needs to be done.

Firstly, Ana's mother cannot be detained for any longer because the usual approach is for first-time, nonviolent drug offenders to be given a chance to serve their sentence, where appropriate, in the type of drug-rehabilitation programs that have proven to work better than a prison term in changing bad behaviour. I wonder whether this will work with her given that she has been taking drugs for at least 17 years. I send an email to John Flynn to find out whether he knows which facility is the best facility for drug rehabilitation, I know that Ana would like her mom off drugs permanently and given her nature, I am sure she'll want to forgive her if she can be completely clean and become a part of her life. I have my doubts about Carla because I am sure there are other character flaws there but perhaps without the drug crutch, she might be a nicer person.

I have also been wondering about Bob Adams and it appears that he may well wipe his hands of her. He was contacted as next of kin when Carla was taken in and he was less than impressed especially when he realised the extent of her deception. He refused to post bail and that is the only reason she has been able to be detained so far, if I can provide a surety that she will remain in the a drug facility, then she will be released. Quite frankly, I would be happy for her to rot in jail for what she did to Ana but I will investigate all the options with John and give Ana the final say.

I look up at Ana as I finalise that process and she moves trying to be more comfortable and the sheet moves and I force myself to look away but it's too late, the hint of the forbidden candy which is then as quickly hidden as the teddy bear moves makes me groan. The glimpse of that creamy skin I can imagine all the way down has me needing to use my control, it doesn't matter that the bitch taught me all this, I need to channel it now. Singing all four verses of the national anthem while looking at the stars outside the window manages to calm little grey down enough for me to rest my laptop back on my lap and continue with dissecting Dad's email.

The next part of the email acts like a bucket of ice on my ardour as I read the rap sheet for Stephen Morton, it appears that Cecilia's statement will hold some water and be acceptable as she is deemed of sound mind. When this is combined with the Ana's now corroborated statement that Morton attempted to rape her and I shudder as I read that Welch has managed to find another young girl who was raped by Morton but was not believed when she gave a statement at the time. It appears that Morton was involved with another woman with a young daughter after Carla left and the mother acted in a similar fashion to Carla. This means that he should be put away for a long time if the evidence is accepted, hopefully Ana won't have to testify but if she does, I will have to have Taylor by my side to ensure I don't do anything stupid while supporting her. I would like to make sure that he disappears to never be able to touch another girl, he makes me sick to my core.

This brings us to Elena. For so many years I thought she was helping me and a small piece of me still believes that she did provide me with the tools of control. I'll let the state throw what they can at her, in the meantime, I have given Miss Kavanagh enough information to have her family do an expose on her which will ruin her reputation and by extension, her business, no-one in high society, which is her clientele, will want to have anything to do with her. I have already pulled the financial backing of the Esclava businesses so by the end of next week, she will be financially ruined and this will make it next to impossible for her to fund a defence against the charges. Again Cecilia's testimony, mixed with Carla's testimony, apparently Carla has been bargaining for a lesser charge on the basis that she has provided details on both Morton's and Elena's activities and to top it off Welch's footage via Macy and other research as well as my testimony if it is required should ensure that Elena is put away for a very long time. I have an uneasy feeling though, Elena always seems to resurrect herself and I know that as much as I want to never think about her again, I will need to keep tabs on her for the rest of my life to feel safe.

This time as I am closing my laptop lid, the clicking noise seems to trigger a movement in Ana and she simultaneously stretches and whimpers my name and I can't put it down quick enough to be by her side, last night I wasn't quick enough and the nightmare took hold, tonight it can't happen. I am by her side before she has time to say anything else and whispering "I've got you" into her ear and her eyes flick open enough to see me above her and she smiles, relaxes and thankfully snuggles up to the bear again and is fast asleep all before I've had a chance to draw a breath. I smile to myself, she feels safe with me, thank goodness, now I can go to bed and relax.

It's sometime in the early hours of the morning as I lie there, Ana's head on my arm, I smile as I realise that I like snuggling in next to her and I start thinking about what I would have done if Ana had not had the accident. Would I have chased her back to Portland? How would I have engineered another meeting? Would I have gone into the hardware store Claytons that she worked in? Hmm, the possibilities of a hardware store, so many things that could be used in the lifestyle… rope, restraining devices like cable ties, masking tape, chains, hooks, so many things that now I don't know if I'll ever use or need again.

A dark cloud settles over me as I ponder this, do I need the BDSM lifestyle? What am I going to do when I feel like I am losing control? Ana makes me feel like I am losing control all the time, I never know what she is going to say and once she is healed, will she be a completely different person? I can't shake that perhaps she is just really grateful for what I have done and that she won't to stay with me. I don't even know if she'd be interested in a sexual relationship with me given how horrific her life has been up until this point, could I live with that?.

"You're squishing me" I hear and immediately relax, horrified that I have been squeezing Ana tight against me. "Are you ok? You feel awfully tense" she continues sleepily.

"Sleep baby, I'm sorry, I'm ok" I whisper back, brushing my lips against her ear, she shivers deliciously and curls further against me and as her breathing evens again, I fall asleep thinking of what else could make her shiver in pleasure..

* * *

**Sunday – 15 May 2011**

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I wake gently as I hear a giggle, oh what I'd do to wake up to that sound every single morning. I can feel her warmth but I am just absorbing the giggle and pretend my eyes are still shut as her finger comes tentatively towards my nose and I move quickly and catch her finger in my mouth and her mouth moves to an O as I gently suck her finger and then pop it out of my mouth and kiss it and continue the kisses up her arm until I reach her lips.

We finally managed a decent night's sleep and she's still in bed, a point Ana made as soon as she stopped giggling "I watched the dawn from here, it was almost as good but … I wanted you to be happy with me instead of annoyed" she finishes uncertainly.

"Oh honey, I'm always happy with you" I murmur against her lips again, I could lie here all day, Ana snuggled on my arm and looking out the window. "What would you like to do? Would you like to go flying with me? Or sailing? Or soaring in a glider? Or skiing, no I take that back, my heart couldn't take you skiing." And her face goes from shocked to defiant and I realise I may have just waved a red rag at a bull. "Ok, we can go skiing but only after you've done all the other things" I say laughing and the defiant look turns into the cutest attempted pout but she can't hold it as her grin breaks through.

"Can you really do all those things?" she asks tentatively and it's the look on her face that makes me feel really proud of myself but not in the normal way, I feel bashful and amazed that my achievements could make someone look at me like that.

"Stop it, you knew I could do that, I mentioned it in the interview" I say

"I thought you were just blowing smoke to be honest" she says with a giggle and I have to smile, I was certainly blowing smoke on some of the things I said but I am not going there now.

"Are you up to getting up? I have had some chairs delivered that I think will make you more comfortable and I'd like you to try them" I say sure that she'll love them as she will be able to lay comfortably while she's reading and resting.

I shower and am out of the room to give Ana some privacy with Melanie to shower and dress and move to the big room to ensure that the chairs are set up, 2 chaise longue or lounge chairs and an awesome zero gravity recliner for the big room that I worry about how Ana will stay in with her clumsy nature, a pony chaise in the bedroom which we'll move in later and I have bought an outdoor one for the pool area downstairs so that if Ana decides to do some exercise, then she'll have somewhere to rest. These lounges are the best that money could buy and I hope that it means that while I am at work, Ana will be more comfortable as the contours follow that of her cast.

However, I was wrong again, I will never stop being surprised at Ana's reactions, when I carry her out to the big room, the look of horror on her face, "Christian why would you waste all that money? All I need are a few cushions, this is excessive" and she looks really annoyed with me.

"I'd buy you diamond lounge suites if I thought they'd make you comfortable but since diamonds are rather sharp, I'll just buy them for around your neck, I promise for the first fancy dinner that you attend with me, you will have diamonds around your neck. These chairs didn't cost a thing really."

Hmm, it appears I may have distracted her a little, "Seriously Christian, I'd rather wear flowers in my hair, than diamonds around my neck." She says in all seriousness and I believe her.

If I have my way, there will diamonds around that neck very soon but I am starting to understand how uncomplicated Ana wants her world to be, how much easier it must have been to cut herself off from real life by living a life unheard of in this day and age. An old phone she barely uses, no computer, escaping to classic books, staying away from men and simply studying hard and working hard just to survive. I know I am complicating Ana's life but she deserves what I can pay for and more and I am not going to stop just because she is pouting angrily at me.

"You could just say thank you" I offer to her, completely ignoring her sentiment and I swear she lifts her hand to clip me behind the ear but as I raise my eyebrow, she says sullenly "Thank you Christian" and turns her face away. She wasn't going to clip me I realise, it's worse, she is putting her hands together in her lap and shrinking into herself and drawing as far away from me as she can while I am still holding her and bewilderment courses through me.

"Honey, these don't put a dent in the money I make in just an hour's work, I want to spend the money on you to make you comfortable, please accept their comfort so that I can know that you are comfortable while I work" I say, I can't believe I am almost pleading with her to accept them.

I don't catch the next words but they sound suspiciously like "steamrolled, ridiculous" and then an "ooh it is comfortable" a grumble and then a more sincere "Thank you Christian" and I lean in to kiss her and she continues sadly "But please stop spending money on me, I don't like it. I really don't. There are so many people with nothing in this world and I know what that feels like, I don't want to spend money on me while there are people not eating."

There, right there, is the difference between Ana and every other female I have ever known. "Honey, I can do both and I will do both." And she snorts angrily at me but thankfully Ray appears and asks about the funky zero gravity recliner, I explain that this has a number of different sitting positions from comfortable working position to a reclined position and a feeling of almost weightlessness which helps with bad backs and show him how it works.

As Ray lies down, he exclaims, "Now Annie, no getting in this chair, I could see you tipping it and ending up on your head."

Ana giggles, "Like when you first bought your rocking recliner and you managed to tip it backwards? That was the funniest thing, Daddy lying there like an upended turtle." Ray has a smile on his face as he shakes his head at the memory.

Kate and Elliot arrive for breakfast and Grace and Carrick surface and an easy breakfast is had with everyone trying the chairs and vowing to steal one if the opportunity arises.

As breakfast finishes, Mom moves off to speak to Melanie to check over the results of Ana's tests while Kate explains how over the moon she is at the expose she has managed to be a part of organising on Elena and this gives me an opportunity to have Carrick set out the arrangements for Carla. I am able to provide input from John Flynn as to the best facilities.

Ana then surprises me by being extremely happy with the arrangements for Carla, saying that she wants her to have a life, perhaps get some responsibilities for once, be a part of Ana's life here in Seattle. Then she shocks me by saying "Perhaps we could get an apartment together." I can't believe it, Ana is obviously trying to claw back all the years that Carla stole from her and obviously has a bigger heart than even I imagined but from what I have seen, Carla will only take it and squash it again. And what does she mean, have an apartment with Carla, what about me? Where do I fit into all this?

I can't handle it and as Ana continues to talk excitedly with Kate, I leave, I have to remove myself from the room before I say something that will upset Ana but I can't believe she'd set herself up for the fall. Maybe there is some way that I can convince Bob to take her back at the end of the rehabilitation, I don't care how much money it takes, I really don't want Carla around Ana, I can't see her changing, a leopard doesn't change its spots.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

It's been lovely to have Kate here this morning and having breakfast, other than the chair debacle, although they are really comfortable chairs, I have tried 2 of the different ones, I love it when I am in Christian's arms and when I am on these chairs, it feels very similar.

I love that Christian is going to help have Mom rehabilitated, his face changed when I mentioned the apartment and then he walked away without saying anything, I hope he's ok. Elliot follows him out and I assume they are catching up with their parents who are somewhere in this enormous apartment.

I don't have time to worry about what his problem is as Kate mentions that Jose wants to come and visit and I say "Sure, tell him to come, I'll have nothing to do during the week except study and exercise and it will be nice to see another friendly face." We continue chatting about how her study is going and the plans for the move, now that I am not there to help but she assures me that she'll pack up everything of mine and Elliot will help with everything else.

She giggles and says "Actually Ana, he couldn't have come along at a better time, now we have someone to move all the heavy stuff" and I lift my cast and nudge her off the edge of my chair and she lands with a thump of the floor.

"Hey that was mean!" she says but she's laughing so hard that it doesn't sound like she's too mad, "You're not supposed to have the strength in that leg, don't let Christian see you do that or you'll be in trouble" She adds as she brushes her bottom and stands next to the chair, "He's very controlling, don't let him get to you. I know you like him and he's besotted with you, just be careful please, there's something off about him."

Ray pipes up from the side and I'd completely forgotten that he was there "I think he needs to, this one keeps doing things that just set her back." Then he says he has to go but before he does, he wants me to understand that I shouldn't take Carla back into my life so readily. He tried all those years ago when I was just a baby and then she wasn't on drugs but it didn't work out, she didn't have a moral compass at all and he doesn't want to see Carla taking advantage of me or Christian. "Look Ana, she'll play coy and make it appear that everything is ok and in the meantime you'll still be the one being the adult in the relationship, she'll bleed you and Christian dry and seriously, Christian should be your focus now, well, actually, you should be your focus now, not Carla." He says it so definitely that he gives me pause and I just reach out to him.

My normally taciturn quiet dad has just given more of a speech than I have heard him say in a long time and his hug is heartfelt and I know I am going to miss his calming presence terribly, he promises he'll be back as soon as he can and to look after myself. I hear him say goodbye to Gail and she promises that she'll look after me for him which brings another tear to my eye and then I smile as I hear her promise to teach me the recipes of the chocolate cake and a few of the other things that Ray says have added to his waistline over the last few days.

Christian and Elliot appear from wherever they were with Christian looking less like a thundercloud and he wishes Ray safe travels and sees him out the door with an assurance he can stay anytime he likes, there will always be a room for him.

Kate and Elliot are next out the door so that Kate can do some more studying before the finals this week and I can't but feel down about the fact that I should have been doing them but since I can't seem to stay awake for more than an hour, the ability to sit the finals without study is unlikely so I am grateful that Christian has managed to delay them for me but I need to take advantage of the hours that I can stay awake and study.

Once Grace and Carrick also take their leave, the apartment feels rather empty again but I look forward to spending the time with Christian, just the two of us which we haven't managed to have, well, ever really but he doesn't come back to me, he simply disappears into his office without a look back and I am left marooned on the chair.


	46. Chapter 46 - 16 & 17 May 2011

**Ana's POV**

I can't believe I didn't see Christian for the rest of the day yesterday, so much for our Sunday being a time of being together, once his family left and he left me in the chair he didn't come back. I could hear him shouting at people in his office even though the door was shut. He didn't come out for lunch nor for dinner, I made sure I didn't do anything stupid like try to move myself from the chair and Melanie and Gail assisted me during the day with none of us making any mention of the strange situation although I did see both concern and pity in Gail's eyes. Melanie put me to bed, even having had a relaxing shower didn't help anything, I thought it would relax me and help me sleep but it took forever until my tired body decided to make me sleep. I don't know what I have done or why Christian has shut me out completely, I even texted him to ask if he was ok, if I had done or said something wrong and have been wracking my brain to what I might have done but he hasn't responded and I feel awful.

When I woke up this morning, all I found was a note saying he has to go into work today and doesn't know if he will be back until late tonight as he has so much work to catch up on. I feel terrible that I have kept him away from his work for the last week but I can't for the life of me think what I have done to make him angry with me and it is upsetting me, everywhere I look I see him which isn't surprising given that this is his apartment. So I decide that I'd like to get out, I can see the water from the apartment and I just want to go down there and breathe some other air, suddenly I am feeling claustrophobic stuck inside. I speak to Melanie and she says she's happy to go out too, we can catch a cab to the waterfront, perhaps go to a café and just be out of here for a little while.

As we reach the elevator, we are met by Sawyer and Ryan blocking the exit and Sawyer says that they are under instruction that if I want to go out, that both must be in attendance. I protest that it is ridiculous, that I just want to go breathe some sea air and Sawyer calls Christian and he makes it clear that I am not ALLOWED to go outside without the two CPOs and that they must drive me. I can hear him shouting into the phone and I can't believe my ears, he hasn't bothered to talk to me for nearly 24 hours and here he is dictating what I can do. I say "Please move out of my way, I want to go downstairs." Both men move to allow us through but follow us in without any further words.

As the elevator drops Sawyer almost pleads that we allow him to bring the SUV to the elevator in the garage so that we don't go out through the foyer and I say no, I would like to leave like a normal person but as the door of the elevator opens in the foyer, there is a crush of people coming forward and I realise that they are paparazzi, quickly Ryan blocks the entrance and closes the door. I start shaking and as the tears start I whisper "Just take me back up, it's not worth it". I can't believe I am effectively trapped in Escala and I desperately want to know why Christian is angry with me and he must be because in the short time I have known him, he has only been loving and caring except for the one time he was angry with me at the hospital for not taking the medication but now he's not even talking to me.

I ask that I be taken back to the bedroom, I don't want to be seeing everyone coming and going, if I am going to be trapped here, I might as well act as if I was back in my apartment in my room. I decide to study and ask Melanie if she minds collecting my study notes and I sit on the chaise that is now in the bedroom and lose myself in my revision. This goes some way to distracting me and it's just before lunchtime when I hear a familiar voice, one I've missed for over a week. It takes just a moment after assuring Sawyer that yes, I do know him, before I am engulfed in a hug from Jose.

Jose is apologetic as to why he hasn't been to visit me but he is honest and says he was scared how I would look as he wanted to hold his memory of me being the one that was dear to him, me happy and "beautiful" I snort and say "Seriously Jose, you are so shallow, it's amazing." I assure him I will be fine and that I am happy despite all the crap that has happened as I have found Christian through it all.

Jose looks wistfully at me and I know he has held some sort of candle for me for a long time but I never ever wanted to be anything but friends with him, goodness, I think of him as the brother I never had. Jose says he can't stay long as he has to go see a gallery owner about possibly showcasing some of his photos and I say I am happy for him. He goes to give me a hug and a kiss on my cheek just as Christian appears at the door, Christian's face looks like thunder and he doesn't acknowledge either of us and stomps off to his study, slamming the door behind him. I look at Jose and shrug, "I don't know what's gotten into him, he's not normally like this" I say apologetically, I really want Jose to go so that I can speak to Christian.

Jose says "Take care Ana, I'll see you around" and leaves my room, I watch as he passes the study, Christian storms out and escorts him out of the apartment, I hear terse conversation and then Christian is striding back up the stairs and towards me. For the first time ever, I am afraid of him and shrink back into the chair, clutching my books to my chest and staring up at him.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I don't like this situation at all, I am totally out of control. I was so upset with Ana yesterday saying that she wanted to get an apartment with Carla and I was so wound up that I couldn't go near her, then I felt like a shit for leaving her all by herself marooned in that chair when I said we'd spend the day together, thank goodness she asked for help and didn't do anything stupid. Unlike me, I sat in my study and drank a bottle of scotch, I didn't respond to her text or the voice message she left me because I was too mad and then I was too scared to go and lie down with her because I thought I might do something to her because I was drunk and wasn't myself. I never get drunk, how have I lost so much control of myself?

During the night a message came in that there were issues that needed me in the office to handle them, so I left without speaking to Ana, a note on the pillow is hardly how someone who loves you acts, I know but then came the phone call saying that Ana was wanting to leave the apartment and it upset me no end that she didn't want to listen to the security detail. How does she not understand that she means everything to me and I need to know where she is and that she is protected? Anyway, it appears that the paparazzi that I was trying to protect her from were in the foyer and scared her, maybe she'll listen to me now.

I finally managed to get a handle on everything in the office and decided I'd come home and have lunch with Ana and try to apologise and I walk into the bedroom to find that Jose fucker with his hands all over her, kissing her. Does she want him instead of me? What does that fucker have? When he finally left, I made it abundantly clear that even if Ana has forgiven him, I don't appreciate the sentiments that he uttered at the hospital and that I'd rather he did not come back again.

Now I am standing in front of Ana, my head is throbbing and I am so angry, my mouth opens and starts talking before my brain catches up and even though I can see her shrinking in fear, I hear myself saying "Do you want that fucker? Is it that you want to forgive everyone that's ever done anything to you and just live in a happy bubble? Do I not count for anything to you? Tell me, where exactly do I fit in between your mother that abandoned you at every opportunity and the fucker who said he'd be repulsed by you if your face was injured .." and I watch as Ana's face crumples at the harshness of my words and finally my brain catches up and I am horrified and rush to reach towards her saying "I'm sorry Ana, honey I'm so sorry."

Ana just shrinks back away from me in fear and disgust sobbing "Don't touch me" I back away, mortified that I have just treated her so harshly, I would never speak to anyone like that, what on earth possessed me to talk to Ana in that manner. Ana didn't even know that Jose had said that and now I have let that slip. I don't know what to do and then I watch in awe as Ana shakes herself and seems to straighten herself and then I know she is angry, very angry. The red spots in her cheeks, the flashing blue eyes and the hardest angriest tone falls from her mouth, cuts me to the core, twisting a knife in that black lump of a heart that I have just shown her.

"So let me ask, you can have all these women from the past how many were there? 10s 100s or god forbid 1,000s? You avoided the question so I have no idea and yet I can't even speak to one friend that I have never even kissed, who's just a friend, who kissed me on the cheek? And then you think it's ok to shatter even that little illusion that I had a friend by saying that he said I'd repulse him if I was injured. " She pauses for a breath but holds up her hand to stop me as I open my mouth to speak, I knew I should have answered her question instead of avoiding it and now it is biting me on the behind.

She continues "And I don't know what happened yesterday, but you left me in the chair and didn't come back. Did I do something wrong? You haven't told me anything and are acting like a sulking child, how is that acceptable? How can I fix something if I don't know what I have done wrong?"

I quietly say "I just want to protect you from everything, the world, the people that have hurt you in the past, yourself and finally me, I'm used to controlling my environment. I want to know that you have enough to eat and that you are eating when you should be, I want you to wear the best clothes I can afford, I want you to safe and happy at all times. I want to protect you from the vultures that follow me. I want you to feel loved, I want to be there for you at all times. I want you all to myself." Even as I say it I know my actions over the last 24 hours don't reflect what I just said.

"Sorry Christian you cannot control everything and if you do think you can, then this" and she waves her hand between us, "is not going to work. I do not intend to be your plaything that is just at your beck and call. I don't know if you realise this but in the real world, when someone stops you from being able to see their friends, says what you can eat, when you should eat, says what you need to dress in and doesn't have any trust, especially the lack of trust, then generally one person loses all their identity and it generally ends badly."

She pauses for a breath and shatteringly continues "Battered women all around the world will attest to that, they give it all up to focus on their man, they end up losing all their friends, end up being dependent on that person, everyone says "why didn't they walk away?" and yet they persist hoping that the person will change, that today they won't be hit, today they'll be allowed to do something that they want to do, each day losing a little bit of themselves, handing over control. Is that what you want? I don't know, if you want to protect me or just control me. Even if it is because you want to protect me and keep me in a gilded cage, a gilded cage is still a cage and the bird inside is still a prisoner." Her words pierce through my overwrought brain and I start closing down, she's going to tell me that she doesn't want anything more to do with me and it is all my fault. I didn't tell her why I was upset, I am sure she would have explained herself, I didn't tell her that the paparazzi were waiting like vultures downstairs, I didn't explain why the CPOs were important and now she hates me, validly for keeping her captive in my apartment and treating her terribly.

Finally I hear urgently as though through a fog, "Christian, come back to me" and I look at her, an empty shell of a man " Christian, I am willing to be a partner and walk beside you but I am not willing to put up with what you put me through for the last 24 hours." I think she is going to stop so that I can start redeeming myself but she continues heartbreakingly with " I want to sleep somewhere else, in another room, I don't want to be near you at the moment. I thought I loved you but I can't deal with what has happened. I though you said you loved me…." and she can't continuing as she's sobbing and it's obvious that the crying is causing her pain, her ribs are nowhere near healed.

As my brain takes in what she has said and her obvious distress, I again try to comfort her but she puts her hand out to stop me shaking her head and I know Mom said I wasn't supposed to let her be upset, well, with my fantastic ability to fuck up other people's lives, I haven't managed to do that and she looks like she might well succumb to the pain like she did the other morning. I reluctantly pull back and whisper, "No you stay in here, it is set up for you, I'll sleep somewhere else" and I catch the sob before it starts in my throat and turn and leave the room. I may just have ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I ring Melanie and ask her to give Ana some pain killers and hopefully she will fall asleep and rest, I can't believe I may be stuffing up her recovery and I know I still haven't spoken to her about yesterday. I speak to Taylor who followed me to my study and tell him to monitor her room closely, he stands there looking at me and I can tell from the set of his shoulders that he is less than impressed with me and I realise he probably heard the conversation and I shrug and turn away.

As Taylor leaves the thought goes through my mind that perhaps having a sub would work to release this huge tension that I am feeling but as soon as the thought appears it is replaced by a huge gulp of bile, like my body is saying "You have got to be kidding me!"

Dinner comes and goes and I don't leave my office, I can't, I can't face Ana, I can't face my staff, I can't even face myself so I work and work. There is no point in me going to bed tonight if I am not going to be lying next to Ana, the nightmares will be too strong. Finally as I tire I give up on work and go down to the gym, Taylor follows me with his usual impassive face however his eyes are questioning but I am not about to share any more of my fuckedupedness.

I am running on the treadmill, trying to run away from Ana's comments but they like my own footfalls keep pounding through my brain.

* * *

**17 May 2011**

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I leave early for the office, I did spend an hour sitting next to Ana, watching her sleep, cursing my inability to communicate, she has a small frown creasing her forehead, all I want to do is kiss it away so she doesn't feel the pain I keep heaping on her. I press a small kiss on the frown and it relaxes, she says my name in her sleep and her lips turn up in a smile and I leave quickly before I am tempted to lie down beside her. She doesn't want me in her bed and I don't blame her and to do so would be to betray her trust.

This time I don't leave a note, what can I say in a note? I just leave for the office where another horrid day ensues with everyone irritating me. Carrick calls me for a meeting that I am wholly unprepared for and my annoyance is compounded when Bastille beats the shit out of me and tells me to get my head in order, oh if it was only that easy!

I work late and don't even call, I can take sulking to a whole new level and in truth, I am hiding from myself, more so than Ana. Tonight though I need to sleep as it is now the third night since I have had any sleep, again I pop into Ana's room and watch her sleep, again there's a small frown which disappears when I kiss it and I feel awful about what is happening. I don't know how to fix this, for a smart man, I can't figure out what I am supposed to do so I skulk away to one of the guest rooms resolving that tomorrow I will ring John Flynn, I need his help, I miss my Ana.


	47. Chapter 47 - 17 May 2011

**Ana's POV**

I wake up to the scariest sound I have ever heard, screaming that tears at my heart and reverberates around my brain and I hit the emergency button that Taylor gave me last night. Taylor appears within seconds so he mustn't have been far away and he assures me that it's 'just' Christian having a night terror. As I whip my head towards him he concedes that they have been rare since I have been around and my heart hurts as I know my words must be forming some part of Christian's pain.

The screams stop and I hear footsteps that almost run down the stairs to the great room, and I look questioningly at Taylor and he says kindly "He will probably play the piano for a few hours to calm down, he'll be ok, go back to sleep" and I don't know what my face says but as he goes to leave he makes a point of saying "He's a good man Ana." I nod to show that I understand and lie there listening to the tortured music that Christian is playing, it is beautiful but oh so very sad, it feels like his soul is crying through his fingertips and I feel awful.

I want to be there for him. I spent a lot of time yesterday after our 'discussion' thinking about what he did manage to say but I was too angry to respond to because of what he'd said before that in an unreasonable rage. Once he'd left and I'd calmed down, I replayed over and over in my mind, what he'd said "I just want to protect you from everything, the world, the people that have hurt you in the past, yourself and finally me, I'm used to controlling my environment. I want to know that you have enough to eat and that you are eating when you should be, I want you to wear the best clothes I can afford, I want you to be safe and happy at all times. I want to protect you from the vultures that follow me. I want you to feel loved, I want to be there for you at all times. I want you all to myself."

I realise that his basic motivation is to protect me and make me feel loved however the last bit I reacted to because of the overwhelming pressure that sentiment put on me. Having Christian being in control of everything in relation to me and the comment "I want you all to myself" scares me. I have by necessity kept myself to myself because every time I have even slightly relied on someone they have let me down except for Ray when I came back from Texas. Despite my now natural inclination to not let anyone dictate what is good for me, I realise that he has chosen controlling others as a means of controlling what happens to him. I just chose to not let anyone in and muddled through my environment, changing what I could to suit me and avoiding what I couldn't.

We are very similar and I want to be there for him because as much as he professed he wants me to feel loved, I want him to feel the same, he deserves and needs the love I can give him. The concept of sharing seems a little foreign to Christian, he likes to dictate instead of communicating and he needs to understand that a burden shared is a burden halved. Compromise and communication is going to be so important for us and I am willing to be the first one to make a move as I realise that Christian is even more stubborn than I am, moreover I know he is now completely broken, I can hear it in the music as it varies between wails, funeral marches and the piano practically sobbing.

Finally I can't bear it anymore and while cursing my lack of movement and complete dependence on everyone else, I call Taylor again asking for a favour. When he comes up I ask if he could carry me down and place me in one of the chairs in the great room so that I can be there for Christian.

He undoes all the supports but as he bends to pick me up he hesitates and I am sure it's because he is going to touch me which will upset Christian, I have figured this much out already and I say "This whole ordeal will be over sooner if you do."

Taylor nods and reaches to pick me up and as he does so, we both see Christian's angry face, I hadn't even realised that the piano playing had stopped, he curses and his eyes look really empty as he reels back growling "One more person enamoured with you" and turns and runs back down the stairs.

"Leave me Taylor, quick go find him" I say desperately, "I don't need anything, he does." He nods and with a last glance he's gone and I hope he catches Christian before he does anything stupid.

I lie there not knowing what has happened and then thankfully Gail comes and tells me that none of the cars have gone, all the keys are still here and Taylor is chasing Christian, she pats me on the hand to reassure me and she too says "He's a good man." While she is reiterating what Taylor said, she then adds "And all the better when he is with you Ana. Don't worry, Taylor will bring him home safely, he'll figure it out eventually and it will be ok." I tear up at her caring words and she sits down on the bed and pulls me into a hug to comfort me, the last two days of mental torture hit me and she lets me cry into her shoulder, just rubbing my back gently and soothing me. I imagine she would make a great mother as I feel her love through her actions and I marvel that she doesn't even know me and is willing to do more than my mother ever did.

That realisation only makes me sob harder, my mother doesn't love me, Jose apparently said I'd repulse him if I'd been disfigured meaning that his friendship really is just skin deep so my "brother", as I'd thought of him, doesn't really love me despite all the overtures over the last few years. Kate while still a friend is now more interested in Elliot and I can't begrudge her that happiness. I have nothing left of my life from a week ago.

Gail continues to rock me and then grounds me with "Ray called today, he says he's missing the chocolate cake so I need to teach you that as soon as possible." Her gentle smile and the mention of Ray, eases the ache in my heart and I manage to calm down for a second, Ray IS one person I have always been able to rely on. My brain keeps churning though and I realise he is getting older and not someone who is going to be in my life on a permanent basis due to his life and location. In Seattle, I have no-one other than Christian and he… well, I don't know where or how he is, my thoughts turn maudlin but I can't help it, maybe it's me, maybe I AM unlovable.

* * *

**Christian's POV**

Now Taylor's got her in his arms, what is it with Ana, everyone wants to hold her, everyone is allowed to hold her but me. She's right, I don't deserve her but why is she letting everyone hold her but not letting me? Blinding rage hits me and I know I have to run before I do something stupid, maybe I can outrun my demons. So down and out to the street I go, it's early in the morning and there are no other people around but finally it cuts through that there are footsteps following me, I have been running for nearly an hour and I won't be able to defend myself against whoever it is but I look over my shoulder and see an exhausted Taylor and stop abruptly, all the fight gone out of my body.

"Sir, permission to speak freely?" he gasps out at me, I nod, I don't have any energy left, I don't see how he has any either and I don't even know where we are.

"Miss Steele wanted to be carried out to you at the piano to provide comfort to you. Sir. You know I'd never be inappropriate with her? Sir?" His eyes almost pleading for me to understand, pleading for his message to cut through whatever rubbish is going on in my head.

The absurdity of the situation hits me, she was coming out to comfort me when I have been a sulky shit for the last two days, I really don't deserve her. As my self-loathing starts to swamp me and while I am still struggling to breathe, I nod and say "You have permission to continue speaking freely Taylor, do you think I am an idiot? Should I just let her heal and let her go?"

Taylor's eyes open wide and he says "Sir, you would be an idiot to do so, the girl adores you. However, she has a better handle on interpersonal relationships and it might pay to take advisement from her on what does and doesn't work. She isn't a doll to be put on a shelf, she needs to live a life…..with you beside her" well, that's what Ana basically said to me wasn't it?

Taylor continues "If you can't see it, I need to tell you, each of you does not appear whole unless you are together. If you were to let her go or walk away, you'd be doing both of you a disservice. Sir."

Not only is Taylor insightful but he's being pretty adamant, I quirk an eyebrow and he shrugs his shoulders and then as he and I have almost regained our ability to breathe normally I clap him on the shoulder and say "Thank you. Now let's see if we can find our way back quickly, it appears I have some apologising to do …. Again."

While he says it under his breath, I hear "This time a teddy bear won't cut it" and I nod, I'd figured as much.

It was much easier running on adrenaline and as that has worn off, a slow jog is all we can manage and stopping for a red light is most welcome until a claptrap of a VW beetle stops near us and then as if in slow motion I see the police car round the corner at speed, lights flashing and plough straight into the front of the VW.

With the reflexes of someone whose had a full night's sleep and not just run for an hour at top speed, Taylor throws me backwards and covers my body to protect me from any damage as the cars fly towards us and land where we had been standing. If Taylor had not acted as he did, we would have both been hit and I thank him as I brush myself off.

Following the first police car was another so they had obviously been involved in a pursuit and the officers in the second car are attempting to extract the impacted officers while Taylor and I race to the driver of the VW and I stop short. Taylor continues and gestures to me to help pull on the door and I do as I stare into the face of Jose in the inside attempting to push open the door. Could this night be any weirder?

Jose seems fine but what he says next cuts right through my growing fog "Ana's going to kill me, she loves this car!"

Oh no, there is no way this car is being repaired, she is never going to drive this clapped out vehicle although to be fair it has survived the impact well. 40 year old cars are built a little more solidly than modern cars but there is no way I am going to let her drive this again.

Taylor organises with the police officers for Ana's car to be removed and sent to an insurance repairer for assessment, I somehow doubt that she had it covered by a detailed comprehensive insurance policy and even so, I don't ever want to see her driving such a dangerous car. Taylor remarks that it was a classic car and a shame that it had been damaged but I don't care. The only car I want to see Ana in is a car with the highest safety rating.

Then I have the thought, why was Jose driving her car anyway? Exactly how close are they? Just as soon as those questions rear their head I decide I need to slap them down. Ana was right by implication, I am way too judgemental and paranoid, neither of which are traits she particularly appears to appreciate even though she didn't say so in as many words.

Having made sure that Jose is perfectly ok and doesn't need transportation to the hospital I begrudgingly offer that he come back with us, I am sure that Ana would like to see him, whether she wants to see me is another matter altogether.

I call Mrs Jones to let her know that we are on the way back and that Jose is returning with us perhaps to stay the night and she sounds relieved to hear my voice, the realisation hits me that my staff are really very good people and do have my best interests at heart at all times.

It is with a great deal of trepidation that I enter the apartment and when I see Ana's concerned face, the obvious tear streaks and the trembling lip that I realise that I am the biggest idiot in Seattle. The obvious look of relief changes to surprise when she sees Jose behind me and then the initial look of confusion on her face turns to anger as she sees the bruises now appearing on his face.

"What did you do?" she asks looking at me and too late we all realise she thinks I attacked Jose. "You couldn't possibly be that stupid!" she exclaims, now even more upset.

Both Jose and I say in unison "No!" and I continue to explain "Jose was involved in an accident right where Taylor and I were waiting for the lights to change and I have brought him here to rest before he heads home."

Ana looks embarrassed at her assumption and says "Sorry" contritely and then looks at Jose asking "What do you mean you were in an accident? Are you ok Jose?" and then it hits her and her face changes to a horrified expression "Oh no, you were driving Wanda, what's happened to Wanda?"

I laugh, probably not the best reaction at this time and at her glare shrug my shoulders and turn out my hands questioningly "Your car is called Wanda?"

And there it is, the little pout "Yes…from a Fish called Wanda. It was the perfect name, she was a strong car, a very faithful car, she kept me safe and got me where I needed to go." I can't help but smile indulgently at her as the tension is relieved a little.

"Miss Steele, I retrieved your flashlight from the glove box, I didn't see anything else in the car, you really did keep it immaculate but if there is anything else, I can go get it" says Taylor and he is rewarded by a tiny smile and head shake confirmation that all she kept was a flashlight. She really is a special girl, my sister's glove box is overflowing with makeup and all sorts of ridiculous items that make their way throughout the car.

Taylor continues with where he has had it towed and I go to explain that there is no way she is ever going to drive it again and for once a red warning light flashes in my brain "Too Controlling" so I change it to "Wanda bore the brunt of a police car in pursuit, the policeman lost control in the corner and it looks like the front of the car has been totally written off, I doubt it will be salvageable." As her shoulders slump, I try to make the news better by saying "I will make sure you have a safe car available at your disposal at all times and you can choose a new car when you are able to drive again."

"But I loved that car" she says tearfully and then I understand a little of why it is such a big deal for her as she continues quietly in a sad tone "I am losing everything that relates to me in the last week. There is going to be nothing left, my health, my life in Portland, now my car and you want to turn me into some vacuous arm candy, a shadow of myself."

She catches the sob that threatens and then she shakes herself and looks at me a little angrily "Wanda was a safe car, which of your fancy pants new cars would have taken that hit and had Jose basically fine"

She then turns and directs her attention to Jose "Although Jose you need to put some ice on those bruises or your pretty face is going to look like a mess tomorrow. Maybe it will be repulsive and you won't be able to look at yourself." She says with a sniff and turns away and we all shuffle looking at each other, knowing exactly why she said that.

Mrs Jones takes the pressure off by suggesting to Jose that she take him to the guest room and tend to his injuries, Taylor makes himself scarce and that leaves me standing there looking at Ana.

I no longer know what to say but she is looking at me with the saddest look and I throw thinking to the wind, over thinking is what brought me to this awful spot and I need to stop doing it, isn't getting us anywhere. I need to hold my girl so badly my legs move without any conscious thought on my behalf and I find myself about to throw my arms around her and my brain comes into play and I stop "May I?" and there is a tiny almost imperceptible nod.

"I'm so so sorry" I finally say into her hair as I wrap my arms around her and I feel like I'm home, my safe spot when she finally relaxes into me. "Will you forgive me?" I ask as I pull away to look her in the eyes while still holding her.

"Am I forgiving you for being an arse tonight or yesterday or the day before Christian, exactly what are you asking forgiveness for?"

I totally agree that I have been an arse but the term wasn't what I was expecting from her so I nervously laugh as I choke out "An arse you say?"

"Yes an arse." She states emphatically "..And don't laugh, you have a lot of explaining to do."

"I do have a lot of explaining to do and I have to apologise too. There is probably no apology big enough but let me try. I think I am going to become quite adept at it. I did say I was going to get this wrong, you can't be too surprised"

She looks at me with exasperation "But talking isn't something that's hard, everyone should know how to do that." She pauses and then says angrily "And how dare you imply what you implied with Taylor, that man would lay down his life for you and you treated him and I like a complete dick, you really did! You cannot go 'Jealous Christian' on me every time someone comes near me, you are going to die young if you keep putting that stress on yourself and you'll drive me away. There is nothing and I mean _nothing_, attractive about a jealous man." She's right about Taylor, he did just protect me with his life and I owe him an apology too.

"Have you finished your rant now?" I say, but with a crooked smile on my face. "Please forgive me for being an arse over the last few days, I will endeavour to harness my jealousy but there is no guarantee that I will accomplish it.

She cuts in "Will you at least speak to me before running away or going to punch someone? The worst thing was not knowing what set you off in the sulk. By the way, it is unattractive when a child sulks and it is that much worse when an adult and such an accomplished adult as yourself does it. Did Grace allow you to sulk? God forbid, did the Evil One allow you to sulk?"

I tense up at the mention of Elena and know that I have to tell her that I went to see her yesterday, another reason I was in such a funk all day, so I quietly say "I went to see her yesterday… with Carrick" I quickly add but it's too late.

She pulls herself out of my arms like I had smacked her and hisses at me "You went to see the pedophile after everything you know about her now?"

"Well, it's not much different to you wanting to move in with your mother, the person who has neglected you all her life and you want to care for her instead of making a life for yourself" I retort angrily and I add under my breath "with me" and I hear the sharp intake of breath, "That's what started all this" I continue. I haven't been able to look at her during this last exchange and she tugs on my arm.

"Is that what you were thinking? Is that why you left on Sunday?" and I look at her and nod and she says "Oh Christian, you really are a silly man!" and I am completely confused once more.

Ana's eyes fill with tears as she pulls me back towards her and snuggles back into me and looking sadly up to me says "Christian I said, "Perhaps we could get an apartment together", "Perhaps" it was a silly pipedreamy type statement after being so happy with your family the night before and even that morning. Have you never dreamed out loud? How was I to know that you took it to heart because you didn't tell me? If you had queried me then or after everyone left I would have told you that I couldn't do that to myself. You didn't even say it yesterday when we talked, argued, whatever it was we did…."

She's looking at me like I have three heads "Oh. My. God. Christian, I love you and want to spend all my time with you and you have nearly killed me the last three days. I've been trying to figure out what I had done wrong and it didn't even occur to me that was it because of a silly throw-away line."

She's still trying to regulate her breathing when she clasps me tighter and says looking deep into my eyes "Everything I said yesterday stands, I don't want to be controlled by you, I want to be a partner with you, standing next to you, communicating with you, loving you, only you. I'm so sorry I didn't realise, I'm so sorry, you must have thought me a right royal idiot after what Carla has done to me."

Her blue eyes bore right through me and I realise that this could have just been cleared up with one quick question, I just put us and everyone around us through hell for absolutely no reason at all and groan as I squeeze her into me, trying to mould us into one person "Oh Ana, I can't ever make this up to you can I? I said awful things, I have acted awfully towards you, can you ever forgive me?

In my brain I'm thinking "please, please forgive me but I'll understand if you push me away" and she reaches up and puts her hands in my hair and gently pulls my face to hers, she starts with a gentle kiss and I can feel the adrenaline tremble through her arms as they rest on my shoulders. The tears trickling down her cheeks worry me and then she says tearfully "You silly man, of course I forgive you, we just have to speak more, you need to tell me immediately if you're upset, you're the only person I have left now, even Kate is more interested in spending time with Elliot ..?"

I don't give her a chance to say any more, she is mine and she is going to feel loved like she has never been loved before, starting now. My lips are on hers, stopping her talking, reclaiming the lips and the essence I have missed for three days due to my own stupidity. "It's late" I growl and swing her up and I am up the stairs with her before she has a chance to say any more, I lay her down and connect all the leg supports, turn down the lights and cover her over. Having not slept for the last 2 nights and only having had an hour's sleep before the night terror, my brain operates on autopilot and I forget that I have never undressed in front of Ana until I see her eyes widen as they sweep my body. I quickly pull on a t-shirt and pj pants and slide in next to her and am completely unprepared when she slides her hand under the shirt towards my chest.


	48. Chapter 48 - 18 May 2011

**Ana's POV**

Oooh, my brain is going to explode. It's been a horrid couple of days, followed by an even worse night starting with the screams, listening to the harrowing music and then Christian losing the plot and disappearing. The revelations made my head spin and I really want to sleep but now hubba hubba, Christian's body in the lamplight and his abs… where's the chocolate cake when you need it?

I must gasp as he looks at me and quickly pulls on a t-shirt, he saunters off into his dressing room to replace his pants with pj pants, comes back to the bed and slides in next to me. I need to touch him, to make sure it hasn't been an awful nightmare from which I am waking.

I'm smiling and looking at him as my hand slides under his t-shirt and I watch horrified as he draws away from me, pain flashing over his face and his eyes take on a stricken look as he stops breathing and his hand rises with a reflexive action to smack my hand away, striking like a snake, stinging sharply and then holding it in a vice like grip as it comes off his skin.

I scream in shock and it breaks the tension and he drops my hand like a bomb and looks at me horrified and scared.

I can hear his heart beating and it sounds like it is about to jump out of his chest "Christian, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what did I do?" I stammer, I know what happened wasn't conscious and while I'm scared, it's not at him, it's for him, I know him enough to know that what just happened was all a fear reflex.

Christian continues to stare at me with total and utter dread and I lift my hand, making sure he can see it and gently touch his face "Christian, come back to me, I'm ok. You didn't hurt me. You just scared me. I'm so sorry" and slowly, so slowly, I see the fear recede in his eyes and I can hear his heart slow down. I continue and lift my hand into his hair and gently draw my fingers through it like I have done many times before and he finally leans into my hand and closes his eyes. I lean forward and brush my lips over his and his eyes fly open and he reaches and pulls me onto his chest, his lips urgent on mine, like he's trying to swallow me. I can feel his heart still beating a tattoo against my chest but as he continues, kissing my cheeks and my eyes as I shut them, he places feather light kisses on my nose as I go to lean my forehead against his and finally he is back to my lips but gently and his heart beat slows.

"I'm sorry", he whispers ashamedly and he won't look at me now but continues to hold me tight.

"Christian, stop it! I'm fine. Look at me. We need to speak about what happened but since I figure it doesn't actually have anything to do with me, in that I think it relates to something prior to me, is that true?" and he nods.

"Well then, we don't need to talk about it now," I say with complete finality.

"I don't deserve you, thank you for understanding" I hear as Christian crushes me to his chest and I wonder how it is so ok when he has a shirt on but the skin contact caused such a reaction.

"Can you unhook me from the support so that I can sleep on my left side and you can spoon me?" I whisper against his lips, he pulls back from me shaking his head and I say "I am about to collapse from lack of sleep and I just want to feel your body next to mine. I need to know you're safe and I'll feel safe and we'll both sleep. You need the sleep, you haven't slept in days and quite frankly you look like shit!"

"Miss Steele, you are oh so not eloquent when you have had no sleep, I have a better idea" and he shuffles himself under me so that my head is on his shoulder, my body across his body and his legs bent underneath mine, we're spooning but like no-one else has ever spooned.

"Mr Grey, are you comfortable in this strange position" I mumble at him, loving the warmth that is flooding my body.

"Miss Steele there is absolutely no other place I'd rather be and if I'm holding you, I know you're right where you should be. And you should be sleeping, I promised Mom that I'd make sure you rested and I haven't done that."

"It's ok" I mumble.

He starts to relax and then says "Sorry I'm smelly do you want me to go and have a shower, I just realised I should have done that earlier" he says just as I'm dropping off.

"I couldn't care less Christian, goodnight, love you…"and I feel myself slipping into very welcome sleep but I don't miss his whispered response.

"I love you too…. So much" which is accompanied by a tighter hold and I drift off to a dream of grey eyes, happy trails and …..

* * *

**Christian's POV**

"I love you too…. So much", Ana has no idea how much I love and need her.

I hit Ana.

I've never hit a girl unless it was part of a scene and never like that, hitting with no control at all.

I hit Ana.

OMG I hit Ana.

"If you don't stop worrying about that, I'll undo my leg myself and hit you with the cast to put you to sleep. You're not very comfortable to sleep on when you're all tense. It woke me up. Go to sleep Christian, I'm fine and we can talk about it when we wake up. And another thing, I am grumpy if I don't get enough sleep…", she finishes with a smile in her voice.

"Sorry", is all I can manage into her hair as my heart swells at her continued acceptance of me in all my shades of fuckedupedness and I consciously relax listening until it is obvious that Ana has fallen back asleep and then I am able to drift off with her relaxed in my arms.

I am awakened by the sun streaming in and smile when I see that we didn't move at all during the night, Ana is still snuggled into me, her little hands nestled underneath mine on her chest and I can feel her heart beat slow and steady through her hands.

I drop my legs so that I don't accidentally poke her as little Grey can't believe his luck at her proximity and the thought makes me squirm and Ana murmurs. I reach with my hand and release the support system so that I am supporting her completely as she wakes and snuggles into my neck, it feels so natural and quite frankly nice. Who knew, all these years I have slept alone but this angel is changing everything for me and in the nicest possible way.

"Morning Gorgeous" I whisper and she snuggles further and kisses me on the neck.

"There's nothing gorgeous about the morning, I want to sleep" she grumbles, deliberately misunderstanding me.

Chuckling, I hold her tighter and revel in having her here with me until my stomach growls so loudly that she jumps.

"You must be starving, I heard that all the way up through your body" she says looking at me now wide eyed as she continues "Did you eat yesterday?"

I shake my head, I really don't want to talk about yesterday, there were so many bad parts to yesterday that I just don't even want to try and bend my mind around it. My misunderstandings and there were several, the very clear message that Ana gave me, the meeting with Elena, Jose's accident in her car and then the touching over-reaction, wow, a shitstorm in a hat box if there ever was one!

Her eyes are flicking across my face and she thankfully goes easy on me with "And you get mad at me for not eating!" she mitigates the tone though by saying playfully, "I know, why don't you go grab some breakfast and I can snooze for a bit longer."

"I've got a better idea" I say, "Why don't we have a shower and then both have breakfast" and then I see it, the fear that runs across her eyes and I realise that I have never seen her naked and it has nothing to do with modesty, Ana has some sort of issue with her body as well, I remember that very first shower she had in my apartment when she would not let any of us help her with her shower. Oh my, we make a fine couple!.

Given all the crap of the last few days, granted, all of my doing, I decide I really don't want to investigate the look of fear, given that we are going to be talking about mine I am sure I can add that to the conversation, oh maybe that's why she understood last night.

"Ok, I'll go have a shower, I have to go to work anyway so I guess I'd better go now" and I am touched by the fact that her face falls at my words.

"If I go soon and let you sleep, I can get my work done and be back around lunchtime, how does that sound?" and I am rewarded by Ana curling up on me for a last cuddle and a happy nod. The shower can wait.

I give myself another fifteen blissful minutes of holding Ana in my arms and she is obviously exhausted as she is asleep again when I extract myself and head off to the shower.

I don't take long in the shower, I want to either be with Ana or working quickly so that I can come back to her, the need to talk is burning like a coal in my gut and I really want to clear everything up with her, it is so much more pleasant when we are happy with each other and I want to get back to that spot. Drying my hair I leave the room, opening the door to the smell of pancakes and bacon and I leave the door open so that the smell may entice Ana to wake and be ready for the breakfast I have planned.

I thank Gail for preparing breakfast and she looks pleased with me asking her to make up a tray for Ana and I to share and I then quickly return to the room and I was correct, the smell has awakened Ana and she looks at me, shakes her head and says "You did that on purpose didn't you?" and snorts at my attempted innocent look.

I sit her up and support her leg and we share a delicious breakfast in silence and then I apologise for rushing off, lay her back down, make sure she's comfortable and head off quickly, I have a lot to do today.

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

Well, I didn't need an hour's sprinting exercise and even my fit body is going to hurt in the morning but at least he came to his senses and he's talking to her, I wonder where I'll be going tomorrow to organise the apology. Somehow I think Flynn understated the difficulty we were all going to face with the Boss and having a normal relationship. At least he listened to me when I spoke, thank goodness for small mercies, I'm glad he stopped, I couldn't have run much further and then for that accident to happen right there, hmm fortuitous although I won't want to be Mr Rodriquez in the morning.

Ok, one last check of the monitor in his room before I switch it off, oh no, holy hell! He's hit her! Shit she doesn't know not to touch him because he's let her hands roam before and he holds her all the time. Oh shit! Shit! Shit! Hang on, what's happening? Zooming in I can tell he's petrified that he's just ruined the best thing that's ever happened to him and I'm ready to go if she kicks him out but no, she's comforting him. She's comforting him….. The girl deserves a medal and he's not letting her go, smart man, right this moment, he's doing the right thing.

Phew crisis averted, I don't want to see any more, I have Gail waiting for me and between the two of us some major reconnection, the Boss doesn't seem to realise that when he is being a dick, he upsets everyone around him and every female assumes their bloke is similar for an equivalent amount of time.

….

Gail's wake up call has me smiling and her "happy to see you" exercise goes someway to easing the muscle pain I am feeling and the subsequent joint shower has me practically whistling while waiting for the Boss.

I would do anything to avoid a repeat of yesterday, seeing the Evil One in custody brought all the information from last week to the fore and if it didn't mess with the Boss's head, and I'm sure it didn't help, it sure solidified to me that I have to make sure that she never ever comes anywhere near him again or is ever allowed near another young boy.

Carrick mentioned that their fostering of the youngster Macy is going ahead and should be finalised within weeks, I can only see him being a constant visual trigger for the Boss and so any future function/dinner/get together with the senior Greys is going to be an interesting experience, yes, let's go with "interesting' more like "fucking awful" but anyway…

What was particularly distressing for Gail and I was that for the first time ever in the whole time we have been in his employ, the Boss did not eat, not a scrap the whole day and for someone with massive food issues and making sure everyone including the security detail do not miss meals, it was an indication of how messed up everything had become. The smell of bacon and pancakes this morning, combined with the fact that there were none left for me when I came out and Gail was smiling were all good signs that things are back on track.

….

Ok, the Boss is on fire this morning, we've had all meetings in double quick time, no fool has been suffered anywhere but today unlike the last couple, everyone's ears aren't ringing from the screaming and there has been a deadly calm in everything he has done. It's 10am and we find ourselves in front of a familiar store, I stay outside sizing up the security guard and internally smiling at his obvious attempt at intimidation, idiot, I could take you in two seconds and you'd never even see me coming. Sometimes it's fun to mess with these guys but today, I can't be bothered and thankfully the Boss is out of there in double quick time and heading to another store, oh, this apology is going to be interesting. I hope I get to watch, in a non voyeuristic way of course, he still doesn't seem to understand Ana and the fact that money isn't what it's all about and that will be the interesting part, personally I hope she understands where he is coming from and accepts gratefully.

Our third stop has me shaking my head but I figure he knows what he is doing, well, he has a plan at least which is admirable given that there weren't that many hours between going to bed and now and finally we are headed back to the office and he fills me in what else needs to be done in relation to security and movement and then leaves me with a terse, "come back at 12:30pm, I'll be ready to leave then."

* * *

**Christian's POV**

"Yes Gail, thank you, yes, that would be very much appreciated, yes, ready to go at 1pm. Oh, Jose would like a word would he, I know at least a dozen words I could say… yes ok, put him on. Hello Mr Rodriquez ….. You're welcome… No! Please do NOT disturb Ana, you can write a message down or I will pass one on but Ana needs to rest. Are you ok to make it back to Portland? You are? Excellent, well, have a good life then." And I hang up on him, the fucker, I am not going to welcome him around Ana, it is entirely up to her if she sees him again but I am not going to encourage it.

He wants into her pants but doesn't want the injuries, hell, Ana at the moment is being held together simply by the scars of her past and present, anyone that doesn't want to deal with that, isn't coming near her.

Yes, I want Ana all to myself and I intend to spend the rest of today apologising to her and I hope that by the end of the day, she totally forgives me. I know that Ana doesn't like me spending money on her, the chair response is still burnt into my brain but she came around, granted that's because they were useful and comfortable but I need her to understand that I need to show her that I love her to remind her that I am not going anywhere and that she is worth it, every little bit.

Thankfully everything goes right and by 12:30 I have finalised everything that needs to be done today, everything else can wait until tomorrow or can be handled by someone else, the days that I spent with Ana in the hospital told me several things: the world didn't stop when I stopped; the business didn't fall over without me at the helm and my deputy Ros is a formidable deputy as I have always known. However, she really stepped up to the plate and was more than capable in handling the extra work load and I need to reward her as well. So the last thing I do before I leave for the day is to organise a basket for Ros to arrive after I leave with a note indicating that I have opened an account for her at Neiman Marcus with enough for at least 3 pairs of Louboutins, them being her preferred work shoe and all, as a thank you for the last ten days.

Taylor is there on the dot at 12:30 and I relax enough to give him a grin and say "Let's see if I can stuff up the apology, let's go." The twinkle in his eye that I see in return is enough for me to know that is exactly what he is thinking and I hope he can help me salvage any mess that I might make.

We walk into the apartment to hear "Someone that I used to know" plaintively playing from the great room and my heart skips a beat but there's a smile on Ana's face as we walk in and she places her guitar to the side.

"I don't know why I didn't think to play yesterday, it would…. Never mind, I got a lot of study done. Did you get your work finished?" and she looks happy to see me.

My response is a face splitting grin, "I did, everything is done so the rest of the day is for you" as I swoop down and pick her up and nuzzle my nose up her neck and then brush my lips against hers. "Are you ready for lunch and some time out of the apartment?"

You'd swear I'd just given her the world as her smile widens and her eyes shine brightly as she nods her head "Your apartment is lovely but I am starting to get cabin fever" and I think about how I'd love to have her in the cabin of my boat but bring myself back to the present.

"Well, let's get you dressed for outside and we'll get going as soon as Taylor returns." Thankfully after a few days of rain, today is nice and clear and mild enough but I am not risking Ana catching a cold with broken ribs and a damaged lung.

The thought of a chest cold almost stops me in my tracks and Ana looks at me and as if she is reading my mind says "I never get chest colds, don't worry but I'll wrap up if that makes you happy." I shake my head with a smile and continue walking with her in my arms and then as if to reassure me she says "There's nothing wrong with the apartment but I can see such beautiful places from the window and …."

"No need to explain, your wish is my command, me lady," I say putting on a British accent "We are heading out, I just hope you like where I want to go… and no, you don't get a say, I have it all planned." And the pout is just a playful one, I think Ana would like anywhere at the moment. "Where did you want to go the other day when you attempted to leave?" I hate how I said that because it sounds like I kept her prisoner.

"I just wanted to go to café down near the water, that's all… but I am happy to go anywhere with you" and my heart swells and I give her a little squeeze.

"Well, we need to dress in layers so let me grab some things for you" and I disappear into the closet.

"Um Christian" and I look at Ana and she is beetroot red, "I need to pee before we go and normally I'd call Melanie" and I try not to laugh at her mortification.

"Well tell me the process and I'll help" I say, "in any case we might have the situation while out so I might as well practice here."

"Oh god, just if you can get me in there and I'll handle the rest" Ana says mortified.

I know I look shocked when I say "Don't tell me you stand while… um, while.. getting ready to sit?"

"Yes Christian and since I stand when exercising, it's no big deal, please just carry me in there and leave me please" and I do as I am asked although I stand just outside the door in case she calls.

"Please move away from the door, I can't pee if you're listening" I hear through the door and I have to laugh and move away, making it obvious that I am doing so but as soon as I hear the flush and have left her as long as think appropriate, I am back in there and am met by a raised eyebrow but she is ready for me and I carry her back in and we finish dressing.

Perfectly timed, Taylor calls to say he is ready downstairs so I say "Wait here" and smirk ducking as the pillow sails past my head again and dash out to grab what I need and then I return to carry Ana downstairs. I can feel her tense as we near the elevator and I assure her, we are going directly to the garage and it is a private elevator so no-one else is getting in.

The atmosphere suddenly changes with an almost electric anticipation, the fact that we are totally alone in the elevator and I know it isn't monitored and my body desperately wants Ana. I hear, without realising that it is coming from me, the growl, as does she and I press the stop button and as I do so, slide Ana from the carry position to an inclined upright position lying against me as I lean myself against the elevator wall at a slight angle.

I grab her pony tail yanking it so her lips come up to meet mine and then my hands roam under her sweater, just as hers snake their way around my neck, pulling my head down, her breathing alters and I kiss her like I have been wanting to do and this time, no-one is interrupting me. As she moans I slide my tongue in to explore her mouth, and I fear I'll burst out of my jeans, I'm sure she can feel the bulge pressing into her as one of her hands moves down my side and dangerously close. As I hold my breath in anticipation, not knowing how I'll manage what I'd like to do to her, with all her injuries, she brings me back to the present by tentatively stroking my tongue with hers, then lifting that hand back up and twisting it in my hair.

My blood is pounding in my ears and it takes all my strength to not show her some of the pleasures I want her to experience with me. Reluctantly I remove my hands from her body and lift one to her chin, tipping it up so I have even better access and she almost undoes me completely as she moans again and arches her back pressing herself into my chest. I wrap my arms back around her and move my lips to her neck as I try to calm down, here and now is not the time to be doing this but I can't resist leaving little nippy kisses up her neck until I reach her ear lobe and I suck on it gently eliciting a moaning gasp from her.


	49. Chapter 49

**Christian's POV**

"Sweet girl, we need to stop now otherwise we will not make it outside and Taylor will be ringing maintenance to get us busted out of here," I manage to gasp out as I calm my breathing and she nods but those blue eyes are so deep and so enticing, I could drown in them, I rest my forehead against hers and we calm down enough for me to restart the elevator and pick her up again.

As we reach the bottom, Taylor is standing there with a concerned look until he sees us, his eyebrow lifts and he simply turns and walks to the driver's seat of the magnificent limousine he has hired for the day.

"A limo?" Ana squeaks out whipping her head to look at me.

I shrug saying "Well it will be more comfortable for you," and she concedes with a lift of her eyebrows and says no more other than to "oooh" as I sit her down and strap her in. I may have left my lifestyle behind but I like strapping her in, tight.

"Would you like champagne?" I offer her a flute and she accepts tentatively. "It's from the Krug Brut Champagne Collection 1989, I think the best things came from 1989," and she snorts quietly and I say, "We are going for a little drive and I want to give you a wonderful afternoon but you need to tell me if you become tired or sore, nothing that I have planned _needs_ to be done today and if you forgive me, we have plenty of time to get them done. Will you promise me that you'll tell me if you are tired?" and she nods but knowing her lack of self-preservation, I will need to keep a very close eye on her.

"Well, before we go anywhere, I want you to accept this," and I present her with a big parcel and she half scowls at me, oh goodness, if she scowls at me over this, the cheapest present of them all, I am going to be in a lot of trouble.

As she opens the parcel, a huge smile crawls across her face and she turns her head and bestows a kiss on my nose. "Oh, he's so sad," she says as she stares into the bright blue eyes of the gorgeous teddy bear "What does he say?" she asks as she looks for the note around his neck and her eyes go round as I tell her to open the bauble around the teddy's neck.

She opens up the bauble and gasps as she sees what is inside "A gilded cage necklace, oh Christian.." and I think she is about to burst into tears so I wrap my arm around her shoulders.

"I heard what you said to me, I had a lot of time to think about it. There's no way I want to keep you in a cage, I want to protect you from everything and everyone that could hurt you but I understand we need to do this together, I am used to making all the decisions so you'll have to tell me when that is bothering you. I'd gladly take that responsibility because the only reason you need to worry about protection is because you are with me."

"Well actually Christian, it appears my own past seems to have a few protection issues as well, I am happy for you to make the decisions but only if you tell me what and why you are doing it, please don't implement something and have me, like a bird, hit my head against the glass because I didn't know it existed." Her whole body is radiating tension and I can see her point and so I concede.

"I will try, now have a look inside the cage, by the way, it's your teddy's necklace, not yours" and I smile at her, "Please forgive Teddy, he's a bit corny."

The note states:  
I care for you and my love for you  
Tempers every single thing I do  
I will get it wrong, I will get it right  
But please let us never ever fight  
I can't bear to cause you pain  
And hope you will forgive me, again.

The tears are rolling down her cheeks and I know they aren't totally happy tears because she is hugging the teddy instead of me and she's trying to control whatever strong emotion is wracking her but I am completely unprepared when she says "Oh we will fight."

I stare at her. "I have spent my life hiding, passing under the radar, hiding in the shadows, backing away from fights and giving in because it made everyone else happy.." and I am confused until she continues "I always thought I wasn't worth it, I didn't matter to anyone, it wasn't worth putting myself out there and risking the backlash….. but you… but you tell me that I am worth it, you show me that I am worth loving, that I'm worth listening to, so I will be finding my voice. Will you be able to cope with that? Will you be able to cope with an Ana that isn't meek and mild and dare I say it submissive?"

I understand what she is saying but I laugh heartily at her last question, "Oh honey, there is nothing submissive about you and I love you and your smart mouth and if you grow in confidence, it will be my greatest achievement. Baby, your light needs to shine and I will hold it as high as possible so that everyone sees it." And I don't care about my normal safety rules and I simply need to pick her up and hug her to me. "I will cope, I love you like you have no idea!" and the sad face, changes to a tentative smile as she looks deep into my eyes and as she realises it is the truth, a gorgeous shy smile appears.

"Ok, so do you accept this first apology?" I ask and she nods vigorously, "Ok then Taylor, let's go," and it's obvious that Ana had completely forgotten that Taylor was in the car as her cheeks redden. "Don't worry, there's a privacy screen, I just spoke into the microphone" and she nods and rests against my chest.

"What do you mean by first?"

I smile and tap my nose and we head out into the sunshine, the dark windows stop the paparazzo and Ana still gasps and shrinks further into me, I hope they stop following me soon; I really do want her to be able to go out without worrying about them. We cuddle until we reach our next destination and Ana's mouth settles into a calm smile as we drive onto the Bainbridge Island Ferry.

Once the ferry is underway, Ana opens the window to feel the wind in her hair, pulling out the hair band and letting it cascade around her shoulders. I could spend my time just looking at her but today is about her so I point out the views, the Seattle skyline retreating into the distance looks gorgeous on this clear day, incredible views over to Mt Rainer and the Cascades and the simple beauty of the ships and sailboats in Puget Sound make it 35 minutes of calmness that settle my nerves. It's a pity that the whales and dolphins don't come out to play but that will be something for a trip on my own boat. Ana looks so happy that I hope we will be able to leave the limo without anyone jumping out and taking a photo.

Taylor tells me that he has organised Sawyer to come over separately and secured the Bainbridge Island Beach Cottage for privacy as I requested, so I happily carry Ana out of the car and onto the porch of the beautiful classic 1930's cabin and place her into one of the rocking chairs. Ana's eyes are wide as she takes in the view which is simply picture perfect, an expansive green lawn meanders down to the waters of Pugent Sound and a private beach lies at the end with the waves lapping the shoreline.

Taylor brings a picnic basket packed to the brim with goodies from Gail and Ana's eyes light up again, she hasn't stopped smiling since we arrived and then she says "You know I forgave you last night, you don't need to keep doing extra wonderful things," and my heart swells that little bit more. To think that just over a week ago, I did not believe I had a heart at all.

After a delightful lunch where I am so glad to see Ana eating some of each of the delicacies and having seconds, I suggest that I would like to go down to the beach and she nods enthusiastically. Taylor removes the basket and returns with a blanket and I throw it over my shoulder and pick up Ana as she giggles "I could get used to this," and I'd happily comply, even with the heavy cast, she still weighs nothing.

Out on the beach, although it is a secluded spot, the wind is whipping up the waves and I wrap the blanket around us and snuggle. Ana is relaxing happily against me and I point out little areas of Seattle and points of interest and then we sit for a while quietly, Ana tucked into me, we don't need to say anything, just enjoying each other's presence and then I say, "Ok, something else to say I'm sorry," and before Ana can do anything other than look disapprovingly at me, I open a box that Taylor has managed to bring down next to us without Ana hearing him and say "Do you want to have some fun?" and she looks questioning at me. "Here let me show you," and I fire up the remote control helicopter and show Ana how to use it and she is laughing at the little antics I manage and then I pull her between my legs so that I can support her and she flies it until it is caught by a gust of wind and plummets into the sand a few feet away.

We manage to wrangle it back into the air and then Ana hands me the controller and laughs saying "Go on, I know you want to send it soaring, so here you go," and I'm glad because I have a little plan for the helicopter. With my arms around her, I loop the loop with the helicopter and have some fun and then manage a perfect landing right on her cast and she claps and giggles, god, I love that sound and I bury my nose in her hair for a second and then say "Open the door of the helicopter," and I watch as her eyebrows disappear into her hair as she spies the little red box.

"Oh Christian! OMG, I crashed the helicopter and you could have lost this when you flew out over the sea. More importantly, you shouldn't have, diamonds, rubies really! I told you, you are forgiven."

She's staring at the necklace in her hand and I say gently "Ana, the bird is on the outside of the cage, the body of the bird is a heart, I need you to understand that you hold my heart in your hands and I will never cage you, you are too beautiful a bird to cage."

And again she is crying but this time I'm sure they're happy tears as she twists and lifts her hair to allow me to place the beautiful bird motif Cartier necklace around her neck and I kiss the back of her neck as I pat it down and she grabs my head and pulls me down into a passionate embrace, I wrap the blanket closely around us to ensure nothing is visible to anyone spying and give myself over to Ana, she can do what she wants.

Eventually when we come up for air, Ana says "Christian, you know all I want is you. I don't need diamonds and rubies, I don't need teddy bears, I just want you with all your flaws, even your mistakes, mostly I want your smiles and jokes, even your sarcasm, I don't care, I just want you and to be able to share things with you, to be able to laugh with you, play music with you, just you."

I nod that I understand "But I want to give you more, I want to give you everything and then a little bit more," and I hold her tighter, my chin on her head with her hair blowing in the wind enveloping us both. I can't help but think as I look out at the view that despite its beauty, there is nothing more beautiful than the girl in my arms.

After sitting for a while longer, it occurs to me that Ana is looking tired and I decide that it's time to head home and so I wrap the blanket around her, she lays her head against my chest and she's almost asleep by the time I make it back to the car. Taylor has the door open and a questioning look but at my smile, I see the relaxation in his shoulders, I think he was as worried as I was about my apologies.

I strap Ana in and rest her body against mine and she stays asleep until we are on the ferry. I wake her so that she can see the night lights of Seattle as we ferry towards home and I know that my plan of dinner at the Space Needle will need to wait for another night and text Gail to ask her to prepare dinner, something comforting and smile at her response.

Ana's voice is dripping exhaustion as she says, "Christian, thank you so much for a wonderful day, I thought that was the most perfect afternoon that anyone has ever given me and I am not talking about my presents, they were naughty," and she pauses looking tiredly at me "but thank you," and the smile shines despite the tiredness.

"Thank you for accepting them, I haven't exhausted the gilded cage reference though, if you ever feel like I am doing that to you, I can get you a bracelet, oh and shoes." And I laugh as I think about how I was searching for the right present for Ana and came across a pair of shoes that represent a gilded cage and while pretty, I'm sure Ana wouldn't have appreciated them.

"Here, I'll show you a picture," and I bring it up on my phone and Ana giggles, I love that sound and I forget everything else when I hear it, it curls its way around my heart and helps it pump, "The bracelet was nowhere near as interesting but I wanted to give you something that you'd keep close to your heart."

"Christian, I don't need anything close to my heart when I have you in it" Ana whispers before nuzzling into my neck again and she's not getting away with hiding from me, I lift her head up and kiss the tears that are trickling down her cheeks, finally reaching her lips, so much softer because she's crying. As I move to make her more comfortable on my lap, I lift my hand and adjust her but as I do my hand slides under her top and Ana gasps and stiffens.

I know that response but I need Ana to breathe, "Gently Ana, breathe, I'm going to remove my hand and you are going to just breathe for me, slowly and steadily, no big gasps please, baby, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to touch your skin, please breathe for me." I plead with her, I don't want the same thing to happen as happened a couple of days ago and thankfully I can see her struggling to control her panic and finally she starts taking little gasping breaths. If I could breathe for her I would except I realise that I have been holding my breath too waiting for the pain to flood her features but thankfully it doesn't.

"Are we all clear Sir?" I hear from Taylor in my headpiece and I look up at him in the mirror and nod.

"Honey, we are almost off the ferry and we're going home, can you keep breathing for me, just a little deeper for me, baby?" and thankfully the panic seems to subside and she slumps against me until she is able to breathe normally.

Finally, as we disembark the ferry I have to bend to hear her whispered next words, "We were going to talk today….can we not ruin what had been a perfect day by talking please?"

"Baby, any day I have you in my arms is a perfect day and no we don't have to talk today, Mrs Jones has a beautiful meal ready for us and then I think sleep would be a good idea, we can talk any other time. And to be truthful, right at this point I don't want to talk, I don't want to think, I just want you well in my arms. Are you ok now?"

Ana's nod before she hides her face again is less than convincing but her breathing sounds normal and then in my earpiece again Taylor asks "Would you like me to call Dr Grace to come and check her over?" and I nod, hoping that he'll use his very good judgement and tell Mom to make it appear like she was just popping over for a visit and it's as if he can also read my mind because I then get "Just a visit to see how her favourite son is doing?" raising my eyebrow, I again nod and smile my thanks.

As we have fallen silent I press play on the music system and the beautiful strains of young angelic female voices fill the car causing Ana to sit straighter and say in surprise "What are we listening to?"

"Do you like it?" I ask

"Oh Christian, it's beautiful, what is it"

"It's the Flower Duet by Delibes, from the opera Lakmé."

We listen for a bit then Ana says, "Can we play some music together tonight? That might be a nice way to finish off the day." And I couldn't think of a better suggestion. "I know you don't only listen to classical music because of what you loaded on my iPad but what do you like? Rather than what you thought I might like or you wanted me to hear," she finishes cheekily grinning up at me.

"Hey, I thought you'd want to hear those songs, if I could have found some more songs professing my love to you before I even knew it myself, I would have added them too," and I am rewarded by her giggle and a nudge.

"I'll have you know that my taste in music is eclectic, Anastasia. Everything from Thomas Tallis to the Kings of Leon, it just depends on my mood and what I am doing. What about you? I know you like Keith Urban but what else?" We still don't know so much about each other and she mirrors my thoughts.

"We really know so little about each other except that we freak each other out by touching each other's skin don't we?" Ana says sadly.

All I can think is "Please don't go there now."

And she shakes her head as though with the same thought and continues "I'm a classic rock and roll girl or I like country music if I am going to be playing it otherwise I'll listen to anything. We'll have to compare iPods but I'd say yours is stuffier," she says outright laughing at me.

Taylor pulls up at the elevator just as she says that, leaving me no time to retort so I kiss her on the forehead and then the tip of her nose and she buries her face in my shirt as we head for the elevator. I am sure that we both remember the trip down and I smirk as I ask her to press the buttons and enter the code.

As the door closes despite my best intentions, the electricity is there again and I hug her closer to stop my hands from moving and changing our position and she does something instead. She nuzzles against my neck, giggles and then licks my chin and as I look down in surprise she kisses me fair on the lips and I groan, "Ana we can't," but deepen it anyway, forcing my tongue in between her lips and taking what I can for the short trip up. As the elevator pings I swing us around so my back is facing the door and disconnect and place a gentle kiss on Ana's lips which belies the heat of a second before. I leave the blanket draped covering any offending view of my body and its reaction to Ana's cheekiness. I smile as I ask, "What have I started ?"


	50. Chapter 50 - 18 & 19 May 2011

**Christian's POV**

"Mrs Jones, I think that was the best mac and cheese you have ever made." I say and Ana looks at me and shakes her head, smiling.

"_Gail_, Gail it was just divine, thank you," Ana says grinning past me to Gail who looks like we have just given her an award and smiles brightly before walking away. Ana continues, "The perfect ending to a perfect day," and she looks at me with so much love in her eyes that even I can see it. I can tell she loves me but really she shouldn't, I don't deserve her pure love, she would be much better off with a person who deserves her, has led a pure life as well, she deserves to be happy and I won't be able to give her what she needs.

"Wherever you're going, don't go there," I hear quietly through the black fog that is starting to descend and I blink and look at Ana to see the concern now shadowing her eyes as well. She reaches and squeezes my hand saying, "We're making new memories together. Can you stay present for today so that the memories aren't tainted?"

Not only is she gorgeous but scarily, she can read me much better than anyone I know so I nod and attempt to pull myself back to the here and now and whisper "Sorry, I.. ah.. Sorry." I shrug unable to believe that I am actually lost for words and I stare at her perplexed.

Giggling Ana says "You're too far away from me, why are you all the way over there? I need to kiss you to bring you back to the here and now." Ok, I can follow that simple request and her giggling is relaxing me so I will my body to respond and I leave my chair and pick her up in one quick swoop.

Ana shrieks then dissolves into a bigger flood of giggles as I stand there holding her with an exaggerated pout waiting for my kiss and I'm glad she had the second glass of wine as she is relaxing again in my arms despite my freak out of a minute ago. She feints a kiss on my nose and then my cheek and all over my face but avoiding my pout which I am finding increasingly hard to hold and as she passes my lips one more time I tighten my grasp and without her realising, I have caught both her arms and she is caught in my trap.

This time it's my turn to grin and begin her torture and the giggles erupt again as I reciprocate her torment and it's just as I spin her to disorientate her, that our lips meet, passion exploding as it had in the elevator and I hear Gail place dessert on to the table behind me. Her professionalism in delivering the dessert and disappearing with a minimum of time at the table is beyond amazing and the only reason I turn, is the smell wafting towards us. Ana's eyes fly open and she's the one breaking contact to gasp "Hot chocolate pudding…." And then wickedly "Hmm, that sauce might burn."

"Oh no, Missy, there is no way you're dribbling that on me!" and I lift one eyebrow and I am about to say "I know where I'd like to dribble and lick some cream" and think better of it, there's so much that I have done that I don't want to taint Ana with, I want to build memories with her that are new, she's right, they'll be so much sweeter if we build them together.

As delicious as dinner had been, dessert is even better, I refuse to let Ana feed herself as I hold her close and share the divine chocolate pudding, smothered in custard and ice-cream. By feeding her, I can make sure that she actually takes in a decent amount, I am determined that she is going to be well fed if nothing else. Finally Ana looks completely sated and I finish off dessert by licking that last little bit of chocolate off her lip and her sweet smile is as much reward as I could ask for at this moment.

We sit quietly for a couple of minutes and then Ana says, "Would you play something for me? Something that means something for you or something that you like to play."

"Ana, I'd love to but you look exhausted, if I do, it's going to be a really quick one and then you are going to bed."

When she doesn't argue but just nods her head, I know she's exhausted and I want to see that smile on her face one more time before she sinks into exhaustion so I quickly carry her over to the chair by the piano and start playing.

It takes a second and then she's giggling, I know I can go to sleep happy tonight, apparently me singing Selena Gomez "I love you like a love song" is "too funny for words" and then I finish off with one song that I want her to listen to, Bruno Mars's "Just the way you are" and she wraps her arms around my neck when I carry her to the bed room and just snuggles. I think that once the cast is off, this is still going to be my favourite way of having her move around the apartment and that thought alone has me smiling into her hair.

I call Nurse Melanie to help Ana to bed and she is really annoyed with me and I understand that I shouldn't have tired Ana out to the extent that I have but I am hoping that happy exhaustion will trump the last couple of days of stress and she will be the better for it.

Apparently Nurse Melanie does not agree and suggests to me that perhaps a couple of days of full bed rest will be most appropriate. As Mom did imply a similar scenario earlier when she came to check on Ana, I decide that I'd better play ball and murmur my assent and make my way to my office to catch up on the afternoon's work. I need to get that finished so I can have a decent night's sleep as well and if I go to work for the next two days then I'll have the weekend with a recharged Ana, that thought hurries my steps towards my office and I work until the wee hours.

I have a chuckle as I read through my emails, the thank you from Ros indicated that she was impressed that Ana had such style as to influence me to suggest the Louboutins, thankfully Ros never suspected I know all about female fashion and it has nothing to do with Ana, she, who would rather pad around barefoot than wear "instruments of torture" like Louboutins. I am sure Ana will change her tune once she is able to wear the gorgeous clothes that now fill half of my closet although I wouldn't be totally surprised if she wore her converse under some of the ball gowns. The thought distracts me about the fact that finally I might enjoy all these functions if I have Ana by my side and I'll happily buy her converse if that is what she'd rather but to see her in towering heels and a sexy dress is a dream I hold.

A further thought hits me, there are going to be scars on her legs and how will she deal with them? Obviously today I triggered a panic attack by touching the skin on her back, what is she going to be like when the cast comes off. My poor baby, I need to organise visits by John Flynn now so that by the time the cast comes off, she'll be mentally ready for the damage underneath.

I need to speak to Flynn too, my reaction last night to Ana's touch was reprehensible and we need to figure out what I have to do to get past it otherwise we're destined to never touch skin to skin and even the thought of that makes me cold. I want to worship the whole of Ana, make her feel loved from the bottom of her toes to the top of her head and I know I have to get over my old issues to help her over her, much more recent and therefore rawer ones.

What a couple we make!

* * *

**Ana's POV**

"Hey, why so sad?" He rubs his nose along mine and deposits a soft kiss on my lips. I didn't realise that he'd notice that I feel flat this morning.

I have to admit it to him, "I would have started my finals two days ago and would almost be finished everything in one day if I was still there."

"Sorry"

"Yes, it is all your fault," I say sarcastically.

"Huh…?"

"See, that was a stupid statement on your behalf. Of course it's all your fault that I have a crazy ex-step sister trying to kill me. Not!" I think and laugh tightly "Ha, funny, that makes me almost like Cinderella…." I pause for a second and then rush on to the important part, "Anyway, I want to do my exams next week, I was thinking if I could get to WSU on Monday, I could do my exams on Monday and Tuesday and then graduate on Wednesday."

Christian's eyes almost bug out as he shouts at me "Are you insane?"

"Um, No! Please don't shout at me," and I glare at him until his stance softens a little. "Think about it, I have four solid days of studying that I can do and I did two good ones on Monday and Tuesday because you weren't around and I had a lovely relaxing day yesterday. I have done way more studying here than I would have at home because I didn't have to go to work or to lectures and I haven't had to cook and clean, all I have done is study."

He's moderated his tone a little but it's still an angry "No, absolutely not!"

Ok, this is starting to annoy me "Wait, whose life is it that we are talking about anyway? I don't feel legitimate getting my degree on Wednesday without doing the exams."

"Oh honey, you are more than legitimate. The Dean agreed that given your work and your grades and your conscientious work ethic that they would confer the degree."

Nope, I am not listening, I have a plan. "Well, when were you going to go up to confer the degrees? I'm assuming you wouldn't be going up on Wednesday morning, you'd have to go up the night before at least, wouldn't you?"

Finally he can see that I am quite determined and that it might be possible I can do this and he muses "Maybe we can fly up and stay at the Heathman on Sunday night, you can sit your exams in a crammed manner, well, lie your exams and then we fly home on Wednesday night. It's not ideal though and I don't like it." He looks quite upset and I don't know if it's because he doesn't like the idea, the fact that I have answered back, the fact that I am turning more plans on their heads or what.

"Or we could stay in my apartment." I offer and he looks at me like I have really gone mad. Before he can say anything I continue, "I need to pack it up, everything is being moved up here to Seattle the next Saturday."

Christian snorts, "I can get someone in there to do the packing for both of you, I'll arrange it now," and he takes out his phone.

For some reason that upsets me and before I can help it, I sniff and turn away "Woah, honey, it's ok, talk to me," and he puts his phone away and gently turns me back, looking into my eyes as he uses his thumbs to wipe the little trickles down my cheek, "This isn't about someone else packing up your stuff is it?"

I guess it isn't and I shrug, I didn't expect to react like that, "I just want to say goodbye to that part of my life that was stolen away from me," I stutter, and Christian just wraps himself around me and I can feel that he understands as he lets me sniffle into his chest.

"Let me organise it." He says gently, rubbing little circles into my back. "We can fly up there on Sunday and fly home on Wednesday night or Thursday, you might want to celebrate on Wednesday as you will have graduated and all, you've done much better than I, I never dropped out." I can tell he's trying to bring me out of my funk and I am so grateful that my little sentence made sense to him, I hadn't realised that I needed to do that until the words tumbled out of my mouth.

"One day, Christian, one day, I won't be a sook anymore." I manage to calm myself to say.

The chuckle starts in his tummy and I feel it rumble through his chest as he holds me, "Hey, you're entitled to it, it's just 10 days since you had an accident that should have logically killed you, give yourself a break. Instead of resting and sleeping and doing nothing but getting better, you've been put through the wringer so many times and now you want to add exams to it, it's no wonder you are emotional baby, your injuries and the pain that they must be causing you, make _me_ want to cry and then on top of that you are handling me and all my shit. How you aren't a constant basket-case is beyond me." He holds me tighter and again I feel it, the absolute love that he says he doesn't know how to give or take and it's like he is trying to transfer my pain to him.

"I don't know if I have told you," he says looking at me with the deepest pain in his eyes "When I reached your car and pushed it from the tree, I was sure you were dead, you were so pale and the blood was all over your face and there was some dripping out the bottom of your door. It looked so bad I threw up," he says with the distress of reliving the memory "and I knew then that you held my heart already, and I had to do whatever I could to save you." He finishes with a whisper.

"And save me you did, please don't think about the accident, I don't want to think about it because it brings up too many other things for me." And I stop gasping at a thought, "Oh, did I ever say thank you?" I'm mortified, I can't remember if I have ever said thank you to Christian for saving me.

"Yes, you have, and every time I see you smiling is thank you enough," he says holding me tight once more.

"Can we talk about how we are going back to my apartment? You said we'd fly there, I don't know how I'll go sitting in an airplane seat unless I have the exit aisle and they won't let me sit there." I say wanting to distract him from where his thoughts have taken him.

Again the chuckle, and he kisses me on the nose and I know he's laughing at me, "Will you trust me to get you up there and leave it all up to me? You need to study Missy if you want to pass these finals and Nurse Melanie doesn't like me as it is, so once she finds out about this, she is going to be madder, you know that? And I am absolutely sure she'll be mad at me!" He's laughing though and I don't think he really cares what Nurse Melanie says.

"I did promise your mom that I would take it easy and since I am simply going to be sitting and reading, I think it will be ok," I say and then my stomach growls.

"Not until you've had a decent breakfast, I'll get that for you then you can study and I will go into work so that I am not distracting you." And that is a really good idea because I can't do anything when Christian is in my proximity; I can't even think straight anymore and I need to concentrate.

I didn't tell him that when I am studying, I don't feel the pain because I am so absorbed and the pain since all the movement yesterday is probably double what it was the day before, I need something to take the edge off for me. So I keep it light and bright and breezy when he brings my breakfast back and make sure to eat everything and since Gail cooked it, it is delicious and he looks on with approval as we devour breakfast together.

The light in his eyes dims a little when I push the plate away and reach towards my books. "Ana, take the pain killers, I overdid it with you yesterday," he says with a worried look on his face and I gasp.

"What made you say that?" I am so shocked I whisper and he shrugs.

"I could feel that you are in pain," is all he offers up and it actually scares me that he is so in tune to my body. "I had you bending in all sorts of positions, sitting in the limo unsupported, sitting on the rocking chairs and then on the beach, you were completely unsupported and all the moving, I tried keeping you straight but we did too many things, I'm sorry."

He won't look at me and I say. "Christian, look at me, I didn't do anything I didn't want to do and if you gave me the opportunity, I'd do them all again today, I'm ok." I know I need to distract him "Please give me new Teddy, I haven't given him a name yet, do you want to do that?"

The smile slowly appears as he rises to pick the teddy up from the chaise by the window, "I think I'll call him 'Sorry'," he says quietly.

"Gah, enough of that, I think I'll call him "Sin"." I say cheekily as I hug the teddy tight and kiss it on the nose.

"Hello? Sin? You want to call him Sin?" Well, that caught his attention and I laugh at his reaction.

"Yes Sin as in Frank Sinatra….Ole Blue Eyes" and I giggle and there it is, I am rewarded by that lopsided smile that shines through his eyes. Now he can go to work and I will be happy that he's not beating himself up so much.

"Now don't wear out all your kisses on him, save some for me." Christian says as he gently takes my face in his hands and attends to my lips in such a way that would have had any Victorian lady swooning and certainly leaves me with a rosy hue. I am left in absolutely no doubt that he cherishes me and I'd love to deepen the kiss but he has to go to work and I really need to study. Especially now that I have put this deadline on myself, not to mention the fact that I need to change position due to the pain which is exploding between my chest where I am holding my breath right down to my pelvic bone which wants to dance a tango without my permission.

Thankfully Christian doesn't telepathically pick up on the additional pain and with a kiss on the head, is gone for the day.

Nurse Melanie has a rather sour "I told him so" look on her face when I tell her that perhaps a little more medication would be better today and I really don't want to be bothered by her attitude, there is no way I would have wanted to miss any part of yesterday and perhaps if I hadn't thrown myself at Christian so many times, I would be feeling better today but the memories of those stolen minutes in the elevator and on the beach and in the elevator, make me giggle and earn me an annoyed "harrumph" from Melanie and she turns on her heel and leaves me alone with my thoughts.

"Oh right, back to study Ana" my brain says and I intend to but only after texting Kate that I will probably see her late on Sunday and that I am intending to do my finals on Monday and Tuesday. I put the phone down and the phone call is almost immediate.

"Are you insane? What do you think you're doing?" is shouted at me through the phone without even a "Hi" and I swear, it's exactly what Christian said.

"Now I get why you don't like Christian," I say, "You're just like him!" and I suddenly picture Kate in some weird Domme outfit, not that I know what that is but I can imagine.

"I am not! How is he letting you do that?" She continues to scream at me.

"Kate, be quiet, I've already had Christian be upset at me and I explained why to him and he has accepted it, under duress I might add, so please, don't shout at me too. That's why I said you're like him, you said exactly the same thing in the same tone of voice!" I say exasperated.

"Well, that's because we're being sensible and you're not. You nearly died 10 days ago…" She rants and I cut her off.

"Again, exactly what he said too. Guess what, I know, I was there! Yes, I am in pain, but I can tell you I have been studying my butt off and when I study I don't feel the pain, I haven't been cooking, I haven't been cleaning, I haven't been working at Clayton's, I've been studying so you know what, I think I'm in a better spot than if I had been there, although I could do without the pain."

"Still…" Kate persists.

"Kate, as I said to Christian, I don't feel right accepting my degree without sitting the finals. And I want to… " and my voice drops to a whisper "I just want to say goodbye to the part of my life that was stolen from me so I want to sleep in the apartment one more time." As I say that I hear a small sniffle on the other end of the phone and I know that Kate is just looking out for me too. I don't want to start crying again myself so I say " Oh, good news, Christian is going to organise someone to pack it all up and ship it to Seattle, both yours and my stuff so you won't have to pack, one less thing to worry about and Elliot can just "help" you with whatever you need help with. How is it going with Elliot anyway?"

This bit of news is greeted with a "Hooray, I wasn't exactly looking forward to packing everything up, especially the closet. Please thank Christian for me. As to Elliot, dreamy, Ana, he is so dreamy. Hang on, how are you getting here? When are you getting here? How is this going to work?"

"I don't know to be honest, Christian is handling it." And for once I like the sound of that, one less thing to think about and that brings me back to the thought that I need to be studying because despite my bravado with both of them, I really don't know if I have studied enough. "Got to go Kate, good luck for the last few exams and I'll let you know, once I know, about the arrangements. Mwah"

I focus back on Tess and am writing my notes furiously when my phone pings at me.

* * *

From: Christian Grey  
Subject: How are you?  
Date: May 19, 2011 10:30am  
To: Anastasia Steele

Dear Miss Steele,

Have you had a break yet? Have you taken the medication? Are you ok?  
Don't overdo it.

Christian Grey  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

I smile, it's nice that someone is worried about me.

* * *

From: Anastasia Steele  
Subject: Aren't you busy?  
Date: May 19, 2011 10:32 am  
To: Christian Grey

Dear Mr Grey,  
Thank you for your concern, please be assured that everything is good here.  
Given that you will be out of your office for 3 days next week, may I remind you that you should be concerning yourself with matters of business (perhaps a moving company) and not concerning yourself with me.

Sin(cerely)  
Ana x

* * *

I've barely hit send and the response is back.

* * *

From: Christian Grey  
Subject: Cheeky  
Date: May 19, 2011 10:33 am  
To: Anastasia Steele

I should have bought you a stuffed monkey, not a teddy bear!  
And you haven't answered my questions.

Christian Grey  
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc

* * *

I giggle, Christian is harder to distract than most people so I decide to have a little more fun.

* * *

From: Anastasia Steele  
Subject: Climbing the walls  
Date: May 19, 2011 10:38 am  
To: Christian Grey

Well, monkeys are more handsy and I can't have two stuffed animals with the same name.

Yes, I have answered, I said everything was good but if you need the detail, here goes.  
Yes I've had a break. Yes I've taken the medication and Melanie WAS mad at you  
And I am ok, never as good as when you are here but I can't study when you are here so I'll cuddle with Sin and it'll have to do.

Ana xx

* * *

The email goes silent and I assume he is back working and I concentrate on my studying, the little email banter was enough to refresh me and I dive back in.

However, not ten minutes later, Gail is standing in front of me bearing a tray filled with food, little cupcakes, little pastries, a bowl of fruit, a tub of yoghurt and a huge pot of tea. "Mr Grey called and said you needed some sustenance" she says with a huge smile at my shocked look.

"I told him I was ok." I stammer out to her and she just continues to smile and pats my hand and goes to leave me.

"You and I know that but if he hasn't provided the sustenance he doesn't feel that he has done enough," Gail says kindly and I can tell she recognises his need to control much more than he does and I am grateful that she is such a loyal employee but she surprises me with what she says next. "It's so lovely to have you to look after, I can prepare what you want, please let me know, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you but I don't think you should be waiting on me, that's quite wrong, you have more than enough to do especially with Melanie here too." I state and watch fascinated as Gail controls what looked like a flash of temper when I mentioned Melanie's name.

"Miss Steele.." Gail starts.

"Gail please call me Ana, at least when Christian isn't here," I say, this woman has been acting more like a mom to me than my mother ever did and I don't want her calling me Miss Steele, "I'll make sure that Christian isn't upset."

"Ana, it's a pleasure, you don't place any extra demands on me and if there is anything you need, please make sure to tell me." And in the way she says that, I can tell that Melanie who really hasn't had to do too much is bothering her. I don't want to ask but decide that I will endeavour to find out what is going on and let Christian know.

With Gail still standing there, Melanie bustles in and says quite brusquely "You need to take some more medication now, I have a new one here that is better than the other one" as she puts the tablet bottle on the table and reaches and takes a pastry and pops it in her mouth and then grabs a cupcake as well.

"If you'd let me take a photo please Melanie, I'd like to show Christian that I am eating," I say and she reluctantly places the cupcake back on the tray, I watch Gail struggle with a myriad of emotions out of the corner of my eye as I take the photo and as I finish, Melanie grabs the cupcake again and walks away.

"Well, I never…!" is all that Gail says as she walks out the door shaking her head.

* * *

From: Anastasia Steele  
Subject: Seriously?  
Date: May 19, 2011 11:00 am  
To: Christian Grey

Here is the proof of what Gail delivered. Are you happy now? Thank you.  
Just a little question: When can you schedule a session with Claude for me so that I don't turn into a blimp with all this food and the complete inability to move?

Ana xx

* * *

I receive no response and eat some of the fruit and yoghurt and a cupcake, I am sure that Melanie will polish off the rest before Christian comes home and he doesn't need to know that I didn't eat them.

I continue studying until I feel tired and decide to nap, while the new pain killers have numbed the pain, they are making me sleepy and I decide I won't take them in the afternoon if they leave me feeling so incapacitated, I'd rather avoid the pain by concentrating on my work than by sleeping as I will never be ready for the exams if I sleep. My full stomach and the warmth of the sun coming in the window all contribute to me resting my head on the teddy and deciding that a little snooze won't hurt and I drift off.

Suddenly I see it again, the flash of red in the rear view mirror, hear the crash of the cars as they collide and feel the car out of control careering through the trees to an earth-shattering crunch into the tree and I gasp as I feel the airbag hit my face and then I hear the cackling laughter of Cecilia looking in through the window and I scream.

"Ana, it's ok honey, you're ok," I hear but I can't see him and something is weighing me down, "Ana, it's ok, you were having a nightmare, just breathe for me. I'm here with you, just relax baby, you're ok" and then he hovers into view, kissing the tears off my face in the darkened room and I realise it was his arm over me that I could feel.

"What happened? …Why? …. Why are you here? You were at work. Why am I in bed? I went to sleep on the chair because the pills made me sleepy…." I am struggling to put together a coherent sentence and breathe at the same time and Christian growls.

"Where's Melanie?"

"Mr Grey, Melanie is out to lunch," is Gail's response from the door with a sniff.

"But what are you doing here?" I ask completely confused. "What am I doing on the bed?"

"Let's just say I didn't believe that you'd eat everything that I asked Gail to prepare.." and there's a snort from Gail that draws Christian's attention and he raises his eyebrow and she turns and walks away, I think Christian is thinking she is laughing but I know that she is stopping herself from mentioning Melanie eating half the tray.

Christian continues "… So I thought I'd come and check and have lunch with you and I found you sprawled across the chair and about to fall off, the teddy was actually stopping you from falling so I lifted you and put you to bed. You're overdoing it if you are falling asleep so heavily.."

Something in my face makes him stop, "What did Melanie give you and when did she give it to you? Mrs Jones" he calls out and she comes rushing to the door at his tone. "What time did Melanie leave and with whom was she having lunch?"

"Mr Grey, she left at about 12 noon and met a young man downstairs, I was just coming back with the shopping, I didn't recognise him and he didn't come up to collect her. She said Ana was sleeping in her room and I assumed she was in bed." Christian thanks her and dismisses her.

"It was about 11:45 that she gave me two of those pills in that bottle there" I say, pointing to the bottle on the table and he disentangles himself and comes back frowning, having opened the curtains as he did so.

"Take no more than 1 tablet every 4 hours," he reads from the bottle and then wearily rubs his hands through his hair "God Ana, I can't even protect you in my home," he says dejectedly and he looks like he has the weight of the whole world on his shoulders.

"I hire a nurse so that you are safe in my home and she overdoses you so she can go out to lunch with god knows who, it could be someone trying to get to you, it could be anyone." He looks so worn out and then he asks quietly, "What does Melanie do for you?" as he does so, he runs his hand up and down my arm, it's distracting but I can see that he isn't even realising that he is doing it.

"She really just helps me in the bathroom" and I can feel myself turning pink and hurry on "And she gives me my tablets."

"God you're funny," he says smirking at me, "Wait here" he says as he goes to leave the room ducking to avoid what might come flying but I just smile at him.

It takes Christian about 10 minutes and then he is back with Gail in tow carrying a tray with delicious looking sandwiches and drinks. "Ana, Gail will be looking after you for the rest of the afternoon as I will need to go back to work today. Tomorrow, I am going to be working from my office here, I promise not to disturb you, then the weekend I will be available for you both days, Monday to Thursday we'll be in Portland so Gail can come with us, there's no-one here to look after as Taylor will be with us and then we'll deal with the situation when we are back in a week. How does that sound?"

"What about Melanie?" I ask surprised.

"Her contract is terminated." That's it, she's gone and I can't say I'm sad to see her go.

"Gail, I'm sorry, are you ok with adding me to your already heavy workload?" I ask, worried.

"Goodness Ana, it is a pleasure and without having to clean up and cook for Melanie, I will have more than enough time to assist you, you so rarely asked for her assistance." Gail says warmly.

At her words though, Christian looks at her and his face darkens, "Come again? What were you having to do for Melanie? She was supposed to be keeping her room tidy and organising her own meals as she did have plenty of spare time and was being paid for her meals so she should have been buying them outside." Gail looks like she really doesn't want to say anything but Christian growls at her, "May I remind you that you are in my employ Mrs Jones and I need to know what occurred as it appears she has been derelict in her duty in relation to Ana and I need to know what else has occurred."

Gail visibly gulps and says quietly, "Well, I don't want to speak out of turn Sir, but when you weren't here, Melanie was demanding coffees and food at very regular intervals and she ate at least half of Ana's tray this morning. Oh, I feel like a snitch."

I feel sorry for the position Christian has backed Gail into, "Oh Gail, you're not being a snitch, I almost had to smack her hand to stop her eating it all. I'll show you on the photo what she ate Christian" and I point out all the snacks that Melanie ate this morning and Christian's annoyance grows visibly.

"So you didn't eat the tray as you purported in your message," he snarls at me.

"Woah, back up your anger, just because you're angry at Melanie, don't aim it at me, please." I say wondering where I am gathering the courage to stand up to him because he is extremely angry, I can feel it almost radiating off him.

He looks at me and runs his hands through his hair as he controls himself and shakes his head, saying "Sorry, did you actually eat anything? No wonder those drugs had such an effect, they are only supposed to be taken with a full meal and she gave you double the dosage."

"I had the yoghurt and the fruit and one of the cupcakes, so yes I did eat, please calm down, there's no point getting angry, she's gone and we have lunch sitting right here.." and that somehow manages to placate him and he dismisses Gail and sits there looking at me forlornly.

"Come here," I say, patting the bed next to me, "You need a hug" and like a lost boy he comes to my arms and he groans with frustration as he lays his head on my shoulder.

"Ana, all I want is for you to get better and be out of pain and all I keep doing is failing you."

"Christian, stop! Every single day I am grateful for you and what you do for me, you haven't failed me once." I need him to understand this but I can see him withdrawing into himself. "Listen to me, you need to remember the saying "We can't control the wind, but we can direct the sail." You have done a wonderful job so far directing the sail, you can't control all these other people that don't have my best interests at heart, but you do. You have had my best interests at heart since before you knew anything was wrong."

He lifts his head and looks at me and then smiles ruefully, "Oh Ana, since the minute you fell into my office, I have needed you, I don't know that I had your best interests at heart then though, I wish I'd _made_ you walk around the office with you and _made_ you come to dinner with me and _made_ you come home and do unmentionable things with me…" he says laughing now, "I don't think I could have _made_ you do anything then, just like I can't _make_ you do anything now. Gorgeous girl, what am I going to do to protect you?" And he turns and untangles himself from my arms and moves us so that he is holding me now and I snuggle in.

I don't really care, all I want to do is have him hold me and then my traitorous stomach rumbles.


	51. Chapter 51 - 21 May 2011

**A/N: **_This chapter may be a trigger for abuse survivors._

_My sincerest apologies and sympathies to anyone that might have suffered it in real life and I hope I have handled it sensitively._

* * *

**Christian's POV**

I still shudder every time I think about what could have happened to Ana on Thursday so now, I'm never letting Ana out of my sight, if anyone is in the room with her other than Taylor or Mrs Jones, even if it is my mother, I am going to be in there with her.

Yesterday we made it through a whole day without anyone hurting her, me working in my office and just sharing meals with Ana so that she could study and I could do my work and now here we are again at the beginning of a new weekend.

Yesterday showed me once more the differences between Ana and I, we are like heaven and hell in how we interact with the others, I wanted to report Melanie to the nursing board and have her lose her licence for life but Ana managed to convince me to just terminate her services. I have to smile at Ana and her persuasion techniques but suffice to say, I was still very angry when I allowed Melanie back into the premises to collect her possessions and explain her actions to me. I didn't really want to know what her excuses were but Ana said she thought Melanie wasn't a bad person, I do wonder what someone has to do to _not_ receive a second chance from Ana.

In the end, Melanie explained that her boyfriend had been overseas for several months and so she had desperately wanted to catch up with him, she hadn't realised that the new drugs, which were within the ones that had been suggested by the doctors in Ana's management plan would have such an effect on Ana. Usually they make patients just a little sleepy and it was probably the fact that Ana didn't take a lot of pain killers that the effect was so strong. She profusely apologised for leaving Ana in a dangerous position and said she was sorry to be leaving Ana as she had been her easiest patient to date.

She also apologised for her abuse of privileges with Gail and after considerable grilling, eventually I was satisfied that there hadn't been any Elena induced mistreatment of Ana and told her that her contract was still terminated but I would not be reporting and having her lose her licence. I did ask for her boyfriend's name and what Ana and she do not know is that they will both be under surveillance and any indication that what she told us was incorrect will be swiftly rewarded by a report to the nurse's board and the inability to work in this state.

Ana wished Melanie well and once she had gone basically told me "I told you so but at least now she's left on relatively friendly terms and not as an enemy and therefore doesn't have any reason to get back at you or me," having said that though, she still seemed pleased Melanie was gone. I hope there isn't something Ana hasn't told me or worse that I am not making her as paranoid as I am but I know I can keep her safe with just Taylor and Gail.

That brings us to today, it's Saturday, I don't need to be in the office, and I am enjoying lying in bed and watching Ana sleep, a beautiful peaceful smile on her lips, those lips that let slip during her slumber that she adores me, it took everything in me to control myself, I want to worship her body so desperately but she isn't even letting me see it.

Despite her protestations last night, I wrapped her leg and carried her into the shower but she wouldn't let me stay saying that she had worked out a system of turning on the water at exactly the right temperature, the method being that whoever is helping her has to turn it on, get it to the right temperature, they turn it off and let her into the shower area and then she turns it back on and it is at the right temperature. I humour her for now but I want to help her in every way.

When I suggested that I could wash her back for her, those big blue eyes welled up and my heart broke, goodness, it was so much easier before I knew I had a heart, now it is hurting every time I see her hurting and I can't bear it.

Now, lying here, the sun has just risen and I look out the window realising that I really hadn't looked at the sunrise until Ana did her early morning shenanigans to get to the chaise and now, every morning that I see the sunrise, I stop and absorb it and feel renewed.

Finally my morning sleepy head wakes and stretches like a cat and I am rewarded by her eyes lighting up as she sees me and I unhook her leg so that I can roll her onto her side and into my arms. "Morning Beautiful," I say as she nuzzles into my neck.

I'm pretty sure what she mumbles is a "Good morning, gorgeous," but I can't tell as she looks like she is falling asleep again, contently in my arms.

"Hey, wake up sleepy head, you have studying to do but only after I get a proper cuddle and we have a decent breakfast."

As she groans and shuffles to a position that she can see my eyes, my hand slips and I touch her back and she gasps and I move my hand like she had struck me.

"Baby, will you tell me why I can't touch you?" and I wait for her to breathe calmly again "Can you tell me where I can and can't touch you? Remember I reacted when you touched me, if anyone can understand how you feel, it's me. Baby, tell me, I so desperately want you to be comfortable with me, I want to look after you and to do that I will need to touch you and I'm scared I'm going to trigger a panic attack, I never want to do that to you again.

There's a long pause as she searches my eyes and then she deflects, "Will you tell me about why I couldn't touch you the other night?" and I know I can tell Ana, that I and my fears are safe with her, so despite never having told anyone how I feel, I nod and she seems to see my fear in the way I hesitate and continues, "You can't see my back Christian," she whispers, "You'll be horrified so you don't need to be afraid of telling me."

"Ana I have scars too, that's why I always wear a shirt and no-one and I mean no-one has touched me in certain areas since I was four and they found me. I can't handle anyone's touch, even through a shirt it burns if someone touches me, except for you, that's when I knew you were something else, an angel to me. On some level, my body knows that you won't hurt me and accepts your touch, even Mom, Grace, hasn't been able to touch me and the only reason I have hugged her a couple of times now has been because of you, I have to consciously say to myself, "This Mom, she's an angel like Ana," and then and only then, can I hug her but even then it can't be for long."

I notice that Ana is holding my hand, attempting to comfort me and I lift it to my lips and I kiss it before I continue, "I was hoping that given that I love holding you against me and hugging and holding you that I wouldn't have a problem with you touching me, that's why I never said anything but my body had other ideas the other night and forgot it was you. All my panic came straight to the surface and I resorted to my usual response which was to hit and push you away. I'm so sorry."

"Oh Christian, I told you then, I knew it had nothing to do with me and I was just upset that I had stressed you out to that point to cause such a trigger reaction, as you hadn't mentioned anything, that's why you need to tell me things."

"Hey, pot calling kettle…" I say gently, stirring her, "You didn't tell me that you didn't like being touched either."

"Good point, well made, Mr Grey." And she goes silent again and then says quietly, "I didn't… I never… Us…. I didn't think it would…" and she gives up saying what she was trying to say and I am sure was that she never thought we'd end up together and looks upset and quickly says instead, "Will you show me your scars?"

I worry about showing my scars, I never show them because people want to touch, Grace saw them when she saw me in hospital and tended to them but I never let her touch me again, once they were healed. The only other person that has touched them was Elena, it was against my will as I was screaming my safeword and she wouldn't listen and it was the very last time I subbed for her. I feel Ana squeeze my hand and see the concern and come back to the present, she is amazing, she knows when I am falling into the abyss and I am in awe of her, I truly am.

This fact then galvanises me, I know that mine look bad but don't look as horrific as caning injuries can look, the memories are what hurt, not the scars, I have a feeling that given the police report I saw of Ana's injuries at the hands of Morton, hers will be very much worse and I really need to man up and face my fears otherwise what am I implying about my reaction to hers.

"Would some chocolate sauce help?" I hear through my rising panic and her smiling eyes calm me down.

I decide to follow her lead down the lighter track, "You know, the thought of having your lips all over my abs is the only reason I am finding a way to do this," and on cue she blushes and I chuckle and use her hands holding me to pull myself into her and press my lips to her forehead, her soft exhale against my throat hardens me immediately and I hope that our disclosures to each other bring us closer and don't tear us apart. Every fibre of my being wants Ana, but her injuries and everyone that keeps hurting her just lengthens the time before I can safely show Ana my love for her in every way, I have never made love to a woman and never wanted to, I was happy with what I did for and to the others but with Ana, I can't imagine doing anything but making love to her over and over.

"Um, earth to Christian? I don't know where you go but I want to be with you if you are here with me." The quiet insistence in her voice assures me that she isn't going anywhere and then she shocks me again with how intuitive she is, "Do you want Dr Flynn here to help or will you trust me not to freak out? You must know I'm not going anywhere."

"Hey, that was entirely your fault, I was imagining all sorts of things," I say lightly and then continue, "I think I can do this but please…"

"Honestly Christian, I won't touch you unless you want me to and if I do and you say to stop, I will, please trust me," she says in a whisper and I nod, I do trust her, I just don't trust me and then she says something really sensible, "Are there any areas that I can touch? Maybe we can start there and then we can try somewhere else."

I realise that I am holding my breath as I nod, my voice trembles and I shake my head in disbelief, as I say, "Can you look first and not touch until I'm ok?"

"Like a snake? Sure" she says and I don't know what she's talking about and look quizzically at her and she says matter-of-factly, "Well, you can look at a snake but you should never touch it." Sure, that sounds sensible and I realise that she has distracted me back to a calmer state.

Then I know she's being downright dirty when she looks coolly at me and with a toss of her hair says, "Especially a one eyed trouser snake." So I decide to play at her at her own game and I move my hand as if to push down my pj pants and her eyes turn into saucers and she breathes, "Hey, get back to task."

I take a long calming breath and look into Ana's eyes, all I see is love and say quietly, "Actually, anything below about halfway down my abs is ok, so you can put your hands on my hips, my sides are safe and my shoulders and up are ok," I say. "So where would you like to start?"

"Wait, can you stand and swing me so that my feet are over the edge of the bed, left leg resting on something? That way you can stand and move away if necessary as quick as you need to and we'll both be safe." Smart thinking and I retrieve a small ottoman and swing her so that her foot is resting and I am now standing between her legs and she reaches out for a hug and I haul her up so that she is flush against my body.

"You'll be ok, you know I saw your body the other day and it looked fairly magnificent, I'll look then you can tell me where to touch" she whispers up to me and I know she can feel the tremble and I nod and place her back down gently.

She's right, she did gawk at me the other night when I started stripping without thinking about her being in the room so I peel off my t-shirt and I hear the gasp as I do so but when I look down at her with trepidation, not wanting to see the pity, I see a glorious smile and a very rosy hue.

"Damn I wish I hadn't said that I wouldn't touch."

And I outright laugh, that wasn't what I expected, "Oh Ana, you are priceless" and without thinking I pull her into a hug, her sleepwear keeps that thin barrier between us but it's what she does with her hands that makes me melt, normally she'd throw them across my back, but no, she settles them on my hips making sure not to touch any skin.

It's her breath though that makes me stop, she's not breathing and she's holding her head just that tiny bit off my skin so that she's not touching. All this because she understands, I loosen up and bend my head to her ear, "Breathe beautiful girl, you have no idea how much I appreciate you," I say before I kiss her and sit her back down.

"Oh Christian, I know you don't want pity but I hope you understand that my heart aches for you as a tiny boy, being subjected to that. I know how much a cigarette burn hurts…" and I gasp looking at her shocked, there was no mention in any police report about cigarette burns. "It appears that cigarette burns are one of the hazards of having a whore for a mother." Is all she says but her lips tighten and I forget entirely about the fact that her hands are still on my body.

"It's not the pain though is it Christian? It's the memory of the smell, the feeling of helplessness, the just plain feeling of betrayal, the fact that when someone sees it they feel like they need to touch it. The burn when they touch it, like it's happening again. Why? Is it not real enough? Is it just that they can't believe that someone would do that to someone else, let alone a child? Well Christian, we managed to win the gene pool lottery didn't we? Being born to mothers that just didn't care what other people did to us." And I can't believe it's not me uttering the words but Ana, she is saying exactly what I have felt all these years.

"I'm so sorry honey, there's no-one I would wish less to ever feel that than you. Where Ana? Where did the bastards burn you?" I need to know, it doesn't matter anymore whether Ana touches me, the mere fact that she knows exactly what I am going through negates all that.

Slowly she pulls up her top and points to her belly button and all I see is red, pure unadulterated anger at the bastards who did that to her. "I was the ashtray," is all she says, her lip trembling and her blue eyes pools of tears. This time I crush her to me, I don't care that her face is against my chest, against my scars, all I can see is Ana as a child, I can imagine how beautiful she was and to think that someone could stub out a cigarette in her belly button makes me want to be physically sick, the thought comes to me that if I had a child and someone was to do that to them, I would tear them apart, limb from limb with my bare hands.

It's with a ragged sob that I pull away from her and say "That's not the only scar is it? You mentioned your back, please let me see."

With tears streaming down her cheeks she shakes her head and says "I'm a bit of monster with my scars."

"You'll never be a monster Ana, the people who did this to you are monsters, I would never think that of you, you must know that." I plead, I will kiss every one of her scars if she shows me, I don't care about her scars, she is beautiful inside and out and the scars are simply proof that she is stronger than most, she is a survivor.

With her tears blinding her and her trembling hands she is having difficulty undoing the buttons on her top and I gently take her hands and place her hands back onto my hips and undo the buttons myself and she whispers "Are you ready? Can you lift me off the bed so that I'm standing?" she asks and I help her stand and she turns and shrugs off the top. For a second I see nothing but then realise that what I thought was the light shining off her back is a crisscross of thin scarring and then as I clench my fists and struggle to breathe, Ana surprises me by dropping her sleep shorts and my heart twists in agony.

"Oh Ana," is all I can say as I pull her into me.

The horrific scarring on her bottom tears at my insides, not because it looks bad but because the pain she must have endured is unmentionable. Three deep, very deep wounds from a caning that must have been sustained and brutal and repeated in the same spot, a caning that must have torn the skin and flesh underneath it so that it was unable to be repaired without leaving gaping scars, each more than a finger width wide.

"Did Morton do this to you?" and at her nod, I vow that I will do everything to make him pay, he will remember every time he sits down what he did to Ana. "And the crisscrosses on your back?" again she nods "What about the cigarette burns?" and she shakes her head.

"That was when Ray was away, when I was little, a whole sequence of men," and I can't stop the tremor through my body.

What she says next, in a voice that is still gulping tears, stops my heart and I feel ice course through my veins, "When I fell into your office, did you think you'd like to cane me like that?" and I crush her tighter to me horrified.

I can barely speak but manage to bark out "I would never do that to anybody, no-one deserves to be hit like that and Ana…." Then, as I comprehend that despite the horror of her wounds that she trusted me when I said I'd never hit her yet she knew that I'd hit brown haired girls before, "Baby, thank you for not pushing me away when you learnt that I have used canes, I can't believe that someone did that to you but secondly, I have never broken the skin with a cane. I have never caused pain beyond a sub's endurance, I had one sub who wanted extreme pain to get off and I terminated the contract after the very first night as there is no way I will ever do anything to mark the skin permanently." I don't want to stop talking in case Ana doesn't believe me so my words tumble out over each other "As soon as I saw your police report and the photos, although they had omitted those of your buttocks, I took all the canes and anything that could cause damage wielded incorrectly, out of the playroom. And please believe me, I have never wanted to hurt you. I admit, I did want to spank you for asking if I was gay."

Despite everything she giggle sobs "I wanted to spank myself after that foot in mouth malfunction."

"So no Baby, all I've ever wanted to do is love and protect you. From the minute our hands met, I felt the spark and I wanted you, granted I wanted you in my playroom but from the second you walked out of my office until Kate called, you completely filled my mind with a desire to know you that I have never felt with any other person. As soon as Kate called saying you were missing, my non-existent heart clenched and came to life, I needed to find you and when I did, I knew, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that you owned my heart already and there was no way I was ever going to hurt you." She nods, to indicate that she believes me and then shuffles out of my arms.

She reaches for her pants and I stop her and gently stand her up, I reach for her sleep pants, as I lift them into place, I place a kiss on the scars and she crumples, the flood gates opening as she stands there sobbing into her hands, I kiss her back and gather her up and lie back down with her, my body curled around hers, my arms around her, pulling her into me, her bare back against my bare chest, letting her cry it out and trying to absorb her pain as she has completely removed mine when I am with her.

My beautiful broken bird, so many scars, so much trauma and over so many years at the hands of others, right up until recently, mine was done by the time I was four and I was brought up in a loving home yet she still sees the good in people while I have pushed people away all my life.


	52. Chapter 52

**Christian's POV**

I wake up again and my breath stutters in my throat as I realise Ana's bare back is still flush against my bare chest and then I remember and relax and enjoy her heat as it permeates my chest. My chest, she is skin to skin against me, my left arm is asleep under her and my right hand is resting on her breast.

Oh.

The impact is immediate and then I hear "You should look but not touch a snake, but they don't say that about sticks" and the giggle that follows is like music to my ears and I have to unwind my legs so that I don't prod her any further.

"Hey Gorgeous Girl, are you ready for breakfast?"

"Are you?" and she oozes kittenish sexiness as she rubs her body against me, I can feel her heat and everything in my brain explodes, no coherent thought is possible.

"Oh Ana, you can't say and do things like that. You have no idea how much I want to worship your body, make it sing and dance. I want to do things to you that will change how you think about everything," as I say this, I rub my hand down her side and feel her shiver.

"Ana, do you know how much I want you? How am much I want you to want me?

Her breathing is shallow and her answer breathy though she doesn't turn to me, "Christian, you know I've never slept with a man, not even laid in the same bed, barely been kissed, let alone slept semi naked in a gorgeous man's arms, you can't be questioning whether I want you… you must know… you do things to me already that I never knew anyone could do." She stops as she feels me nod my head against hers and then she continues, "I was so scared that I'd never let anyone near me. Who was ever going to love me with all my scars? It was safer to retreat into my books and the heroes that would never hurt me. The heroes that would love me for me, I'm just a little afraid that I'll wake up and find that all of this with you has been a dream."

"Oh it's no dream Baby and you are driving me wild, I want _you_ to love your body as much as I do, I want to show you in the most basic of ways how beautiful you are but you're too broken still for me to do that safely"

I need to leave her alone but I crave her touch and I gently, ever so gently, kiss her on the back of the neck and am rewarded by a little gasp, I travel down her spine, leaving butterfly kisses as my lips follow my hand caressing her body. I stop the kisses at the base of her spine but let my hand continue over her bottom, I make sure I don't linger where I'd like to and trace down the back of her thigh. I know she's trying not to squirm and I have to remind myself that any movements are going to hurt her pelvis and her ribs.

Her breath is shallower and becoming rapid as my fingers move, "Breathe slow and steady and lie still Ana or I will stop," I say and she stops breathing altogether. "Breathe baby, I need to know that you are ok."

I roll Ana onto her back and support her leg, it will be so much easier for her once she doesn't have the brutal cast but that is actually one stable part of her injuries, it's her pelvis and ribs that worry me, I know she doesn't show pain outwardly but I can feel her cringe when she overdoes it and I need to be even more aware of those silent gasps that she does, by laying her on her back at least both the ribs and hips will be stable and I can see her reactions, note if she is in any sort of pain.

She is glorious, her hair cascading around her shoulders over the pillow, those full lips, "Ana stop biting that lip or I won't be able to control my actions around you, I desperately want to be inside you but that is not an option and won't be for a long time" and her mouth pops open in shock and she covers her mouth with her hand. My brain to mouth filter is gone, I am completely undone seeing Ana in all her glory right in front of me.

"Please put your hand down, I want to see you in all your glory," I echo my thoughts as they won't stay inside my head, she needs to know how in awe of her I am, how she affects me, "Please don't be embarrassed, I want to kiss you from here to here," I whisper, my voice hoarse filled with desire, as I indicate the top of her head to her toes.

Leaning over her to kiss her on the top of her head as I promised, my breath is sucked right out of my body when Ana tilts her head and plants a kiss over my heart, right on a scar in my forbidden zone and I can't stop the moan emanating from my body as I close my eyes and dare to feel.

"Right back at you Christian," Ana whispers and as my eyes fly open, she takes advantage of my position and pulls me onto her chest, her breasts tantalisingly tracing themselves on me as I stop myself crashing into her.

Exasperated at her lack of self-preservation but unable to resist her, I kiss her lips gently, then take that bottom lip and suck it gently until she moans and then carefully tug at it with my teeth, "I told you I wanted to bite it," I say, smiling against her lips.

I leave her enticing lips and continue kissing up to her ear lobe, then travel down the arch of her long neck and down her shoulder, I am torn as to whether I should go near those delectable breasts and whether doing so will start something that I can't stop. Is it fair to Ana to do so? I continue placing little sucking kisses down her shoulder and I can feel her palpable frustration with me, her growl as I moved down towards her stomach instead of across, I can feel her little hands fluttering on my back as I move down her torso, and then I reach up and cup her breast and her hands still.

Yes, I am home, I am right where I want to be. "Breathe Ana, we were meant to be, look how you fit my hand perfectly, I want to have you exploding for me but I'm scared about what it will do for your injuries."

And as she mewls below me, there is no way I want to stop, I can feel her coming undone andI need to continue. Ana's eyes are closed, her hands now clasping and unclasping on my back, as I tighten my grip on her breast, the nipple elongated and rolling between my finger and thumb, I gently blow then suck on the other and Ana groans, when my teeth close on the nipple, she shudders, her legs stiffen and she's gone, I absorb her cries with a deep kiss, holding her body as flat as I can against mine to stop any convulsions and when she's done, I am rewarded by a look of complete gratitude and awe.

"Baby, you're amazing, you're so very responsive," I say in amazement, satisfied that I managed that without too much apparent damage and I have to kiss her again, hold her tight against me, forbidden zone against forbidden zone.

It's the quietest whisper so I almost miss it, "My first ever. So amazing!"

"Your first ever? Have you never pleasured yourself?" I ask astounded and pull away to look at her.

I am so saddened by her response, "No-one else loved me, why would I?" and she says it with such finality that it hurts, but then she gasps, "What about you? You've just been left hanging."

"No hanging here, Baby," I chuckle and we both look down and Ana eyes bug at the almost indecent bulge reaching to the top of my pants.

"It's fine Baby, it'll go down, I'm starving and it's late and you said you were going to study."

"Well, I was until you distracted me," she says with a pretty pout.

"Huh, I distracted you? I asked if you were ready for breakfast and what you replied had nothing to do with breakfast you cheeky monkey!" I pause as I smile and raise my eyebrows at her "I didn't take up your offer but I will eat that when you are ready, but not now, I want pancakes and bacon."

I laugh as she catches up with my train of thought, turns a shade of beetroot red and thumps me with the pillow.

The rest of the day passes in a blur, as Ana continues to study, I call Welch and Taylor into my office and I explain to them in detail what I discovered today, they need to understand my now almost maniacal desire to destroy Morton and Carla.

I won't take a photo of Ana's butt to show them but I pull up graphic pictures online to show them exactly how Ana's injuries must have looked to cause the extent of the scarring and both men, seasoned soldiers, pale and nod determinedly. Outside of myself and Ray, I think these two will protect Ana over myself if necessary, despite their brief being to me first and I am glad that I have them on my team.

When I mention the "ashtray" burns, Welch audibly groans and Taylor closes his eyes in distress and I have no doubt that Carla will never ever be free to enjoy herself. "If there is some way to prove neglect and then move past state and federal statutes of limitation, I want them charged so that there is punishment for his damage and her neglect, if something else happens to them in custody, or anywhere, let's just say, I don't care as long as Ana isn't hurt again."

"Quite frankly, a slow roasting alive over hot coals would be too good for these two animals, they make a good pair," Taylor finally spits out.

Assured that my team will handle that side of things, I want to put in place my plans for the next four or five days but only after seeking Ana out again. I need to touch her, feel her, her response this morning was nothing short of satisfying in the fact that despite all her damage, her body is willing and she trusts me. She trusts me! When everything in her should logically turn away from me, she sees something that she trusts; maybe I am able to be saved after all.

"Hi Gorgeous, can I help you up? The physio is on her way up and I want to be here with you, we need to know what you are going to be able to do over the next four days so that you have enough energy for these silly exams, which you shouldn't be doing, and not be totally exhausted by the end of it."

"Christian, I am doing the exams, I am stronger than you think I am," she says crossing her arms over her chest, daring me to argue with her again and looking adorable in the process.

"I know there's no point in arguing with you baby, I just want you well, there so many things that I want to do with you, hopefully when you've finished the exams you will actually rest and get better soon," and the physio sweeps into the room having heard the tail end of the discussion.

"Who is doing exams?" and then grimaces when told, "Are you serious? Child, you should have been sleeping for the last 10 or however many days since the accident and only moving to do exercise, I cannot believe that you are doing that to yourself! Is your doctor letting you?

Ana looks at me a little panicked and says "I haven't asked."

"How are you going to maintain this sort of hitching system and how are you travelling?" the physio is becoming a little agitated and Ana looks at me beseechingly, damn it, I totally agree with the physio but I've promised Ana, I know how much this means to her.

"I have that under control, Ana will be continuously supported, both for the travelling and the exams and at any signs of distress, she will be airlifted back here or to the closest hospital" and Ana's eyes go wide and troubled. Oh, it's good to be me, she'll have to get used to my power and money, somehow I think that will be my hardest struggle with her.

The physio's words though cement my plans and I watch while Ana is put through her paces, I can see the exertion she is using and can imagine the pain but unlike the first time when she did all this and then was in tears, though her face hollows with the effort, she stoically does it all without a peep and then thanks the physio when they are finished.

The list of exercises is given for our trip but she is told not to worry as the exams will probably draw too much energy anyway and she'll see us on Thursday. "Bye Ana, be careful and girl, you deserve a medal, if not your degree, for how you're handling what you have gone through and doing all your exercises every day when most don't bother. Good luck." Are her parting words as she pats Ana on the arm, oh, if she only knew what my poor girl has gone through, she'd know how true her words are, Ana just nods.

"We really should clear this with Mom, she'll be here in an hour then you need to eat dinner and sleep." I say intending it as an order and Ana simply nods again, no defiance and I realise that she is tired and take this opportunity to go over my plans, hoping that she will be too tired to argue.

As she's sitting on the edge of the chair, I stand in front of her and put my hands around her tiny waist ready for when I will have to lift her off and look into face but her eyes are trained below my eyeline and she doesn't lift them as I speak.

"We'll leave here tomorrow afternoon after you have a shower as there is room here, we stay the night in your apartment so that you can farewell it and say good bye to your old life and then we spend Monday and Tuesday and perhaps Wednesday night at the Heathman where there is a lot more room." I say it in a bit of a rush, looking at her anxiously expecting her to put up a fight over it.

"That'll be nice, thank you." Is all she says quietly, almost absentmindedly.

"Ana, are you ok?" I ask concerned at her lack of expression.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be? It sounds like you have planned it perfectly." She answers again quietly, just flicking her eyes up to mine quickly and then looking down again.

I have a distinctly uneasy feeling and I don't know what I have done or not done but something isn't right and I curse my lack of relationship knowledge. If this was a merger, I know that at this point, I am about to lose the deal, her quiet acquiescence without additional questioning, just isn't her and I find it unsettling.

"Do you want to come in to the main room and just relax, have some nibbles and a drink?" I need to feel her, and thankfully she nods so I lift her and carry her out to the big room signalling Gail for pre-dinner drinks and recline on the couch, moulding myself around her body so that she is safe and as comfortable as possible. Still nothing, now I feel like a cushion, she is just sitting here on me, she isn't leaning in to me or absorbing, that's what I suddenly realise, normally I feel like we are absorbing each other.

Gail comes into the room with the drinks and the smile on her lips stills and she looks between us and then at me with worried eyes, even she can see something is wrong. She fusses with some snacks, placing them within reach and lingering but Ana doesn't say anything and just sits there on me so Gail leaves after I thank her, again looking at me with concern.

Suddenly Ana says, "I'm sorry Christian, I need to, um, I need to pee, do you mind bringing me there?" and I oblige relieved that I will be able to ask Gail what she thinks is going on but as I leave Ana in the bathroom, promising that she will call me when necessary, my mother appears and I am pleased to see her.

"Christian, what's the matter?" she asks as I run my hands through my hair.

"I don't know, Ana's gone distant on me and I don't know what I have done." I was about to ask if Mom had seen her scars because she hasn't mentioned them and she was there both when Ana came in the ambulance and when she was rushed to emergency but Ana calls quietly and I say "Help me Mom, I'm not good at this."

"Hi Darling Girl," and Mom gives Ana a kiss and as much of a cuddle as she can while I am holding her and while Ana perks up, she still isn't herself.

I put her down and before I have a chance to say anything Ana says in a rush, "Grace I need to go and do my exams on Monday and Tuesday because I don't feel that I have earned the degree that they are conferring on Wednesday, please say it's ok to go."

My mom looks at Ana and then at me and I say, "I have agreed to make sure that Ana gets there safely, is able to do the exams, and will be able to be evacuated out if anything happens."

Her eyes shine and she says quietly, "Well, Ana let me check you over and I trust Christian to not take your health lightly, so if he can get you up there safely and keep you there safely, I don't see any reason for you not to go. Darling girl, I am never going to stand in the way of your dreams, everyone here wants the best for you."

Ana closes her eyes briefly and one tiny tear starts and she dashes it away, she won't look at me and I don't know what to do. Mom says, "Christian, I'd love a cup of tea, Ana would you like one?" Ana nods and I drop a kiss on her neck as I walk past her, I can't stand that Ana is hurting for some reason and I don't know why.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

Christian walks out of the room to organise the tea and I guess his mother wants to chat to me but I don't know how to start with Grace, how do I say that my world is spinning out of control and I have such a tenuous grasp on it, she'll probably have me committed like my mother.

Like my mother, that's it, I'm like my mother, the first time someone has shown any interest in me, I basically throw myself at him. Like my mother, I am throwing myself at a rich man. Actually, he's beyond rich, I have no idea how rich he is but what he told me in the interview and how he has acted since, paying for everything, he must be rolling in money. Yet I am just a poor uni student, how can I live in this world with him, a world where someone has planes at his disposal to fly on a whim, where everything is organised and planned and done by somebody else. How can I live in a high society life? I don't fit in. Me with my scars and history but no life experience, how can I survive in the business and social world, we are so very different, different circles, different everything.

He thinks he likes me because I understand his issues. He has issues but nowhere near as many as I have and soon he'll realise what a mess I am and won't have anything to do with me. What am going to do? My body craves him already and all he did was touch me this morning, we don't know each other yet I basically want to give him my v-card like some brazen hussy, like my mother who once she gave it away would give herself away for anything. This morning if he had thought of a way of making it possible, I would have given it to him, just like that, no qualms at all, god I was rubbing myself against him basically begging him.

I am just like the waste of space that is my mother. I am not like the amazing woman standing in front of me, the woman who just said that she wasn't going to stand in the way of my dreams, unlike my mother who always puts herself first and always put road blocks in front of me.

I can't stay, I can't get any closer to Christian, he'll figure out soon enough that I am just like a vapour, after the first heat is gone, I'll just be droplets of water that need to be wiped away, and what will be left of me? I need to do these exams, I need to succeed on my own, I can't have Christian, I need to be on my own, I cannot turn into my mother.

Finally, as Grace puts her hands on my shoulders, I realise that she was talking to me. "Ana, please, calm down, you're having a panic attack, just breathe for me, please just breathe for me."

As I nod to acknowledge that I have heard her and try to draw in a breath I realise that Christian is standing there looking scared. Great, I have managed to take one of the world's best businessmen and reduce him to this and I sob "I'm sorry Christian, I can't do this to you."

When he rushes forward to hug me, I reach out with my arms and stop him, "I can't, Christian, I can't. It's not fair on you."

"Ana…" it's a tortured sound as Grace stops him and says, very professionally, the mother figure has gone, it is a doctor in a professional capacity standing there, "Ana, can we get you upstairs please? I need to check you over properly and I think you're over tired at this point" and I know that isn't the problem but maybe I can hide up there.

His smell as he picks me up and cuddles me close, his heat, his concern and his inate goodness all meld into one huge burden on my heart as he quickly carries me to the bedroom, I close my eyes, I don't want to see the pain in his eyes and etched on his face, that I am causing him, I know I will just keep causing him pain, that's all I, as my mother's daughter will do to him.

As he lays me on the bed, I just want to curl into a ball but with my leg I can't and now my ribs are hurting from the silent sobs and the pain killers aren't working as well, see, I am my mother's daughter, I am already needing harder pain killers, I am so close to that slippery slope and as I think that, I realise that Christian is still holding me despite having covered my body with the bed clothes, my final realisation as the panic subsides is that Grace has sedated me again and I give in to the red cloud as it covers me and drags me down.


	53. Chapter 53 - 21 & 22 May 2011

**Christian's POV**

"John, I don't know what happened." I say pacing up and down his room; my hands haven't been out of my hair for the last two hours. "This morning we shared the most amazing intimacy. Wait, let me start again. I haven't told you about Thursday or about Tuesday see, Ana's good for me when she's ok, she helps me get my shit together, normally I would have been in here earlier in the week and probably should have come to see you."

"Christian, do you mind, can you start at the beginning please? I have a feeling that whatever has you this agitated didn't just start today." John says calmly, while I'm frustrated that I can't seem to string a coherent sentence together.

"Well, on Tuesday, Ana said something that sent me into a sulking tailspin for two days, when I finally came to my senses and spoke to her, she explained what she had said and it was about wanting to be part of a family and I realised I had it all wrong. Anyway, I carried her up to bed and as I went to snuggle in next to her, she slid her hand under my shirt against my chest and… and … I hit her. I was appalled by the fact that I hit her and scared her but Ana unbelievably understood that it was a residual fear trigger response and nothing to do with her." I'm still amazed at how perceptive Ana is and John just nods.

"Anyway, on Wednesday I apologised for all my stupidity by way of spending the afternoon on Bainbridge Island with her and gave her some gifts which she actually accepted despite her reticence in accepting anything of value from me and everything was beautiful, just simply fantastic. We ….. um," and I can't believe I feel embarrassed talking to John when I have been quite explicit with him in the past "We had several moments in the elevator that, ah, um, would be classified as, dammit, if she wasn't in a cast, I would have taken her." I finish in a rush and John looks at me with something close to a smirk.

I choose to ignore his facial expression and continue, "On Thursday Ana told me she wants to do her exams on Monday, this Monday because she doesn't feel like she deserves the degree she will be receiving on Wednesday if she doesn't. I was going to forbid her doing any such stupid thing and then she broke down, saying the other reason is that she wants to go stay in her apartment one last time to say goodbye to the life that was stolen from her. How could I refuse her after that?"

"Ah, I see. And you still feel that you are somehow responsible for this?" John asks and I nod, he's right, I still do.

"Anyway, I agreed and said I would organise it and I have but that's not the issue, at least, I don't think it is. The important thing is what happened today, what I have said so far is just context for today and I hope you can help. Last night I wanted to help Ana in the shower but she wouldn't let me, this morning, I accidentally touched her back and she reacted, actually she did on Wednesday too, on Wednesday she had a full blown panic attack when I accidentally touched her back as well."

"So she has issues with touch too?" John says incredulously.

"And with reason, she …" and my voice breaks "She…. Her mother allowed men to not only beat her up but also put out their cigarettes in her belly button, she doesn't have a belly button, she, she just has a huge scar. Oh my god John, her cigarette burn is worse than all mine put together and there is no mention of this in any police report or anything. Worse and so much worse, is Ana's back, her back itself doesn't look bad but if you look closely, you can see faint cane scars criss-crossing her entire back, this was mentioned in the police report and you remember the photos. What wasn't mentioned were the three massive scars on her buttocks, the caning she must have endured to create scars that are each as wide as my finger, John my heart broke, Morton was an absolute savage when he attacked her." And I have to stop and take a breath as the horror of seeing those scars and imagining the pain hits me again.

"Long story short, I discovered all this, this morning and all my issues disappeared out the window when I saw those scars and I just pulled her in against me to comfort her as she broke down and we fell back asleep, her bare back against my bare front." I stop to allow him to get his head around that fact and I can see him look both proud and troubled.

"Well, that's a massive leap for you." He says nodding, "How does that make you feel?"

"John, she is the most amazingly brave person I have ever met and she's funny and she's kind and she's strong and god she's beautiful and when we woke up again, she was teasing me and I .. took our relationship to the next level." I pause for John's brain to catch up.

"I…, ah…, I can't believe this is so hard to say to you. I gave her an orgasm, I know she's not ready or able to have sex but she needed it, I needed it to be honest too, to see her so satisfied makes waiting all the time we will have to wait, all the more worthwhile, especially when she said it was her first one."

I pinch the bridge of my nose, wondering whether I should disclose the next fact and think he needs to know "John, I asked her if she'd ever pleasured herself and she said, "No-one else loved me, why would I," it's just not fair, this world is just not fair. Why does bad shit always happen to good people?"

I walk around the room as I try and clear my head, "Anyway, everything was going well all day, then the physio came, validly questioned Ana about doing the exams and I said I had it all under control, I can make sure that she is physically supported up there, during the exams and if something happens I can have her evacuated. The physio indicated Ana should have the approval of the doctor which is Mom and then she left saying she thought Ana was brave, because she is, everyone can see it except her."

John nods and I continue, "After the physio left and I told Ana the plans for tomorrow when we fly up and well, it was at this point that Ana became all quiet. She agreed with all my plans, didn't disagree and just sort of became muted, when I carried her down and sat with her, she withdrew completely into herself. She's only withdrawn like that once before but not so bad, when I bought those chairs that she thought were a waste of money. When Mom came, it was obvious Ana was upset and pleading with Mom to let her go do her exams and Mom said she'd never stand in the way of her dreams and Ana started crying and since I had no idea what was going on, Mom smartly sent me off to organise a cup of tea."

I have sat down now as I can feel myself trembling from the fear I felt two hours ago, "When I came back, Ana was having a panic attack saying ""I'm sorry Christian, I can't do this to you. I can't, Christian, I can't. It's not fair on you." and even Mom couldn't get through to her, she had to sedate her, John it was awful, what is going on? I don't know what is wrong, what have I done? What can't she do to me? She makes me feel alive like I have never felt before, what does she think she's doing to me other than make me a better man? Mom says that whatever is going on has nothing to do with me but everything to do with how she sees herself but I can't shake the thought that I've done something to make her feel bad, what have I done, it was such a beautiful morning?"

"Christian, have you ever wondered how she has remained remarkably composed given everything that has happened to her recently? Yes, she had that big breakdown last Saturday but really most people would have still been connected to all sorts of monitors in the hospital and just wanting to heal. You know she shouldn't have survived the accident and very nearly didn't. She on the other hand appears to have been handling you as well as all her own issues, putting on a brave face but she's dealing with major losses here and she hasn't grieved anything yet."

He looks to see if I am following, "Normally, this week of a university student's life is one of celebration and moving on, there are certain things that happen, like going out and getting drunk after the last exams, packing up uni accommodation, saying goodbye to those transient friends you've made that you may never see again, saying goodbye to the last part effectively of your childhood, you've finished studying and it's time to be a grown up, a proper adult. You missed all that given that you dropped out and weren't living a typical student's life anyway." Well, yes, he's right I was being fucked over by Elena; I certainly wasn't leading a normal student's life at all.

John continues, "I'm sure there's some aspect of grief at missing all that and given all the loss in her life, her health at the moment, her mother in custody still and all the revelations that came from that, which unfortunately must have put a nail in the coffin of the dream that perhaps one day life would be normal for her with a 'present' mother and father and for the perpetrator of the major scarring in her life to be someone that her mother was consorting with, must have added to her trauma."

He stops and looks at me and says "And another thing, what often happens is that someone is completely used to looking out for themselves and holds everything together until someone says to them with concern, "Are you ok?" and then they realise that they aren't and they fall apart, maybe there's an aspect of that because you are looking out for her and she's not used to that."

I nod perhaps that's it and he continues, "As to why she thinks she is doing something to you, I don't know, is she feeling overwhelmed by something, you said it happened after you said what you would do."

"John, I'd give her the world but she doesn't want it, she hates me spending money on her, I just said I'd evacuate her out if it was necessary, what was bad about that? Can you come and speak to her? She should wake up soon and I need to be there when she does, I can't guarantee her safety and I'm not comfortable with her waking up alone." I'm not above pleading and I want to be there for Ana.

"Yes, Christian, let's go, I can speak to Rhian on the way, however, my impact may not be significant in one session although I will do my best to help right now. Think of all the therapy you have had, I don't think Ana has had any and you keep finding more damage that has been done to her, the dam wall can only be breached so many times before it breaks, unfortunately, we might be seeing that break soon. At this point we are going to be simply putting corks in to stop the leaks until some major work can be done but I'll be there for her, and you, unfortunately, I think this is going to be as tough on you as it is her."

"I just want her to be able to talk to someone, let it out, something is going on in that pretty head and it's not right, you need to make her understand she'll never be a burden to me, she is the light to my dark …"

"Christian, I can't make her understand anything, she has to come to realise it herself but I will help her, I can't have both of you with self-loathing, I might end up joining you."

It doesn't take long to get back to Escala and I leave John in the great room and make my way to the bedroom and Gail looks relieved to see me, "She might be waking up soon, she's starting to move, she's still upset," she whispers to me and I'd swear she is tearing up.

"Thank you Gail," I whisper back and it isn't until later that I realised that I called her Gail and ponder the significance, Ana is changing me without even trying, my estimation of Gail was always high but it has skyrocketed with her care and concern for Ana.

I close the door, switch off the monitor and slide in next to Ana, taking her in my arms, I want her to wake up feeling loved, my heart constricts when she tosses and would have turned if not for the cast and equipment and I hear her mumbling, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I'm just like my mother, I'm no good for him, I just keep taking. I'm a user just like her. He's better off without me."

How can she think that? I feel like a knife has been stabbed through my heart and is being twisted with each whisper, I am nothing without her, she is my reason for living now, all I did before was exist and all she has done is give and give, yet she thinks she's taking. What has she taken? She has barely accepted any gift that I have given her and all I have done is effectively provide her medical care which she would have received in hospital anyway. She is nothing like her mother, how can she think she's like her?

I want to leave her for a second so that I can speak to John but when I start to withdraw my arm, I hear what sounds like a whimper and I can't do it, so I reach carefully reach into my pocket and pull out my phone, I quickly text John in the next room what she just said in her sleep to give him a notion of what is going through her head and then I make sure my phone is on silent before his reply text comes through with "She's scared of repeating a pattern… sound familiar?" Smart arse!

I need to wake her to speak to John and so that she can have her dinner, otherwise she'll end up sleeping on an empty stomach. "Hey wakeup, sleepy," I say as I gently shake her and she grumbles. I have to smile; Ana does like her sleep and really doesn't like to be woken. I have figured that much out so far, it's one thing at least that I have _figured_ out. So I gently blow in and then nibble her ear and she swats at me and then opens her eyes a crack to see me smiling at her "Hello Gorgeous"

"Hrmph"

"Wake up, it's time for dinner" I say gently and she opens her eyes wide and makes to push herself up.

"What day?" The panic is evident in her voice.

"Hey steady up, it's Saturday. You don't think I'd make you sleep through until dinnertime tomorrow?" I say concerned as she shrugs I say, "Honey, I have a "thing" about people missing meals, there's no way I'd let you miss three meals even if you did need the sleep."

I feel I have to address the elephant in the room and I say as I pull her into my lap, "Besides, by this time tomorrow, we'll be in Portland, you don't think I'd let you miss that?"

I brush the hair out of her eyes and I can't stand the pain I can see, "Baby, I'm not going anywhere, you are not pushing me away because of some misguided belief. I love you, please understand that, I want you to be happy, this is killing me, please don't turn away from me." I don't want to make this about me but if she thinks she's bad for me, I need her to understand that she is wrong. "You have been amazing for me, you're everything I need, you are changing me for the better, please believe me, you give me a reason to live, not just exist, please see that."

To prove my point, I pick up her hand which is sitting listlessly in her lap and nudge my t-shirt open and push her hand inside, she instinctively balls it up and stops it touching me. "Loosen up baby and touch me" I say looking straight into her eyes, I am not going to hide anything, if it still scares me, she'll see it but I know I'm not scared of her touch and so she tentatively places her fingertips on my abs and I don't flinch, in fact I smile at her. "I think I'm ready for that chocolate sauce" I say to lighten the mood but it doesn't work this time and the shutters come down.

"Baby, look at me," and I wait until she does, "Move your hand up to my heart, right over one of the scars." She looks positively scared but eventually does it, "Don't be scared, see I trust you, you have my heart in your hand and there is no-one and I mean no-one else in the world that has touched me there and not been knocked out. Please believe me that I will do anything to make you feel better. Will you talk to me about what is upsetting you? I can't bear to see you like this." She turns in to me and shakes her head as she places her face into my shoulder, her hand still on my heart, at least she isn't moving it, I am too scared to do anything other than hold her tight and hope that I am providing some sort of comfort.

"If you can't talk to me, I have brought John Flynn home so that you can talk to him, would you rather do that?" I ask, hoping that it won't upset her more and she continues huddling into me but eventually she nods and I kiss the top of her head.

"Dinner first Gorgeous Girl then I can stay with you or I can leave you with John, which ever you want."

"Can I talk to him now so that he can go home to his wife and kids?"

"Honey, for once I want you to think about yourself, he is happy to have dinner here and then talk or speak to you and then eat or just go home after, entirely up to you but I don't want you upset and not eating."

"Now."

"Now?

"Yes Now"

"Ok, but I'd like you to eat first."

"Now, I want to see him now, I don't want to upset another person's life too, his kids shouldn't miss out on him because of me."

Although I don't like the implication that she is messing up anyone's life, I can see glimpses of my Ana, the one that doesn't like taking direction and being told what to do so I start to breathe easier, "One John Flynn coming up then, wait here" and it's a tired smile, but a smile nonetheless as she withdraws her hand to allow me to move and I catch and kiss her finger tips before setting her back on the bed.

I go to Taylor's office to turn on the monitor and just watch with him, I stop the sound feed, I won't breach Ana's confidence, it would be wrong to listen as I'd hate anyone to listen into one of my sessions with John but I need to make sure that Ana is ok physically and if there is any sign of a panic attack, I am going to be there.

Thankfully, despite what seems like an early reticence to speak and some tears that she dashes with the back of her hand, they speak for an hour and she finally nods and looks exhausted but not so flat and John starts to leave the room which is my cue to return.

When I again offer that he stay for dinner, he says with a smile, "I think Ana would prefer I went home to my own family and since I know that Rhian happened to have a roast on tonight, this time I'll skip it, but thank you."

As we walk to the elevator, he quietly adds under his breath so that only I can hear him, "I think she'll be fine for the next few days but watch for the exhaustion on Wednesday, after the thrill of receiving the degree, there may be a sharp downturn. Can I suggest a session on Thursday or Friday? Perhaps both of you should have a session, either here or in the office. I have given Ana my number in case she wants to call and please impress on her as I tried to, that she should call me at any time if everything is becoming too much, each of these episodes is setting her recovery back days, hopefully she understands that now."

I thank him profusely for spending his time with Ana and make my way back quickly, the wan smile welcoming me doesn't fill me with confidence but I'm hoping that dinner and a decent night's sleep will be enough to carry Ana through what is going to be a difficult Sunday.

Gail looks happier as she fusses over Ana, our plates full of her beautiful spaghetti and meatballs, salad and herb bread between us and the promise of a light dessert to finish off.

We manage dinner in companionable silence and as Ana looks like she is about to fall asleep, I apologise to Gail for not eating the dessert and carry Ana upstairs. When it's time to sleep she shyly turns to me and says "Thank you for organising Dr Flynn, could you just lie with me for a little bit so that I can go to sleep?" There's no hesitation on my part and she is asleep within minutes, holding my hand over her chest and it takes all my strength to leave the room, there's no other place I'd rather be than curled around Ana.

Thankfully, once I do make it back to bed, Ana's nocturnal mutterings are either non-existent or not upset so I sleep peacefully, waking before 6am and thinking of the sunrise but then I look at Ana and know there is nothing more beautiful than her to wake up to, so I roll over and release the hitch. She immediately rolls to the left and I wind myself around her, holding her tight and am rewarded by a relaxation of her back into my body and her hand holding mine she pulls close to her heart so that I can feel her steady beat and our hearts synchronise. I smile as I fall asleep again.

* * *

**Sunday 22 May 2011**

* * *

Ana is terse with me all day but this time I know exactly why, she is stressing about the exams and so I just keep her supplied with tea and chocolate, the latter being a special request which resulted in five different boxes piled onto her table and me receiving an exasperated look. The extremely chocolaty thank you kiss disturbed me from my work for the next hour as the remnants tantalised my mouth and a neck massage an hour later earns me a second chocolaty kiss and I decide I might as well give up and go organise what I am bringing to Portland as I have no hope of thinking straight after that.

The day continues until after a shower where she still does not allow me in but I am not pushing anything today, much bigger issues are at play and I have the small surprise of how we are flying to Portland to get through first. I hope she doesn't react badly.

As we leave the apartment, the look of surprise on Ana's face is priceless when the elevator moves upward instead of down. "Where's it going, I thought you lived at the top in the penthouse?" is all she says and then her mouth is a perfect O as the elevator opens to the rooftop and she sees the helicopter sitting there.

"A helicopter?" and she swivels her head towards me.

"Ana, meet Charlie, Charlie Tango, meet Ana" I say and Ana looks around confused until I point to the helicopter and she smiles.

"Pleased to meet you Charlie," and finally she laughs, "I can't believe I'm talking to a helicopter! Why Charlie Tango?"

"It's my initials CTG Christian Trevelyan-Grey, the full name is Charlie Tango Golf.

I strap her into the seat making sure that her leg is supported and her body isn't about to move, as I back away she says, "Where's the pilot?" and looks confused at my grin.

"You're looking at him," and I can't help but have a proud smile on my face.

"Proud, much?" she says with an answering grin, "How very exciting, my boyfriend can fly a helicopter!" and to hear her say "my boyfriend" makes my grin nearly break my face in two and I lean in and thoroughly kiss her, her hands in my hair leave no doubt that she thinks it's sexy too.

"Woah, I need to concentrate now and we have a strict flight plan to adhere to, so I need you to stay in your seat," ok, the joke is getting lame now, "Put on your cans" I point at the headphones, "and enjoy the flight."

"You really do know what you're doing?" Ana's voice comes through my headphones as I complete the pre-flight checks.

I have to laugh, "Ana, I've been a fully qualified pilot for four years and there is no way I'd risk you if I wasn't 100% confident in my abilities, here in the helicopter you are completely safe."

I can feel Ana's spirits lifting as we rise above Seattle and she gasps at the view but keeps quiet until we are well clear of the buildings, the smile on her face is infectious. "It's beautiful isn't it?" and she nods enthusiastically. "It's even better flying at dusk, first as the sun is setting and then as the lights start twinkling, Seattle is stunning flying into it at night."

"You are very good at this, do you enjoy it as much as you look like you're enjoying it?" Ana asks and I am sure I must have some sort of idiotic grin on my face, and yes I enjoy it but what I am enjoying more at this moment is the fact that she is looking happy and her eyes are full of excitement.

"I love it, it requires control and concentration, the views are magnificent and quite frankly, I feel free up here," I am brutally honest, "But not as free as when I am soaring."

"Soaring?" she looks so cute as she looks questioningly at me, "That's gliding isn't it? You mentioned it the other day when you said I couldn't go skiing."

"Yes, soaring, otherwise known as gliding, with no engine and having to rely entirely on yourself, it really does feel like you are flying. I fly gliders and helicopters and am working on my pilot's licence for a plane." I say happily although some sort of shadow seems to pass over her face at that last statement, I reach out and she allows me to grab her hand and I squeeze it. "You'll have to come soaring with me once you're better, I'm sure you'll love it. Don't you wish you could fly?" It's the shyest nod but I see it and then let her go so that I can concentrate on flying and in no time at all we are flying down to the helipad in Portland. I am loathe to leave our little bubble in the sky as it was lovely to see the life in Ana that I haven't often seen, I can't wait until she is healthy, I have a feeling that she has more than a little adventurous spirit in her and we'll have fun if she lets us. From the fact that she mentioned the skiing and that I wasn't going to allow her to do it, I know she will be up to doing some of the things I enjoy and I look forward to that time.

I bound out of the helicopter feeling on top of the world for two reasons, firstly, Ana called me her boyfriend, no-one has ever called me their boyfriend and it surprisingly makes me feel good, I belong somewhere, secondly, she's talking about things into the future which means hopefully she's not thinking of ending things any time soon.

When I unstrap her and she puts her arms around my neck and tilts her head up for a kiss, I feel my heart bursting with happiness and she is left in no doubt that I adore her, when I pull away relunctantly, she looks thoroughly kissed and I hope feels as loved as I feel in this moment. I gently flick some hair out of her eyes and calm down by placing a tender kiss on her forehead and she closes her eyes but thankfully the smile stays on her lips and I lift her out of the helicopter and head to the building with her in arms. As we approach, old Joe comes out to meet me with a smile on his face, which turns into an even bigger one after Ana's shy greeting, his eyes flicking happily between us as he asks about the flight and notes my instructions for the next few days.

Thankfully the elevator in the helipad building is working as it seems to spend a lot of time out of order, something I have discovered every time I have flown up for meetings at WSU. Taylor is waiting at the bottom with the SUV and we are on the way to Ana's apartment in no time and I can feel the tension rise as we drive closer.

Elliot came down with Taylor and Gail earlier and is standing at the door when we arrive, he immediately takes Ana from my arms and spins her around in a hug to my annoyance but she laughs and it breaks the ice with Miss Kavanagh who still regards me with suspicion but leaps up to hug Ana until I cough and she lets go with a little apologetic "Sorry".

Dinner with Kate and Elliot has us all laughing and Ana relaxing until she thinks about the fact she has the exams tomorrow and suggests that she'd like to go to bed and indicates the direction to her bedroom. I'm not surprised to find it a tiny room, functional but cozy with sparse white wicker furniture and a white iron double bed with a pale blue and cream patchwork quilt.

"Sorry Christian, it's less than the size of your closet" and I shrug.

"I couldn't care less about the size of the room as long as I am in it with you." I say with all honesty, "This is a nice" I say, touching the quilt on her bed.

"That quilt was made by my mother, it was when she was in a folksy American quilting phase, it was the only time she made something for me." And I remove my hand like I have received an electric shock. "You can't catch evil from it Christian, it's actually quite warm and it allowed me to dream that one day I would love a child and make them a quilt but …. but they wouldn't need a quilt to know that I loved them, because I would tell them and show them and actually love them, they would know I loved them, I'd never let them be hurt, never leave them alone..." and her voice breaks.

"Oh Baby, you'll make a great mother," I say, my voice catching in my throat as I hold her tight in my arms comforting her, I've always shied away from the idea of being a father but with Ana, the idea doesn't seem so bad.


	54. Chapter 54 - 22 to 26 May 2011

**Ana's POV**

I can't believe the last five days, Sunday was a day of such mixed emotions, freaking out about whether I knew enough for the exams, exasperation over the amount of chocolate Christian delivered when I'd only mentioned chocolate to stop him hovering, disappointment that I still can't share a shower with him, being completely and utterly mind-blown watching Christian fly the helicopter, so in control and beyond sexy, comfortable with everyone laughing in our apartment like two normal couples and then ending up in tears once again in Christian's arms because of Mom's quilt, Christian's reaction to it so visceral but his understanding so huge as he held me crying until I fell asleep.

It is the best feeling in the world to fall asleep in his arms and wake up in them again. Dr Flynn says I've had a positive impact on Christian and that I need to learn to let him in, that he is giving and that I am not taking from him and while that doesn't make logical sense, I think I understand what he means. The only way I can countenance that I am not just taking is if I think that perhaps I am taking the bad from his life as well as taking what he gives me, perhaps my ledger is even, if I think that, then I can accept it.

Dr Flynn says that Christian needs to protect as he has a deep rooted fear of losing people close to him, that he has always had a remarkable ability to give and a need to give to those he holds dear even if he doesn't recognise that fact himself. Dr Flynn said that Christian has been changing for the better since the accident and even Gail has implied that he is changing for the better. I still don't understand why me but Dr Flynn asked "Why not you? You understand him, like no-one, not even I ever have." And I hate why we understand each other.

Monday was extremely intense and I was seriously questioning my sanity about doing all the exams in two days, Christian looked tenser than I have ever seen him when he was told he wasn't allowed in the examination room with me. I think he was ready to pull funding for the university until I told him that I wouldn't be able to concentrate with him in the room anyway and he'd be doing me a favour. So he said he'd be sitting in the next room and it was agreed that the adjudicator would let him know if I needed anything and he eventually relented with a terse statement that if anything happened to me, the university WOULD lose all its funding and earned himself an exasperated look from me and frightened look from the adjudicator.

As he left, he very thoroughly kissed me without care for the presence of the adjudicator who turned away at the heat, my lips were quite sore for a while distracting me for the first few minutes of the exam and then I forgot absolutely all pain, all sensation and just concentrated on the exam. I actually didn't feel the pain from my injuries for most of the exam and so I tried to explain to Christian later, the exams were good for me. He didn't believe me.

As soon as I was finished, I'd barely put my pen down and Christian was wheeling me out of the room and heading to the Heathman, the room, well, I could hardly call it a room, the suite was enormous and so luxurious that I was glad that Christian had insisted we stay there instead of my apartment. The rooms in the apartment weren't soundproof and we heard Kate and Elliot at various stages of the night and I'd said my goodbye, really there was nothing left there for me, Christian told me the packers will pack up everything that I didn't put in a box yesterday. My favourite possessions I gave to Christian who packed them for me, they were just some photos that Ray had taken, Ray's army dogtags, some precious books he'd given me as presents over the years, a small photo of my actual father, some poetry I had written and some paintings I had painted. It was sad to see that my entire possessions of worth barely filled half a box but Christian carried it out to his car as if it was box full of gold and precious jewels, understanding the importance of them to me.

Tuesday was even worse because after the exams the day before I'd had a lactic acid type reaction and all my joints ached, I didn't complain because Christian would have stopped me from continuing with the exams after the emotional night we had on Monday night, my heart still aches when I think about it.

Monday night, despite me saying nothing about my joint pain, after a beautiful dinner and while I was trying to study for the next exams, Christian came in and gave me a muscle melting massage, he started at the top of my head and ended up with a foot massage that even now sends shivers through my whole body.

I was lying there with my eyes shut, marvelling that this gorgeous man, known the world over as an extremely tough businessman, was working on my muscles with tender strokes. I was enjoying his hands kneading my feet and then my eyes flew open as his tongue joined his fingers gliding up my instep and I could see he was enjoying my reaction from the grin on his face.

"I didn't want you falling asleep on me, just yet" he chuckled and then kissed each of my toes, when he started biting the pads of my toes and I started wriggling with desire, he stopped and kissed my ankle and simply said nonchalantly as he started walking back to his seat on the couch, "Ok get back to studying," and I would have thumped him if I could have reached him.

"Hey, not fair! Come back here, I need to tell you something," I said giggling.

"I can hear you from here," he said standing with his arms crossed and a grin on his face but as I lifted my eyebrows and crooked my index finger at him, he sauntered over to me, sitting gingerly on the bed just within arm's reach. "Closer."

Oh how I was wishing my body wasn't broken, the Heathman suite was so beautiful, Christian was looking so boyishly gorgeous, for once he looked carefree and happy and he was sitting right there just at fingertip reach and so I tickled him and then watched horrified as the emotions washed across his face. Fear, shame, sadness and then control in quick succession and my hands just dropped to the sheet and I couldn't even formulate the words to say sorry before he said quietly after taking a ragged breath and reaching to hold my hands, his trembling as much as mine, "It's ok baby, I'm sorry, I should have told you but I hadn't thought about it, it's another thing and I don't know how many other things are going to surface."

All I could do was nod mutely as he shuffled up next to me and lifted me into my favourite place, his lap and he hugged me as he brought everything under control, his face nuzzled into my hair. "I always desperately wanted to be tickled because Elliot and Mia looked like they were having so much fun but I just couldn't handle it and … I'm sorry," he finished quietly and I desperately didn't want to add to his pain by crying but the image of a sad little boy watching from the sidelines just ripped me apart and the tears rolled silently down my cheeks. It was only when one splashed onto his arm that Christian noticed and very gently turned my face to him and kissed off the tears and finished at my lips, slowly, gently, reverently attending to me and it felt like our souls merged, two young children deprived who now had something of even greater value making us whole.

Tuesday's exams were more difficult but having crammed them into two days it was fantastic to finish and then as the adjudicator said, "Ok, rest up tomorrow and we'll see you Thursday," and I looked at him confused, he said, "At your graduation," and walked off.

I looked at Christian and he asked, "Has it been changed?" and then he looked at his phone as I shrugged confused and simply laughed, "God Ana, you have no idea how upside down you've turned my world, my life has always been neatly scheduled and controlled and I know exactly what is going on and when and yet here we are, we've managed to plan everything for the wrong day, you could have spread those exams over 3 days. The graduation has always been Thursday but because you said Wednesday, I didn't even think to check my schedule and well, there you go, we have a free day tomorrow instead of the graduation."

My mortification must have shown and he said simply, "No, baby, I'm happy, this is good, I'll reschedule the flight, my office has me down as away until Thursday night anyway, the only confused ones were you and I, and we can spend a day relaxing, just the two of us. How does that sound? I think we both need to just chill for a day given all the drama over the last two weeks. What do you want to do?"

"Well, to be honest, soaking in that magnificent bath at the Heathman would have been fantastic but I still can't have a bath," I said wistfully "But I guess it might be nice for you to see some of the lovely places around Vancouver do you know much about this area?"

"Hey, this is not about me, I want to do whatever you want to do, so maybe let's think about it tonight, now I am bringing you back to the Heathman for a rest, you need some sleep." And I wasn't about to argue with him, having finished all the exams, my joints were aching even more and it was hurting to breathe, my pelvis was hurting from all the sitting so a sleep sounded divine. In all honesty, I was almost asleep by the time we made it back and I curled up happily in Christian's arms as he carried me back to the room, helped me out of my clothes, gave me the painkillers and gently covered me with the covers. A whispered "Sleep baby, I'll wake you for dinner," was all he said as he kissed me on the forehead gently stroked my hair and I succumbed to sleep.

Wednesday was just beautiful, I don't know what planning Christian had done while I was sleeping but the morning started simply enough, he woke me up with feather light kisses that melded with my dream and I didn't know whether I was awake or asleep until he ended at my ear with a nibble and a "Good morning Gorgeous Girl, wake up, breakfast is ready and then I have a surprise for you."

The spread he organised was all my favourite breakfasts and some that I didn't even know I liked and he looked like a little boy waiting for his presents as he ate his breakfast and refused to even hint at what he had planned, just sitting there with a grin and a bouncing knee, trying not to say "Hurry up and eat" but implying it with his body language.

In no time at all we were heading out and I recognised the helicopter landing building and when I asked where we were going, again he tapped his nose with a grin, he wasn't going to tell me and since he did that on our apology date and it turned out beautifully, I relaxed and decided to enjoy whatever surprise he had for me, if it involved him flying the helicopter, I'd be happy.

This time as he strapped me into the helicopter seat, I couldn't help the wiggle of excitement and he kissed me on the nose laughing, "I am so glad you like this, you have no idea how much it makes me happy we can share things," and as I smiled happily up at him, his hands ran down my shoulders and arms and he looked at me with such an intense look and then he choked out, "Oh, honey, you don't understand how much I love you, do you?"

As we rose into the air it was obvious that he had spent the time I slept well, Portland and Vancouver had never looked so good and so interesting, Christian pointed out all sorts of things I'd never even seen despite living there for several years and when he veered off and gave me a cheeky grin I knew he was up to something.

Sure enough, it was a flight over Mount St Helen's and I was awestruck by the beauty of it all, the sheer devastation that Christian described about the eruption that caused it to look as it does now had me looking at it with new wonder.

After some circuits and really close dips down to look at the beauty of the area, "Are you ready for the next destination?" came through my head phones accompanied by a cheeky grin and I nodded eagerly and we continued over amazing scenery up towards Seattle.

My entire body was vibrating with excitement when we flew over the Snoqualmie Falls and I gasped at the beauty of it all, the water plunging 268 feet into a deep pool at the bottom and Christian's chuckle in my ear had me looking at him for just a second, I didn't want to take my eyes away from the view but seeing the light dancing in his eyes at my enjoyment made it even better. "That's not the best bit."

"Huh?"

"Look down now, this is where we are landing," and I could see the most amazing resort beyond the huge waterfall we were flying over.

Christian lifted me out, eyes dancing as he said "Welcome to The Salish Lodge and Spa baby, we're having lunch here, maybe a spa treatment and then we'll head home, how does that sound?" and I could only grin at him and throw my arms around his neck. How on earth I managed to find someone like him, I don't understand but I was going to enjoy it, the idea of a massage and a beauty treatment after a meal had me tingling with anticipation.

After a superb meal in the dining room, looking out over the view, and a spa treatment which was limited simply because of my injuries but I still managed a massage and facial and came out of it looking better than when I went in, I was greeted by Christian with a "God you're beautiful," and a groan as I nuzzled into him on the way back to the helicopter. "You make it hard to fly when all I can think of is you."

"Do you want to put me in the back, so you don't have to see me?" I asked joking

"There are other things I'd like to do to you in the back and one day we will, but no, you're sitting up front with me"

"So is this how you've enchanted other girls," I said laughing and he stopped what he was doing and looked at me seriously and said quietly, "I've never had another girl in Charlie Tango. I've never had a girl sleep in my bed. I've never slept with another girl. My family have never met let alone fallen in love with any other girl. I've never had anyone turn my world upside down. You are the one and only, my one and only."

I think it was a strangled "oh" that was trying to come out of my throat and I don't know what my face said but once I was totally strapped in he gently rubbed his nose down mine and said with a smile "And that's a good thing, now breathe. There are so many firsts for both of us still to come and if I don't hurry, there's one waiting that we won't be able to do, you need to have a decent sleep before tomorrow."

I spent the flight back alternating between being amazed by the scenery below us and sneaking looks at Christian, the only way he could have looked hotter/sexier is if he had been wearing a pilot's cap and uniform. He caught me at one point and his grin and "Do you like what you see Miss Steele?" made it obvious that he knew what I was doing and I wiped my chin just to make sure there was no drool there and laughter filled my headphones as I turned a shade of red.

I didn't know how Wednesday could have been any better but once we were back at the Heathman and an early dinner had been served, just as I started to say thank you for a truly beautiful and relaxing day, Christian said "I was listening yesterday and there's actually one thing you said you wanted to do, so we are doing it now" and as I wracked my brains trying to remember what I had said the day before, he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. On the bed was one of my cast shower bags and a couple of roles of duct tape like tape.

"Baby, I'm going to run the bath and while that is filling, we are taping you up so that there will be no moisture and you will have your bath, how does that sound?" and I just nodded with tears in my eyes, it had been the perfect day and what a way to finish it.

Then my insecurities kicked in and I wondered how I was going to be completely naked in front of Christian and it was like he knew because he came back in and simply got on with it, as if he was an assistant and not himself, billionaire businessman with women falling at his feet to be his companion, just someone helping an invalid get ready for a bath.

He hadn't said anything other than instructions, like "Lift your arms," or "hold still" while wrapping my leg in multiple layers of duct tape but as the last layer before underwear came off he held my hands and looked at me, concern written all over his face, "Will you trust me too look after you? Will you trust me to love you, see beyond your scars? Will you let me undress you and bring you to the bath?"

I know he does see more than the scars, can see deep inside me and the fears of abandonment I have, I guess because they mirror his own feelings so I nodded and then opened my mouth and waited for my mouth to catch up with my brain, "Will you join me in the bath? The last few days, hell, the last few weeks have been awful for both of us, I am sure you would enjoy the soak too."

It was like watching the Christmas lights come on in a house, the smile started in his eyes and just washed across his face and he leaned in and brushed his lips across mine and then up to rest on my forehead as he held me against him, his "Thank you, Ana" was little more than a whisper on the wind before he unclasped my bra and undid the ties on my knickers, keeping his eyes level with mine, watching for any change in my decision.

He carried me into the bathroom and lowered me into the decadent bath smelling of jasmine and full of bubbles and then walked back into the bedroom to disrobe himself, I tried to calm myself, I hadn't ever seen a male, any male completely nude and the idea of seeing Christian completely naked had me almost hyperventilating so I thought I'd sink down into the bubbles and simply close my eyes.

As I was lying there relaxing, or attempting to relax as I imagined what was about to happen, I hear Christian coming into the room and then a string of pained curses that had me looking towards him in alarm, the alarm increasing as I took in what had been an impressive bulge the other morning in his pyjama pants now in its relaxed state but still huge, and at eye level as Christian rested on a chair in the bathroom and rubbed his little toe that he had just stubbed on the door.

"So much for a discreet entrance into the bathroom so as to not disturb your relaxation," he grumbled and I laughed.

"Come and soak, it will help," I said, I really needed to not be looking at what appeared to be growing before my eyes and taking note of the direction of my eyes, he chuckled and walked with the teeniest swagger towards the bath.

He slid into the space next to me on the bench built into the bath and pulled me into his side, his arm around my shoulder and sinking into the bubbles with an "Ahhh" and a look of contentment on his face. "The water is a rather warm 33degrees centigrade or 92 degrees Fahrenheit which is the temperature that muscles relax, is it good for you?"

At my happy nod, he grabbed a wash cloth and poured on some of the body wash and started washing down my neck and shoulders and then said carefully, "Can I lift you onto my lap so that I can wash you more comfortably?" Again I nodded, thankful that he was asking and not making any sudden movements, his legs supporting mine and I leant back against him.

It was immediate, I felt him tense and I shrank away from him in fear of what I had just done to him and he groaned and pulled me flat against his body, "You make it easier every time you touch me, don't worry, baby, please don't worry."

I relaxed as he worked his magic hands over my neck and back, washing and massaging and when he poured shampoo into his hands and washed my hair, I was in heaven and wiggled on his lap with somewhat predictable results, "Sorry, Ana, I have control, a lot of control but even I can't help that reaction if you are going to wiggle your delectable ass on me" he laughed, pushing me forward and then pulling me back against him so that I could feel his erection pressing into my back and I gave in to a huge bout of giggles.

"Ana, you're killing me," he said laughing, "You're supposed to be relaxing and I know a sure fire way of relaxing you…and me….but ….. there are so many things I can teach you."

"Just let me get a little bit better, when I don't feel like I am about to break into two and I can breathe, although I think you'll be taking my breath away with that weapon you are poking me with, then I promise to be the best student you've ever had. Remember your projects that you had in mind for me? Well, we can tick off "Getting Ana to graduation", "Getting Ana to fly through finals" and I'm on my way with "Getting Ana well" so I think we need to start on my project "Making Christian Happy" and…" he doesn't let me finish as he spun me around on his lap and his lips were voraciously on mine, his tongue swirling and demanding as he held me tight.

When I finally came up for air, pushing my hands against his chest, looking questioningly at him, eyebrow raised, he said exasperated "Ana, you finished that project days ago when you sang to me, when will you realise that you have made me the happiest I have ever been, ask anyone."

We sat for a while longer, until Christian said, "Ok my beautiful pruney one, the water's getting cold, everything has shrivelled and you need your beauty sleep so that you look gorgeous tomorrow when receiving your degree from me," and laughed as I splashed him. Depositing me back on the bench, he rose out of the water with me averting my eyes and him laughing at me and then having wrapped himself in a towel, he lifted me out and lovingly wrapped my body and then my hair in towels and carried me back into the bedroom.

I slept like a baby, wrapped in Christian and his love, relaxed and dreaming of another magical day where he had gone all out to make sure it was perfect.

Thursday, today, finally came and despite having to accept my degree in a wheelchair, it couldn't have been more perfect. Ray came up for the day and very proudly pushed me out to receive my degree from none other than my gorgeous Christian who controlled himself in just shaking my hand but when supposedly bending to say what he'd said to every other student in my ear he managed to surreptiously give me a peck at the same time and his cheekiness in doing so, left me pink cheeked and Ray snorting "He really is something, isn't he".

As Ray pushed me into the main after graduation area, Kate, waved us over and handed me two letters that had come for me and I placed them in my handbag without looking at them and then she squealed as her brother Ethan crept up behind her and swung her around. Having done that he leaned down and gently kissed me on the cheek "Hey Ana Bana Babe, what have you done to yourself now?"

Before I had a chance to answer, Kate and I both heard the growl and looked up to see two annoyed Grey brothers walking towards us and she started laughing as she introduced Ethan to Elliot and his face immediately relaxed into a smile and he clasped Ethan's hand and shook it. Christian's face on the other hand seemed to darken as took the last few strides over to my chair and I was a little taken aback by his claiming kiss and the whispered "You're mine" in my ear.

"Um, Ethan, this is Christian, Christian this is Ethan, Kate's brother, we've known each other for years." For some reason I felt the need to justify his presence and Christian's expression was cool when he said "Pleased to meet you."

Kate, Ethan and Elliot left to speak with her parents and Ray walked off to get drinks so I said rather shakily to Christian, "Do you care to explain what that was all about?"

"I don't share."

"Excuse me? He's an old friend saying hello and my best friend's brother."

"He wants into your pants."

"What?" I don't think I could squeeze any more incredulity into my voice.

"I could see it written all over his face."

"Well, crazy is written all over yours. Remember last week when I said I didn't want to lose all my friends because then I'd be like all those battered women that let their partners control every part of their lives? Well, this is what this feels like. Ethan is an old friend and I am not interested in him as anything other than a friend. I only love you. Now either you accept that and trust me or we are going to be in a lot of trouble." Christian looks uncomfortable and I can't believe we are having this conversation in a crowded auditorium with people jostling around us.

"Duly noted Miss Steele but he still wants into your panties."

"Seriously Christian, he can want all he likes, which I doubt anyway, but he's not getting in there. And keep talking like this and you won't either." I huff.

At this point Ray returned with some drinks and looked between us with concern, Christian excused himself to speak to the Dean who was signalling for him and Ray sipped his wine, grimaced and then said, "Hmm, that young man of yours seems extremely jealous, watch out for yourself Annie, please don't lose yourself." As he continued to watch Christian watching me, he added a concerned comment "You know you can always call me?" and I hoped I'd never have to call on Ray to save me from another situation again.

"I've told him as much Daddy." I said, hoping that what I said last week and just repeated will really stick with Christian or whether I do have something to worry about.

When Jose appeared, I found out rather more quickly than I wanted, Christian literally stopped mid-sentence with the Dean and was by my side before I'd barely said "Hello Jose" and Christian's hand on my shoulder was just one shade below painful as Jose leaned in to kiss me on the cheek.

"Hi Ray, are you ready to go fishing with dad soon?" was Jose's greeting to Ray and I realised that no-one had told him about Jose's comments and I could tell that Christian was vibrating with anger at Jose's easy conversation with Ray but it was Elliot who ended up causing the scene.

"Why the fuck are you here?" Bellowed Elliot and despite the obvious that we as Jose's friends were graduating, "You low life scum, after what you said at the hospital, you should be scraping at her feet for forgiveness or removing yourself from their lives altogether."

Thankfully Kate, after a second's stunned silence said, "Honey, it's ok, Ana's forgiven him like only Ana can, and think about it, if it hadn't been for that stupid statement of his, we'd never have met."

It's Ray's "Does anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on?" that has us all turning.

Jose starts shuffling uncomfortably as Elliot says "At the hospital while waiting to see Ana, the day after the accident, when no-one knew whether she'd pull through or not, Christian called me and said to come in and be tested to see if my blood matched as Ana needed blood. While I was waiting I heard these two talking" and he indicated Jose and Kate "and this scum bag said and I quote 'What if Ana isn't beautiful anymore? Ana's always been so beautiful but what happens if she is all disfigured, I couldn't be around her without being repulsed every time I look at her.' And Kate slapped him."

"I'm sorry Ana, I really am, I was just worried about you but I didn't handle it well." Jose says looking at me as Ray looks decidedly annoyed.

"It's ok everybody, let it go. Elliot, you met Kate. I don't care about how I look so it's of no consequence, hell, I've known that Jose was shallow forever and this part of my life is finished now. Plus as I have more than enough scars that a few more really don't matter, I don't care what other people think. Just let it go, now and can we go please, I'm done with university and want to get on with living now." I say with finality although hearing what Jose said did hurt, I didn't want Ray and Christian even more upset than they already were.

"You are beautiful and you are mine," whispered in my ear as Christian turns my chair to head out has me simultaneously tingling and shivering.

"Possessive, much?" is all I say and then as a photographer politely stops us to take a photo of Christian, he squats down next to my chair and smiles broadly at the camera with his arm around me.

"Thank you Mr Grey and Miss…?" says the photographer with a grin from ear to ear.

"Miss Anastasia Steele," rolls off Christian's tongue with as much pride as could possibly be mustered into three short words and the photographer scrawls it down and leaves.

"I think we just made his year," Christian says looking after him.

"Why?"

"Well, remember your infamous question? Well everyone thinks I'm gay because there's never been a picture of me with a woman so snapping me with you is the coup of the year, I hope he does well out of it because he was polite."

As we make our way to the SUV alone as Ray said he was heading home and would see me next time he was in Seattle, I suddenly have a thought, "Christian, I was drawn to you and you say you were drawn to me at that interview, imagine if the accident hadn't happened, we'd have only reconnected today, would the pull still have been there?"

Christian laughs, "There is no way I would have lasted until the graduation to see you again, I would have chased you down by now!"


	55. Chapter 55 - 27 May 2011

**Christian's POV**

"Hi Kate, yes deliver them to our apartment, yes with yours….. Uh huh…. No, I don't know….. Ok, see you Sunday … yes, thank you…. Oh, no…. I'd forgotten, thanks, I'll look at them now. Bye, love you." Ana says and then starts rummaging in her bag without looking at me, she finds and opens two envelopes squealing as she does so.

I don't care about those envelopes, her conversation with Kate has chilled me to the bone, "Ana, when you said "our apartment" to Kate what did you mean? Did you mean here?" and I know my voice is deceptively quiet but my heart is racing as I try to bring my panic under control.

"No I meant her Pike Place apartment, I assume that once I don't need this much medical attention anymore, then you'd want me to be moving out and we'd be having a more normal relationship," Ana says with a little v in her forehead as she looks at me.

"But what about us, what about the fact that …." Oh god, I can feel myself start to hyperventilate and lose control, she doesn't want me after all, is she right in what she was saying the other night? Is she really just using me?

"Christian. Christian! Look at me." Her concerned voice finally cuts through my panic, "Don't you run on me, I'm sorry, I assumed you'd want that. We need to talk." As I look at her, I can see the worry in her eyes and I remember back to the hospital.

"If my memory serves me, 'we need to talk' is never a good statement in a relationship, or so you told me once before," I say trying for a touch of humour and I see her shoulders relax a little.

"We need to talk about your need to run whenever something gets hard with me, is that what you've always done? I thought you were all about control?" she finally says after taking a shaky breath, I guess my face must have shown my panic, "But you just looked at me like I was as repulsive as Jose said I'd be and wanted me out of here."

I groan, as I say, "I assumed the worst, I always do, it is my default position, people use me and then they leave me, they always have." And even to myself that sounds pathetic but that's how it feels and that's what it sounded like to me, I can't help the wounded tone when I ask, "Why don't you want to stay here?"

"Christian, I don't know what I want, it's not that I don't want to be with you or be here because it's lovely and you are everything I have ever wanted and more, I want you, it's just that I've never done this before and I don't want to be my mother." As I start to say that she isn't her mother, she puts up her hand and says, "Listen and please try to understand where my head is coming from."

She takes a deep breath to steady herself, "What she'd do was meet a man and be rushing straight into a relationship, being absorbed into that person until it all fell apart, often apparently because of me, then we'd be homeless again until she found someone else to move in with and the cycle started again. I just,…. I just don't want to be her. I want to have my own place so that I am not dependent on you. I have to be able to stand on my own two feet, figuratively, well, hell, I'd like to be able to do that literally too. I know damn well you have been neglecting your businesses while I have been here and I know you have to get back to them and the hours that you work, I'll be alone here but in the other apartment I'll have Kate once she gets back from her holiday."

She pauses to take a breath, wincing as she does so, "I just can't keep taking Christian, I can't, I just don't work that way, this is killing me, my universe is completely out of whack. I know that it sounds selfish after everything you've done for me but I just don't know how to do this, I am more clueless than you about relationships."

I can't stand it, the tears are running down her cheeks silently as she implores me to understand but as I reach to pick her up she stops me with her hands on both forearms, "What did you used to do before I came along when others did something that was out of your control, how would you bring your universe back into equilibrium?"

Oh great, we are going to have this discussion now when I am fragile and she is distraught, this is going to end well!

"Before you, I was all about control, I'd have a sub in here so fast that her nose would almost bleed and then I would get myself back in control by controlling her, bring her to the edge of her endurance, by doing that I would have to control myself and her and things would right themselves, I would then be able to think clearly."

Sadly she says, "And you can't do that with me so we really are doomed aren't we?"

"No. No! God no, Ana! I don't need that with you. You can't give up on us already, what do I have to do to show you that even though I don't have control when anything concerns you, I'd give it all up in a heartbeat to not lose you? What do I have to do to prove to you that you are all I'll ever need?"

"What did you do with all these women? How many were there anyway?" she says in a small voice like she really doesn't want to know but desperately needs to know and I don't want to say something that is going to scare her away even more. As I try to think how I am going to tell her, she says, "Are you going to tell me what you used to do or is it going to bring back such good memories that you'll be ushering me out the door to Kate's apartment, that I have no attachment to, but thought was a smart idea."

"Can I hold you please?" I need to hold her, she grounds me and I can see she's shaking. After the tiniest nod, I pick her up and carry her over to the couch in front of the fire and wrap a blanket around her and then hold her tight against me so that she can feel my heart beating against her arm and hopefully won't do something to break it.

"Firstly, you have to know that everything I ever did with any girl was done consensually; I always followed very strict rules of what was allowed and what was not allowed both by them and me. There were only ever 15 subs and none ever came into my bedroom, I never slept with them, there's a bedroom upstairs that was set up for them. I provided everything for them while they were under agreement and I let them keep everything when they left whether those things were cars, clothes, jewellery, rent on their apartments, everything."

"Were they in it to get those things? Why did they leave?" she asks.

"Mostly because I asked them to leave, they'd get too close, they started wanting to be more and I was not ready for more, I didn't want more, I've never wanted "more" with anyone other than you. I have never been romantic, I don't know how to be a hearts and flowers man.."

"Well you do it very well" she says under her breath.

"Ana, I've never wanted to do hearts and flowers for anyone, I didn't have feelings for any of those girls, they were just a means of fulfilling a need, it wasn't just the sex," and I feel her quiver under my arms and know she's worried about that, "it was my need to control, to control something so that I could regain my position of control. I'm not saying it wasn't pleasurable but it was always a means to an end."

"How do I know that your care for me isn't just another version of control and when I'm better, you won't want me anymore as you'll have lost that control" she says quietly and I am floored again at how she is able to think through a situation. "Because every time I indicate that I am thinking of doing something that isn't in your control, you fall apart on me, assume the worst and look like you're going to run away like last week."

"No, it's not that, it's really not that." Well, I hope not, she might have a point, "It's not." I say, in an effort to calm myself down and think this through.

"Could you start at the beginning and tell me how this came about? How the evil pedo-bitch used you, you've said but once you decided to take control, how did it happen, you can't go from being on the receiving end of that sort of treatment and simply start dishing it out or did you?" it's a resigned tone, and I don't understand what that means but I know that I have one chance to explain this now and hopefully she'll not want to leave once she knows.

"I walked out of Elena's house and I went back to Harvard, my parents didn't even know I was in town, I was just there to be worked over by Elena, anyway, I left, vowing I would never sub again, no-one would be able to humiliate or break me again. I knew I had to learn to be a Dom so I worked my way through a number of BDSM clubs until a couple of experienced subs said they wouldn't keep subbing for me if I continued to be so uncaring and hateful."

I pause as I remember, "I was shocked as I'd only been doing to them what Elena had done to me so I listened to them and learnt what it was like to care for a sub and I could see that they were enjoying it, the submission wasn't a negative thing, they weren't being embarrassed or humiliated, they were taking what they needed which was to hand over control for a while, have someone else make the decisions, enjoying the lavish treatment, the being pushed to the edge of pleasure, using a little pain to increase the level of pleasure, whatever they needed I could provide and if I couldn't, I'd go away and think about it and come back and provide it."

I rub my hand across my eyes wishing I didn't have to discuss this but I assume it is helping Ana to understand, "I continued the harsh treatment of Elena when she subbed for me because that was what she liked but as I was learning, I treated the subs with more and more care until I figured out a formula that worked for me and for the girls. By then I'd started to become known in the business world and realised that I should start being careful about my liaisons and I relied on Elena for a little while but I was starting to tire of what she desired, it didn't seem right to treat anyone like that and she realised I was changing and started organising girls for me, some lasted for a while. Some were gone within a week, I couldn't be with someone that enjoyed extreme pain, I prefer to provide extreme pleasure and control the girl's body so that she experiences pleasure at and beyond her perceived threshold of enjoyment, employing a bit of pain in that. The only other pain being from punishments received for infractions of the rules and for doing things I consider rude.."

"Like?" it was quiet but I heard it.

"Like rolling your eyes"

"So you've wanted to punish me a lot already?"

"For rolling your eyes and your smart mouth, you would normally have incurred a number of punishments, yes" I agree but at her gasp and fearful expression, I quickly amend "but you were never a sub, I could only apply the punishments after they had been agreed upon, I would never arbitrarily punish. I would go through a contract with the sub and everything would be agreed, hard limits, soft limits, safe words, punishment infractions.."

"What are safe words?"

"There are usually two safe words that I typically use Yellow and Red. 'Yellow' would be used to indicate that the sub is at the limit of endurance and I need to stop and change what I am doing and 'Red' would be to say stop immediately, no further demands can be tolerated. It's very rare and the Dom has pushed too far if the sub says 'Red'." Ana shudders as I say this and I don't want to think what is going through her mind.

"What.. what are hard and soft limits?"

"Would it help if I showed you a contract?" and at her mute nod, I lift her onto the couch and collect a contract from my office, looking at her as I walk back, folded in on herself I worry that she's doing her shrinking away routine just before a breakdown and I can't have her do that again.

"Honey we don't have to do this, I want you healthy, this doesn't relate to you, you look like you're going to have another breakdown, and each one sets back your recovery, remember what Dr Flynn said."

"I'm ok, I need to understand."

"I am not going to have a contract with you, I've broken absolutely every rule I've ever had with any other woman simply because I want to be with you. Please don't bother yourself with my past, it is the past, even I can grow and change and I have in the last two weeks, please believe me."

"It's just two weeks, you have been doing this for more than twelve years, the odds are stacked against me." She says quietly, resting her chin against her chest and not looking at me.

I lift up her chin so that she's looking at me, "See, that's where you're wrong. You have managed to do what no-one has been able to do since I was four years old and that is touch me, lie against my naked chest, touch me where no-one ever has. You have a healing touch and you have given me more than twelve years of impersonal sex has ever given me." At the impersonal sex statement she shrinks a little.

"Yes, my control evaporates around you because I don't know what you are going to say or do, everyone else has always followed my commands but you, you are refreshing and loving and you accept me as I am and question me where no-one else has ever dared. You exude goodness and you have shown me more even in your completely disabled state than anyone else ever has, you have made my heart beat again. You give me cause to dream of a future that isn't full of tedium and work but shared experiences." I can feel her trembling in my arms and I don't know what that means, so I gently rub her arms under the blanket, and attempt to calm her down.

"Show me the contract please?" and I hand it to her, feeling like I am handing the axe to the executioner.

"Ugh, really? That needed to be written down." She says with horror pointing "Actually any of that?"

"Well, those are things I wouldn't do after I had them done to me by Elena." And her gasp is pained as she looks at me with tears in her eyes.

"Why on earth did you stay friends with her Christian?" at my shrug she continues "I can't believe that she did that to you and still had that much control over you that you stayed, the power of sex…."

"And touch Anastasia, it was a type of touch, I craved to be touched but couldn't be…. That's why I want you to understand, you are not like anyone that I've ever met, part of the reason I did all this was to have some human physical interaction and look at us, my preferred place for you is on my lap leaning against my chest, in my arms, curled up next to me in bed, your naked back against my naked chest. I am gaining so much more from our non-sexual relationship than I ever gained from these other relationships, if you could even call them that, they were contractual relationships where I did things to others and managed to get off. So unsatisfying and so unfulfilling, it's why I hadn't had a sub for three months before you fell into my office. I was just jack of it all."

Then a thought flashes across Ana's face and she sits up straight, "Where did you do all this if you say no other woman has been in your bedroom and that they slept upstairs, you didn't do it out here?" and the look of revulsion as she looks at the white couch actually makes me laugh and she looks affronted.

"Sorry, honey, no definitely not out here, I have a playroom upstairs, ah, I haven't even given you a tour of the whole apartment, would you like to do that?"

"Wait, actually, no can we do that later, we still need to talk. What do you need? Do you need to learn a new way of maintaining mental control?"

"Yes, I guess I do." I concede, I have and will maintain my ability to control in business but what am I going to do about making sure that Ana is safe and happy, those are the two areas that I have the most lack of control and they are now more important to me than anything else.

"I just need to know you're safe and happy," I say and she laughs.

"Christian, I am not always going to be happy, life doesn't work out that way and I know how to look after myself when I'm not in this broken up state." I don't want to think of her being sad and I really don't want to be the cause of that and decide to change the topic.

"Speaking of which, this bent leg cast is supposed to be off by now and if you hadn't decided on the exams, you'd have it off by now. You need to have x-rays to see how the bones are healing and then you should be onto the straight leg weight bearing cast for two weeks if the x-rays come back clear, Mom said she'll meet us at the hospital this afternoon and then if all that is ok, in another two weeks you'll be in the short leg walking cast or fracture cast for another month or two." I say, remembering Mom's conversation.

"Oh well, I guess that will give us time to work things out and it will make it easier for me to go to work, I have two interviews on Monday and so with the long leg cast off, I'll be able to start in two weeks if they ask."

"What do you mean you're going to work, you're not healed yet?" I almost shout incredulously at her.

"Calm down, the job opportunities won't be there if I leave them, I will hopefully be up and about on crutches within a week or two so I can start my job and not be such a leach," she says defiantly.

"Have I ever called you a leach?" I question through clenched teeth.

"No but you don't have to call me anything, surprisingly it's not always about you, it's how I feel inside." It is said quietly but firmly and with the set of her jaw, she isn't backing away.

"But I can't let you. You need to be safe. You are still not well."

"Yes but one day I will be. And in the meantime you need to go back to work, I will be fine, I will not be responsible for your business going down the gurgler."

"Aargh. You are so going to be the death of me, I can't put a cogent thought together and I am not used to having to consider what someone might think that I might think that I might mean. I want you safe and happy. Is that too much to ask?"

"Well, you know what? Why don't you deal with the safe bit and I'll deal with the happy? What do you expect me to do? Sit here in your apartment? Pray tell, what were all the years at university, struggling to pay the rent and eat and all of the years of study actually for, if all I do is sponge off you? I want to work, I have always worked and I want to do something that I think I will enjoy. Do you go to work because you enjoy it or because someone tells you to? Come on, put yourself in my shoes and see if you'd like it. It's not about you, this is about me. I am me and I need to stay me."

Oh a fired up Ana is gorgeous and perhaps just perhaps she has a point.

She stops for a breath, starts to open the top of her shirt and with her chest heaving with emotion, I am mesmerised and then she points, "Look, look over my heart, what do I wear? What did you give me and promise? Please remember, you are not going to keep me in a gilded cage. I want to be with you but I will go to work and we will work out where I live."

Well, I am known for taking advantage of any opportunity so I choose to stop the conversation by leaning forward and nuzzling between her breasts and after her surprised gasp she leans into me and I work my way up her throat and to her lips. Mine, hungry on hers, my hands behind her back and hers on my chest and then as she responds, they move up into my hair and she tugs it as she deepens the kiss, moaning into my mouth, her tongue lapping mine and my brain explodes.

And suddenly it's clear. She loves me, I know she wants me, she's smart, she's a survivor, and she's me in a smaller package but with a bigger heart. She's just scared that I'll leave her…I'm scared she'll leave me, we're scared of the same things. Well, maybe, just maybe I should listen to her, I can make sure she's safe, wherever she is I will protect her and once she knows what I can do for her, I have no doubt that she will never want to leave, I can feel her heat on my lap and I know that's one thing I can teach her, it's something she doesn't know yet but once she does, I'm sure that her happy will include being here with me.

"Things will work out as they are meant to work out" she gasps as we finally pull apart.

"Are we always going to misunderstand each other? Freak each other out because while we both want the same things we're scared of the same things?" I ask as I caress her cheek.

"Maybe we need a safe word when the other person is freaking us out…" she suggests, and I smile.

"Kangaroo"

"Sorry?" The look of confusion on her face is adorable.

"My safe word is Kangaroo." I reiterate "I will need to say it because I'm jumping to conclusions, my arms are too short to grasp the concept and I'll be out on my tail if I don't work it out." I say with a grin.

And she actually and finally laughs.


	56. Chapter 56

**Grace's POV**

Who would have thought three weekends ago when we sat down for Mother's Day lunch that my two boys would meet two beautiful girls, both perfect for each other's personalities and if that was all that had happened in the intervening weeks, I would have been amazed, especially with Christian.

However, more, so much more has happened, my life has been turned upside down like it has never has been before, even with the adoption of Christian, which I thought was the hardest thing I'd ever had to deal with, the revelations, the fact that I unwittingly fed Christian and recently Macy to my evil former friend Elena. The fact that Christian's beautiful girl, his amazing, insightful, gorgeous but broken girl has gone through so much in her short life that makes her understand Christian like no-one ever possibly could, is helping him is a miracle.

To turn up today and find her asleep, wearing a tiny strapped top that barely covered her scarred back, the bare back that was lying against my son's naked chest, him lying there asleep with a smile on his face as he cradled her on the couch. I stopped breathing and turned away with tears in my eyes and noticed that Mrs Jones' face mirrored mine and while I know Christian likes to keep the line between staff and family very clear, I opened my arms and she hugged me and I whispered, "She's so good for him, isn't she?" and I can tell from her face that she is witnessing on a daily basis what could only be termed a minor miracle.

"He is so very different, it is amazing to watch," she whispered back to me, "She doesn't realise how much of a positive effect she has had on him and on all of us, she is such a pleasure to have around." Even Taylor who has been trained to within an inch of his life to never show emotion, smiles as he takes in the situation before walking off to his security office, yes, Ana has changed a lot of things in the short time we have known her.

I sit waiting for Christian to wake, I know it won't be long and wonder at what lead them to fall asleep at this hour, somehow I know that these two can't simply go with the flow, each having their own demons that seem to plague them and I wonder what it will be like with Macy when he joins us tomorrow. Poor Macy will be released from hospital and despite the age difference to when we took Christian home, I wonder whether we will be facing similar nightly demons or what other issues we will have to deal with. If Elena was doing to him anything like what she did to Christian from the small amount that Carrick was able to determine, we will be dealing with a very damaged boy who has major trust issues.

As I sit wondering how Mia and Macy will interact being closest in age and how Macy's presence will affect Christian and now Elliot too, Christian starts to stir and I watch amazed as he shifts, curling himself around Ana so that her face is now against his chest and I gasp in wonder as she nuzzles in and his eyes open. He smiles contentedly down at her and it is the most natural loving look, this from the man who could never tolerate even accidental brushing against his fully clothed chest and I watch in awe as he lifts his free hand and brushes the hair away from her face before leaning and kissing her gently on the forehead.

As he lifts his head he suddenly notices that I am in the room and his demeanour changes, the sudden tensing on his muscles has an immediate effect on Ana and she sits up quickly too and neither of us miss the grimace. "What's the matter Christian?"

"Nothing Ana, are you ok?" is his concerned question before he has time to greet me.

"Ana, I'm sorry, I startled Christian.." I start to say but my voice also makes Ana jump and she twists to see me and this time I know she's hurt herself but it's Christian's face that contorts in pain.

"Oh Ana, I'm so sorry, I was sitting here minding my own business because it was obvious you two needed the sleep, are you ok honey?

"I'm fine, how are you?" she says politely and then she looks around wildly, "What time is it, we haven't slept through the appointment have we? I really want to get this cast off and this leg washed," and she wrinkles her nose in distaste that thankfully has Christian smiling, removing the scowl that had replaced his welcoming smile.

"Hi Mom, I'm sorry, I thought we were meeting you at the hospital, have we kept you waiting."

"Darling, I'd wait days to watch you with Ana," I whisper as I kiss him on the cheek and he blushes, my formidable businessman son, who no-one can intimidate, is blushing as he looks down at his gorgeous girl, the wonders will never cease. "Carrick was in town for something else and thought I could go to the hospital with you and he'll pick me up from there."

As we drive to the hospital and we chat about the past few days that I didn't see them, I am amazed at what Christian has done with Ana, the places he's taken her despite her leg and despite her other injuries. Ana looks genuinely perplexed that Christian would do all this for her but I have no doubt with my son that when he loves he will do it completely as he does with everything else and I am glad it was Ana he found, someone who deserves his total devotion. I have no doubt though that she doesn't see that she deserves it, it's in the little things that she does and says that she so completely reminds me of a younger Christian and I despair that her mother allowed her to be so damaged, so unable to see that she deserves love and happiness too.

This thought brings me back to Macy and the mammoth task Carrick and I have in front of us and I remind Christian that family dinner is on this Sunday as we missed it last Sunday and that Macy will be there. I don't miss the clenching of his jaw and the little squeeze that Ana gives his hand at the same time. I am sure we're all concerned at the effect on Christian of a mini-him that is going to be a constant reminder of where he has been and what he has endured but I hope that he can help Macy and with Ana's help move on himself.

I am so glad that the hospital visit isn't too traumatic and thankfully the x-rays show that all Ana's bones are healing correctly, her lung seems to have almost healed completely although her ribs are not and wouldn't be expected to be set completely yet, while it is three weeks, they haven't been complete bed rest weeks. Ana looked a little embarrassed at that question and it was lovely to see Christian give her shoulder a gentle squeeze when I'm sure he wanted to say "I told you so." The pelvis is the biggest area of concern and unfortunately makes everything difficult both now and going forward, Christian leaned in carefully to make sure he understood exactly what was still required to ensure the greatest successful recovery.

Ana's reaction to her leg as it came out of the cast was typical, it is always amazing and somewhat disgusting to see how much muscle wastage there is, the scaliness and smelliness of the skin and how white it looks, even with her pale skin tone. However it was apparent that Ana is no drama queen and simply shuddered and wrinkled her nose but was grateful and thanked the nurses who cleaned everything up in preparation of applying the new straight leg cast which under Christian's instruction is a fibreglass cast so that Ana can start swimming and strengthening her body while the water does the weight bearing for her. I can see that Ana is looking forward to do that with him and the increased independence and I wonder how Christian will cope with that, I believe that he has secretly enjoyed carrying her around everywhere.

Christian's eyes went very wide when the physiotherapist said that Ana needed to practice going up and down stairs on her crutches and I know that if he could have forbidden it, he would have but as his arm tightened around Ana's waist when the statement was made, her gentle hand rubbing his had him looking down at her and his face softened as she simply shook her head at him. Oh my!

Thankfully the physiotherapist made a point of saying that Ana should not overdo the amount of walking on crutches, not only because her arms will hurt but with her dislocated shoulder, cracked ribs and cracked pelvis, she really should still be on bed rest for 2 more weeks. There was an annoyed snort from Ana and Cheshire cat like grin from Christian making it more than obvious that the two will butt heads over the amount of independent movement that Ana will be doing. The swimming though was sanctioned as long as there was no discomfort and both smiled at that news. So two more weeks and then to a shorter walking cast if Ana doesn't overdo it and has a chance to rest and recover.

Watching Christian watching Ana on the crutches is excruciating, he is trying so desperately not to jump in and stop her but I think he can feel every ounce of her pain and she must be in considerable agony because the sweat beads are showing on her forehead and her mouth is set in a straight line as she concentrates on not slipping and desperately trying not to show it as she knows how Christian reacts.

"Christian, I am going to be fine, please don't stand so close," she grinds out between her teeth, whether due to exasperation or pain I can't quite fathom, the lead doctor is looking concerned at the obvious strain it is putting Ana through.

"You have to use your arms as much as you can so you don't strain your shoulder and also so you don't damage the nerves in your shoulders." As the doctor says this, Ana changes position slightly to follow his instruction and the left crutch slips, what happens next is a complete blur. The doctor leans forward to catch her but hits his head into her forehead and she lets go of the crutch altogether as she grabs her head, the crutch flies backwards, tripping Christian as he's about to catch her and there's an almighty crash as he hits the floor.

Somehow though, Ana is in his arms, he still managed to catch her as he was falling, twisting so that he ended up under her and she landed on him, the oomph, gasp and grimace as her cast crashed into his private region had him closing his eyes and trying to breathe and yet his first words were "Ana, baby, are you ok?" and he only closed his eyes again in a concentrated effort to breathe through the pain after she'd nodded.

"Christian, you have to let her go, we have to check her and you over" I say but he won't let her go and I'm a little concerned because I can see Ana shaking but it's only once Christian opens his eyes again and his mouth forms an amused smile do I realise that the reason that Ana is shaking is that she's actually trying not to laugh out loud.

As the doctor and I attempt to lift Ana back to a standing position so that we can check her over he doesn't let her go until he has looked deep into her eyes and kissed the already egg shaped bump on her head. It's the final release of her giggle though that allows him to let her go, she can barely speak through her own winding but the giggle counters the bright red face after she realised where she'd hit him and it's a breathless "Oh, I'm so sorry Christian, are YOU ok?" as she kisses him back and "I'm ok, nothing other than my head hurts," that convinces him that he can let her go.

She then looks at the doctor with concern and asks "I'm sorry, I have a hard head, how's your head because mine's sore?"

"That's why I usually let the physiotherapists do this," he laughs, "I'll be ok, let's get some ice on your head and some for Christian and we'll check you over, I think you have done enough today." Ana looks extremely relieved at that statement.

Her concern over Christian's shoulder is waved off with a cheeky, "I learnt how to fall in kickboxing and everything else will recover," which turns Ana a shade of pink again.

What an end to the day, somehow these two always leave me exhausted and refreshed at the same time. It appears that nothing ever goes smoothly, things that just wouldn't happen to anyone else seem to happen to them but their love whether they are fully aware of it or not, shines through and smooths off all the sharp edges.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

I love that I am on the way to being rid of all the casts but it is scary now, the slip at the hospital has made me patently aware that using crutches is a lot harder than it looks and if I am intending to make my job interviews, I am going to have to be very careful and I will need to be stronger and perhaps, just perhaps, I should be wrapped in bubble wrap.

Christian has been holding me like I'm made of glass since we returned and it's as if he is reading my mind as he says, "I think I need to buy you a helmet and some padding, maybe I should wrap you in bubble wrap." While I giggle, I know he means it as the concern is etched all over his face.

"Christian, I have two days to learn how to move myself around, then I do the interviews on Monday and if they deign to employ me despite all my injuries, then I say that I can't start work for another two weeks."

"I still think you shouldn't bother with these interviews, I can give you a position at GEH…"

I shudder, "It will be a cold day in hell before I work for you Christian, there's nothing worse than having an employee sleeping with the boss, it's just the worst and I wouldn't want to be that "skank"…" I say strongly, I couldn't imagine anything worse. He's looking at me like I have said something hurtful to him, "Seriously Christian, girls can be awful and I would be looking over my shoulder all the time, trying to ignore them but knowing that nothing I ever did would be recognised as having been done because I had done it well, it would always be "oh it's because she's banging the boss.".."

"But you're not" he says cheekily and all I do is quirk my eyebrow at him.

"..and I've worked too hard to be ignored and be mistreated again. I want to start my business life as Ana Steele, hard worker, eager learner, any promotions fairly gained and recognised."

I can see the cogs working behind his eyes as they scan across my face and he simply says, "Well, you will warn these interviewers about the situation and I will walk you to the lift and I want to walk you right into the interview."

I consider his concerns and quietly say, "Echidna"

"Sorry?"

"If your safe word is Kangaroo, I'll stick with the Australian native animal theme and say mine is Echidna."

"Uh huh?"

"Echidna, because if you don't stop saying what you're saying, I'll curl up into a ball and be really prickly."

Christian laughs and says, "I thought you were going to say it was because I was being a prick," and I hit him with the cushion.

"Yes well, I am glad you recognise that." I say primly but with a smile so that he knows that I am not being a bitch. "However, you can walk me to the lift of the first interview and then you can go to work, you know …. the place you have been avoiding for the last three weeks to look after me." I look up at him as he stands and watch him as he comes to kneel in front of me.

"Baby, I'd give it all up if it meant I had you safe in my arms and happy."

I think I impersonate a goldfish really well and then he says, "I can't believe I am saying this but I don't like this new cast" and at my quizzical look he continues petulantly, "Because I won't get to carry you around as much anymore."

"Well, I don't want you to hate this lovely new cast so can I ask you to carry me up the stairs please? I am not ready to attempt that given that if I remember correctly the doctor said I should hold the bannister rail and use one crutch on the other side, then I am supposed to hop on my right leg up to the next step, then move the crutch and my left leg together. Given that I managed to fall over the floor into your office when it was flat and both legs were working, I really don't want to try the stairs for a while."

Christian visibly relaxes and first he lifts and slides under me so that I am back in his arms, as he brushes his lips across my head bump egg, he blows on it gently before kissing it and snorting "Only you would go back to hospital, to move onto the next phase of recovery and we both come back with another injury."

"Do you need a massage?" I ask innocently fluttering my eyelashes.

"Ana…..careful….. I might just take you up on your offer?

* * *

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_**A/N: I don't do it often enough because I forget in the excitement of posting a chapter but I'd like to thank Banners & Mash for always casting her eyes over my chapters before I release them.**_

_**I'd like to recommend that you look at my favourite authors against my profile and share your love with them by reading their stories; they are all deserving of more readers, followers and importantly reviews so that they can feel inspired to continue their magic. BannersAndMash, Contrite Shadow and Sasha Cameron all deserve more love as they are brilliant writers just like the others who have more followers.**_

_**While you are looking at my profile, you can see that I have a Pinterest account, feel free to have a poke around.**_

_**I don't do author's notes often so when I do, I like to reiterate, if you have an issue with my story, or have a question, please post with a login that allows responses, and I will respond to you.**_

_**On a final important note, thank you to all the followers/favourites/readers and all the fantastic reviewers, thank you for continuing to read this story, I can and do say thank you to individual reviewers but for the rest of you that don't give me that opportunity, this is a thank you to all of you, now I'd better get back to writing...**_


	57. Chapter 57 - 29 May 2011

**Christian's POV**

Ana is determined to walk on those crutches tomorrow to her interviews so she has been practicing for these last two days, I think I'm aging at double the rate as I watch her and I know I am annoying her as she almost threatened to hit me with the crutch if I continued to hover. Yesterday I did go and buy her a helmet and she humoured me by putting it on but stayed in the great room and allowed me to help so that I know she didn't overstrain her body but she slept like a log so it must have taken a lot out of her and that worries me.

Today she is attempting a lot more, since waking up she has been intent on moving around this floor but when I pull out the bubble wrap she orders me from the room so I move everything out of the way and that annoys her even more. Why can't she see that I don't want her to hurt herself? In the end, she sits down and refuses to get off the bed until I have left the room and I do so in a huff, but just as I slam the door, I hear her whisper "echidna" and I am horrified that I'd already made her use her safe word, turning quickly and returning to the room I am kneeling at her feet saying "Honey, I'm sorry, talk to me" but she has already retreated, her face in her hands and she is shaking as she tries to hold the sobs.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry, I'm just so worried that you'll hurt yourself, I don't want you ending up in hospital again with a worse injury," I say quietly, undoing the strap of the helmet and turning her so that she is curled up on my lap. I am so not used to worrying like this about someone, yes I looked after the subs needs and made sure that they were ok after a scene but I didn't have anything invested in their happiness, now I can't breathe properly if Ana isn't happy, especially if it is because of something I have done.

"Christian, you do know I am going to make missteps and I am going to hurt myself and hopefully not too many other people around me?" and she looks at me for a reaction but before I can respond she continues, "You know I am not just talking about using the crutches?" And she looks at me to make sure I'm following, ok, I thought she was just talking about the crutches.

"I mean in life, you can't protect me from everything, I will make decisions that you won't like, that I won't like after the event but they will be my best decision at the time, I won't deliberately do stupid things but you would have made missteps along the way, please give me the space to do them as well, just so that I learn. You only learn from your mistakes and I will listen to you, I promise, I will listen to you but I need to be able to try and do things by myself. Can you do that?" It's a tortured look that she bestows on me and I have to go against everything my brain is screaming at me.

"I can do that but I will catch you if you fall and I will try to help, just keep telling me when it's too much and I'll try to step back quietly, I just don't want you hurt and why would I let you do something bad if I know what is going to happen?" I don't know how to make her understand but if she wants to do that, I will but her security is so important to me that I don't care if she doesn't want to be supported, she will be; I'll just have to make sure I do it without her knowing.

My statement seems to mollify her a little and she looks at me questioningly, "Talking about catching when falling, how are you feeling today, how are your …um... bits?"

"I think there's some swelling." I say deadpan and Ana looks horrified, "I think he needs some closer inspection and perhaps a kiss to make it better although I think that is going to make the swelling worse."

And then she gets it, blushes on cue and starts giggling and she feathers her fingers down my chest and hesitates as she reaches my lap, where my "injury" is swelling to the point that it is almost bulging out of my pyjama bottoms.

"I know what would make it better," she whispers huskily and my breath intake is a dead giveaway of what I am thinking and she continues, "Ice."

"Ice?" I don't think I can hide the incredulity and disbelief in my voice and she dissolves into a huge fit of giggles.

"Yep, ice will reduce the swelling."

I'll give her ice! I'll need to swallow a lot to cool myself down after that little interplay but instead I grin at her, "No ice but I have an idea. Young lady, you're coming with me, you've been getting all sweaty practicing on those crutches, you need a shower" and I grab her into my arms as she continues to giggle and I carry her into the shower, turning on the shower she squeals as the cold water hits us.

"Yep" to use her word, "Yep this will help with the swelling" I say as she tries to bury herself in my chest to get away from the cold water until it starts to warm and she relaxes, oh bad, I didn't think this through…

"I am known for my control, I am known for my control" I repeat in my brain and try to relay that internally but all that happens is that my brain focusses on the body part that is just not co-operating as Ana slides down my body, effectively impaling herself.

"Oh"

And then she wraps her good leg around my waist and buries her face in my shoulder, I am so close to release that I know my laboured breathing must be roaring in her ear.

"Can I help you with that?" I hear timidly and I just clasp her tighter.

"Ana, baby, I am going to need to put you down because this isn't good for your pelvis or your ribs," I say trying to sound rational while all I actually want to do is bury myself in her.

"I don't care about my pelvis or my ribs, I care about you," she says as she unwraps her leg and again slides down onto me and this time she grinds and I can feel her heat through the shower wetness and I moan as she lifts her face to me, her lips finding mine and opening to allow me entry.

I shift and then hold her with one arm around her back, my knee on the seat holding her in place and as I plunder her mouth, I snake one hand down and into her shorts, finding the sweet spot and apply the pressure she was grinding to receive. Watching as her face reflects her wonder, I balance her on my knee as I lower my mouth and suckle through the nightie now sticking to her gorgeous body, trying to gauge when I will need both hands to stabilise her and am completely taken as her body reacts naturally to me and as she starts keening quietly, I return to those luscious lips and swallow her cries as I hold her tight against me to make sure she doesn't damage herself any further.

When the last of her spasms have concluded and I lean back to see her face, it's to a look of guilt and she moves her hands to the top of my pants and it's me that breaks away although it's the last thing I want to do, "I can't Ana, I was listening to the doctor and I don't want to cause you any damage, do you not have any self-preservation in you?" and I am surprised at how upset she is.

"I want to do something for you, I can't just keep taking," she all but sobs at me as the tears start rolling down her cheeks.

I squat down in front of her, the water still pouring over my shoulder and put my hands on her shoulders, "Oh honey, orgasms don't come with a tally board, you didn't take, you gave more than you know, let me help you undress and then you and I are actually having this shower," I am going to have to work really hard to convince Ana to accept anything from me but I refuse to count giving her pleasure amongst the gifts that she thinks she's taking. I have a plan and I hope she feels better after it as I help her out of her sodden clothes and strip off my own.

I am at half-mast when I turn back to her with a washcloth and body wash having adjusted the water and say "Would you be able to wash him as I haven't dared look since the injury, I don't want to know."

At her gasp though I look down and I realise the plan may have backfired, "Oh Christian, look what I did to you," she says pointing to the bruise that is spreading across my groin, looking upset and guilty, she gently touches me and I am straight back to full mast and when she bites her lip, I almost explode.

"Just hands honey, anything else will hurt you, and we have our future in front of us, just hands." I whisper as I watch the cogs turning. I can tell she's never done this because she looks like she doesn't know where to start so I take her hand and wrap my fingers over hers saying quietly, "Like this," and move my hand up and down and her fingers tighten around me. The shower is set on a gentle warm spray cocooning us, "Ah, that's right, baby, you are doing it perfectly," I say and release her hand, leaving her to continue as I flex my hips into her hands, she grabs me harder and I can't stop the groan as the pain of the injury and the pleasure of it being Ana's gentle hands on me, meld into one.

My release when it comes is representative of the fact that I have been lying next to the most beautiful girl in the world for three weeks and not been able to do anything about it and the look of shock and wonder on Ana's face would have had me laughing if I'd had any energy left.

Instead I collapse onto the seat next to Ana and pull her onto me and bury my tongue in her mouth, thanking her in a way that leaves no doubt that she has just given way, way more than I have given her. Ana's shy smile when she resurfaces is beautiful and I kiss her eyes, her cheeks, her nose, I just need to feel her and make her realise that I understand how huge that was for her and how amazing it was for me.

I turn her on my lap, take the shampoo and turn the shower onto a heavier massaging setting and gently wash her hair as she moans quietly, I lift her up and hug her as I do so then using the wash cloth and the body wash, I wash every part of her, gently, nothing sexual just a clean and then she takes the cloth and reciprocates and we simply luxuriate in each other.

Finally stepping out of the shower, I wrap an enormous fluffy bath sheet around Ana and a smaller one around her hair, stopping just to wrap one around my waist, I carry her back to the bed, returning to retrieve a hair dryer and brush and work to dry her hair, brushing her hair until the waves are lying just so on her back and framing that gorgeous face.

"Thank you Christian," it's no more than a whisper but it wends its way around the last ice shards that surround my heart and they melt and she owns me heart and soul and it just feels right.


	58. Chapter 58

**Christian's POV**

We had a most magnificent morning that left Ana all but purring and me with a grin on my face that nothing, not even Ana staggering around on those goddamned crutches has been able to remove. To stop me simply hovering, she gave me her prized guitar and said "Sing please. It'll take your mind off what I am doing and I've always wanted a soundtrack to my life."

Clever girl, it did take my mind off potential disasters while I serenaded her. What she was wearing had me singing, "You look good in my shirt" from her favourite, Keith Urban and had her giggling and earned me some special crutch manoeuvres that didn't help my heart at all and ensured that she was wearing shorts under my shirt when we went down for lunch.

We've now made it to Bellevue for Sunday Family Dinner and Ana stubbornly refuses to let me help her and so she is making her way slowly over the gravel to the front door, Taylor is on one side and I am on the other. She did warn us to watch out for swinging crutches and given the damage I am still sporting, we are heeding her warning but are both watching her carefully.

Sunday family dinner is usually something I endure, I eat my dinner, make sure I speak to my mother, speak to my father, try not to argue with my brother and then head home to my sub as fast as I can but now I have a reason to be here, allowing Ana to catch up with Kate, relax with my family, catching up with Mia, I have to admit I have missed her since she has been away but the one thing that is worrying me is Macy. How will he react to me? How will I react to him? Did we catch him soon enough that Elena didn't hurt him too badly? Mentally that is, the physical effects would have all healed by now. How damaged was he before she sunk her claws into him?

Mom called to say that he is having nightmares but at the moment they don't seem to be as bad as the night terrors I still have and it doesn't appear that he is scarred physically either, so hopefully he won't be as difficult as I was at this age however he has been in and out of foster homes for most of his life and who knows what that has done to his ability to trust. So it's with a degree of trepidation that we reach the house.

There's a welcoming committee, Mom at the door to clasp Ana in a hug that almost earns her a throat clearing from me but she remembers and apologises that she had forgotten the ribs given how well Ana was handling the crutches. "Much better than the other day, I see. How are you feeling Christian?"

"Really Mom, you had to bring that up?" I say cringing, Ana turns a shade of pink and Elliot shouts with laughter, obviously my injury has been relayed.

"She brought it up, can you?" chortles Elliot earning himself a clip behind the ear from Kate, hmm, maybe I might like Kate in time.

Dad gingerly gives Ana a hug and then Elliot the idiot, lifts her clear off the floor, "Elliot put her down, you're not supporting her pelvis and the cast is too heavy…" I don't get to say anymore as he carefully puts her down apologetically.

That's it, I've just about had it with my family but then Kate hugs her gently and whispers something in Ana's ear and Ana smiles and kisses her on the cheek and I know she's ok and I'm glad that Kate is there for her. Mia is missing which I find strange but it slips out of my mind as I watch anxiously as Ana negotiates the highly polished wooden floors.

We finally make it to the family room and as we settle ourselves, Mia comes tearing through the doors screeching a hello to me and Ana but thankfully she just pecks Ana on the cheek and then turns to the door and calls out "Come on Macy, no-one bites," and I cringe at her choice of words but am pleased to see the shy looking teenager appear in the doorway and wave a hello.

Mia takes over and says "We've just come back from a run, sorry it took a little longer than expected, we'll be back down in a bit," and they rush up the stairs with me staring after them.

"Is that wise?" I ask a little concerned that something is going on but Mom smiles and says something that makes me shake my head at how confusing our lives have become.

"Macy was fostered by the Scotts last year and their daughters Sharon and Mary are some of Mia's nicest friends so Sharon who is the younger sister came over today and the three of them have been out for a run and a wander around. She's a very perceptive 16 year old and has been drawing Macy out of his shell like no-one else has been able to do and has enlisted Mia as her ears on the ground as it were. Sharon has helped with the Coping Together fundraiser in the past and will be here again to help this year; she has a special reason for wanting to do so as she has always been concerned for Macy and speaking of which, will you and Ana be coming to the night?"

I nod to indicate that we will be there and I can't wait to see Ana in a ball gown, she should be in the short walking cast by then and I will legitimately be able to have my arms around her, holding her up as I introduce her as my girlfriend to the world. For once, I can't wait for the function that unfortunately brings up too many bad memories for me.

Mia and Macy walk back in and all the introductions are done properly and without being pointed into a particular spot, it interests me that he naturally gravitates to Ana's side and sits down next to her as she gives him a gentle smile. Ana is simply a magnet for damaged people and I wonder what it is about her and whether that will cause problems in the future.

As we settle down for dinner, the phone rings and Mom who is standing walks off to answer it and comes back with a concerned expression asking Dad to take the call in the office and she sits down with a worried look on her face saying it was a business call, somehow I know it isn't but I decide to concentrate on filling Ana's plate and doing similar for Macy who looks like he could do with a huge feed.

I listen as Ana asks Macy what his dreams are for the future, what he'd like to do and sadly he says quietly that he's never looked forward to the future because he didn't think he'd survive his teenage years, the poor boy is 15. Ana's eyes pool with tears and she rests her hand near his arm as if she is gauging his reaction to touch and asks what he likes doing, does he like running or sport, does he like music and at the mention of music, his eyes light up and he says he'd like to play drums and Ana looks towards me with a question on her lips and I don't hesitate.

"I think we can sound proof one of the rooms here so that you can practice and then we'll have quite a little band, I play piano, Elliot plays guitar and Mia the cello so between us we can help you with the drums, would you like that?" While Macy nods shyly but eagerly, it's Ana's eyes that I am drowning in, I can see her gratitude in them and then she turns back to Macy as I squeeze her hand.

"How are you doing at school?" and I watch as Macy looks like he is about to shut down but it's obvious that Ana sees that and says, "I used to help a group of school children near WSU who were struggling with school, can I help you? We used to start right back to the basics because if you miss those, then everything else is too hard. I'd be happy to help you like I helped those other boys, and some were much older than you, would you like that?" Ana says smiling gently at him and again the shy nod.

Mom is looking like she is about to burst into grateful tears so we turn back to Elliot and Kate and talk about their coming vacation to Barbados, it seems that Elliot has it bad as he has cancelled his plans for the next two weeks and invited himself along. Given how all over each other they are, I wonder if this is a short fling but it doesn't seem like his normal MO, so perhaps this will last, I hope so, if it means that Ana is happy otherwise the fact that we are together could be difficult if her best friend is no longer attached to my brother. I'd better make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

Dad comes out of the shadows in the doorway and indicates for me to go with him without coming into the room, I press a soft kiss into Ana's ear and whisper that I am going to speak to Dad and she looks concerned, squeezes my hand and then turns back to Macy who is looking a lot less scared of everyone now.

"Son, I'm sorry to be the bearer of this news but it appears that Stephen Morton was released this morning from custody as Cecilia has withdrawn her statement," and my head starts to thump and just as I stare at my Dad my phone rings and I look down to see it is Taylor.

"Sir, there's been an incident at the facility involving Cecilia."

"What the fuck has happened Taylor? Spit it out."

"There was a fire there an hour ago in the wing where Cecilia was being held, in the confusion, it hasn't been possible yet to find out if all the individuals escaped the fire and if so, the whereabouts of Cecilia. Welch has some additional men heading down there now."

"Taylor, you might want to let Welch know that Stephen Morton was released this morning." I say through clenched teeth, there is no way that these two occurrences are not related.

"What about Elena Dad, is she still in custody or did she get out too?" I ask, I can feel Elena's fingertips on this, how very convenient that Cecilia recant her statement and then her residence burns down, perhaps with her in it soon after her father is released from custody. Dad's eyes go wide as I explain the situation to both Welch and John Flynn.

"Why weren't we told that he had been released this morning? Why wasn't Alex Lia informed or was he and he didn't tell me?" Someone is going to pay for this stuff up and I hope it wasn't my team.

"Calm down Christian, we'll sort it out although the news about the fire does add an element to it."

"Sorry Dad, we need to go home, I need to make sure that Ana is safe because if something has happened to Cecilia, the only other person that has anything on Morton is Ana and I am not risking her in any way. Elena also has a motive to hurt Ana and quite frankly her stupid mother would somehow get in on some action to harm Ana so I want to make sure I have her secure. I will send extra security here too, you have Macy and he is the only other person that has any information on Elena so you are all at risk as well. Do you want to come and stay at Escala so that security only needs to be in one place?"

"Thank you son, but I think you're overstating the risk and Macy needs to go to school and that is closer to here, so no, we'll stay here but sure, get Ana home, she probably needs her rest anyway." Dad says, completely underplaying the severity of the situation and I just don't want to waste the time arguing and walk back into the dining room. I can sense Ana's concern as I walk to her side, apologising to Mom "Sorry Mom, a situation has come up that needs us to leave now." I know that Dad will explain to her and I really don't want to talk about it in front of everyone else.

Despite my desperate need to get Ana home safely, Kate and Elliot take their time saying their goodbyes and Ana finally manages one last hug from Kate and agrees that she'll look after herself, she then turns to Macy and he smiles perhaps the most genuine smile of the night when Ana blows him a kiss and blows one back and shakes my hand, at least he doesn't seem to have an issue with touch. Hopefully he's not as damaged as I was at that age and if Ana is helping him out, I can almost guarantee that he'll improve and I'll just have to figure out how to not be jealous about the attention.

Jealousy is the least of my concerns at the moment, my anger that Morton was firstly allowed to leave and then secondly without us being notified is all encompassing and as we start moving, Ana slowly on the crutches, I look at her and before I can say anything she says sweetly, "Christian, do you mind, my arms are a little sore, could you carry me please?"

"Thank you baby," is all I say, I know she knows I need to leave and that she would have slowed me down, her perceptiveness floors me and I tighten my grip, nothing can happen to Ana, I will not let anything happen to her and I know she'll be on the target list for these evil people who have just become that much more evil.

Mom and Dad accompany us to the door, they both kiss Ana and Dad says "Don't worry son, it'll all work out," and I nearly swear at him, sure, everything has worked out peachy so far, I love his optimism.

It's only once we are underway that Ana says "What's happened?"

"Don't worry; it's nothing for you to worry about." I say, I don't want her worrying.

"Is it something to do with work or does it relate to something to do with my sideshow?" and I don't miss the hard edge to her voice.

"It's not work, but really I don't want you worrying about it. You need to get home and rest, you've done too much today"

"Oh no, that's going to work! Christian, seriously, what has happened? I am fine and I have to prepare for the interviews tomorrow anyway when we get back."

"Oh hell no! You are not going to those interviews tomorrow." I explode as the worry of the last hour hits me.

"On the contrary, there is apparently nothing for me to worry about, nothing for me to worry my tiny mind over, so I think you can go and save the universe and I will do what I intended to do. I shall attend my interviews. Thank you." She finishes quietly and primly and turns her head towards the window.

"Ana.." but she won't look at me. "Ana, I just need to keep you safe." Still she won't look at me and I really don't want to tell her because I want her to relax and get better but from the tightness of her shoulders, I know she isn't relaxed at the moment and I will only end up with an upset and angry Ana anyway.

"Ana, honey, there is a chance that you are going to be targeted tomorrow and the only way I can keep you safe is to keep you at home." That is all I want to say but when those big blue eyes turn to me blazing, I know I'm going to have to tell her everything.

"Exactly who is targeting me?" I don't know if she is frightened but if she was to throw this anger at the perpetrators, they should stop in their tracks. I want to hold her but she is looking like she will lash out if I attempt to touch her, let alone hold her.

I sigh, "I am not used to having to tell people why I make decisions and I just wanted to keep you safe so that you'd relax and heal" and I see a slight softening in her face but as she twists her lips and looks like she is considering saying something, I continue quietly, "Stephen Morton was released from custody today because Cecilia recanted her statement…" and I watch as Ana's eyes rim with tears, the effect is instantaneous with her gasp "and then the facility where Cecilia was being held burnt down and we don't yet know whether she survived or not."

There, right there, is the reason I didn't want to tell Ana, she turns as white as a sheet and I am across the seat to her as she reaches out, Taylor pulls over to the side of the road, having listened to the conversation and watching through the mirror, he realises that an anxiety attack could be imminent, I release her seatbelt and pull her close to me to try and ground her, "Breathe, baby, please breathe."

"Oh no, poor Cecilia." She sobs, well, that wasn't what I expected but I can see how Ana would think that. "She had a shitty life and then all this and he didn't care for her, just himself if he's prepared to kill her."

I am not that surprised at her compassion for Cecilia but I have to be rational, "Ana, honey, we don't know if she survived or not, she might well be working with him. We have to figure out when and why she recanted her statement, there is a chance that she started the fire and has escaped. There is so much we don't know and the only thing I can think is that you are the only person who can testify against both of them and that's why I have to keep you safe."

"Yes, you can keep me safe, but I don't intend to let any bully win, you will need to be at GEH tomorrow to deal with all of this so I will be alone in the apartment and I will feel more vulnerable there, so I think the better option is that I continue as planned and then I can come to GEH and curl up in the corner of your office or the security office with a book and that way you'll know I am safe."

I desperately want to forbid her but I already know that isn't going to work and she continues "If you drop me off with Sawyer and he stays with me and then gets me to the next interview, they are practically one after the other, I will be safe, no-one will know where I am, they are more likely to assume that I am with you at the apartment, in fact, I wonder if it would be safer to stay at Kate's apartment tonight because no-one knows about that at all."

I love that she called it Kate's apartment, "Actually, that's not a bad idea." I want to see what the apartment is like, I've already beefed up the security on it anyway so that if Ana is ever there visiting Kate, she'll be safe but since neither of us has been there, it might as well be where we stay tonight, I know that Kate is staying with Elliot so that they can all leave early tomorrow and that Ana has the key as Ethan, Kate's brother will be back earlier and will be staying there.

"Taylor, have Welch send some extra staff to Kate's apartment, you'll drop us off and continue to Escala to stay with Gail and monitor the situation from there and send Sawyer back to us with the clothes Ana wants for the interviews tomorrow." With that and now that Ana is calm again, Taylor takes off for Kate's apartment and I hold her hand trying to reassure her through touch that everything will be ok when in fact, I feel once again, completely out of control.

Ana suddenly gasps with pure fear on her face, "What about Elena? Is she still in custody? What about my mom, is she safe?"

"This is why I didn't want to tell you anything yet, I don't know, I am waiting to hear from my legal team or from Dad."

"I just thought you were keeping things from me, sorry." Ana says apologetically and now I feel bad but I really did want all the information before allowing Ana to worry, although I have to admit to myself, if the truth be told, I wouldn't have told her anything, it's my worry, I will worry about it.

"You were the one that said I could worry about keeping you safe while you worried about being happy, remember?" I have the feeling that I will be throwing that back at her often and by the twist in her lips and the almost eye roll, she does too and it makes me chuckle and finally there is a tiny smile on her face.

"You know, I love that sound, you should laugh more often, then you don't seem such a fuddy-duddy." Ana says with a smirk that softens the blow.

"Fuddy-duddy? Excuse me?" I say as I keep her eyes trained on my face but move my hand to her side and I am rewarded by the giggle that erupts when I tickle her gently. "Just you wait until you can move around and then there'll be no fuddy-duddy descriptors thank you very much."

I truly can't wait, the things that I can show Ana will make her body and mind sing but I need to keep her safe and there it is, my heart clenches at the thought that I may not be able to do so, Morton is proving to be sneakier than I expected and I have no doubt that Elena is behind it all.


	59. Chapter 59 - 30 May 2011

**Christian's POV**

I wish Ana had a sense of self-preservation but her stubborn streak overrides it completely and I understand her saying that by doing everything herself, she is preserving herself, making sure that she can stand on her own two feet, ha, literally at this moment but it has taken a toll and tonight she could barely keep her eyes open while we had a dessert supper delivered by Sawyer along with clothes for both of us. I only managed to snuggle for a minute before she was asleep and I begrudgingly had to come back out here to the living room to try and work out this shit storm that has happened.

Taylor decided that we'd all be better off here so after their dinner, he brought Gail with him. Given what has happened today, Welch and Taylor believe that Escala is the next target and since we need to decide on our actions, it doesn't make sense to have Taylor there nor does he want to leave Gail and Ryan at the mercy of possible madmen, so Ryan has been left to guard Escala and will only have to look after himself if something happens.

Gail has busied herself making coffees for us and baking biscuits to stock the cupboard while we work over what has happened today. It appears the justice department let us down with no-one notifying my legal department about Morton's release and we'll need to investigate how that happened, Elena is still in custody but I have no doubt of her reach. There would be more than one person in the justice system on her books as Doms so the calling in of favours and the greasing of palms would be a distinct possibility, in fact probability. We will need to somehow get our hands on and examine the visitation records, our answer will be in there but we still don't know what has happened to Cecilia.

Finally the call comes through at about 3 am from Welch and says that two bodies have been found at the facility and there is only one person missing from the facility, which is Cecilia. However the bodies haven't been identified and probably won't be for a few days. I draw my hand wearily across my eyes, I don't want to tell Ana anything, especially with her interviews and there is a chance that it isn't Morton and Cecilia, I wouldn't put it past him to somehow have caused the death of two innocent people while stealing Cecilia away. How did my security miss him entering if it was him? There are still so many unanswered questions but I look at Taylor and say, "We might as well turn in, nothing's going to be solved tonight, is Ryan ok?"

At his nod that Ryan is fine and nothing has transpired at Escala, we both turn in. I curl myself around Ana in her tiny bed and she sighs and relaxes into me and just that small action is enough to finally put a small smile on my face and I wrap my arms around her, bury my face in her hair and drift off to sleep.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

"Christian" I gasp, "Christian, let me go before you choke me" but it's not working, it's obvious he is having a nightmare and he has me in a strong submission hold, ha, even as I'm losing consciousness, I appreciate the irony. He has me in a twister type joint lock holding my body immobile, the pain in my ribs is indescribable and he has my neck cranked at a dangerous angle and there is nothing I can do and then I think back to Ray and I whistle as loud as I can, given my lack of breath. Ray used to say that I had a whistle that was louder and more piercing than anyone he knew and Christian opens his eyes and looks down in horror, releasing me as I gasp for air.

The door bursts open and Taylor is standing there with gun drawn, "It was me Taylor, I'm ok," I manage to gasp out as the air returns to my lungs. He holsters it, looks confused but nods and walks back out and I turn my attention to Christian who is staring at me, frozen, absolute dread upon his face.

"It's a pity I'm a bit broken or you would have found yourself on the other side of the room," I state quietly but matter-of-factly as I rub his arm, "That was a standard hold I could break in Judo so I suggest you have some practice with Claude so that when I'm well, we can try that again." I don't know how to get through to him.

"I could have killed you." Christian says, he won't look at me. Swinging to the side of the bed, he puts his head in his hands, and with a strangled sob, he repeats "I could have killed you."

"Christian, you're obviously worried about the threat, this isn't normal, you haven't been doing anything normal lately so the stress has been building up, please, I'm ok, you aren't going to hurt me again." I have to admit, I hope not but I am not going to have him worrying. "Don't you withdraw on me!" I say attempting a harder tone.

"Ana, you keep making excuses for me and my fucked up shit, I am not good for you, I nearly killed you, how can you sit there and .."

"If I thought there was any malice Christian, I wouldn't be sitting here, call Dr Flynn and he'll explain it you." I'm scared that I will lose him and I don't even want to think about that or why that fills me with dread. As I look at his face, I can see him closing down and I feel like my veins are filling with cold cement.

I make one last effort and shift to a different tone, "Baby, I am going to get ready but I need you…" And I let the sentence hang in the air as I swing my body around. I am busy moving my leg but as I look towards him to continue talking, his arms reach out and he lifts me onto his lap, his lips are on mine, his hands crushing me to him and I notice the tears running down his face, it's breathtaking as I am sure he said he has never cried but an ache grows in my chest, this kiss feels like goodbye. I can feel him pouring everything into the kiss, he pulls away to look deep into my eyes and then he folds me into his chest and the tears fall on my shoulders as he shudders but still doesn't say anything.

As I wriggle to loosen his grip he turns his face away and drops his hands in a defeated manner and I can't let this continue, "Christian, please look at me, I love you and I trust you, please believe me," I plead, I can't bear how he is beating himself up about it "But I have to go have a shower, will you join me?" and I know it's bad when he just shakes his head and releases me.

A quick shower completed and I am dressed in as fast a time as is possible and I make my way into the kitchen and Gail asks brightly what I'd like for breakfast and even she twists her lips when I say "Just some toast and honey, please," she smiles though when I add "My stomach is a bunch of butterflies because of the interviews." I don't want to add "and because what happened this morning" so say "Is Christian here?"

Gail shakes her head and says, "Mr Grey asked me to tell you that Sawyer will bring you to your interviews and to not go anywhere without him and then to come back here after the interviews." I feel a touch of fear that he couldn't wait to tell me that himself and I hope he'll come home tonight. I wonder whether I should ring Dr Flynn myself and tell him about what happened and then realise that I have to make a move if we are to reach my first interview on time.

Sawyer is a great driver and his calm demeanour has me less stressed when I reach the first interview. While the interview felt successful, the big corporate headquarters doesn't feel like somewhere I'd fit it in and I wonder what it would be like to work in such a place as GEH which is even bigger. The HR department doesn't seem too scared off by my injuries, I stated all of them in the spirit of disclosure and explained that all the costs are covered now and will be covered in the future so there shouldn't be an issue going forward. They were ok with my availability being in about two weeks and suggested that if we were a match, then I would receive a call later in the week and wished me well as I left. It just didn't feel like somewhere that I'd prefer to work because on the quick walk around they showed me all the current interns sitting in cubicles off to the back of a floor, all very clinical but I'll take it if it is the only offer I receive.

Sawyer looks at me with concern when I leave the office and hobble across the shiny marble floor towards him in the waiting room on the crutches but I am able to reassure him that it was simply the stress of my first ever proper interview as an adult and he simply smiles. When Christian isn't around, I am realising the security lets down a little of their guard and I can see their friendlier side but as soon as he is in the vicinity, then they are all back to stone walls, solid, dependable and expressionless.

Using the crutches on the sidewalk is putting considerable pressure on my arm pits and by extension my shoulder but there is no way I am about to say anything, I wouldn't put it past Sawyer passing the message onto Taylor and from there Christian but that makes me worry about how he was feeling this morning. I pause for a minute and as I frown, Sawyer solicitously steps towards me and I shake my head, "If I sit at this café, could you go get the car?" and he looks conflicted and I know that his instructions are to stay with me at all times "Look, if you order the tea and I can sit here while you get the car and I promise not to move."

"No, he's not going to leave you here or he will lose his job." There's no mistaking the angry voice I hear and I swivel my head to see Christian appear from behind Sawyer who is looking decidedly relieved at his appearance although Christian's visage is one of annoyance. "Let me help you," he says and places an arm around my waist while denuding me of my crutches and handing them to Sawyer and in one fluid motion I find myself in the air and I can do nothing but wrap my arms around his neck.

I like this position but it feels different this time, it feels like he is completely distant from me, just like he is carrying me and that's it, no love, like it could be anyone that he's carrying and it scares me. "When will you learn to listen? I said you were to go direct to the other interview and not stop anywhere."

Ah, so he's angry at me, well seriously! "I just needed to stop for a bit because my arms were hurting and I have time before the next interview," as I say that I realise I am providing him more ammunition as he jerks his eyes from straight forward where he was avoiding me down to my face.

"I should take you back to the apartment now." He says with a growl and holds me closer.

As we reach the car and Christian bends to sit me in the car I tighten my arms and lift my lips up to his willing him to respond and he releases an audible groan before plundering my mouth. Suddenly he pulls away and rests his forehead against mine, his eyes squeezed shut and breathing heavily, he enunciates as if in pain, "I. Need. To. Keep. You. Safe."

The sheer emotion is crushing me so I resort to the safety of sarcasm, "By the way, what are you doing here anyway, were you just passing by?"

He gives a half snort as he opens his eyes and says quietly shaking his head, "I was on my way to Dr Flynn and timed my departure so that I might have a chance to see you," and my gasp has him almost smiling ruefully, "I needed to see that you were safe walking out of that building, and I'm glad I did, you shouldn't be walking anywhere but of course, you're stubborn." I'd like to disagree with him but he's right. "Now you'd better leave otherwise you'll be late for your next interview," and I look at my watch and almost leap into the seat, jarring my leg on the seat in front and Christian grimaces and growls, "Ana …. Safe."

Looking at Sawyer he says in a tone brooking no argument, "Straight back to the apartment, no stopping anywhere after the interview. Got it?" and we both nod, I'm sure he'd appear if I didn't and I've already wasted his time albeit unintentionally but at least he seems to have unwound a little and the kiss he leaves is tender and not so distraught as his earlier one and he doesn't seem so distant.

Once again Sawyer drives like a racing car driver and luckily finds a park right outside the doors of the SIP building and I am out with him right beside me and gingerly making my way over the stone tiles into the reception area. I am immediately more comfortable, the staff look comfortably dressed, the offices that I can see reflect a friendly environment that is not as stuffy as the previous interview and I relax as I wait on the Chesterfield couches.

When I am called into the interview I ponder at the differences between Christian and the man in front of me, a Jack Hyde, while he wouldn't be much older, he has earrings, his face is more lined and there's something about him that has me on high alert. The most obvious difference though is his hair, it is not Christian's ginger colour, it is bright red and pulled back into a ponytail, half the length of mine and oily. I almost giggle as I realise it is practically Orangutan red, vibrant to a point of looking almost fake.

My spidey-senses have me observing his actions and his eyes to see if they match and tellingly, they don't at times especially when he asks what else I like to do out of work hours. His eyes flare with an unappealing light and Elizabeth Morgan, the HR manager's demeanour changes a little, her back straightens and her lips thin, hmm, weird reaction on both their parts and I simply state that I prefer books. I decide that they don't need to know that I practice Judo and have been working through the ranks with the aim of reaching as high as possible without actually representing any region, my Third dan black belt being one of my most prized possessions. I realise as I think this that I haven't even told Christian, I have alluded to my Judo but not really discussed it, hopefully that will make him feel more comfortable with my safety especially combined with my ability to shoot and a few other things that Ray has taught me.

Back to the interview, it concludes comfortably with them saying that the position I am interviewing for doesn't actually start for two weeks and I am happy to inform them that I should be in a walking cast by then and so the crutches will be gone and I will be well on the way to recovery. While I have disclosed the extent of the injuries and both cringed as I described them, I think I was able to assure them that I will be fully mended soon enough and the injuries won't disrupt my work, I promise that if I do have to take time off for medical appointments, I am more than willing to take work home and complete it there as I won't leave my colleagues understaffed and they assured me that flexibility is one of the cornerstones of SIP.

As I leave my wariness of Jack Hyde increases when despite my protestations that I am fine, he "assists" me out of the chair by placing his hands under both of my arms and his extremely long fingers brushed the edges of my breasts on both sides. As I release myself from his grasp I catch a glimpse of an annoyed look on Elizabeth's face before she reassembles it although the eyes stay cold and she tells me politely that they'd let me know by the end of the week if I had the position.

Jack accompanies me into the reception area and holds the door allowing me to leave and then thankfully walks back inside as Sawyer materialises out of the shadows and walks with me to the car. Stowing the crutches and leaning against the seat, I realise that I am exhausted, adrenaline had obviously been coursing through my body and it feels like it is going to crash, the first interview, Christian and now this interview and all I want to do is go home and fall into bed.

Ha home…. I don't actually know where that is anymore. Kate's place or Christian's and neither are mine yet, I know Christian has said I must go back to Kate's apartment and at least the bed there is the one I have slept on for four years but interestingly I realise that I am thinking that home is Christian's place. I don't think I'll tell him that though, who really knows what's going to happen when we get past this part of our relationship, me broken and needy and him discovering he has a heart, will it all work when we are living a normal life?

I look at Gail as we enter and she gives me a tired smile, she seems to have the Charlie Brown worry rings around her eyes and I want to ask her how she's feeling but I know that if I don't hurry to my room, I will probably collapse and the effect that will have is just not worth the small interaction. I manage a "Yes please" to her question as to whether I'd like a cup of tea and make it to the room and lie quickly on the bed.

When Gail brings me my tea and looks questioningly at the fact that I am under the covers, I manage to reassure her that I am perfectly fine albeit a little tired from the interviews and ascertain that her worry is that she didn't sleep that well out of her own bed last night and hopes we'll be back in Escala tonight or really soon at least and I smile and agree, it is somewhat better appointed and easier to work in.

Before I drop off to sleep, I manage

**From:** Anastasia Steele  
**Subject:** Interviews  
**Date:** May 30 2011 12:49  
**To:** Christian Grey

All done, all dusted.  
I hope your day is improving.  
I'm going to sleep now.

I switch off the phone and drift off to sleep.

My sleep is punctuated by dreams of big hairy orang-utans picking me up and swinging with me through the trees and it's only finally when I'm sick and tired of being thrown around like a baby orang-utan that I retaliate with a throw and wake with a start as I hear "Easy baby" and realise I am wrapped up in Christian's arms, his face nuzzled into my hair and his hands trying to stop me from throwing him from the bed.

"Sorry, I thought you were an orang-utan," I offer as an explanation and for a second I see confusion and then a smile flicker but it is gone as quickly as it came.

"Baby, I have some news for you but I need to know you're ok, have you eaten?" As I shake my head his lips twist and he grates out "I gather your phone is off then? I complimented you on your haiku and suggested you eat something."

"I can eat after you tell me the news," I say and he shakes his head.

"No, you are eating first. Mrs Jones has made some lovely rolls out there but if you feel like something else, she will manage it."

"A roll will be fine," I say but I don't like his tone or the expression on his face when he said he had news and I know it isn't going to be good so my stomach starts doing flips and I really don't want to eat however one look at Christian's face and I know I have to force it down or he won't tell me anything.

As the last bite descends and my anxiety soars through the roof, Christian starts, "After we left you we went to the facility that was holding Cecilia, what we ascertained was that yesterday the guard was distracted by Cecilia attempting to run through the corridors so he was chasing her. Anyway, he caught her and brought her back to the room and a little while later while the nurses went in there to do whatever they do with her, they came out saying that she had locked herself in the bathroom and that they would come back and they left. Soon after that there was an explosion in the room and the flames were so fierce that the guard couldn't do anything except grab a fire extinguisher from the wall and try to extinguish the flames while the sprinkler system was doing its thing. He was really surprised though because the sprinkler system seemed to be having no effect and he believes that there must have been accelerant spread around the room."

Christian pauses and pulls me onto his lap, like he needs my closeness or understands that I am going to need his and absentmindedly rubs circles on my back, "When they were able to put the fire out and it had cooled down enough, the firefighters found two bodies."

His eyes are trained on mine as he continues, "They were able to identify both today and it appears that they were Cecilia and Stephen Morton."


	60. Chapter 60

**Christian's POV**

I am watching Ana closely as I say these words, "They were able to identify both today and it appears that they were Cecilia and Stephen Morton."

Her expressions go through shock, a second of relief, guilt, anger and ending on sadness just as I think she is going to say something, all those looks disappear to be replaced with abject fear and she reaches for me, her hands almost clawing through the air to reach me. Being on my lap isn't close enough and I know how she feels, I encircle her in my arms, squeezing her against my chest, I don't care about her ribs right now or her pelvis with everything being twisted they must be hurting but the mental anguish is so much more overriding and important to ease. I need to reach through the fear and comfort her.

John Flynn said these might be Ana's reactions and that my meltdown would probably pale into insignificance in comparison to hers as she works through all the scenarios placing herself in Cecilia's position and that more than anything made me realise I have to be here for her. No matter how bad I am for her, no matter if I can no longer sleep with her for fear of hurting her, I have to be here for her and truth be told, I don't want to be anywhere else. I know I can't let her go, it would kill me to see her with anyone else and I know there will be a line of men waiting for me to fuck up so that they can take my place.

"You're safe Ana, you're safe with me." I coo into her ear, well wherever I am, there is a cordon of security so as long as she is with me, she should safe. I let Ana sob into my shirt, the tears soaking through over my heart and I can't bear it, feeling her shaking in my arms. "Baby, I'll keep you safe, I'm not going anywhere. They are gone Ana, they can't hurt you anymore. You don't need to be looking over your shoulder anymore, wondering when he is going to pop up and make your life a misery again."

"Poor C-C-Cecilia," she sobs out and then comes what John said would happen, "It could have been m-m-me."

"Yes but it wasn't because you're safe with me." I say strongly, brooking no argument, there is no way that I want her slipping down that slippery slope. I look over Ana's shoulder and see Taylor hovering, I signal him over and quietly remove my phone from my pocket and press the speed dial for John Flynn and pass the phone to Taylor indicating to walk away and speak to him and he simply nods and makes off out of earshot. "You managed to get away from him all those years ago, you were strong enough to stop him and it was only the legal system that let you down as it has Cecilia. You were always stronger than her. Baby stop, I can't bear it when you cry."

The tears continue and while I'm glad she is still breathing and not shutting down like she has in the past when stressed, I need to calm her down and distract her so I attempt to gently lift her face off my chest but she buries her face in her hands instead mumbling something about a tissue which puts a small smile on my face and I wriggle and reaching into my pocket, I pass her my handkerchief. She wipes her nose and giggle snorts something that sounds like "so genteel" and something that sounds suspiciously like "old man" but at least she sounds like she is calming down and that smart mouth isn't too far away, even if she is still hiccupping and trying to stop the tears.

"Ready?" I ask and she cocks her head to the side, the tears are still sliding down her cheeks, "I think you need a bath, it will relax you, then you can do whatever you want to do, perhaps watch a movie, play some music, give Ray a call." The mention of Ray starts another bout of sobbing and I can't let it spiral but as I start to lift her up to carry her to the bath, the doorbell rings and Ana stiffens in my arms and clings to me and I hate the fact that the fear is probably going to be near the surface for the near future. She doesn't deserve this and selfishly, WE don't deserve this.

I guess as to who it is and turn her so that she can see that it is John Flynn standing there and she relaxes as he walks towards us, his face a calm mask, his voice comforting as he reaches her and I lift her onto the seat, dropping a kiss onto the top of her head, taking a deep breath and savouring her special Ana scent. Gail brings drinks and a pot of tea for Ana who accepts it gratefully and after an initial greeting, I leave John and Ana to chat and taking Taylor with me while Gail pops out for supplies with Sawyer, we adjourn to Kate's room which has now become a makeshift security control room.

It feels like only a few minutes have passed with my head spinning at all the information that has come through but when John walks into to the room to have a quick conversation, I realise that nearly two hours have elapsed and Ana must be feeling exhausted.

John assures me that Ana will be fine but most likely will be on edge for the next few days or weeks and that he'd like us both to come to his office during the week but if there are any meltdowns, not to hesitate and call him. He shakes his head as he says, "I've said it before but she's extraordinarily strong you know, most girls her age would be curled up in a ball completely unable to do anything let alone being such a fighter, determined to make the best of everything. She's gone to her room now, she said to tell you that she's going to call Ray as he deserves to know and I suggest that if you can get in there soon, it might be a good idea as speaking to Ray will bring back the older memories. The three sets of memories, the history, the accident and now this will probably collide tearfully." I nod as I was thinking the same thing.

I show John out and then Taylor says, "I think we are safe to go back to Escala." Oh thank goodness, while Kate's apartment is a nice pad, it's not even as big as the security office at Escala and since we've doubled the security at Escala with only trusted staff, I am more than happy to go back. There I have a bath or the shower, either of which will relax Ana and that is my first priority especially given the news that we have garnered in the last two hours and I will have to tell her.

I knock on the bedroom door and hear a muffled "Come in" and I really hope Ana is feeling better, my heart cracks a little every time she cries so I am surprised when I open the door to see Ana sitting on the edge of the bed and smiling at me. It's a beautiful, shy smile and I feel the kaboom in my heart as I reach her and she puts out her hands for me to pull her up. I'm going with the flow because I didn't expect her to be so together and so I pull her up and as she stands, she disentangles her hands and throws her arms around my neck, tangling her hands in my hair, my hands drop automatically to her waist and she pulls my lips down to hers.

Oh….

My brain goes kaboom too…..

Well, that decides that, we are going back to Escala now, I need the shower and quite possibly a cold one since Ana is almost grinding against me and all coherent thought has gone from my brain. I decide that now is a good time to not think, just enjoy.

It takes a few moments to realise that someone is knocking at the bedroom door. Seriously?!

Ana starts giggling and the sound lifts my mood at the interruption immediately. I spin holding her tightly so that I am looking at the door while realising that the giggling is taking on that sound of tiredness when you just can't stop laughing, she really needs some sleep before the events of the last two days end in an unpleasant crash.

"Come in"

Taylor is standing there looking decidedly uncomfortable, "Apologies Sir, Welch is on his way to Escala with some important information, we really should be on our way." I scan his face for other clues but it shows nothing although his body language indicates a repressed snake, he looks like he is about to strike so something has happened.

It takes a minute to grab everything in the room, Ana really hadn't unpacked and Gail had organised all my stuff back to Escala this morning, it was lucky that Ana hadn't noticed that little fact.

Scooping up Ana and passing her crutches to Sawyer we sweep out of Kate's apartment quicker than when we entered and we are headed back to Escala and comfort, where Ana can have a relaxing bath, the thought of which makes me twitch and Ana looks at me concerned, I smile and squeeze her shoulder as my arm is lying across her back and the ready shy smile is back in response. What did I do to deserve her?

I don't care how independent she is, I am carrying her back into Escala and thankfully as Sawyer whisks away the crutches, she growls at him but puts up her arms accepting the lift and I smile into her hair as she good naturedly harrumphs at me.

I place her on the bed and before leaving to join Taylor, I ask whether she would like a bath or a shower and she responds quickly with "Shower please."

"Baby, can I shower with you?" I ask, I don't really have time but I'm reliving the memories of the other day and there's nothing I'd like more than to recreate them for both of us, it would relax us both but Ana shakes her head.

"Ah no, it's shark week." And I have to laugh.

"I don't care, I've done worse, it doesn't worry me." I say, while I won't do blood play in the play room, I don't care where a woman is in her cycle, it doesn't worry me in the least.

But Ana looks at me quite frankly disgusted with a prim look on her face, "Well, it does me and no, you are not sharing the shower, not even the bathroom while I'm in it. If you attempt to come in there, I'll lock you out of it."

"You will do no such thing, what happens if you fall or something happens to you?" I ask exasperated, sometimes Ana drives me crazy but she's staring at me with an obstinate look on her face and I decide, this can be an argument for another day, "Fine, I won't come in but you are not locking the door."

"Thank you Darling," she says drawling the "r" just to make her point and at this point, why stay mad at her when all I want is her to be happy so I pull her back up to her feet and continue what we started earlier but as Ana moans quietly, I break us apart reluctantly.

"Ana, do that again and I don't care how many sharks there are! Here let me help you into the bathroom and then call me if you need anything _and_ call me when you finish, I don't want you hobbling around on a wet floor. Ok?" To which I receive an eye roll and a head nod and I know she won't comply so decide that I'll send Gail up to check at intervals, I dread to think what could happen if her crutches slip on the wet floor.

Making my way to the security office, I wearily brush my hair from my forehead, wishing once again that the Mortons had never been part of anyone's lives let alone ours. I reach the office and am greeted by an agitated Welch and a very quiet Taylor.

"Ok, what's happened?"

Welch starts without any preamble, "I'm glad you're on our side because with your contacts we managed to fast track the autopsy results and it is conclusive that the two bodies are the two Mortons so that at least is one thing, no dummies were planted, no other innocent persons were killed, it's just them so that is something. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say." And I remember that his history with Ana goes back further than all of us and was shaken to the core when he found out what had happened to her.

He continues, "We managed to access the phone tapes and from the intercept of the phone calls that were made out of the prison, we were able to determine that Stephen had been interfered with in the jail and he pleaded with Cecilia to recant her statement so that he could be released as he didn't think he'd be safe in jail. He made his distress obvious saying that his life was at risk and promised that he'd never touch anyone ever again. He said he was sorry and he wanted to see her and really make it up to her and she said ok, she'd love to see him. So it's obvious the girl was still deluded and prepared to see him again. We still haven't determined how it is possible that just Cecilia recanting her statement allowed him to be released. It seems like Ana's evidence was not considered at all, again. What is probably of relevance although we don't know the significance of it yet is that there is a record of a meeting between Mrs Lincoln and Morton last week and whether something was decided at that meeting and he was putting it into action I don't know," he pauses, "Yet."

Welch shrugs his shoulders as I thunder, "What the fuck is going wrong with our justice system? This is not how it operates, what about all the due process? Anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of our justice system knows this is so fucking wrong. This is insane! Fucking Elena must have something to do with this. Fuck this means that someone in there is in her clutches; she must have something on someone high enough to let Morton out without due process. I take it you are investigating all the staff in any way associated with Morton being released."

Welch nods and then starts describing his understanding of what happened yesterday. "From the security vision we've been able to find so far, we can see that when Morton turned up to see Cecilia he snuck in through the bathroom window so the guard didn't see him but the guard heard a noise and went to investigate and that was when Cecilia ran out the door. The guard hadn't gone far and saw her out of the corner of his eye and chased her, they were gone about five minutes as she struggled and he was about to call the staff but when he said that, she stopped struggling and agreed to go back to the room.

Now, we don't know if she knew Morton was in the bathroom but she didn't say anything about him, it looked like an opportunistic run out the door, maybe she thought she'd meet him or something and didn't want the staff to know about her escape. The guard said she didn't look scared, just determined like she had a plan that she was trying to enact so he doesn't believe that she knew Morton was in the bathroom, or if she did, she didn't think he was a threat to her. So it is possible that if she had spoken to Morton that she believed she was part of a bigger plan.

Anyway, as I told you earlier the guard caught her and brought her back to the room and a little while later while the nurses went in there to do whatever they do with her, they came out saying that she had locked herself in the bathroom, they didn't actually sight her but they said it was her that they spoke to and they told her that they would give her half an hour and then they would come back and they left.

Soon after that there was an explosion in the room and the flames were immediate and fierce, the fire extinguisher did very little and therefore there must have been accelerant spread around the room, the fire department is doing all its testing at the moment and will provide conclusive evidence in their final report."

He pauses for what could only be considered a laboured breath, "The preliminary report was released to me, the worst thing is that it has been determined that Cecilia was naked and so was Morton. The preliminary autopsy report indicated that both had been stabbed and it is inconclusive yet as to whether they died from their stab wounds or burns but either way, it's horrific. It seems like the last thing he did before he stabbed her was to assault her one last time but it seems that she may have had the final revenge, he had a knife in his back and was in the middle of the main room holding his clothes and we can only surmise that she managed that as he was trying to leave after sprinkling the accelerant and stabbing her. He must have thought he'd get rid of her and then disappear while the commotion of the fire occupied everyone and he didn't count on her making it out of the bathroom and stabbing him."

Welch finishes and we sit there gobsmacked, he looks worn out, the preliminary reports are sitting in front of him but I feel sick just listening to him. No wonder Ana was so frightened of Morton, she had intuitively perceived his extreme evil because no-one other than someone completely evil could do what he had done through his life and then stab his own daughter after doing what he'd done and leave her to be burned alive. Who on earth would do this?"

I groan, "What a fucking mess! Did he decide to do it himself? What link did Elena have to this? Did she convince him to do it so that one more piece of incriminating evidence was removed from her rap sheet? Did he ask her to help him get out so that he could do this to HIS daughter? What sort of fucking awful excuse of a human being was he? What is our risk? What is the risk to Macy who is the only one left that is incriminating Elena? We really have to double security everywhere until we can answer some of these questions."

Both Welch and Taylor nod as I say, "Only the most trusted with Ana and I. Thankfully Ana won't be starting work, if at all, for another two weeks so hopefully it will be easy to keep her safe, Sawyer needs to be with her at all times that she is not with me. We have to clear this up as soon as possible and we need to inveigle ourselves into the system to figure out what Elena is doing."

Again, they both nod and I thank them and leave the room, my head is starting to throb, I can't fucking believe she was close to me for all those years and I didn't see how fucking rotten she was. Ana got one glimpse at her and knew, I know who the better judge of character is, so what the hell is she doing with me?

What am I going to tell Ana that isn't going to make her fear more for her life and what do I do about letting her see her own mother? What if somewhere in all of this, Morton spoke to Carla and Carla is of the same idea as him, is Carla a risk to Ana? I know that Ana doesn't like the fact that Carla is dealing with the addiction treatment alone however we have managed to convince her that it is a month long exclusion type therapy where the patient is not allowed any outside access. We need to ensure that Elena's reach hasn't extended to Carla and that there is definitely no outside contact during this month and then I need to speak to John to see if we can extend it somehow to allow Ana to be mentally ready to face it all.

Now all I want to do is hold my amazing girl, battered, bruised, damaged beyond repair in some areas but so full of love when she would be forgiven for not trusting anyone anymore at all. And beyond all other miracles she loves me!

I walk into our bedroom, "our bedroom", and allow myself a small smile… small things… small things make the awful big things in our life a little more bearable.

My stomach grumbles and we all really need to eat as it is dinnertime but right now, I need to hold Ana so I slide into bed and wrap my arms around her, pulling her in close and just absorbing her goodness, I can feel my heart rate slow and I just wish I could take her somewhere safe, just the two of us so that we could enjoy some time together without all these evil remnants of our past but we will need to solve what has happened and I need to get back to work.

Oh but I don't want to think about that and my stomach is rumbling so I need to wake up Ana and I decide I might as well make it enjoyable. I start with kissing her hair, moving it gently out of the way and nibbling on her earlobe before moving my lips down the column of her gorgeous neck and back up as she squirms in my arms, opening her eyes a crack and giggling.

"Hi Gorgeous, it's time for dinner."

"Is everything ok? What did Welch need to tell you? Does he know what happened?" And I really don't want to tell her, the whole idea of telling her what happened to Cecilia horrifies me as I don't want her to have that mental image.

"He only had some preliminary reports that he wanted to share with us." I say hoping that will be enough to placate her and she cocks her eyebrow, ah well, I tried, "Morton was evil to the end by the sounds of it and Cecilia was able to stop him running away and so she triumphed in the end."

Ana looks at me like she is trying to determine whether I am telling the truth and thankfully it looks like she decides that right now, she doesn't want to know but then she says, "Do you think I am fragile Christian?"

"Like a beautiful flower with a couple of crushed petals"

"Well think again Christian, I am more like a cactus with a couple of pricks bent out of shape" and she grins at me as I gasp – game on my girl, I think I am about to have some fun. With her GPA, and love of puns, I'm sure she's talking dirty now!


	61. Chapter 61 - 2 June 2011

**Christian's POV**

I am living in hell and I don't know how to get out of it, the flames are lapping at my feet and it was me that stupidly lit the fire three days ago.

On Monday night we'd had our dinner and Ana was falling asleep so I lay down with her so that she felt safe and she fell asleep in my arms. I felt in control and everything in our little bubble was perfect and I unintentionally drifted off into sleep myself, I had intended to simply rest until she slept and then continue with work and trying to figure out Morton's motivation and what other risks there were for us and the rest of the family. However, as per normal, holding Ana relaxed me and I really didn't want to leave and I fell asleep, but at some point in the night or rather, the early hours of Tuesday morning, I woke to Ana elbowing me to make me let go. I was tackling her, albeit not as bad as the first time but I was using my weight and pushing her into the mattress.

I let her go, again mortified that I could potentially have hurt her and she calmed me down and once I was able to focus on her, she said "It's ok Christian but maybe you need to feel in control again." She paused and then she said "I don't know what you used to do in your playroom, each time we start to discuss it, we are distracted but I think you need to go back in there. Will you take me in there and regain your control as long as you don't cane me?"

I stared at her offering herself up to me and while my heart told me not to do it, that it would be a bad idea, my sleep and trouble befuddled brain thought I could do it, thought I could show her the pleasurable side of the playroom and take back my control in doing so. Maybe it was my little head that was thinking but whatever, it was by far the worst decision I have ever made in my life.

Ana was determined to walk to the room, whether she knew that she wouldn't want to rely on me at the end of it or whether she wanted to show that she was almost better, I don't know but I walked in front of her full of anticipation and opened the door to the playroom, the room that had helped me so much in the past, or so I thought. In the weeks since I'd known Ana, I had been more than a little concerned at what Ana's impression of the room would be but as I stood there, the familiar scent of the room filled my nostrils and I felt my back straighten and my essence strengthen and I looked at her to gauge her reaction.

Ana looked around at the room, her eyes widening but she didn't say a word and as she turned to look at me, she gasped and dropped her eyes, her whole body taking on a submissive stance and I was gone.

I can hear every sound, every word I uttered, every note of music that played, as if on repeat in my brain and now still three nights later I can't forget a second of it and I wonder if I ever will, if perhaps this is my purgatory, I don't deserve anything less.

"In here Ana, there will be no smart mouth or there will be a punishment. In here Ana, you will call me Sir. In here, you will do exactly as I say and this will be for your pleasure and mine. Do you understand?"

Ana just nodded but didn't look at me.

"When I ask you a question you answer, with words and you say "Yes Sir", is that understood?" I asked harshly.

Ana nodded and then quickly amended to "Yes Sir" but the tone was tortured and the response whispered and she didn't look at me. Now that I think about it as I have for the last three days, she was already closing down on me, scared of my tone, scared of what I had become, who knows what memory I'd already revived at this point.

"I'm not going to hurt you Anastasia" and even that, the fact that I used her full name shows that I had been completely absorbed by my Dom persona and she knew that but didn't know what it entailed, just that it scared her. Had I been aware as I should have been, I would have stopped, hell, I would never have started.

"Anastasia, I am going to make you aware of your body like you never have before, I will worship it and I will make it respond like you could not even imagine. Are you ready?" And she nodded and as I cleared my throat, she remembered and whispered her response.

"Remember we discussed safe words? 'Yellow' if you can't handle what I am doing and need me to slow it down, that you are at the end of your endurance, 'Red' if I've pushed too far and I need to stop immediately." Ana responded affirmatively but I wish she'd said "Red" right then and stopped me because by that point, I'd probably already pushed too hard.

I pulled her against me and kissed her like my life depended on it, in a way thanking her for doing this and subconsciously weakening her defences. Taking her crutches I leaned them against the bed and then carried her to the wooden cross against the wall, I removed her pyjamas with as much assistance from Ana as she could muster, the trembling of her body I mistook for anticipation and then backed her up against the cross, leaning my body into her so she could feel my bulge against her body. Grinding so there was no doubt and revelling in the intake of breath, I knew that I was affecting her and I assumed in a good way.

I raised both her hands over head and cuffed her into place and then her ankles were locked into place too, I didn't intend to keep her there too long so was sure her body could handle it but I did support her cast. I ran my hand along her face, down her throat, around her glorious breasts and down, my lips following the same path, as I reached her breasts, I kissed and suckled each as she tried to stand still, the restraints holding her but a small gasp escaped as I teased the nipples until they were long and hard and it was obvious that Ana felt sensations that she'd never felt before from her small whimper.

I continued teasing, my hand continuing down her body to her core and just as it felt like she would release, I pulled away and walked to the toys drawer and found what I wanted her to experience next, nothing too heavy, just a different experience. I waited for her breathing to calm and returned with the Wartenberg pinwheel, its prickly pins I rolled over her breasts, tickling and teasing, the pleasure and the pain alternating until again she was close to release. Again I stopped, I loved the fact that I was in control, finally I was in control again and I was loving her so much for having given me back that control.

One more time, I promised myself, I started with grinding myself against her and then continued with my hand, inserting my fingers and circling them inside her as my thumb pressed down as a counter point, her body building again, I took her right to the edge as it looked like her eyes were going to roll into her head, again I stopped and she shuddered.

The beads of sweat were covering her beautiful body and I leaned in to kiss her, wanting to taste her and thank her but she closed her lips on me, and shut her eyes and it annoyed me, I don't know how I didn't understand, I had always been aware of how the subs were feeling but I just didn't get the read on Ana and instead decided to be angry at her denying me.

I stalked over to the drawer knowing her eyes were following me and found what I wanted, something to let Ana know not to deny me and when I walked back, she closed her eyes, her breathing shallow and without giving her an opportunity to think or say anything I trailed the crop down between her breasts and then flicked it so it hit her in her most sensitive spot. Her mouth opened into an O and I know that the whole pain and pleasure response has made every other girl succumb with an ultimate high, I assumed that was Ana's response and so I flicked it again, this time against her left nipple and she made a strangled sound.

"Absorb" is all I said and continued, flicking it against each erect pert nipple as she moaned, I dragged it back down between her breasts and down to where no one but I had ever touched, lingering for a second and then I lifted it and flicked it so that it wrapped around her body and stung against her buttocks and it was then, too late I realised.

"Red" a strangled moan and she collapsed against her cuffs, her body slumped, the tears flooding her face but she made no other sound, the silent sobs wracking her body, she wouldn't look at me as I desperately and quickly unclipped her hands and ankles, apologising as I did so.

She allowed me to hold her upper body against mine as I uncuffed her ankles but as soon as I tried to wrap my arms around her and comfort her, saying "I'm sorry Ana, I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry", she pulled her arms up and pushed me away unbalancing me as I rocked on my heels.

Still not looking at me, she reached for her pyjamas and pulled them on silently and hopped to her crutches, the tears had stopped but she wouldn't look at me, she didn't say anything and all that control that I thought I had, disappeared and I couldn't even control my limbs to move. I was frozen to the spot as I saw her hobble to the door and turn not towards our bedroom but towards the stairs. This galvanised me and I ran to help her and she hissed with pure vehemence, "Don't touch me."

I stopped in my tracks and watched her and my heart walk away, as she reached the bottom Gail came out and Ana spoke quietly to her and when Gail looked up at me for direction, I just waved my hand to indicate, do as she asks, I had just lost any right to Ana. I'd just abused Ana, not only had I practiced orgasm denial on her but I had just hit Ana. I'd just hit Ana. The thought reverberated through my brain. How the hell did I think it was ok to hit Ana. Oh God, I'd just hit Ana. Ana didn't want anything to do with me anymore and I didn't blame her one little bit. I'd just hit Ana. My stomach flipped and I barely made it to a bathroom and out came the contents.

An hour later a surly looking Taylor walked into the bathroom and nudged me with his boot, barely controlled anger lacing his voice as he notified me, "Miss Steele is safe in her apartment, Sawyer is stationed outside her door and will be alternated with Ryan, both of whom I can trust to ensure no further damage occurs to her," with that he turned and walked out leaving no doubt that I was included as a threat to her.

Taylor said "Her apartment" my brain imploded and I curled up on the floor sobbing, right then I knew I'd lost Ana, the only thing worth living for, she trusted me and gave me control. I lost that control and not only abused her trust, I abused her.


	62. Chapter 62 - 3 June 2011

**Christian's POV**

Today, four days later, I still haven't heard from Ana, I've sent her messages, I've tried to call and she won't answer the phone and I don't know if she has heard the increasingly desperate messages I have left for her, I even rang a florist and had flowers and her favourite chocolates delivered to her but nothing. Taylor has relented and spoken to me enough to tell me that he is receiving hourly reports from Sawyer and Ryan and that Gail has sent food to the apartment, whether it is being eaten and how she is feeling I don't know, they can't or won't tell me.

I go through the conversation we had before I took her to that room, yes, if she had been a sub she would have been topping from the bottom, she took the lead suggested we go in there. Why did I follow through with it? Ana was never going to be a sub, she doesn't think like a sub and she's been hurt too many times, that pain lies just below the surface and I knew that, yet I didn't question her decision.

She was giving me control, when I was in there I _thought_ I had it but I never had control, it was just an illusion otherwise I would have realised that she was scared, that I was stirring up bad memories, I was too blinded by my own desires to see how badly what I did would affect her. Taking away all of _her_ control when she has always been on a knife's edge balancing her awful memories and her beautiful personality was the worst thing I could do. She was always just winning the battle, not tipping over to the dark-side which would have been acceptable given the amount of abuse and horror that she has been subjected to over the years and where I have wallowed all my life.

Just as I go back into the loop trying to figure out how I continue to live without Ana, it hits me, this is exactly what Elena did to me, I thought I was in control with her but in fact I never was at all. I was always at her mercy, I never had anything important to lose because nothing meant anything to me, the next shiny trinket, the next nice suit, it was all a façade, a belief that I was in control but I was just a puppet, I was her plaything that she manipulated.

Now finally I had something worth living for, that made me feel from the inside, that made me alive and what did I do, I abused her like the pimp abused me, I am no more than the pimp abuser, taking something innocent and breaking it.

Like a wave the memories crash over me and I crawl along the floor and hide in the closet, just like I used to when I was a scared little boy, I can't think, I can't do, I just curl up and hope that the bad memories will disappear as I bury my face in the one item of Ana's clothing I could find that Gail hadn't washed, a soft cashmere sweater that I've clutched since she left.

* * *

**Taylor's POV**

It's been hell for four days, I wish I'd put a monitor on the door of that bloody room so I knew that someone had gone in there. What in the world possessed him to take her into there? He more than anyone knows what the hell she has gone through, what the fuck did he do to her? She wasn't walking funny like some of those girls so I know it wasn't that but it was something that she wasn't expecting, I've seen the haunted look in her eyes.

I have made sure she answers the door every day when I deliver the food and I can see she's not coping with this mess any better than he is and despite the fact that I want to give him the beating he so richly deserves for doing anything to that girl, I know he is beating himself up beyond anything I could ever do to him.

I know that both look like they aren't sleeping, I know he is not eating which is an indication of his despair in itself and the only thing he seems to be drinking is scotch and coffee, likewise somehow despite how magnificent Gail's food smells when I drop it off, I am pretty sure that Ana is just ditching it, she looks haggard and gaunt but at least she's answering the door.

I realise that both will have forgotten that they have an appointment with Dr Flynn today, they've already missed one and so decide to take matters into my own hands and see if the good doctor can help these two otherwise I will have to call in his mother and somehow I don't think either will want that intervention.

When I arrive at Ana's apartment, she takes longer than usual to answer the door which worries me and when I inform her that I am here to take her to Dr Flynn, she visibly shrinks but I tell her that I've brought Gail to assist her if she needs the assistance and that we are there for her but that Dr Flynn will be able to help.

Finally she allows us in and Gail audibly gasps at the sight of her "Oh Ana" she whispers and folds her into her arms at which point Ana breaks down and as Gail pulls her in tight, I can see how thin she has become and it's only four days! "Honey, let me feed you some soup, child, you need it to stay upright and heal."

The whisper we almost miss breaks both our hearts, "Why bother?"

Gail to her absolute credit carries Ana over to the couch and squats down next to her and says, "Because you're worth it. We don't know what happened on Tuesday morning but whatever it was, was a bad decision with awful consequences. We've known Mr Grey a long time and he is a good man although at times misguided and at the moment, he is a shattered man. And you, we've only known you for a little while but know that only goodness shines from you, you owe it to yourself to fight through this and be the best you can be. This is not your best. This is someone that has given up. This is not the worst you've ever faced, please let us help you."

And then my head jerks up when she says in a small voice full of surprise "He's shattered?" As we nod she groans and puts her head in her hands, "I asked him to take me to the playroom so that he could have some control back in his life, since I've been around, he has lost control of everything and I don't want to be the reason for that. He changed as soon as he walked into the room and it scared me, I couldn't handle it and he needs that. I want him to have his control back." Oh that explains the why and part of me understands why they ended up in there, the Boss really hasn't been able to think clearly since Ana has been around, I'm sure that both of them thought it was a good idea at the beginning but now he has not only lost control of everything, he has lost the one thing of value to him and that is Ana but it's not my place to be passing on that information.

"He needs you more than whatever that room used to give him." Gail says quietly as she spoons some soup up to Ana's parched lips.

"Will you go see Dr Flynn so that he can help you?" I ask gently and she nods so I continue, "Gail will help now and I will bring you there." That plan in place, I step outside to let Dr Flynn know that I will first bring Ana in and then attempt to bring Christian in as well and let him think about how to get them to resolve this situation, at least now I know why they ended up in the room. Ana decided to go in there and he agreed, two very bad decisions resulting in the worst possible consequence.

It doesn't take us long and we are at Dr Flynn's, Ana stubbornly has to walk in by herself although it's obvious that her body is aching from the lack of sustenance and even the usually impassive Dr Flynn looks shocked at her appearance as he helps her to the couch in his room.

When we return to the SUV so that I can collect Christian, Gail bursts into tears and I hold her in my arms until she calms, "Oh they are so silly the two of them. They need each other and she thought she was doing the right thing, what did he do to her do you think? I didn't see any marks on her when I helped her change so he didn't belt her or anything like that thankfully but he obviously did something and he scared her, that much I can gather, I wonder if it was just when he turned into his playroom persona, I always felt scared of him, it was otherworldly, I'm hoping that's all it was."

I have to disclose what I heard him say "I heard him say he hit her, so while she may have had no marks on her, which means that he mustn't have hit her hard, the mere fact that he hit her in any way I can't fathom and neither can he. He is in an awful spiral at the moment, I hope the good doctor can help them, let's get going." I kiss her deeply, glad that even with all my own fucked up shit, against the Boss I look like an angel and if that's how Gail wants to think of me, I'm happy to take it.

I can't find the Boss anywhere but Ryan assures me that he hasn't left the building so I go to his office and check under the desk, he's not in there, he's not out on the balcony, I have that on irrevocable lock so that there is no chance of him going outside and doing something stupid and then finally I find him in the closet, curled up, clutching Ana's sweater and whimpering. Shit, this is going to be harder than I thought and I am glad I am not inside his head at the moment, I am now feeling desperately sorry for him and Ana, the mountains these two have to surmount to have a remotely normal life are enormous and they keep lifting the peaks just to make it harder.

"Sir?" God he looks awful, it isn't a 27 year old I see before me, it's more like a scared little boy and it hits me, oh god, when his mother died, it was four days and we are now sitting at four days. He disclosed to Ana somewhere along the way that he'd hide in the closet when his mother's pimp used to come over and if the pimp heard him, a little boy, crying, he would haul him out and belt and burn him. Shit, how do I get him out of there without touching him? There's every chance he's regressing in his distressed state to that four year old boy, abandoned by his mother and at the mercy of the pimp.

"Sir?" I try again as those upsetting whimpers have diminished and I realise he is lying there quietly.

"Sir, I have brought Ana to Dr Flynn, he's awaiting your arrival." Perhaps, just perhaps he'll hear that Ana is there and want to go so that he can see her, although seeing him in this condition might be too much for Ana.

I move a little closer into the closet and see that he is asleep and realise that it might be the first time in the four days that he has fallen asleep and decide that this is as good a time to get him out of there and hopefully he'll wake up before I carry him into Dr Flynn's office. I hope he hasn't actually collapsed out of exhaustion and therefore needs hospital attention, his relationship with Ana is more important at this juncture because I don't think there will be any point to him living if that has gone.

I'm almost to the bed when I trip on the edge of the rug and jolt him and he wakes up and looks like he is going to try to attack but somewhere in the depths of his despair he notices it is me and calms. I turn and aim for the bathroom to stand him shaking next to the basin, "Sir, I have brought Ana to Dr Flynn, he's awaiting your arrival." I repeat as he steadies himself against the basin.

"How is she?" He rasps out, he sounds like he has a swollen tongue and smells like a homeless man.

"She needs help, as do you Sir." And that's all I am going to say, they need to talk to each other.

He nods, the vacant eyes he turns on me though scare me more than anything, it's like he's given up just as Ana's words implied. How frustrating that everyone else can see what these two cannot!

I unscrew the toothpaste and place the toothbrush in his hand and he goes through the motions mechanically then realisation hits and he says "Hang on, she's at Flynn's? Is he waiting for me? Will I see her?"

"Yes, Sir, you had an appointment and yes, she is there, I walked her in myself," and that galvanises him although his legs betray him and start to buckle as he tries to walk back to the bedroom.

As I catch him, the frustration and fear is palpable, "I don't give a fuck what I look like Taylor, just get me there, I need to see her, I need to beg her forgiveness, if she casts me away I don't know what I'll do, I can't live without her, but I need her to understand how sorry…" and he dissolves into tears overwrought by the emotion of these last four days and if that doesn't affect Ana, I don't know what will.

It always amazes me the muscle wastage that can happen in a short time of starvation and dehydration, I think it is the dehydration which is the major factor here, Gail's shocked face as I swing past her carrying the Boss like he's a baby instead of the strapping specimen of a man that he normally portrays says it all and I see her dissolve into tears behind me as I turn in the elevator. Yep, he is a mess and hopefully not beyond repair, the dehydration though worries me, he's almost hallucinating and his ability for coherent thinking is long gone I suspect.

As we pull up outside Dr Flynn's offices, he won't allow me to carry him but he leans really heavily on my arm and we are shown straight through as the receptionist has seen us coming and told Dr Flynn. The gasp from Flynn is enough to make the Boss lift his head but he doesn't look at him, his eyes find Ana on the couch and the pain that crosses his face as he takes in her gaunt appearance is nothing to the mirrored pain and shock on hers at his appearance.

It's obvious he's trying to will his body to work to carry him to Ana but his legs give way and before I can catch him, it's Ana who shouldn't be walking without crutches, that reaches him and collapses under him as he goes down, her broken leg at a very bad angle, her body twisted and Dr Flynn and I reach them and gently right him, Ana now clasped tightly in his arms, his head buried on her shoulder, her head buried in his.

"Christian, let her go, we need to check her," from John Flynn, is met with a determined head shake although he moves so she can shuffle herself to a more comfortable position.

"I'm not letting her go again." It's muffled but we all heard it, including Ana who tightens her grip.

"Sir, let us lift you both," I suggest and he allows me to support him while he stands holding Ana tight, both are shaking with emotion and I guide him over to the couch where he collapses as it hits the back of his legs.

Ana manages to wiggle her arms free and with her hands on either side of his face, scrunches up her nose, I'm sure at his smell and in a ragged tone asks, "What happened to you?" and I think the mental effort of making it here and seeing her in pain and then hearing that question, is all too much.

"You left." It's whispered and he closes his eyes and tightens his grip but looks like he is going to pass out, thankfully before he does, he struggles to open his eyes and says "I'm so sorry. Please believe me, I am so sorry."

It's no more than a whisper, "I was so scared, you changed in front of me, I couldn't think and then I realised you needed it. … And you hit me."

"I don't need it, I need you. And I am an idiot." And the effort_ is _too much and he collapses as Ana becomes distraught watching him.

"Please do something, he doesn't deserve this. I thought if I left him, he could get on with his life," she says stroking his hair and sobbing looking between us as we stare open mouthed at her, she just doesn't get it, doesn't see how important she is to Christian, "Please do something," she pleads.

I turn to Dr Flynn and say, "He hasn't had anything to eat in nearly four days and has only had scotch and coffee that I know of and that was the first day, I don't think he has drunk anything much since."

Dr Flynn just shakes his head and runs out to his kitchen and comes back with a glass full of ice chips, pushing one at a time into Christian's mouth, "You should have told me earlier, when they missed the first appointment."

Well, yes I probably should have but I was mad him and I thought he was going to pull it together, "I'll call his mother and get him back to Escala." I say and then looking at Ana, "Wait here I'll be back for you." And god help me if she decides to move, if anything more happens to her, we still don't know if he damaged her when they fell. Thankfully she nods and stays put despite obviously wanting to be with Christian.

This time when I come back I don't bother with what she wants to do but I suspect the fall hurt her more than she is willing to admit, as doesn't say anything as I simply lift her and her crutches, time is of the essence, Dr Grace is on her way, exasperated with the two of them apparently but more concerned at the state of both to let that override her decisions.

I place Ana next to Christian and she curls herself around him as much as the seatbelts will allow, concern flooding her gaunt exhausted face, gently rubbing his hand, hoping to bring him back and just as we drive into the garage at Escala, Christian rouses, he doesn't open his eyes but mutters, "You left and you didn't look after yourself."

There's a gasp, "Pot, kettle, I'm still standing, what did you do?" and then what happens next has me smiling internally a little, there is hope for these two that were so meant for each other and just can't grasp the concept.

She ignores his silence as he tries to marshal his thoughts and again she wrinkles her nose, "You smell… a bit."


	63. Chapter 63

**Grace's POV**

They had dinner with us on Sunday and everything was beautiful, she was beautiful, everyone was happy and then news came through about the fire and that was the last I heard from Christian. Carrick told me on Monday night that Ana's awful former stepfather and stepsister were both killed and I assumed that meant that at least two threats would be gone from their lives and that would reduce some of the stress.

What happened? The concern in Taylor's voice was highly evident as he told me that they had a misunderstanding in the early hours of Tuesday morning and that they have been apart since then apparently both of them not eating or drinking and now Christian has collapsed.

How I wish these two could get away and just enjoy each other, what on earth could they have disagreed about to have such a disastrous outcome and I hope that they are together now, I was rushing out the door while talking to Taylor but I'm sure he said that he was bringing them _both_ to Escala. I hope Ana isn't damaged any further or the girl will never heal and whatever is going on, I hope they can resolve it, they need to be together.

I pull into the Escala carpark and as I walk towards the escalator, Christian's SUV comes tearing to a stop just in front of me, Taylor jumps out and nods to me as he opens the door and as I look in, I gasp, my hand clawing at my throat and I struggle to breathe.

John Flynn reaches my side, puts an arm around my shoulders reassuringly and whispers, "If you can get them healthy again, I think they'll be ok," and I notice then the death grip that Christian has on Ana's hand and nod, hoping he is correct.

"Christian! What have you done?" I can't help the sharp tone that escapes my mouth, and his eyes open and find mine and I have never seen his grey eyes so full of pain and shame and mine fill with tears.

"I'm an idiot." And his eyes close again.

"Sir, if you can release Ana, we'll get you both upstairs, I'll help you and .." Taylor looks at me, "Dr Grace will carry Ana."

I nod, I know Christian's jealousy would be triggered if one of the others carried Ana and she is such a tiny girl that even with the cast, I can manage her. I know the situation is fraught when Ana just acquiesces without taking her red rimmed worried eyes off Christian and reaches to hold his hand again when we are in the elevator.

My, "I do think you'd be better off in hospital" is met by a weak but determined "No" from Christian and I don't want to upset the situation any further, grateful that all the medical equipment is still in the apartment, again small mercies from the horrible situation of Ana's accident.

As Taylor lays Christian on the bed and I place Ana next to him, she immediately shuffles so that she is curled into his side, providing comfort in the only way possible at the moment until I can figure out exactly what's wrong with him and if it is just dehydration, get him hydrated again. "Christian, when did you last eat?"

Tiny whisper, "Monday night" and Ana gasps and looks up at me wide-eyed, obviously she wasn't as bad then although she looks like she's considerably thinner, whether it's the fact that she's in leggings and a close fitting top that shows how thin she is or whether she hasn't been eating either, the dark rings around her eyes and the sallow skin certainly don't indicate that she spent the time resting.

"So you haven't eaten, have you been drinking?" I know that lack of food for three days wouldn't cause him to collapse but a lack of fluid would have caused some damage.

"Just coffee and scotch on Tuesday" he whispers as I move the IV unit close to him and I growl and he sighs, "It was a lot of scotch."

As I run some tests and then set up the monitors and the IV and am about to connect the bag I brought, I rail at him, "For a smart man Christian…" and he grimaces, "I don't know how much internal damage you've done but you are definitely dehydrated, you have a fever, your blood pressure is dangerously low, your skin's not bouncing back when I pinch it, your eyes have sunken in, your heartbeat is both erratic and fast…."

"And I smell," he squeezes out cutting me off and Ana giggles and reaches in to stroke his face and I watch amazed as his heartbeat slows and steadies and the tortured look leaves his face. Obviously this is something private but that one giggle and his reaction give me such hope.

"Well, yes, yes you do but I didn't want to mention that, let's get you rehydrated and hopefully everything else will fall into place and you can have a bath." There is quite a way before I will be happy that he has recovered and hopefully he hasn't caused any internal damage. The effects of this will carry on for a few days but he should be feeling better within the hour.

"Now Ana, you don't look like you have been _as_ foolish as my son, have you been eating and drinking?" and I am amazed that it is this that makes Christian open his eyes, Ana blushes and looks guiltily down at him and then away.

"Gail sent the most delicious smelling food but I couldn't eat more than a mouthful each time, I did drink tea though, when I remembered." So she is in a slightly better position than Christian who looks so sad at her words and then sinks his head back wordlessly, his cracked lips thinning and closing his eyes as if in pain.

Again it's a whisper, "I'm so sorry Ana." It takes him a few moments and then he says "And what about your leg and your ribs?"

"Sorry, what's happened to your leg and ribs?" I ask confused.

Ana says, "I'm fine" and this time I watch Taylor and Dr Flynn thin their lips.

"Ok, if someone would like to tell me what's going on, I might actually be able to help." I snap, I am beyond concerned for my son who has somehow manage to nearly kill himself and I am tired, it's been a long day starting with an early shift, I don't know what's going on and I am losing patience.

Taylor steps forward and says "Ma'am, when I brought Mr Grey to Dr Flynn, as he was trying to reach Miss Steele, he collapsed on her. Her leg and ribs may have been injured, Miss Steele has indicated that she is fine but we saw the angle and think she should be examined." He won't look at Ana or Christian as he speaks, keeping his eyes on mine and I can feel his frustration, it sounds like he has been placed in a position where his professional distance and private concerns have overlapped.

"Ok, everyone out of the room except for Ana and Christian and if you don't start talking, I will separate you and get to the bottom of this." Yep, I am officially angry, if Ana has been injured and no-one including her decided to tell me, and I have been here nearly an hour, I think I have the right to be annoyed, I don't care if I am treating them like children. "Ana, can you move so that I can examine you please?"

Taylor and John Flynn turn and leave the room and Ana disentangles herself from Christian and swings herself over to the edge of the bed, the shadow of pain across her face is enough to show me that she is injured and I sigh, why can't something go right for these two. I didn't miss her upset look when I used my sharp tone and I have no doubt that whatever caused the separation is still playing on her mind and I am not helping by being nasty.

"Ana, will you tell me where it hurts?" I say gently, I don't want her scared of me because I know my son, he will protect Ana from everyone, including me once he is capable of movement again and she is too precious for what she has done already, I really want her to be comfortable with me and am regretting the tone I used.

In a faltering voice Ana says, "I was trying to reach Christian because I couldn't believe how bad he looked," and she looks down at him with such a raw pain that my heart thumps sideways in my chest. "I didn't even think about the crutches, it was obvious he was trying to get to me, that he needed me which I didn't think was possible," Huh? How does this girl not see how much he loves her? Goodness, love really is blind and I shake my head to clear it as she continues ".. and I needed to get to him so I just got up and ran to him, he collapsed on me just as I reached him and he's a little heavier than I am…"

"So was your leg twisted? And what about your ribs? Your pelvis?" I ask, Ana has potentially rebroken any or all three of her major injuries and I know that she will need to have scans.

Again a tiny whisper "They all hurt," and Christian groans.

"Well, the easiest option we have is that while Christian is here on the drip rehydrating and sleeping I can get you to the hospital and checked out and back before dinner time when Christian, you will be able to have some soup. Ok?" When Ana nods, I know she is in a bad way otherwise I doubt she would leave Christian.

"When we come back, provided they release you.."

I don't manage any more as Christian tries to rise and says desperately, "NO!" and when I look questioningly at him "She can't stay in hospital, she needs to come home," and the heart rate monitor flies upwards. He looks at Ana desperately, "You can't leave me again," and the pain in his words makes my heart bleed, abandonment is such a real fear for him and perhaps that's why he had those relationships before, never getting close so that no-one could abandon him.

"I'm ok Christian, I really am, I'm just bruised I think." Ana says gently pushing him back onto his pillow, "I'm coming back, I promise." My poor boy, his eyes searching her face to ensure she is telling the truth, whatever happened over the last four days will have a lasting impact on him. "I promise," she whispers again.

"I'll give you two a minute while I ring the hospital and then Christian, I want you to rest and Ana is coming with me." I say it in a tone brooking no resistance, I need them both together as that seems to be the only way either will heal and there is no way I want her in the hospital again, the last stay was such a disaster that I wouldn't dare put her there again.

* * *

**Ana's POV**

"I'm coming back, I promise." I said it and I meant it, all I did other than sleep when exhaustion overtook me for the last three days and nights was try and rationalise why I should not be here. How I should stand on my own two feet and not rely on Christian. How he had already wasted so much time on me that his business must have been impacted and if so, then there were thousands of employees that were being negatively impacted because of me. How he needed the control of the red room, it was obvious he was in his element in there. How the dominant personality had been squashed for the time that he's been with me and that he really did need to be that person, I could see how scarily commanding he was, it must be an extreme turn on for him to feel like that. How I really didn't fit into his world.

The other side of my brain fought for a foothold making me think about the fact that what he did to me up until he hit me with the crop was sexy, so sexy and if I hadn't been so scared of him, I could have enjoyed that like my body did. That he has taken care of me at every turn. That he has protected me at every turn. That he has put everything aside for me and seems to enjoy spending time with me. That he was sending me increasingly desperate messages, texts and my favourite chocolates, the hearts and flowers from a man who said he didn't do hearts and flowers.

The doubting side was winning though and I really couldn't see the point of trying even with Taylor bringing me food and being obviously concerned for me. I couldn't even comprehend it when Gail said that Christian was a shattered man. Until, until I saw Christian or the wreck of a man that was standing in front of me, trying to reach me, then I knew that whatever our differences, we were meant to be together and I had to get to him, I didn't even remember that my body wasn't working at the moment.

So yes, I don't want to be responsible for causing Christian the pain that I caused him, ever again, I would promise him the earth to never see that pain in his eyes again.

As Grace leaves the room, I lie back down on the bed, glad that Christian is that little bit better already and is able to communicate with me now, he lifts his hand and gently rubs his thumb across my cheek as he pulls me in close with his other arm and simply looks at me like he's trying to determine whether I will really return.

"I promise." I repeat.

"I don't ever want you to leave me again. Please if I do something stupid, and let's face it, I will do something stupid again, please don't leave me." He pleads and I know I can give him that, the pain of missing him was almost too much for me.

"I promise I won't. We will talk." I choke back at him.

"I'm so sorry I hit you, I am an idiot, there's just no other explanation given that I knew your history. I should have seen you were scared and I should have stopped, if I had truly been in control, I would have seen it and stopped and told you what I wanted to do with you, you might have enjoyed it. I should never have gone the orgasm denial route, you don't know about any of this stuff and you deserve enjoyment only, not what I did to you." The effort of talking and the obvious pain of how he has been thinking for the past few days is taking a toll and he closes his eyes for a second as he shudders and then says "I will ask Taylor to get rid of the room."

"Ah, um, I'd rather you didn't." I stammer, my cheeks and ears flaming, and Christian's eyes fly open and then a slow smile spreads across his face as he looks into my eyes and I squirm.

"Well, the crop is gone," and he holds me tighter. "I desperately want to kiss you but I know I reek, so when you come back from the hospital, will you shower with me?," he whispers and a shiver of anticipation runs through me as I nod into his chest, hiding my face and revelling in the feel of his arms holding me tight.


	64. Chapter 64

**Taylor's POV**

The Boss finally relinquished Ana to me and only to me, to bring her to hospital while Dr Flynn stayed, to talk and watch that nothing else happened to him. Just before we left he said he was hungry and Gail started making him some chicken noodle soup, with the appropriate healing quantities of various ingredients according to Dr Grace and we were on the move to the hospital.

I hope for everyone's sake that Ana is just bruised and hasn't sustained another injury otherwise I will hire a security staff member who is medically trained, well actually, that might not be such a bad idea given Ana's track record. If I make her female, I can ensure that she is Ana's CPO for those times we all hate, the shopping trips, the bathroom trips, the girl's nights out, ha, what is the likelihood of the Boss allowing Ana to have those?…. Yes, that's decided, I'll get Welch onto it straight away.

I relay to Dr Grace that Gail has informed me that the Boss has eaten the whole bowl of soup and she visibly relaxes, thanking me and shaking her head as she looks at Ana. Ana meanwhile is steadfastly looking out the window and tearing up the tissue in her hands, I think without even realising it and she looks as nervous as the rest of us are feeling.

"Ana, honey, it will all be ok," I hear Grace say and Ana simply dissolves into silent sobs, it was obvious that she'd been holding on, keeping it in until Grace showed her concern and that opened the floodgates. I come to a halt outside the hospital and Grace slides over and holds her, patting her hair. "He's a healthy boy, he'll bounce back quickly, it's you I'm worried about but I want you to know that even if something happens between you two, you must come to me and let me help you, you are as much a daughter to me now..." It's obvious that Grace wants to know what happened but that's not something to tell a mother, I can understand why the Boss and Ana haven't said anything.

Ana's sobs get louder and I wish Dr Grace hadn't gone there, the only one that seems able to calm Ana down when she is this upset is the Boss and the gasps she's making as she tries to draw breath worry me, please let her not have re-broken those ribs. I curse myself, I should have kept a hold on the Boss and then we wouldn't be sitting at the hospital, her injured and us, waiting for her to calm.

I climb out to open her door and as I do, I ask her gently, "Miss Steele, would you like to speak to Mr Grey?" while she shakes her head, the effect is immediate, she hiccups and sniffs and starts to calm down although she still buries her head in her hands.

"He'll, he'll, he'll just worry. I'm ok, sorry," she apologises, bringing herself under control and I roll my eyes, if anyone has the right to be upset, it's her. She catches the eye roll though and it elicits a tiny smile, ah yes, the Boss isn't here!

As Ana reaches for her crutches, I shake my head, "Dr Grace will take those, I am carrying you until we reach a chair," I don't care, the Boss isn't here and there is no way I am going to be responsible for any more damage to this precious cargo and Ana looks at me sharply and then resigns herself to the process.

"It's not your fault," She says while looking down at her hands, "But thank you," and then she looks at me with those clear blue eyes that see right through me, "for everything."

* * *

**Christians's POV**

"John, I don't want to talk about it, I fucked up royally and if I have to apologise to her for the rest of my life I will, I just need to have her here with me and I am never going to let her go again. You can see that everything is working fine and by tomorrow I'll be able to get back on with my life if Ana is here with me."

"Don't you think that's a bit obsessive? What if Ana doesn't want to stay here?" John asks and I cringe inside but outwardly shrug.

"Then quite frankly there's no point in living, I need her in my life more than I need food and water. I spent the last four days thinking of nothing but Ana and what she's gone through in her life and with me, how she interacts with me, hell with everyone, I would take whatever she gives me but I want the lot, I want to go to sleep with her, I want to wake up to her and I just want to be with her." I don't know how else to say it to him.

"What did you do to make her run away," John asks, curiosity showing on his face like never before, I know that is the burning question from everyone but I am not going to tell him what happened in the red room, that's between Ana and I. "She mentioned that you scared her and hit her." Ok, so he isn't going to leave it alone.

"Damn, it's none of your business what happened in the room but maybe you can help me with why we ended up there." I say conceding finally that I need help, "After the fire you know I woke up choking Ana and then in the early hours of Tuesday morning, Ana woke up again with me effectively attacking her and she suggested we go into the Red Room so that I could regain my control. Her interpretation was that since her accident I have progressively lost control without my normal coping mechanism and she wanted to give that back to me." I can't believe how generous Ana was and I shudder as I go back through what happened and how I abused that, became an abuser as bad as any that had abused her previously.

John doesn't say anything and I continue, "First I thought there was no way I would bring her in there, for goodness sakes, we haven't even discussed what I used to do in there and she had never seen the room. Then, as I thought about it, I thought I would just control her pleasure and that would be enough and I would recover my feeling of togetherness but I didn't consider the fact that I look and act different when I am a Dom. It scared her senseless so that everything I did after that point Ana saw through a filter of fear and then I mistook her response as defiance, my brain had gone into Dom mode so she was acting as a disobedient sub instead of as my gorgeous scared girl and so I punished her. I fucking punished her."

I can't look at him, hiding my face in my hands as I try and control my body's reaction and John moves the strategically placed bowl closer to me, he's not a minute too soon as my body relives the horror of my response to Ana's reaction and relieves me of the soup that I have just eaten.

"I basically turned into yet another person that has abused her and I don't know if she can truly forgive me for that, I know that I won't ever forgive myself. The only thing I can do is put myself in her shoes every time I do something with her, make sure she is happy before I do it or make sure she understands the reason I am doing something." I stop and John looks at me with astonishment.

"I do believe you have finally truly found empathy." He shakes his head, "Do you understand why Ana asked to be taken into the room?" and I think I do but I wait for him to continue "She was empathising with you, she could feel how out of control you were, she put herself into your shoes and the only thing she could think of that she didn't truly understand but must have worked in the past was the playroom. I have been trying to explain to you over the years the concept of empathy, it is the most important thing to have in a relationship."

"But have I broken any chance of Ana trusting me again in the future?" I ask, it's the question that was on repeat since the incident.

"Is it possible that you will ever do that again? Lose control and not take account of how she is feeling and scare and hit her?" John asks with genuine curiosity and concern on his face.

"I don't think so, I have spent the last few days going over everything and I couldn't do that to her again, I couldn't live with myself and perhaps she's forgiven me this time, I don't know really, she might just be concerned for me like she's concerned for anyone that isn't well. I don't know if you know but her first words were "Poor Cecilia" when she heard about the fact that Cecilia had perished in the fire, so even in that circumstance and with all the awful things she'd done to Ana, Ana was still thinking about her. So she might just be concerned about me as another human being….oh, my, god, what if she won't stay with me, I don't deserve for her to stay with me, but I can't live without her, I don't want to live without her." And I start to hyperventilate, "Ana must hate me and she'd be right not to forgive me, I kept telling her that leopards don't change their spots when I was talking about her mother so how is she going to believe that I would never scare her and abuse her again?"

"Christian, calm down!" John places his hand on my arm carefully, "Don't presume anything with Ana, she has surprised you and even me at every turn. You are right, she should be wary of believing that you have completely changed but if you put your own rules and security measures in place, there is no reason why she can't trust you and go forward. You are right though, I think that was your one and only fail and chance, from this point on you need to be vigilant about your behaviour. Ana does not deserve any more abuse from anyone ever again, that poor girl, you know exactly what she's told you and that's more than I know but I'd bet she hasn't told you everything. Take this opportunity if she forgives you and work very hard to ensure that nothing ever happens like that again. You have my number, call me, even Rhian would prefer that you call me in the middle of the night than do anything to Ana again, no matter what Ana says."

When I've calmed down, John says "Well, I think some honest communication between the two of you is more than overdue and I assume Ana will want that room removed before she'd consider staying with you," and I am about to cut him off and decide, he really doesn't need to know what Ana said, it can be a secret between Ana and I. "More importantly, can I suggest not rushing things too much, allow Ana to heal," and this time I do cut him off.

"I want her here and I will take her however I can get her, she gets to call the shots from this point forward but I am not letting her out of my sight."

"You do realise that isn't going to happen? She will start work soon and you need to concentrate on your business, that's one of the things that was worrying Ana. Aim for balance and normality, give Ana the freedom to do as she wishes and you'll find that she will be more receptive to your plans for her. The time you spend together will then feel all the sweeter for the absence during the day."

Normally he doesn't dictate to me but this time I know he's trying to get me to hear what he's saying and while I don't want to hear it, I can see how Ana will baulk at staying here or with me…. That damn gilded cage that I'd like to put her in is very real and I have to begrudgingly nod, Ana was very clear about going to work and there is no way that I am going to argue with her and risk her walking away.

My phone rings and John picks it up and holds it so that I can see that it is Ana meaning I snatch it with much more force than I would otherwise, and am all thumbs as I answer it without a decent greeting, "Baby, are you ok?"

She sounds like she is crying, "Baby, tell me you are ok," I whisper urgently, heartbroken that she is crying and I am not there for her.

"I, I was ringing to tell you that SIP just called me and I have the job, I start on the 13th." I can hear the happiness in her voice and I realise that she must be crying happy tears and there is no way I want to rain on her parade.

"That's wonderful news baby, that's the one you wanted wasn't it?" and all I can think is that I have one more week of having her to myself and then I am going to have to share her with the world, as much as I don't want to and I have to work out a way of protecting her at SIP.

"But how are you? Have you been checked yet? What are they waiting for? Why are you still there?" I fire the questions at her.

"Well if you let me get a word in edgewise," and I can hear the smile in her voice although the sniffle is still there and I wish I was there to wipe her eyes and give her a cuddle, my arms feel so empty and I can't wait for her to return so that I can kiss the cheekiness off her face. "We're just waiting for the results but I think I'm ok, just a bit bruised and battered but I broke my cast." At my gasp she continues, "It did its job and protected my leg, I'm ok."

"What about your pelvis? If the jolt to the cast was so bad that it cracked..?" I can hear the dread in my own voice, Ana's unsupported cracked pelvis is the biggest block to doing anything as it is the most painful of her injuries that can't really be healed unless she rests and lets it heal. It would heal faster if she was on bed rest and actually stayed in bed, not moving but that is something she has not done since being released from hospital. What with one thing or another, Ana has simply not just rested and goodness knows what she did while she was away from me, for all I know she slept on the couch, I know I couldn't go to bed and feel her presence missing.

"It didn't crack because of the jolt, it cracked where you landed on it, apparently the weight of your body, concentrated on one point, being your knee, as you crashed into me, cracked it. It's ok, that didn't jolt upwards to the pelvis although landing on my back didn't help it." I know she's just telling me what the doctor has said but it's killing me that it was me that has caused this extra pain and then she tries to make me feel better saying "It could have been worse, your knee could have hit me in the pelvis so don't worry, it's just going to be a patch and we'll be back as soon as that's done."

"Why are you still there?"

"Well, the technician isn't allowed to tell me anything about the scans, remember, I have to wait for the doctor to compare the original scans and the current ones to see if there is any extra damage but it's getting better so I think it's just muscle damage from your weight landing on me. Although you have lost a lot of weight, how are you feeling now?" I can't believe she is deflecting back to me, asking how I am.

"Baby, I am fine, I'll be better when you are here with me though," and I hear her breath catch and in case I don't want to hear what she is going to say I continue quickly "And so you can heal, you will be on bed rest for the week until you start work so that your pelvis has a chance to heal."

I realise I may have made a misstep when I hear simultaneously, John clear his throat next to me and Ana take a deep breath, and decide to cut her off at the pass and hopefully lighten the mood, "But we'll discuss that when you are here and you can argue with me in person so that I can otherwise persuade you."

"You know I might just say "echidna" and pout and ignore you." Comes Ana's cheeky voice over the phone as she realises that I have conceded.

"I have no doubt you will but I hope to enjoy trying to convince you," and I try to squeeze as much innuendo into that little sentence as I can, completely forgetting that John is in the room until he coughs and walks out, and I drop my voice to a whisper, "And you know what I'd like to do to your pout…" and the gasp and tiny giggle is all the reward I need to put a silly grin on my own face.

"I have to go now, I'll see you soon," Ana says quietly and I press a kiss on my phone and hear her intake of breath.

"Bye Baby, see you soon," and I sit there looking at my phone.

I am a changed man.

Hopefully I have changed enough for Ana to give me a chance and I drift off into an uneasy sleep only to dream of unmentionable things happening to Ana at my hands and I wake sweating to see Ana's face peering anxiously at me as she shakes me.

"Christian, it's ok, I'm ok, you're ok, calm down," and I can see the tears in her eyes again, and filthy or not, I don't care, I need to know that we're really ok, I don't deserve her but if she is willing to accept me again, I'll take what I can get and I crush her to me, pressing my lips into that little space behind her ear that drives any woman crazy and just melt when she moans and lifts her head up to give me greater access.

Finally Ana says, "Dr Flynn said you'd been sick, are you feeling better?" lifting her hand to brush the hair from my forehead, as I nod, "Your mom wants to check you over and if you are ok enough, you can have that shower or bath." And I don't let her get any further as I realise a major oversight.

"What did the doctor say for you? Are you ok? How are you feeling? God, I'm sorry, I haven't asked, should you even be moving around like this? How are your ribs? What about your pelvis? Can you join me in the shower or bath?" I say frantically looking at her face, searching for any sign of pain and all I can see are her eyes smiling at me and I am flooded by a feeling of love as she laughs.

"Woah, slow down cowboy, I'd forgotten about the pain, thanks for reminding me!" but it's said with a pretty over exaggerated pout and I wonder once again at her strength. "I just jolted and jarred everything so if you really want to know, my back hurts, my ribs hurt, my leg hurts and the stinging fire pain that has been in my pelvis since day one has only ratcheted up a notch. Otherwise, I'm all good, ok?" she says casually as if she was saying "I went for a walk today."

It's the last line of the pain catalogue that has me staring at her "and the stinging fire pain that has been in my pelvis since day one" seers into my brain and has me gulping like a goldfish, "Baby, why haven't you ever mentioned that pain before, the 'stinging fire pain', why are you in any pain? What about the pain killers? Have you not been taking them?" And she looks away guiltily and shrugs.

Before I can say anything there's a knock on the door and Ana sings out "Come in," obviously desperate to conclude this particular conversation and I see my mother coming in.

"Mom, is there something that Ana can take for the pelvis pain that I can monitor for her?" And Mom to her credit looks between my face and Ana's guilty one and nods but says nothing more, just pats Ana on the shoulder and continues onto me.

"I'll deal with that later, I need to know how you are feeling. You're obviously talking easily which is good. Dr Flynn indicated it was a distress reaction for you to regurgitate the soup so I have some comfort that you can take in food but that you need to reduce stress for a couple of days at least to get your strength back so you are lucky it is the weekend."

She checks the monitors and looks progressively more pleased and then declares, "You're good to go to have a bath, I wouldn't risk standing in a shower just yet and I will help you there." It isn't an offer, it is an order and I know my mother enough to not bother arguing and she walks off to start the bath.

"Baby, will you come in with me?" I ask tentatively and she blushes a shade of pink.

"But your mom is here." And I break into a hearty laugh for the first time since Sunday but I try to temper it as Ana looks so embarrassed.

"Oh honey, mom would happily carry you in there, surely you know she adores you," I lower my voice, "And, she knows my body is wrecked, baby, please? I've missed you so much and I just want to hold you. I need to know you forgive me."

Again Mom breaks the mood by walking in carrying two robes, "Ok both of you, get ready to go in, Ana, even though your cast was repaired today, because it is made of fibreglass, you are good to go. Christian, I want to help you into the bath and I am putting your phone in the bathroom so that you can ring Taylor if you need help getting out at the end. Ana, do not attempt to assist him, your injuries need to heal, no more silly stunts from either of you please."

Mom helps me into the bath and then goes back out to get Ana who steadfastly won't look at her but thanks her quietly, and Mom smiles at her and then says "I am going home now as it has been a long day, I'll see you tomorrow, bye darlings," and she kisses us both and closes the door.

The door has barely closed and I reach for Ana, I need to feel her and she smiles and shakes her head and my face must drop as she raises her finger to her lips, "You need to be clean first," and reaches for the body wash and gently starts her ministrations but I can't have her so close and not touch so I grab her wrists and pull her in tight.

There's plenty of time for cleaning but she shakes her head again and says "Please let me, you don't realise how bad you look and how awful that makes me feel. I suggested we go into that room and it was me that ran away and wouldn't take your calls, so it's all my fault that you have ended up feeling and looking so bad."

I gasp, "Oh Baby, this is so not your fault, you must not EVER take the responsibility for what happened. You can't say that." I desperately need her to understand that none of what happened was her fault, there were so many places that if I'd stopped, we'd not be in this position. "Baby, yes you suggested we go in there but you did that with such bravery because you didn't even know what it entailed, you keep giving and giving and you don't even see it, do you?" I pause and take her chin in my hand, turning her face towards, "Baby look at me," and I wait until she lifts her eyes to mine.

"You gave me control and I took that power and used it badly, the whole "absolute power corrupts absolutely" concept, I didn't see you were scared because I didn't want to see it, when I thought about every second in that room during the intervening days, I realised that everything, absolutely everything from your stance, to your eyes, to your face, to how you held your hands showed you were scared but all I was thinking about was what I could do to you. Trust me I was building up to give you an orgasm that you would never forget but then I stupidly mistook a whole range of fear responses as defiance and decided to go down the denial route and when you wouldn't kiss me and denied me that kiss, I was angry."

Ana's lip trembles, "Ana, baby, it was all wrong, I can see that now and I don't blame you for how you reacted and I can even rationalise why you didn't say a safe word, I know you were trying to give me control but the first rule and really the only rule in the play room is that I obey a safe word. If you had said it at any point I would have stopped. I have never had anyone in that room without a full contract and without experience, I am an idiot, I broke the cardinal rules and as I have spent these days thinking, I had to admit, if you never wanted to see me again, I deserved it but.." and the tears roll down her face and I don't know what that means yet.

"But if you leave and you are free to go if you think I will ever treat you like that again, I will cease to exist, I need you like I need air and apparently fluid. Quite frankly without you I don't have anything to live for.." and I am unable to continue talking as Ana sobs and throws her arms around my neck, pulling my lips down to hers and as I slide deeper into the water, I hold her tight against me, moaning into her mouth.

When we finally break apart, I move my lips to gently kiss the tears from her cheeks and reposition her along my body to support her, "Anastasia, I love you with my whole being, you are everything I could ever want, will you stay with me, move in with me, let me love you back to health and make it up to you? I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I have to, will you forgive me please?" I really want to ask her to marry me but I don't deserve that honour so I bite my tongue just before I say it and hold my breath waiting for her response.

It's a tiny whisper but it has the power to break or make me, "Yes" with the shyest smile and I bury my head in her shoulder, this time it is my tears mingling with the bath water as she gently rubs little circles on the back of my neck.

"Honey, the water is getting cold and you still need washing," she says, bringing me back by pouring the body wash onto the cloth and lovingly stroking down my body, stopping short each time and I realise that making love to Ana is going to need some major trust issues resolved, never mind her body which is still healing.

I accept that, I broke something beautiful and now I need to show her and make her understand that my love will be the glue to put it back together again and move us forward.


End file.
